Still Surviving (14 page)

“He’s hard to know, Todd, just give him a chance. I’m not marrying the guy, for hell’s sake, we’ve just started dating.” I grabbed the white dishrag off the counter and began to wipe down the wood surface of the bar.

“Just watch yourself, yeah?”

“Yeah.” He was doing the big brother thing, and as much as I hated him for it, I loved him for it too. I smiled and swatted at him with the towel. He laughed at my horrible attempt and walked back to his office.

Scott was abrasive as hell at times. And yes, at times, I felt the urge to just walk away before I got in too deep, but we’ve just started. The way Scott watched me like I was his to have, his commanding presence… it was sexy. I couldn’t help wanting to feel owned every once in a while. It was a fine line and with Scott… that fine line was between desire and rage, and I sort of liked it. It wasn’t healthy to want these things, but that hard love… it’s all I’d ever known.

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Seth

T
HE PASTEL COLORS POURED
from the television. Molly’s high pitch giggle made me grin. She was going to be three years old in two months. Even though she was a Dixon, Todd’s daughter was kind of cute. Her golden blonde, curly hair was always a mess, and she had a perpetual red stain above her lip from the juice she drank.

“Sef, dis is funny.” She pointed at the pink pig on the screen. I thought it was odd they were British, but what the fuck did I know? Kid shows… not my thing.

“If you say so, pumpkin.” I smiled at her from the couch as I sat up and pulled my phone from my pocket.

“M-molly, Sef… my name Molly.” She narrowed her big brown eyes at me, and I laughed openly. She was so precocious and snarky for her age. So much more than Jeff’s kid ever was.

“
Molly
… that’s right. Thanks for reminding me, squirt.” I snickered at her as she rapidly nodded her head. The movement was jerky as if her head was too heavy to move.

I opened my lock screen and typed out a quick text. It was a little after seven and I hadn’t heard from Tiff.

Me:
What time are we meeting at Magnolia?

Her response was immediate and it calmed my anxious pulse. I was
anxious
to see her… anxiety wasn’t something I was used to. After last night, seeing our hands together again, feeling her touch me, being away from her was more than I could handle and I didn’t like it. She had told me she’d always be there for me. I needed to trust that, but trust wasn’t something I gave easily. Tiffany had had to earn my trust just like Lizzie had and, more recently, Lily. Overtime, she had more of my trust then both Lily and Liz combined, but now, now it could all fall apart, because now I wanted her in a way I wasn’t prepared for, and I was scared shitless.

Tiffany:
Is eight too late?

It wasn’t. I had the early mornings off now that I no longer taught my music classes. The thought depressed me.
It’s just temporary.
The reminder was my new fucking mantra.

Me:
That’s fine. See you then.

Keeping my cool with Tiffany was imperative. I had to keep things as platonic as possible. I wanted her more than anything I’d ever wanted, and I didn’t know what or how to deal with it. This whole thing was surreal. The darker side of my mind toyed with me, toyed with my hormones. This was the longest I’d gone without getting laid, and my hand was getting tired. It didn’t help that my roommates screwed louder than any porn I’d ever watched.

“Hey, Lolly Girl.” Molly’s nickname fell from Lily’s lips in a singsong voice that echoed through the house as she and Todd walked through the front door. Speaking of my porn star roomies.

“That was quick. Did you find a car?” I stood from the couch and noticed Todd was pale and Lily’s eyes were rimmed with red.
What the fuck?

Molly stood rapidly and squealed as she bear hugged Todd’s leg. “No, bro. But thanks for watching her for me. Emma should be here to pick her up soon. I’m glad I made it back to say bye.” Todd extricated the small child from his legs and picked her up into his arms, giving her a tight squeeze. She squeaked, and he released his grip, giving her a kiss on her nose. He was a good dad.

“You all right, Lil?” She wouldn’t meet my eyes.

“I’m fine, Seth. Todd… I’m going to take a shower.” The tears in her eyes welled and there was no mistaking the look Todd gave her, something was wrong. He nodded at her, and she walked to their room.

“Want to tell me what the hell that was about?” Todd and Lily hadn’t fought at all since she came back from Florida, and the idea that they might not be together, might not make it, made my head hurt. No way in hell I was going through that shit again. I’d force these fucking idiots to get married first.

“It’s not your business, bro.” Todd glared at me over the top of his daughter’s curls.

“You’re my business. I can’t go through that with you ag—“

“Stop. Seriously, Seth, give it a rest, yeah? It’s not like that.” Todd shook his head.

The doorbell rang loudly as Todd and I stared each other down. Emma Dawson was Molly’s mother and the one night stand that became so much more for Todd. The honey hue of her hair peeked through the door as Todd handed over their daughter to her. Emma was tall, thin, and the complete opposite of Lily. Where Emma was traditionally pretty with her high cheekbones and angular features, Lily was all curves and fire. Emma was too girl next door for my tastes. But, after how she first handled things with Todd, a part of me had wanted to fuck her like I did the status bitches and leave her high and dry. In reality, Todd would have murdered my ass for bagging the mother of his child.

“See you in two days, baby girl.” Todd’s voice sounded sad. It always gutted him to leave his daughter. He was a much stronger man than me.

The click of the front door was soft. I watched as Todd stood there for a moment. His head bowed, his chest rising and falling in rapid succession.

“Lily’s pregnant.” The words whispered from his lips, and the air in my lungs felt limited.

“W-what?” They’d barely begun, hadn’t even known each other over a year, and they were going to have a kid. Todd was going to be a dad… again.

Todd’s stiff posture drooped as he turned to look me in the eyes. “She’s pregnant, man. We didn’t go look for cars. We had an appointment with her doctor. She’s about six weeks. They couldn’t find a heartbeat yet; guess it’s too early. We rescheduled for two weeks.” A flash of disappointment crossed his eyes.

