Still Jaded (21 page)

"It's over? Just like that?" I kissed his chest.

He inhaled a shaky breath and clasped me tighter.

"Bryce."

Then he lifted his head, and I gasped at the torment in his eyes. He spoke, "I'm not with her. I promise, but it's not that simple."

I felt my heart stop, just for a moment. "You just said…"

His phone rang, and I felt it in my gut. I'd lost him. He was still in front of me, turned away with the phone to his ear, but I knew he was already gone from me. His voice was soft. It was the kind of quiet I'd use if I didn't want someone else to hear my conversation, and that was the part that killed me. He didn't want me to know who was on the other end or what they were talking about. He didn't want me to know.

My stomach felt like it'd been punched.

When Bryce looked back with his phone call done, his eyes were different. The blue color was the same, but he was different. Then I realized that he looked at me differently. I was the one who had changed, but I wasn't sure if that was my fault or not.

I wrenched out, "That was her?"

He didn't reply, but I saw it in his eyes.

I nodded. "You need to go to her?"

He didn't respond again.

I didn't think I needed him to anymore. "We're done, aren't we?" Then I looked up. I pushed past the emotion that made me see him in a haze, and I focused. That's when I saw what I'd been denying for so long. There was guilt, pain, love, but there was relief. When he got that phone call, I accepted it and he knew it. He knew I was letting him go. "Do you love her?"

Bryce opened his mouth, but couldn't speak. He shook his head, but then choked out, "I don't know anything anymore, Sheldon. I really don't. I do love you and I will stop the charade with her, but it's not that easy. She's not okay, not in the head. I've told her about you. I told her how much I love you and don't want to lose you, but she really thinks we're together. I'm afraid of what she'll do when I make her accept that I'm not with her."

I shook my head because it was too much, but something told me I needed to understand this. Bryce was telling me this for a reason, but I really didn't want to hear it.

He continued, but his voice was strained. "I'm trying to reach out to her parents. I need to know there will be someone who will be there for her when I pull away. I can't do it yet. She refuses to talk to her parents, but no one in her entourage will stand up to her." He jerked forward a step, but stopped abruptly. His voice was so quiet. "I'm not lying to you when I say that I'm not with her. I'm not, but…it's complicated. When you broke up with me and left Spain, I did go on a date with her. Only one, for real, but that was it. Now everything is all messed up, with the media and my agent. I came back for you. I did that for you, but…"

"She followed you here." Then I swallowed. It was so painful, but I needed to know more. "How long as this been going on?"

I held my breath. I didn't want to hear the answer.

"Since you left me."

Six months. She had been in his life, whether in a real way or a pretend way, but she was there. Six whole months.

I choked out, "How long have you been trying to reach her parents?"

"For five months."

I drew in a deep breath. What happened between them for that whole month? Then I whispered, "I don't know if I can wait." I didn't know if I could or couldn't, but the situation with her wasn't right. I felt it in my gut. She had kept him around for five months, how deep were her claws in him? And I knew there was more. He wasn't telling me everything.

Bryce jerked back as if he'd been hit and retreated to the hallway. With his shoulders hunched over and his head bent, he stood there and shook his head back and forth. His voice was muffled. "I have to go. That was my agent."

"Go."

"Sheldon."

"Go!" I looked away and felt a wall come over me. I didn't look again, not even when he came over and kissed my forehead or when the door closed behind him. The car sounded shortly after that and then faded until I couldn't hear it any longer. That was when Corrigan came to the doorway with a glass of wine in hand. "Did Bryce just leave?"

I turned and hugged him with all my might. Then I buried my head in his chest and choked on my first sob.

I curled up in the same chair as before and watched through the window, but I didn't see anything. I wasn't looking for anything. A blanket was draped over me, but I sat there frozen. Corrigan laid on the bed most of the time. He'd reach over and hug me once in awhile. When I'd start crying, he'd lift me up and set me on his lap. He'd cradle me as if I were a child. When the tears subsided, he'd let me go back to the chair alone until it started again.

