Still Surviving (7 page)

“I’m going to cut you off if you keep drinking like this.” Lily raised her left eyebrow at me.

“Hell Cat, you can’t threaten me, we live together. Trust me… you’d regret it immensely if you withheld liquor from me today.” I snickered as she clicked her tongue at me.

“Bad day?” Her lips were oddly pink. They were almost the same color as the rest of her skin, but just held a hint of blush. The freckles that surrounded her mouth were appealing, and I liked that her upper lip was much fuller than the bottom. I’d imagine it was something great to kiss those lips. I had an errant thought of what she would taste like. She was always so fiery. When your lips left hers it was probably like getting a sunburn. “Seth, stop looking at me like that, you’re creeping me out.” She chuckled.

My grin was wicked. “Just imagining what it would be like to kiss you.” Lily blushed and I laughed.

“You’re a bastard.” She smiled and threw a napkin at me.

“Why is he a bastard today?” Todd’s familiar voice made my smile grow bigger.

“Just thinking about how you get to kiss this stunning lady. You’re a lucky man.” I took a swig of my drink.

“Shit… Lily how much has he had to drink?” Todd’s brow furrowed.

“Three shots and two glasses of Jameson.” She gave Todd a worried look.

“Empty stomach?” Todd asked.

I nodded.

“What’s up, bro?” he asked with concern.

The smell of orchids filled my nostrils as the stool next to me scraped against the wood floor.

“I’d like a shot of bourbon and a Manhattan. This shmuck right here is paying.” Tiffany’s fingernails ran down my spine, and my skin erupted in goose bumps. “Hey you.” She gave me a soft smile. The clear gloss she wore enhanced the natural deep red of her lips, the dark mascara she had on made her eyes pop. I was speechless.

Lily cleared her throat. “Sure thing, coming right up.”

Tiff’s smell filled the air around me, making me feel more intoxicated than I really was. She was my secret… my weakness. I chanced a look at Todd, and he was grinning like a fucking idiot. He was the only one that knew what Tiffany was to me. He knew I cared about her more than I wanted, and he ate that shit up.

“So, what’s up? How drunk are we getting? Orgy with Todd and Lily drunk, or just shit faced and fall flat on our faces drunk? I’m down for either.” Tiffany laughed heartily as Lily placed her drink in front of her with a skeptical look.

“Orgy with me and Todd… what’s up with you two today?” She tried to suppress a smirk.

“No worries, Hell Cat… inside joke.” My eyes never left Tiff as she took her first sip. I was envious of the glass; I wanted to know what her lips felt like, and I was disgusted with myself for it at the same time.

“I’m not sure I like being an inside joke.” The corners of Lily’s lips tipped down into a frown.

“Come on, baby, let’s let Jo and Michelle keep things running up here. I need you in the back for a second.” Todd leaned in and kissed Lily deeply leaving her breathless as he pulled away from her mouth.

She licked her lips and the faint blush in her cheeks reddened as she caught my stare. “Don’t drink too much, guys. I’ll call you a cab if you need it, okay?”

“Yes ma’am.” Tiffany gulped down her shot and then took a delicate sip of her Manhattan. She raised her hand to one of the girls tending the bar. “Hey Jo, I need two shots of bourbon please.”

Jo nodded and poured two shot glasses to the top and handed them to Tiff.

“Cheers to your shitty day.” Tiffany gently pushed the shot glass in my direction, her lips spread into a brilliant smile.

“Cheers.” I let the sweet liquor rest on my tongue before I swallowed. I savored the fact that Tiffany’s mouth most likely tasted the same as I watched her finish off the shot.

“Tell me about your day.” She playfully shoved my shoulder with hers.

“I’m not drunk enough, yet.” I smirked at her glare. “Okay… okay. You know how I had all those court fees and shit from that incident with Jace? I had to dip into my trust fund. And, well, I can’t really quit working for my dad yet and I hate working there, but I’m not asking him to loan me the money either. So I’m stuck, and today was just another hard day. My father wants me to quit being an instructor and come work for him full-time. He wants me to head up a new multi-million dollar account.” Saying the words out loud made me sound like an ungrateful brat.

