Style (31 page)

I
was pretty proud of myself. First time going down on a girl and I made her come. I should get a star or something.

It took Kyle a little while to recover, but once she did, she attacked me and then I was the one begging and pleading.

“You don’t have to,” I said as she licked her way down my body.

“No way. I want to fuck you with my tongue and watch you come apart.” I almost lost it just from that. She still had her glasses on and it was like all my fantasies were coming true in this moment.

Whereas I’d been gentler, she showed me no mercy, but it was exactly what I needed. I barely had to give her any direction as she sucked on my clit, hard, and thrust her fingers inside me, curling them to hit the right spot. It was wild and savage and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I came so fast that I didn’t know it was happening until I was already in the middle of it.

“Oh my God, Ky.” She kissed my stomach and crawled up to kiss my mouth. I could taste both of us and it turned me on so much that I was ready to go again.

We’d gotten the first rush over with, so we slowed down. Fucked each other at the same time. Tried different positions. Some were failures, but it didn’t matter.

It was perfect and it was real.

Finally, exhaustion got the best of us and we both lay together, limbs entwined. She rested her head on my chest and I stroked her back.

“Should we try scissoring?” I said and she giggled.

“Why the hell not? I think we should try everything. I mean, not the weird stuff. You know, I saw a statistic that lesbians have the best sex lives. Better than heterosexual couples.” I kissed the top of her head.

“Not surprised. Plus, we can do so many more positions.”

Kyle’s stomach chose that second to growl and we finally decided to have dinner. I grabbed a robe and tossed Kyle a long t-shirt I wore to bed sometimes.

“I just want to see you in my clothes,” I said as she put it over her head.

“Ditto,” she said and went to get her backpack. She pulled out a baggy t-shirt and athletic shorts and threw them at me. I put them on and took off the robe.

“Better?”

“Hell, yeah.”

W
e’d worked up quite an appetite and we ate snuggled together on the couch, sharing one plate.

“You said we’d never feed each other,” Kyle said.

“We’re not feeding each other. We’re sharing a plate. That’s different,” I said. “We each have our own fork. That’s the difference.” She didn’t argue with me. We were both in post-orgasm haze.

“So, I made a decision,” I said, stabbing a piece of cucumber.

“About what?” she asked.

“About college.” She stared at me.

“And?”

I set my fork down.

“And I’m open to us going to the same school. Because you’re the most important thing to me. More than having a cool campus, or anything like that. And there’s nothing wrong with that.” I’d thought about it until I’d sat with the decision for several days. I didn’t get that bad feeling that I was making the wrong choice. All I felt was rightness, but I’d wanted to wait until tonight to tell her.

She took a deep breath.

“Really?”

“Really.”

She set the plate down and tackled me.

“I hope your dad doesn’t mind if I fuck you on the couch.”

I shrugged one shoulder.

“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.”

“H
igh V! Low V! T! Candlesticks! Low V!”

I was struggling to keep up with Stella’s instructions and finally messed up.

“I’m not good at this,” I said, putting my arms down. For some reason, I’d thought it was a cute idea for Stella to teach me a little about cheerleading and we were starting at the bottom with motions, which were a lot harder than they seemed.

“Oh, come on, baby, you can do it.” I pouted at her and she came over and took my bottom lip between her teeth.

“It’s hard,” I said when she broke the kiss.

“Well, how about we try something different? Lay on the grass.” It was June and we were in her backyard. Stella and I were making the most of the time we had together since we both had full time jobs to help pay for college in the fall.

I lay down and then she told me to bring my knees up.

“Now what?” I asked and then she straddled me, leaning back against my knees.

“I enjoy the view?” she said, giving me a wink.

“You’re terrible,” I said, reaching up to tickle her. She squealed and rolled off me as I gained the advantage and tickled her until she breathlessly begged me to stop.

“Now who’s on top?” I asked and she raised an eyebrow.

“You know what I mean,” I said, grinding my hips a little.

“Mmmm,” she said, holding onto my sides. “We can’t fool around out here. The neighbors.” I looked around.

“Eh, who cares?” I leaned down and shoved my tongue in her mouth.

The sunshine poured down on us and I was so glad that we didn’t have to spend this summer saying goodbye. We’d both been accepted to the same school in Maine and were headed there in September. She’d chosen English as her major and I was still on the fence. We’d made lists, but I wanted to get to school and then figure out what I wanted. I had time.

We’d decided against rooming with one another, but our dorm rooms were only one building apart, so we’d be spending a lot of time together and maybe down the road we could get an apartment. Stella and I would figure it out. We’d already checked out the LGBTQIA organization so we could meet new people. In just a few months we’d become close with Tris and Polly and the other queer kids at school, but we were all headed in different directions next year. Still, Tris and Polly had given us an open invitation to visit them in Austin anytime and we were definitely going to do that on Spring Break.

I broke the kiss and looked down at my beautiful girl.

“I’m so glad your dad forced you to take AP English,” I said.

“Let’s
not
talk about my dad while we’re making out.” I snorted and watched how the light sparkled in her hair.

“Good plan.” I pushed my glasses up my nose and she sighed happily.

“I love you, Ky.”

“Love you too, baby.”

This is my first f/f book and I never thought I would be writing it. But here I am, writing the story of my heart and I wrote this book for me. I wrote this book for the girl who thought she was straight for 29 years. I wrote it for the girl who couldn’t seem to find the right boy. The girl who was so deep in denial, she was drowning in it. The girls who,
at last
, figured out her own truth.

I wrote this for me and there was not a minute of writing this book that was work. I loved every single second of this (not that I don’t love all writing, but some books come easier than others). This book was like breathing. And I’m so happy I got her. I’m so happy I made it to this point in my life. I’m so happy to be myself. Finally.

Thanks go to my editor, Laura, who worked her butt off and kept me laughing with her comments. My formatter who always works overtime (sorry!). My publicist who was completely on board and didn’t bat an eyelash when I said I was writing f/f. My cover designer who put up with me asking her to make Stella’s hair the perfect color. Queer Twitter for being my saving grace and my sanity and my support system. You all have NO idea how you’ve helped get me through some of the worst days. Thank you so much for loving my teasers and begging and pleading for this book. I couldn’t have done it without you.

One last thing: If you are struggling with your sexuality/gender, I want to say one thing. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are NEVER alone. There are thousands of people online that are there and going through the same thing. Even if you are scared to reach out, follow people on Tumblr or Twitter or Facebook. Even if you are the only queer person in your entire town, you are not alone online.

If you are looking for other LGBTQIA books,
LGBTQ Reads
is a great resource.

Some of my favorite LGBTQIA books are:

Dating Sarah Cooper
by Siera Maley

Out on Good Behavior
by Dahlia Adler

The Scorpion Rules
by Erin Bow

Cam Girl and Black Iris
by Leah Raeder/Elliot Wake

The Gravity Between Us
by Kristen Zimmer

Santa Oliva
by Jacqueline Carey

Ash
by Malinda Lo

Wildthorn
by Jane Eagland

The Captive Prince
by C. S. Pacat

Complimentary and Acute
by Ella Lyons

A Fashionable Indulgence
by K. J. Charles

Leveled
by Jay Crownover

Everything Leads to You
by Nina LaCour

*If you are an educator/librarian/work with LGBTQIA teens in the United States and would like a paperback copy of this book for your library/collection, please contact me (
[email protected]
) and I’d be happy to donate one to your school/organization.