Still Surviving (3 page)

“Tiffany… earth to Tiff.” Scott’s snicker broke me from my memory. “What the hell? Where’d you just go?”

“Sorry, I totally zoned out.” I tried to smile away my embarrassment. I was so lost in thought, thoughts of Seth, his fingers, and lips against my skin; it was as if he branded me that night. He ruined me whether he knew it or not.

“I guess so… that fucking jock mess with you?” Scott’s shoulders tensed.

“Nah, I’m fine, just got some stuff on my mind.” My eyes drifted to the wall clock. In thirty minutes my next appointment would be here, and I still needed to clean.

“Well, I’m just over here if you need anything.” He placed his hand on my shoulder. The touch didn’t bother me; I was numb to it. I didn’t allow myself to feel the weight of his strong fingers. I couldn’t… not yet.

“Thanks Scott.” My smile was genuine when I met his eyes. He nodded and walked back to his workstation.

Seth had left me in ruins… left me stranded, my heart in the middle of nowhere on this empty back road. He’d made sure I’d never find my way back.

CHAPTER THREE

Seth

B
LUE
B
AR WAS CLOSED
Sundays, so I was stuck here at Ute’s Brew Pub next to campus. Part of me enjoyed myself immensely while I was here, lots of hot chicks to pick from and most of the jock dickheads who were all revved up on steroids kept their money and business at home on the Sabbath. Tonight was no different. The shitty pop music filtered through the overhead speakers, and the porcelain dolls were already licking their chops from across the bar. Their giggles and slow motion lip biting were just obvious enough to irritate me, but it still affected my dick just the same.

Tonight the pickings were slim, and if I was being honest with myself, I should have just stayed home, ate Lily’s dinner, and gone the fuck to bed. I had a seven a.m. class to teach tomorrow, and, if I wasn’t careful, coming to a bar like this, so close to campus… I could accidently screw a student and that would be awkward. I let the last bit of Jameson pour down my throat, letting the liquid warm my gut.

There were four girls sitting across the bar. Three of them were blondes with big hair that reminded me of a bird’s nest and one was a statuesque brunette. The dark haired girl caught my eye tonight. I could tell she was the leader. The other girls didn’t quite look her in the eye and moved around her instead of with her. Yeah, the brunette stood out. She had on a casual looking red dress that was way too low cut. Her store bought tits on show, and her hemline just short enough to say, “I’m easy.” This was getting to be just that… too easy. I could spot the gold diggers a mile… hell, a fucking hundred miles away.

The status hungry whores. The girls who loved my white button up shirts and ties. My Audi RS5, my last name, and the bank account they thought went with it. They loved the bad boy businessman bullshit I had going on, and I let them. I let them think that’s who I was… just so I could show them who they really were — show them just how far they’d go for a piece of what they thought they deserved. These women believed, because they were born to money and privilege, they could treat men like garbage. They wanted the bad boy, but they also wanted the country club, the two point five children, and the white picket fence. All of this, just to leave you high and dry for your business partner buddy who could offer them more. They were whores, and that’s how I treated them.

I could take every single one of those girls home if I really wanted, but none of them could replace Tiff, not a single one.

Tiffany and I had such a messed up relationship. I remember meeting her the first time a few years ago at Blue. She was so different than what I had become accustom to. The blonde bombshell shit I generally lost myself in didn’t hold a candle to her, and it freaked me the fuck out. Tiffany was this tiny fighter. This strong, tattooed, doesn’t-give-a-shit-what-you-think-about her kind of girl, and I liked it. She made me laugh, and, besides Lizzie, an old friend of mine, she was the first girl I felt like I could possibly trust. She thought I was a piece of shit back then… well, at least that’s what I had always suspected. Tiffany would watch me go home with these bitches, and her disgust for me grew. Sure, we joked, hung out as friends; she knew my family history for the most part. She was also my best friend Todd’s co-worker. But, not once did I ever think she was interested in me as anything more than just friends.

If I’m being fair, I wasn’t really either. Why would I let a woman rule my heart? Why would I let them bring me down? My own fucking mother didn’t even give a shit enough about me… or my dad or my little brother to stick around. Why would some chick, someone who had no blood ties, care about me? I’ve watched enough men fall because the
love of a woman
was all-powerful. Screw that. I took a deep breath and motioned to the bartender for another drink.

The dark haired girl whispered to one of her little minions. I let my eyes find hers, and a coy smile broke across her face. Checkmate.

She gently slid her bag over her shoulder, took the last sip of her pink drink, and headed in my direction. The flock of girls with her watched with such respect; it was sad. I suppressed my grimace. What the hell was I doing here; this predictable playbook was getting so old.

“Hey.” The brunette’s glossy lips split wide across her face.

I nodded my chin in her direction not offering a smile. I really never needed to pour on the charm; these girls knew what they wanted. “Hey. You ladies having a girl’s night?” The bartender threw down another black, square napkin and a glass full of whiskey. “Can I buy you a drink?”

“Sure.” She giggled. “I’ll have a Cosmo,” she spoke to the bartender. Her voice was high pitched and overly sweet, the contradiction to how she sounded and how she looked was not lost on me. The girl sounded like she was twelve.

“You go to the U?” I asked, this time offering a smile. Why the hell not, might as well appear like I’m making an effort.

She nodded and let her eyes drift over my forearms. “I do. Business major, second year.” She stood taller and rolled her shoulders back with pride. What a joke.

“Nice, what’s your name, sweetheart?” I brought the amber drink to my lips and watched her over the rim of my glass. She licked her lips, and her breathing picked up. She was hooked. Too easy.

