Surrendered (Heart of a Warrior Series Book 3) (4 page)

For the last few months, Kaylan had locked away her sadness about Sarah Beth, only sharing it when necessary, never allowing the ache to control her life, not after the darkness that had swept through her in the immediate months after the earthquake. She’d fought a depression that dragged her so far down that she couldn’t love, couldn’t accept love, and couldn’t even acknowledge her loving Father.

It had taken an act of God to break that nightmare. An act of God and Nick Carmichael. Still, during the times she remembered the death of her best friend and the destruction of a nation, she wished she could switch her emotions off. But she knew strong emotion often came with a soft heart. And to let others love her in her darkest moments meant freedom.

Nick’s Team didn’t look at her and see an earthquake survivor or the victim of a kidnapping or even the girl who lost her best friend. They saw Kaylan.

Like her, they had lived through suffering. They had walked through the loss of Logan’s leg, the time away from loved ones and family, and the sacrifice of fighting. And yet, they still showed up for one another.

A car door slammed next to them. Kaylan jumped at the tap on her window. Micah stood there, a sad smile on his face, with Seth, David, Melody, and Megan right behind him. She turned to look at the yogurt shop and noticed that the Carpenters, Titus and Liza, Jay, and Colt all stood at the window waiting for her. Tears welled in her eyes, and one trickled down her cheek.

“No tears, Kayles.” Nick brushed it away with his calloused thumb, kissing her cheek in its wake. “It’s time to celebrate the life of someone you loved with others who love you.” He nodded at Micah, who opened her door and pulled her from the car.

“You ready to do this?” He placed his arm around her shoulders as Nick rounded the car to join them.

Kaylan could only nod as she wound her fingers with Nick’s and leaned into her brother. Her feet dragged on the gravel as they approached the brightly lit shop.

A bell jingled above the door as David held it open for the group. With a deep breath, Kaylan stepped into warmth, brightness, and an immediate party.

“Hey! She’s here.” Colt gave Kaylan a hug.

“’Bout time.” Jay grinned. “We thought we were going to have to come out there and carry you in.”

“I know how you accomplish jobs. There is no way you are carrying me anywhere.”

Jay laughed. “Stubborn little fireball you got there, Hawk.”

Nick punched Jay’s arm. “That she is.”

Kim Carpenter fought through the mass of hellos to wrap her arms around Kaylan. Despite her small frame, her hug was fierce. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell us.”

“Yeah, girl.” Liza sidled up, her fluffy black hair drifting into Kaylan’s face. “What were you thinking?”

“I was thinking you wouldn’t want to come.”

Megan hip-bumped Kaylan as she joined in. “See what I have to deal with?” she told Liza and Kim.

“Girl, we wouldn’t miss it,” Liza said as they ushered Kaylan to the cups. The kids started filing through the line under Logan’s supervision, with Colt, Jay, and Seth close behind.

“Aunt Kaylan, Aunt Kaylan!” Molly came running up. She wore a headband with a pink rose that sat mussed to one side.

“Hey, ladybug,” Kaylan said, using Nick’s nickname for her. She bent down and straightened the headband. “What’s up?”

“Do you like my headband? Uncle Nick said your friend loved pink.” She leaned close, her sticky hand drawing strands of Kaylan’s hair as she whispered, “Just like me. I love pink everything.”

Kaylan’s heart jumped a bit at Nick’s thoughtfulness and Molly’s care. She tapped the little girl on the nose. “I love it. And Sarah Beth would have, too.  Thank you.”

Molly smiled shyly. “You’re welcome. Will you help me pick the stuff to go on top?”

Kaylan chuckled at Molly’s already melting chocolate yogurt. “Sure thing, ladybug. Let me just get mine real quick.”

“Hurry, Aunt Kaylan. Before everything melts.”

Kaylan bit back her laugh at Molly’s drama as she grabbed a cup and filled it with plain yogurt, perfect for the toppings she had in mind.

“Aunt Kaylan, you move too slow.” Molly grabbed Kaylan’s free hand and tugged her in front of the guys, drawing a few laughs and complaints. A hand settled on her waist, and she leaned back against the man behind her. She’d know his touch anywhere, and she knew Nick would have her back tonight. And every step of the way.