“Holy shit.” My palm scrubbed down my face.

“Yeah, holy shit. She was on the pill… but I guess it’s less effective if you have to use antibiotics.”

Note to self… antibiotics equal babies.

“I mean… are you guys happy about it?” I walked over to the couch and sat down. Todd followed and let his body fall heavy into the couch with a large exhale.

“I am. It’s soon-it’s too soon. But I fucking love her. She’s it for me, bro. I already knew that. I want to have kids with her. I want to be married to her, to live in a house and all that shit. But… later… all that should come later.” He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “We were just learning to adjust to Molly, you know?”

“I know.”

“Shit. I don’t want her to work at the bar pregnant, but she insists it’s just fine. Plus, she wanted to start classes next semester at the U for her masters, and we were thinking of maybe touring for our record this coming summer.”

This was news. “You were going to tour?”

“Frank suggested it. I was going to see if you’d come, play drums for us. I was going to call Graden, too, see if he was interested.”

Graden. What the fuck? I hated that kid. “Graden? Seriously? He’s the reason our band broke up, bro.” I shook my head.

“No, I think that was you. You’re the one who banged his sister.” Todd cracked a smirk, and I smiled.

“That’s true.” I chuckled.

“Focus Seth. My fucking girl is pregnant. A baby. Her entire life is going to change. Being a parent is hard work. Sure, I’m good with Mol. But she’s a toddler. I’d have no damn clue what to do with a baby.”

“You’re good with Sailor. Lizzie can help you guys. You guys can do this. You have no other choice right?”

I wasn’t about to get into a debate about morality and all that shit. Leave that to the politicians. But, I was curious if he thought they had a choice.

“It’s no fucking choice. That’s my baby growing in her belly, and I’ll do whatever it takes to make Lily happy. I’d marry her tonight if that’s what she wanted.”

“You would?” Lily’s voice cracked. She was standing in the entryway to the living room. Todd’s Seaweed band T-shirt skimmed her lower thighs. Her hair was still wet, but the water on her cheeks wasn’t from the shower.

Todd stood and walked three large strides to where she was standing. He wrapped her in a hug. “Baby, I’d do anything for you, for our family.”

A sob broke from Lily’s chest, and I began to feel like an intruder. I shouldn’t be here. This was deeply personal, and I was a spectator. It didn’t feel right to stay, but I wasn’t sure what to do so I stood.

“Y-you’re not angry with me?” she stuttered. Todd had enveloped her body to the point she was no longer visible from where I was standing.

“Fuck no, baby. I’m proud. I’m so damn proud that you’re holding a small piece of me inside of you. Keeping our gift safe. That’s what this is. We can do this, Lily. We can and we will.” He leaned down and kissed what I assumed was the top of her head.

Lily sniffled, and her voice was mumbled as she spoke into Todd’s chest. “We can. I’m so scared… but I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

That was my cue to leave.

“I’m heading out, going to see Tiff at Magnolia.” I wasn’t sure if I should announce my departure.

Lily sniffled again as she pulled away from Todd. “Don’t tell her, okay. I want to.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it, Hell Cat. Congratulations.” I gave her a lopsided grin as she wiped under her eyes and smiled.

“Thanks.”

“No problem. Hey, Lily?”

“Ya?”

“You’re going to look so sexy with a baby bump.” I snickered as she squinted her eyes at me, and Todd laughed.

“You’re disgusting.” The corners of her lips twitched, trying not to show her amusement.

“You fucking love it. You kids have fun.” I didn’t wait to see her reaction; I just turned and left, letting the door shut quietly behind me. I hit the automatic starter on my key chain, and my car purred to life. The air was warm for a mid-September evening, and I let out a long breath. This unsettled feeling I had in my gut was bothering me. Watching Todd and Lily was starting to affect me more than I wanted it to lately. I was jealous of what they had. I was envious of the pure love they held for each other. Before, I would have fucked that feeling right out of my mind with a curvy co-ed, but I didn’t want that. No, I wanted to get in this car and speed over to Magnolia.

I closed my eyes and let the smell of orchids spill into my memory. My whole world was changing, bit-by-bit, minute-by-minute, and the one thing that could make me happy, the one thing that could fill all the negative space, was no longer available. Tiffany was with him… but I was good at biding my time.

T
HE SHOP WAS PRACTICALLY
empty when I walked in. A light buzzing sound vibrated the air. The place was brightly lit, and the white floor was stark under the lights. The right wall had several black and white pictures hanging off the exposed brick that ran along the narrow length of the room. There were six stations with black padded tables and black metal toolboxes filled with inks, supplies, and machines. Each artist had their individual booths decorated to their liking, but each booth was equipped the same and had a floor to ceiling mirror. Tiff’s booth was the last one in the back, and I was grateful for it. I hated being on display.

She was sitting on a stool reading a book when I made my way down to her station. The receptionist waved me in; he was getting used to my face. This made me privately smile. I was a constant in her life.

She had pictures of all of us hanging from a pin board in her station. Most of them were taken at Blue Bar. There were sketches framed and hung on the wall. But mostly her station was still empty, not having been here long enough to completely make her stamp on the place.

“Hey, gorgeous.” She was more than gorgeous. Her eyes were more green today than hazel as she peeked up at me from her book. The lids of her eyes were rimmed in dark coal. She had on make-up? The dark, smokey color made the green stand out. Tiff’s eyes looked absolutely unreal. Her lips spread into a glossy smile and mine responded without my permission.

“Hey.” She brushed her gaze over my face before she let her appraisal fall to the floor. The perfect skin of her cheeks turned a pleasant pale pink, and I knew I was affecting her like she was always affecting me.