Still Surviving (2 page)

“Tell her yourself.” I grabbed my keys and yanked open the door, the cool fall air hit my face and made my eyes water.

I didn’t worry about how Lily’s smile fell at my rude tone. I didn’t worry that Lily suspected I had feelings for Tiff. I didn’t worry that she could be right. No, right now, all I wanted was to find some bitch with big tits, sculpted thighs, and bottle blonde hair to bury myself in, to punish for her perfection… to devour. I was hungry — hungry to the point of starvation. Being around Todd and Lily, watching what they had, and knowing I’d never have what they did, made the hollow in my gut ache. I threw away my chance that night… I could almost feel the rain trickle down my face, almost taste her breath.

When I got inside my car, I pulled my phone from my pocket and moved my finger across the screen; her picture looked back at me. The sharp edge of her black bangs framed her soulful hazel eyes. The urge to call her, to tell her I needed to come by, was overpowering. But the need to preserve her, keep her whole, keep myself from eventually hating her… keep myself from falling… was stronger. Eventually, I put my phone in my pocket and pulled out of the driveway.

The pub by the university always had a fine sampling for me to choose from. Hopefully, in a few hours, I’d have a sorority girl face down begging me to make her come, begging me to make her feel something other than the mundane shit she force fed herself each day. I’d fill her with my animosity, with the essence of what I had become. After all was said and done, this was how I stayed safe — safe from the lies that would inevitably be told, the love that would spoil, and the other man that would eventually take what was mine.

I didn’t need love; I needed release.

CHAPTER TWO

Tiffany

T
HE FAINT BUZZING SOUND
of the tattoo machines thickened the air. The Magnolia Street Tattoo Parlor was much busier than a normal Sunday evening. The university classes had started, and all the co-eds wanted their token “rite of passage” tat. The nervous energy I always had as I prepared for work ebbed away as the soothing sound of bees poured through the shop. The vibration of the metal against my hand eased all the insecurity I had conjured up. My worn, black skinny jeans and white cashmere sweater clashed a bit with all the men that worked here. But being the only female had its advantages; these meatheads pretty much fell at my feet on most days.

My smile pulled across my face as I admired the intricate tribal I had just finished. I wiped away the excess ink one last time. Sure, it was just a tribal on some jock shithead, but it was
my
tribal,
my
hand-created art, and it made me proud.

“Damn, that looks sick.” The guy flexed his triceps as he watched the colorful art move with the muscle of his arm. Fluid. Motion. “I’m so glad you talked me into color.” He smiled at me.

“It’s perfection, dude.” I took my gloves off and threw them into the garbage can. The small lengths of my arms stretched behind my back and let the curve of my spine pull out the tension from sitting for so long.

My customer’s stare poured down my body, surprising me. I wasn’t much of a girl, really. At least I didn’t think so, so it always amazed me that men found me appealing at all. I was hardly five foot one, covered in tattoos, my hair ink black, and my ears full of piercings. My look was rough chic — my features angular and the heavy edge of my bangs cut across my brow line in a stark fashion. I brought my arms forward as his gaze fell to my small breasts. He bit the inside of his cheek, and I smirked. He realized he’d been caught checking me out.

“What are your plans tonight?” he asked, the fabricated charm in his voice as evident as the dimple in his tanned cheek.

I stifled a giggle. This guy couldn’t be serious? “I don’t date my clients.” What the hell could this quarterback want with me? I tried to ignore his stare as I pulled on another set of clean gloves.

I finished putting the salve on his newly tatted skin and started to wrap his arm in plastic wrap when he pushed again. “That’s a pity. I’d love to take you out.” He placed his thumb and forefinger on his chin as if he was trying to calculate a math problem or maybe figure out the meaning of life. I couldn’t be sure; his vapid features were hard to read. “I think we could have some fun, go get a drink… what time do you get off work?” He flashed his white teeth at me as his eyes strayed to the flare of my hip and to the slight curve of my backside, the only real feminine features I had.

“Really, I’m not playing a game. I don’t date clients.” My gloves came off with force and a snap. He was starting to irritate me.

His smile widened. “Everyone plays the game.” The predatory look in his eyes put me on edge.