She watched me from over the rim of her glass. She leisurely sipped her drink, and I could tell she was collecting her thoughts before she spoke. “Let me get this straight. Your dad wants you to quit what you love doing, quit what makes you happy so that you can land his company this huge new account. That’s messed up.”

“It’d be my account.”

She scoffed, “You’re not actually thinking about doing this are you?”

“I think it’s the only choice I have. I’m not sure he’ll let me stay on part time anymore, my spot at Montgomery and Simmons is coveted. It’s such a competitive business, these guys are sharks, and I can’t afford to pay off all my court shit and payback my trust without both jobs. So I’m thinking the music gig will have to wait.” I sounded depressed.

“Sell that fancy car of yours, budget your spending. Fuck, Seth, don’t throw away your dream for money.” Tiffany’s cheeks paled. “You’re too talented to throw that away. The thought of you trapped in a glass cage, wrapped in a suit, not creating, not being you… it makes me—“

“Sick.” Her hazel eyes locked with mine.

“Exactly.” She nodded at Jo to get us another round.

Tiffany was right; she knew what I needed. But, I wasn’t ready to allow myself to be honest with my father.

T
HE BAR WAS GETTING
pretty packed, and I wanted to leave. My head was fuzzy from all the booze, and the heat of Tiffany’s body against mine on the dance floor was making me crazy. It took all my control not to lean down and taste her pulse, let my lips pull at the small silver hoops in her ear lobes. It took all the will power I had not to tear this girl apart.

I leaned down and let my lips linger against her ear. “Are you ready to leave yet?” The loud bass of Kardinal Offishall’s
“Numba 1”
bounced through the room.

She surprised me by wrapping her arms around my neck. She stood on her tiptoes, her body fully pressed against me. Tiffany’s hazel-green eyes met mine as she bit her bottom lip. She brought her mouth to my ear, and I shivered. “Let’s go to my place, I want to sketch something for you.” Her breath tickled my ear, and my dick responded. She let her fingertips graze the skin on my neck as she gradually let her hold around my neck fall. I felt her intake of breath as her hips pushed against me. She felt how much I wanted her, and, for the first time, I was embarrassed by my physical reaction.

“Seth Montgomery, are you blushing.” Her smirk was sexy, teasing, and it made me want to throw her over my shoulder, take her to a dark corner, and show her that she didn’t have any power over me, that I’d have her begging me, calling my name, and coming against my mouth in less than three minutes.

Instead I rolled my eyes. “You’re drunk.”

“So are you.” She grabbed my hand and pulled me to the front of the bar. It was late enough that the cabs were lined up out front. “Ready?”

No, I wasn’t ready. I was terrified.

“Yeah, let’s get out of here.”

The cab ride home felt too fast. I never once let go of her hand. It was… nice. Tiffany’s hands were soft and something about this moment was fragile, like if I let go, if I didn’t let myself feel this, it’d be something I’d always regret. I let her fingers stay laced with mine for the thirteen-minute drive back to her place — my thumb dusted across her knuckles. I let her trail her fingers up my arm as she rested her head against my chest. Once we were standing in her living room, I had to finally let my hand leave hers. We both looked down at the joining of our hands and watched as they separated. It was slow motion, it was reluctance, and it felt wrong to let go.

She turned away from me and walked into her bedroom. I wasn’t sure if I should follow, but I did. For the first time in my life, I was nervous about being with a woman. Tiffany was getting a lot of my firsts tonight. We could ruin everything by sleeping together, and I wasn’t sure if I could trust myself with her. She was building this fire inside of me, and as hard as I tried to put it out, I couldn’t. The red hot heat of it surrounded me, and all I could think about right now as I watched Tiff lean down to grab her sketch pad was how much I wanted to be with her. I needed to touch her skin, to lose myself, to let go of my fucking overwhelming need to control. The liquor was clouding my judgment as I made my way over to where she was standing.