“Now what should I get?” Molly wondered, her eyes bright and fixed on the sugar at eye level to her four-year-old height.

“What do you like?”

“Sprinkles and chocolate.”

“You got it.” Kaylan spooned the toppings onto Molly’s yogurt as the little girl held the cup high.

“Kaylan, if you put her in a sugar coma, you get to take her home tonight,” Logan warned from a few people back.

“Oh, can we have a sleepover?” Molly did a little jig, and a few sprinkles tumbled to the floor.

“Not today, munchkin.” She surveyed her selections, but she didn’t have to think too hard before she began shoveling ingredients into her cup.

“Sprinkles, Sour Patch Kids, and Skittles? You aren’t normally a candy girl, babe.”

She met Nick’s eyes, drawing strength from the depth she found there. “It’s not for me.” She caught Micah’s knowing smile as they turned to pay.

If this night was a celebration, then she was going to do her best to remember everything about Sarah Beth that once made her smile. The sweet memories didn’t have to fade.

While Nick paid for their treats, Kaylan slipped a spoonful into her mouth, her tongue protesting at the instant tang of yogurt and sour candy. She smiled. She loved it. She slipped into a blue plastic chair, the din of her friends’ conversation overpowering the steady hum of the yogurt machines lining the wall.

Oh, how life had changed in just a year. She missed a lot of things, had experienced the worst pain of her life, but oddly enough, she wouldn’t change any of it, except losing Sarah Beth. She took another bite. But this. This night made her realize goodness didn’t live in the past. It existed now, ready to be seized in the present.

Molly squirmed into Kaylan’s lap.  Her cup began to tip, and Nick threw out his hand to steady her.

“I got it, Uncle Nick.”

“Molly, baby, Aunt Kaylan probably doesn’t want you in her lap.”

“It’s okay, Kim.” She smiled at her friend, who was feeding three-month-old Nadia a bottle. “I promise.”

Truth be told, Molly was therapeutic, a taste of sunshine and sweetness.  Bubbly and joyful, she was a little Sarah Beth in the making. Despite her dad’s frequent deployments and the recent loss of his leg, Molly’s spirit remained unbridled. Kaylan intended to enjoy that for as long as Molly was part of her life.

“Aunt Kaylan, why did you get so much candy?”

“Because my friend Sarah Beth fixed her yogurt like this.”

“Do you still miss her?”

“Molly Carpenter,” Logan’s voice boomed, and everyone at the table stilled.

Kaylan swallowed and summoned a smile, a smile she felt in her heart a bit more every time she used it. “It’s okay, Logan.”

Kaylan felt the weight of their eyes, the calculated gazes of the SEALs, familiar with life lost. Compassion danced across the faces of Megan, Kim, Melody, and Liza, mixed with a regret that she now had to respond. But on the faces of her brothers and Nick, she saw reassurance and an encouragement to accept, to share, to let people in, to reclaim a little of the girl she used to be.

She turned to Molly. “Yes, I still miss her. She was my best friend ever, and I met her when I was about your age.” She squeezed Molly, eliciting a musical giggle. “She had curly blonde hair, just like you. She smiled and laughed all the time.”

“Just like me?” Molly pointed at her chest with her dripping spoon.

“Yep, munchkin, just like you.” Kaylan’s heart constricted. Nick slipped his arm around her shoulders, his fingers drifting up and down her arm.

“Daddy says she’s in heaven. Is that right, Aunt Kaylan?”

Kaylan cleared her throat, ignoring the eyes focused on her. “Yes, last year about this time she went to heaven to be with Jesus. I’ll see her again someday. And today I wanted to celebrate her.”

“Since she went to heaven, that means I’ll get to meet her someday, too.”

Kaylan leaned down and touched her nose to Molly’s, grinning at her giggle. “You bet, munchkin.”

Molly leaned forward and looked in Kaylan’s cup, the yogurt gathering in a growing liquid pool and bleeding with color. “She sure liked a lot of candy. Look at all those colors, Aunt Kaylan! They’re everywhere.”

Kaylan grinned. “Don’t they make you happy?”

Molly’s blue eyes met hers. “I like lots of colors. Like a rainbow. They just make me smile.”