My hands started to curl into fists.

“Do you need some help over here, Tiff?” Scott, one of the guys I worked with, walked with ease to my booth.

“Nah, he was just leaving.” I smiled with saccharine at the Neanderthal next to me. “Just pay the guy at the counter, he knows my fee schedule. He’ll also print out care instructions. Make sure to follow everything it says.”

He nodded. “Well if you change your mind, I’ll leave my number at the desk. Thanks for doing such a great job, sweetheart.” He flashed me that award-winning smile one more time before he left.

“What a dipshit.” I chuckled, but my laugh died in the air as I caught Scott’s hard posture. The muscle in his jaw flexed. “Scott, you okay?”

“I want to punch that asshole. I hated how he looked at you… like he wanted… well… I’m sorry you had to deal with that.” Scott’s dark brown hair had gotten long since I started working here over a month ago. The strands were curling around his collar and were way past the top of his ears, almost touching the large gauges he had in his ear lobes.

Scott was beyond attractive. The shaggy hair, the big muscles, the full sleeves of tattoos, the tight ass, and the strict line of his jaw were everything a girl lusts for and would want in her life. I could only imagine what he was like in bed, what it would feel like to be wrapped up in all that man. But, I didn’t date clients or co-workers. To be honest, I haven’t dated anyone… not since… well, not since that night with
him
… with Seth.

I’d recently been hired on here at Magnolia part-time, working only on Sundays. I also worked at a place called Blue Bar full-time as the assistant manager. I’d worked for Frank, the owner of Blue, for four years, since I was twenty-one. I’d been working there for just over a year when Seth and his buddy Todd came strolling in for interviews. Frank instantly loved Todd’s “go get’em” attitude and hired him on the spot to help run the place and the music label he owned. There was only one position available at the time, so Seth was forced to go work for his dad. The minute that man walked into my life, the minute Seth’s cold and clear azure eyes met mine, was the minute I knew I’d met the man that I was meant for. His eyes had filled with warmth as he searched my features that day; I watched as the ice melted and the boyish smile spread across his full, kissable mouth. He felt it too… that spark, that undeniable pull… well, so I’d thought.

Over the years, I’d realized that he didn’t date. He’d go home with these gorgeous women, these tanned demi-gods, and here I was a short waif with hardly any tits or ass to speak off. I was friend zoned, and now, over three years later, just as infatuated as I was on day one. There were times that I thought maybe, just maybe, he was starting to have feelings for me. Maybe behind the hard, sarcastic demeanor he bore so well, there could be some sort of emotion. He was so sweetly funny when he wanted, caring. I didn’t lie to myself to think he cared about me more than a friend should.

But that one night, the rain had been falling in buckets and the bar was dead. My co-worker, Jace, was pissed at Lily, the new girl at the time, my now good friend, for choosing to date Todd over him. Jace was being a general prick, the typical caveman that he was, and said some horrific things to Lily. I tried to get in the middle to stop what was going down and got caught in the crossfire. Jace had shoved me so hard into the counter that I’d lost my breath. It had shocked me to say the least. Seth had just happened to come in and all hell broke loose. Long story short, Jace was hospitalized and Seth ended up in jail.

I remember being in pain, the searing fire as it ripped down my leg and radiated up my arm. I remember gasping for breath, and I remember Seth defending my honor, defending me. The white-hot anger in his eyes, the blue flame flicked as he beat Jace to a pulp for shoving me into the hard wood. In that moment, I had no doubt that he cared about me… that there was more to him then his one night stands. I had always suspected Seth was hurting. Sometimes, when he thought no one was watching, he’d let the mask fall. The anger, fear, and sadness he’d tried to hide would flood his eyes. Something was holding him back, and I wasn’t sure if it was the small pieces of his history he had given me or some greater demon he kept hidden. I’d always wanted to be the person to help him through it, and that night had been my chance… so I’d thought.

The rain was near torrential as Seth and I ran from the police station to the car. The night had really turned out to be shit. The pain in my side ached, and I silently hoped Jace was hurting as much as I was. Frank had sent me with bail money to get Seth out “from behind bars.”