“So what were you thinking about having me draw?” She was facing away from me.

“Orchids,” I whispered, as I pulled the hair away from her neck. My lips kissed her shoulder first and then that soft spot just below her ear. A whispered breath fell from her lips as she leaned her head to the side, granting me better access.

The room was utterly quiet except for the faint sound of our breathing. Tiffany allowed me to lift her shirt over her head. She wasn’t wearing a bra and her back was completely exposed to me. I swallowed as I took in the stunning tattoo that covered her entire back. She had large angel wings that covered her back and wrapped around her ribcage. It was breathtaking. “Tiffany, this is—“

I didn’t have words. My fingers itched to touch her. The pads of my fingers trailed down each line. She shuddered under my careful tracing; the heat in my chest grew as she moved her hair over her right shoulder, tilting her head down. She submitted to my touch. The curve of her hip was perfection. My eager hands drew down the sides of her ribs and fit around her tiny waist.

“God, you’re more… more than I ever expected.” It was the most honest thing I had ever said to a woman. I was just about to turn her around, let my lips find hers, give her a piece of me, when I noticed her shoulders were shaking. “Are you okay?”

She shook her head. I gently turned her to face me. She folded her arms covering her bare breasts. My previous intentions made me feel like a total asshole as I watched her cheeks cover with tears. “Why are you crying, angel?”

She let a sob break from her lips, and I pulled her to my chest. She draped her arms around my waist, and my hands splayed across her back, against the spectacular angel wings… she really was an angel. I just wasn’t sure if she was going to take me to heaven or to hell.

My thumbs moved in soothing circles along her soft skin. “I’m sorry if I pushed you… I just can’t seem to control—“

“Stop.” She pulled away from me and grabbed her shirt, pulling it over her head. I averted my eyes out of the respect. “This one’s on me this time. You can leave now.” She looked past me, not willing to give me eye contact as she sat on the bed.

I couldn’t hide the anger in my voice. “If that’s what you want, I’m gone.” I began to pull my phone from my pocket to call a cab. I didn’t need this bullshit.

“The w-wings are for her,” she stuttered. The pools of tears fell from her eyes in tiny rivers.

“The wings are for who?” My anger cooled as I watched this girl break open in front of me. I kneeled down in front of her. My hands embraced her face and brought her watery gaze to mine. “What are you talking about?”

“I got them as a memorial… for my little sister,” she was barely able to get the words out through her tears. My chest began to constrict, the buzz from all the alcohol completely gone. “She died… when I was seventeen… she was only five.” Tiffany’s breathing was erratic, and her voice was tight as she struggled to speak.

“Listen to me; you need to take a deep breath.” My thumbs wiped away her tears. I stood and pulled her into an embrace. My hands trailed up and down her back. I took big even breaths, trying to get the rise and fall of her chest to match mine.

“It was my fault,” she murmured over and over into the fabric of my shirt, her tears saturated the cloth.

“No, it couldn’t be.”

She shoved away from me furiously. “You don’t know. You don’t know, Seth!” she yelled. Her mascara had run down her cheeks; she was shattering right before my eyes.

“Tell me.” My voice was calm.

She shook her head. “You don’t know…” Her body sank to the floor. “I was fucking my boyfriend while my five year old sister was drowning in our pool. I was bent over the goddamn washing machine… he was holding me down. I can still hear her calling me. I wanted to go to her, but he held me down. He said he was close, that it would only take a minute.”

The acid in my stomach churned, and my heart raced in fast, irregular beats. “W-what?” The tension in my jaw was unbearable.

“I can still feel the cold metal of the washer against my cheek. I can still feel the pain between my legs. He was always so rough. I didn’t even want to Seth, that’s the thing, I’d said no. I didn’t want to do that with my sister there, I didn’t want to leave her outside without me. I heard her call my name five times. Five… times. I begged him to let me check on her, but he just pinned me there and finished himself off.”