Kaylan looked at her brothers, knowing they remembered Sarah Beth’s candy fetish.

“Happy mouth,” Micah grinned, a knowing look in his eyes. She knew he was remembering similar moments with the girl they had once known and loved.

Her heart constricted, joy and overwhelming nostalgia jockeying for prominence. But the tears were gone. At least for now. Nick wound his fingers in her hair, giving her enough strength to remember to choose joy. “And a very happy Kaylan,” she whispered with a smile.

Chapter Four

Janus had made a deal with the devil, and she would have to pay. If there was one lesson she’d learned over the years it was that no good deed went unpunished. No bad deed did either, but somehow she’d managed to outrun the consequences. Until now. She should have known that someday they would come back to bite her.

A knock broke her reverie and she looked up. A man she only knew by Jake entered the interrogation room where she’d been escorted moments before. His dark hair fell above dark eyes that held a thousand secrets. She could only hope his expertise and government didn’t wind up getting her killed. So far the plan had worked. Play regretful mother and sell some intel to the Americans, all for a lighter sentence, and, at the very least, a temporary reprieve from whatever demon stalked her in prison.

Unlike others she had already talked to, Jake never wore a suit when coming to see her. Today, he wore a white V-neck shirt beneath a brown leather jacket and jeans rolled up slightly over plain-toe, leather boots. His gaze and demeanor told her he would play fair, but he meant business.

He slouched against the wall, crossing his arms as he faced her where she sat perched on the edge of the seat. “Well, Anya, we have a plan.”

She flinched as he said her name. No one had called her by her given name in years, but his tenor voice reminded her too much of her brother Andrei. Only he had called her “Annie.”

“We will fly out of here and meet with a joint task force to pass on what you know. You so much as try to get off that base, and I will sanction anyone who sees you to use you as target practice. Are we clear?”

Anya refrained from smirking. His threats held little terror for her. She’d survived the Iron Curtain, the assassination of her beloved brother, the loss of her own children. And now the silent killer, cancer, threatened to take away what little time she had left. What more could they do to her?

The guilt snaked its way through her heart again and she bit down, squelching the pain. Andrei had always fought for the underdogs, those who just wanted a better life in the West. He rejected the confines of the Wall. He’d fought the Soviets and smuggled many to freedom. Then he’d come for her. He always came for her.

She was a rising star, poised to take a position in the East German secret police, despite her Soviet background.

So she’d watched his work from afar, even covering for him at times. It amazed her that someone could believe in something so fully that they would give their life for it, for strangers. She wouldn’t do that for her country. To hades with the USSR, the German Democratic Republic, and their ideals. She believed in one thing: survival. But her brother had made her hope, made her wonder. Until someone betrayed him, and she was forced to watch as he was executed, shot pointblank for rebelling against his rulers. Their father stood without blinking, firmly trusting Andrei had been a traitor.

“Anya, are you with me?”

She schooled her features against the sudden urge to cry. With a curt nod, she muttered, “
Da
.”

“Good. And English, please.” Jake came to sit at the table with her, his confident stance reminiscent of Nikolai. And Andrei. She knew their kind. The call to sacrifice won out over the instinct to survive, and their heroics could cost her. She would need to be careful.

“Nick and his team will be present at the briefing. You will not engage with him in any way. You are there only to relay intel. At the point you are no longer of use, we will ship you right back to the hell hole you are living in. Understood?”

Anya smirked and leaned forward, intertwining her hands on the table in front of her. “It would be wise for you to hold your tongue, American.” She tipped her head, studying his guarded expression. “You do not know the secrets I possess.”

Across the table, Jake mirrored her actions, his face coming within a foot of hers. His amused smile rankled her. “I work for the United States Central Intelligence Agency, Ms. Petrov. You do not know the secrets that I possess.” His voice lowered to a whisper that chilled the air around Anya. “You are expendable.”

Desperate to maintain the upper hand, she masked a wince as she leaned back in her chair. “We shall see.” But inside, she feared she would never taste freedom from captivity again.

Once more, she might be forced to sell her soul. She didn’t have much left to give. Wounded animals did not do well when cornered. If she went out, she planned to take people with her.