“Lisa.” Her full lips pulled up into an even bigger smile. I had to admit, she was stunning.

“Well, Lisa, my name’s Seth… Montgomery.” It wasn’t long before her eyes grew big at the recognition of my last name. My chest grew tight. Just once, I wished my money was a turn off. Just once, I wished they wouldn’t care, that they would prove me wrong… give me back my faith in the ideal that a woman really could just love the man.

“As in Montgomery and Simmons?” She looked at me like she had just won the grand prize.

I let the vise on my chest unravel. She was just what I thought… they always were. “Yes, that’s my father’s firm. I work for him and I teach up at the U. Introduction to Music Theory.” The limited space between us started to make me feel claustrophobic. Lisa inclined her body closer to mine, letting her arm rest across the bar top.

I pushed the sleeves of my navy blue sweater up to my elbows. Her eyes widened again as she took in all the ink. It shouldn’t have surprised her. My hands were tatted and my chest piece always peeked out the top of most of my shirts. Her reaction annoyed me. I was a novelty to her, something to tell her friends about.

“That’s amazing. My end game is to get an internship there.” She gave me her best flirty smile and let the tips of her fingers trail across my knuckles. “Maybe… maybe one day we’ll work together.” She gave me another flirty grin and took a sip from her newly poured drink.

“Maybe.” The small talk made me the angriest. I’d rather her be honest with herself, with me. “So what is it you wanted to chat about, Lisa? I have a feeling you didn’t come over here to talk business.” My hand found purchase on her hip and drew her body closer to mine. She gasped at the bold move. “I have a feeling you know exactly what you want,” the words fell from my mouth in a low whisper. The heat of my breath against her ear caused her skin to pucker. My free hand trailed up her arm.

A quiet breath escaped from her lips and her eyes closed. She leaned further in expecting a kiss… a kiss she’d never get… never from me. I drew my thumb across her jaw line and wrapped my fingers in her hair, pulling her face just a few inches from mine. “You ready to leave then?”

She opened her eyes. The dark pupils fully amplified, almost masking the fact she had brown eyes. She nodded once. The blush in her cheeks deepened. “I… I just need to tell my friends.”

Shit.
I forgot about them. The blonde triplets stared at us, all with different expressions ranging from jealousy to admiration. I let both my hands settle on her waist. “Do you live with them?”

“I do.”

My arousal was painful, and I realized that no relief would come anytime soon. I had rules. Rule number one: Never bring a woman into my own domain, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to fuck this chick with her roommates there. I was too old for that.

“That’s too bad.”

Disappointment washed over her face. Her smile dimming as she spoke. “We could go back to your place?” The palm of her hand snaked up my thigh, just teasing the tip of my dick before she dug her nails into my jeans and dragged them down the surface of my leg.

“Not happening.” I let my hands fall from her waist.

The girl’s next move caught me off guard. She leaned in for a kiss; her lips separated, and I turned my cheek in just enough time that her mouth met the side of my face. Rule number two: Never kiss a woman,
ever
. Kissing gave them a piece of me. It gave them power because it gave them something of me I had never given a girl before, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to give my first kiss to some bar skank.

“Listen… Lisa… I’m thinking this might not—“

She was a pro. She didn’t let that one misfired kiss shake her. “Maybe… another time then?” The flirty smile was back, and this time, she let her hand expertly work against my cock. My jaw tensed as I suppressed the low growl in the back of my throat. I wondered if I could get her to blow me in the bathroom. The thought of her unspoiled knees on the dirty bathroom floor, her red dress shoved off her shoulders, breasts exposed, and my hands tangled in her hair as I fucked her face made the blood in my head rush. I was a sick bastard.

“Probably not.” I stood abruptly and downed the rest of my drink. I owned my thoughts, my choices. I wasn’t some douche bag that was ruled by his genitals. The control was mine… always.

Lisa looked at me like I was out of my mind. My smile was smug as I thought about how wet she probably was. How even though I was harder than stone, I still won. She didn’t get to rule me like she thought she could, and no woman like her ever would.

T
HE SOFT CHIRP OF
my phone sounded as I pulled from the bar parking lot on to the damp asphalt. The fall rain drizzled gently against my windshield as I made my way down the road. A quick glance at the screen and my stomach flipped.
Tiffany.
I set the phone down as I pulled over to the side of the road to read the text. With the car in
Park
, I stared over at the offending piece of electronic equipment. The palms of my hands scrubbed down my face as I tried to relieve the tension in my temples. This chick killed me. She was everything I wanted but could never have.

Even after that disastrous night she still wanted to be my friend.

Friend.

I wasn’t sure the word could compute.

Tiffany:
Hey sunshine, put away your man parts and come down to the shop. I’m bored.

My laugh was open. It didn’t bother me that she called me “sunshine.” It was sarcastic and bitchy, and I loved that about her. I shook my head and watched the rivulets of rain trickle down the surface of the glass. She acted like nothing happened that night, like I hadn’t made a complete fool of myself. She was doing exactly what I had told her to do.

Tiffany had a way about her though. She was above all the nonsense of the world and had a darkness I liked — an edge that threatened to cut me wide open. Part of me feared it, feared getting too close to her. But then, there were times I wanted to press myself against the knife, drag it from sternum to groin, let her see the insides of me, see if we matched. Tiffany had started this slow burn in my veins. No matter how hard I tried to numb myself to the feeling, to find a way to dull the need… I always came up short.

Me:
I’m not your beck and call boy

I pulled from the side of the road and headed to the tattoo shop where Tiffany worked. Resisting her was futile, that little gnome had gotten under my skin.