“Let me drive?” Seth smiled, and I tossed him my keys. How he could smile in a situation like this was beyond me. His face was bruised and his eyebrow split, two small butterfly stitches holding it together.

My small car felt even smaller with him in it. How many times had I pictured him here? Ever the athlete, his broad shoulders and six foot two inch, fully tattooed, powerhouse of a frame occupied the space entirely, just as I knew he would. The signature spicy scent that Seth wore permeated the air surrounding me, spreading heat through my body, and I prayed that the smell would coat the seats so I’d always have a piece of him here… with me. Seth’s dark, almost black hair was wet and fell across his forehead; rain dripped from some of the longer pieces.

“Thanks for springing me, Tiff. Shit, I’d have died if I had to listen to that drunk dude all night.” He laughed and the sound went instantly to my stomach, sending the butterflies into overdrive. “Hey… you awake?” He lightly shoved my shoulder before he chuckled again.

“Sorry… I’m… must still be in shock.” My eyes couldn’t meet his. I was like a schoolgirl with a crush and the boy I liked was sitting right next to me, it was fucking ridiculous.

Seth frowned and grit his teeth, causing his jaw to pulse. “He really scared you, didn’t he?” I nodded. “Shit, babe, I’m sorry he hurt you.”

Twice tonight he called me babe: once before he lost it on Jace and then now. It confused me, but it gave me the courage to say what I needed to say. “I’ll be fine. I was more worried… about you.”

He reached across the console, his fingers smoothly moving the wet strands from my cheek. “You were worried about me?” Seth sounded like he was choking, as if the words were strangling him.

His fingertips brushed the line of my jaw sending goose bumps across every surface of my skin. The faint touch, the mingled breath — I shuddered. Unsure of what to do, I spoke. “Thank you.” Seth had never touched me like this, we were friends…

“For what?” The tone of his voice was laced with quiet disbelief. The heat of his skin left mine. His hand rested against the emergency brake, the word “trust” inked just below his knuckles. I wanted to trust him; I wanted to feel every bit of this moment… I needed this… him, for so long.

“For caring about me… enough to defend me.” The corner of my lips tipped up into a thankful grin.

He exhaled sharply and cursed under his breath. He reached toward me, and I thought he was going to caress my face, take my lips to his. But instead, he tangled his fingers into my hair at the nape of my neck, and, with a gentle tug, pulled my head back. A soft whimper fell from my parted lips as heat collected along the apex of my thighs, making me ache… for what he would do next. Seth didn’t kiss me like he should have. He didn’t take my mouth… he didn’t whisper sweet nothings into my ear. Instead, he brought his lush lips to my throat. The tip of his nose tickled the sensitive skin as he tasted the pulse in my neck with his tongue. The grip in my hair tightened as he drew his teeth against my flesh, making me squeeze my legs together to relieve the pressure he was building inside me.

“Seth?” I murmured his name as he rested his cheek against my collarbone, his nose buried in the crook of my neck.

He inhaled deeply. Pulling every last bit of me into his lungs. ”Christ.” He eased his hold on my hair and let his hand drift down my back. “Tiff?” His lips dusted against my skin.

“Yes?” The word was breathy… needy… filled with hope.

“Let’s go to your place. I’m… I’m not ready to go home.” He leaned back, and the sharp blue of his eyes danced with desire, pleading with me to comply, begging me to fulfill his request.

I should refuse him; I wasn’t even sure what the hell was going on, but Seth was finally opening up to me, and I wasn’t going to let this opportunity pass me by. “Are you sure?”

He nodded and pulled away from me completely. His eyes now on the rearview mirror as he backed out of the parking space. “You know where you’re going?” It had just occurred to me that even though Seth and I were friends, we’d never really hung out outside of the bar. I’d only been to Seth and Todd’s place a handful of times for a party here and there, but I’d never just been with Seth… like this.

“No, not really.” His voice was void of the warmth that had saturated it earlier, and my nerves began to ignite. I gave him my address and simple instructions; I lived about two miles from the police station. Two miles… Two miles… In two miles our entire relationship would shift. And I had a feeling it wouldn’t be for the better.