Denton stopped in a few times. He brought bottles and bottles of wine. Corrigan mostly left them alone, but he opened one and passed it between the two of us until my eyes started to
droop. I fell asleep, and when I woke, I found myself in the bed. Corrigan was beside me, holding my hand and snoring into my hair. He tossed an arm over me, as if comforting me still in his sleep.

I rolled to my side and rested my head on the pillow, content for the moment to watch him sleep. I'd never realized how angelic he seemed with his soft skin and long eyelashes. Then he opened them and something struck me. I blinked it away and pushed it down, because I couldn't handle it. Not then.

"Hey."

"Hey." He smiled back.

I snuggled into his side. "You're my best friend."

He tucked his chin into the crook of my neck. "I know."

His breathing was deep, and a moment later I heard his snores. I felt them against my neck while I remained awake. My eyes were wide open. When Corrigan woke a few hours later, he looked up, and I saw the sleep still in his eyes.

He asked, "Did you sleep?"

"No."

"Oh." He frowned and then pushed up on his elbow to run hand through his hair. "Why?"

"I don't want to talk about it. We should go back." Then I stood up and started to rummage through my clothes. With jeans, shirt, bra, and underwear in hand, I went to the bathroom.

"Sheldon." Corrigan stopped me in the doorway.

I looked back and waited for him to ask, but he didn't. I didn't want to talk about Bryce. I didn't know when I would, but it certainly wasn't going to be then. He sighed, "Nevermind."

I tried to tell him thanks with my eyes, but I turned when I felt a tear threatening to spill out. After ducking into the bathroom, I quickly showered and dressed. I emerged feeling still dirtied, but it wasn't something that was going to be leaving me anytime soon. So I took a deep breath and wove my shoulder length hair up in a little French braid. I wasn't one to put my hair up in those fancy twists, but something new struck me. I didn't want to feel my hair on my shoulders any longer. It needed to be off, up, out of my face.

When I was done, I looked in the mirror. A stranger stared back at me. I no longer recognized her: thin frame, skinny arms, huge eyes, huge mouth, and something in her that no longer made sense. It was like I was looking at myself from out of my body. I felt weird and, yet, comforted at the same time.

Someone knocked on the door and I called out, "Yes?"

Denton's voice was muffled. "Corrigan said you're leaving?"

"Yes." I didn't open the door. In fact, I didn't break eye contact with my reflection.

"Can you open the door?" He sounded aggravated.

When I did, he looked it too. I didn't mention it. "Bryce took the car. Can we use one of yours?"

Denton looked taken aback but recovered quickly. "I…yes. Yes, of course. I can come later in the week to get it. That's no problem."

"Good." I reached to close the door again.

"Sheldon." Denton blocked it with his leg and his hand shot out. His eyes searched mine. "Are you okay? You look…"

"What?" I was detached, but calm. Everything was fine.

And like Corrigan, he closed his mouth and shook his head. "Nevermind."

It didn't take me long to pack. When Corrigan and I left, Denton seemed reserved. Sondra acted giddy, but she kept throwing looks at Denton. I had no idea why, but I hugged her stiffly. My arms felt heavy and her arms felt like feathers. Then she was hugging Corrigan and laughing at something he said. I didn't care. I didn't try and listen anymore, but I felt Denton's gaze. His eyes were trying to pierce me. I knew he wanted to read my thoughts so I asked, "What?"

Sondra quieted. Corrigan waited.

He turned to Corrigan. "When she breaks, will you call me?"

Corrigan nodded and then touched my elbow. "Let's go, Shel."

"Bye, Sheldon!" Sondra waved.

I got in the car and looked at Denton, but he didn't say anything. He watched and stood with his arms crossed. When Corrigan started down the driveway, Denton didn't move from his post until the car turned a corner and was out of sight. Then I leaned back in my seat and sighed.

Corrigan glanced at me once and then started flipping through the radio channels. I never cared what we listened to so Corrigan kept switching when he grew tired with a station. After five minutes, he sat back and proclaimed, "I'm bored. Talk to me."

I looked sideways at him. "Do you think I'm going to break?"

He answered swiftly, "You always do. Why end a good thing?"

"This isn't funny, Corrigan."

"That's obvious."

"How did you guys find out where I was?"

"Bryce." Corrigan seemed to stiffen up. "He said something about Asshole Steele sitting next to him at an awards show."
"How'd you find out where he lives?"

He shrugged. "I don't think the Hollywood world is real big. He probably asked his agent who asked Denton's agent and so forth. Does it matter?"

"No," I said faintly. "Probably not."

We drove in silence for a few miles, and then Corrigan spoke, "Sheldon, I know that you're doing your whole 'shut off' thing you do when something bad happens. I understand it. I completely agree with it, but will you promise me one thing?"

I looked back over.

His eyes were solemn. "When you
do
break and get angry, and I know you will, please don't do anything that'll get you killed or put in prison? I lost one best friend yesterday. I can't lose my other one."

My eyes held his for the longest time. I hadn't even noticed that Corrigan pulled the car over to the side until I broke away. The road stretched in front of us, but no one passed by. It was like we were alone in our own world. A part of me wondered how could I 'break' in this world? I felt safe…

"Shel."

I choked out, "What makes you think you lost Bryce? He broke up with me, not you."

"We're a package deal. He and I might've still stayed best friends in high school, but it's different now. It's been different for a couple years. You know that."

I did.

"Do you promise me?"

Tears spilled out and I looked away quickly, thumbing them away. The world looked so blurry that way, but I nodded and swallowed tightly. Painfully. With my head turned the other
away, I reached for him and grasped his hand. Our fingers entwined, and I held on tightly. Corrigan was right. Things had changed long ago, but no one wanted to acknowledge them. Now we were forced to. "I promise."

Corrigan held my hand the rest of the way home. After we got into the city and I saw that he was driving to my place, I asked, "What are you doing? It's not safe."

He smiled. "It is. I made a few calls on the way here…"

I closed my eyes but breathed out. "Who'd you call?"

Then he blasted a genuine smile. "Hoodum." He parked in front of my house at that moment and bounced out of the car. With his arms spread wide, he seemed so proud. "I figured you needed another security system, and I know you don't trust those corporate or small home ones so…. Hoodum. Who best to protect you from a criminal than a criminal. The
idea
is almost criminal!"

As I got out of the car and grabbed my bag, I had to admit that the idea had merit. Hoodum was a local crime boss, but he seemed to have an odd loyalty to Corrigan. He'd never done him wrong in the past, and I'd witnessed the near adoration Hoodum had for my best friend to know that he never would. Corrigan was all smiles and jokes, but smart people knew not to cross him. Ever. There was another side to him that most people never wanted to tangle with, and if they did, they never wanted to repeat the experience. I wondered if Hoodum had learned from past mistakes, if that was where his loyalty came from, but it didn't matter. If Corrigan said Hoodum had created a security system for me then that was good enough for me.

"And," Corrigan pounded his hands on the car from excitement. "He's here! I called him before we left and texted him. He's going to have you do the passcodes and show you how to work it."

As if on cue, three motorcycles turned up my driveway. Hoodum took off his helmet and flashed us a smile. He'd lost weight since the last time I'd seen him, three years ago. He was nearly skin and bones with a black leather vest and ripped jeans on, but his eyes were the dark color they'd always been. Hoodum always had shifty eyes before, but they seemed more grounded now. He had a round face and shaggy black hair, but when he smiled, his face lit up. From what I remembered, he loved to smile when Corrigan was around. "A little birdie told me you're having some problems, Sheldon."