Taking Chances (Learning to Love) (16 page)

"I'll give you all the details later. I wanna go get out of these wet clothes and get my notes someplace to dry. They're a little soggy."

"I might actually be out until late. Matty and I are going to watch an underground fight at the University. You should totally come," she said, looking to my brother for confirmation that it would be okay with him. He just shrugged. "Unless of course, you need me to stay home with you. You're not hurt or anything, are you?"

"No, I'm fine, and thanks, but it's been a really long day. I think I just want to hang out here and maybe get started on the article so I can be done with this whole thing."

She nodded, but narrowed her eyes and looked over me before she let me leave the room. She knew something was up. I was just grateful that she wasn't going to push it just then.

By the time I got into some dry clothes the rain had nearly stopped, which was good since Kat and my brother were heading out the door. I would have liked to have the time to talk with her alone about everything that happened, but it would have to wait. I plugged in my phone and waited for it to load up before about fifty text messages came through, most of them from Kat. I put it down. Anything else could certainly wait.

My notes weren't too wet but the ink was starting to bleed a little so I figured I should get the article done right away, just in case. Sebastian deserved credit, he had a real passion for his work. The look on his face when he talked about the promising new drug they were working on was pure joy. His enthusiasm was contagious. I had to admit, those few hours with him were the most natural I'd ever felt with a man. Being with Sebastian was just... easy. As long as he wasn't touching me that was, because once he got too close, well, it was my body that took over.

I let my mind drift back to that night in the hotel room. If I had known it was Sebastian, would I have still went through with it? It was by far, the best sex of my life and as much as I hated to admit it, I didn't regret it. Even knowing that it was Sebastian and not Sam, I just couldn't bring myself to want to take it back. What didn't make sense to me however, was why he would turn me down at the rehearsal dinner, yet trick me into sleeping with him the very next night? How did he even manage it? I remembered that I had Sam's number and the truth could be easily uncovered.

I sent off a text to Sam asking if he was busy.

No babe, what's up?

You said we should talk, now good?

Sure.

The phone rang almost immediately.

"Hello?" I answered, suddenly feeling nervous.

"Hey. I'm sorry about the other day, I didn't have a chance to talk."

"No problem, I did just show up out of nowhere."

"Yeah, but I owe you an apology big time." He sounded like the nervous one now.

"What are you talking about Sam?"

He paused for a few seconds, as if he didn't know where to start.

"Lexi, I feel really bad about giving my key to that guy. He swore he was your boyfriend. I would never have done it, but the bartender said he knew him and that he wasn't some psycho stalker killer or anything. I'm really sorry if I got you in trouble with your guy. I know it wasn't cool, but that dude is really intimidating." He faked a small laugh.

"He said he was my boyfriend?"
That sneaky little douche.

"Uh, yeah. Isn't he?"

"No. He is not. What else did he say?"

"Umm... well... look we aren't really allowed to screw around with the customers. Last month a guy got canned for the same thing. Her husband found out and came in the club flipping out. I don't know if he would have said anything, but I didn't want to take that chance. I'm really sorry, I need that job."

"I understand, don't worry about it," I sighed.

He apologized a few more times before his roommate came in and he had to go. None of it really made sense. What was Sebastian even doing in the club that night? Was he some kind of weird stalker? I wanted to call Jamie and find out everything she knew about her new family member, but she was just home from her honeymoon and I didn't want to bother her with my mess. Besides, if I called her, I'd have to tell her the whole story and I really didn't want to go into everything with her at that moment. Having to explain the newest developments with Kat later was more than enough for one night.

I went back to the article, typing furiously. The words flowed easily and I tried to keep my personal thoughts of Sebastian out of my mind. It was a difficult task. All the information I had, came from him or that press kit that included photos of not only the facility and grounds, but up close and personals of the one and only, owner, CEO, and chief researcher, Mr. Michelson.

The kit also included a short bio on both him and his brother Lincoln. There was nothing in the bio that I hadn't already learned about Sebastian except his age. He was actually a little older than I assumed. He was thirty-one and his brother was ten years older. I never would have guessed they were that far apart from the way he talked about his brother. It was clear they were close, so I just assumed they were close in age. They certainly did look alike though. Lincoln was more blonde, but had the same 'get lost in me' blue eyes and face structure as Sebastian. The one main difference between the two was the smile. Sebastian's photo, as with much of the time in person, was serious, no smile, rigid. His brother however, was smiling, not one of those posed fake smiles, it looked genuine. You could tell he was full of life and happiness, surprising since he lived every day with chronic pain and never ending health issues. It made me wonder what had been so different in their lives that caused such a difference in personalities.

***

I typed the last few sentences of my article and hit the save button, happy with the way it turned out. I was about to flip on the tv and relax until Kat returned, when I heard a loud banging on the front door. I went to get the door, a little annoyed with the obnoxiousness of whoever was on the other side.

"What!" I yelled, pulling open the door. It took me a moment to register that it was Sebastian standing there, looking panicked.

"Lexi?" he asked, as if he didn't quite believe it was me.

"Obviously, Sebastian, what are you doing here?" My irritation grew seeing him standing there. He had a lot of nerve showing up at my house after what happened.

Rather than answering, he took a step forward, kicked the door shut, and pulled me against him. He took my chin in his hand to hold my face steady, and looked hard into my eyes.

"Your car," he whispered. "I thought..." he trailed off, choking on the words, pain visible on his face.

All at once it hit me. He was worried to begin with, probably more so since his wife died in a car crash, then he saw my car crushed by a tree. Guilt replaced my anger. I actually felt bad for what he went through.

"I'm fine. I was waiting for the storm to slow down and..."

"You could have been killed," he said, in a tone mixed with anger and fear.

"Well, I'm fine, so you don't need to worry about me." I pushed his hand off my chin and tried to wiggle out of his grasp. I could not be that close to him without my body betraying me.

"I can't help but worry about you," he growled, refusing to let go of me.

"Why not? You hardly know me, Sebastian. What is it that drives you to do things like threaten guys I'm interested in, tricking me into sleeping with you, and going into a panic because a tree fell on my car? Should you be on some sort of medication?" I stopped struggling to get free, but kept my hands firmly on his chest to keep some distance between us.

"I wasn't trying to trick you. It was wrong. Don't you think I know that?" He turned his head. Guilt clearly visible on his face. "I went to that hotel to stop you from making a mistake and screwing that stripper. I was only going to play around with you then take the blindfold off. I swear to you, I had no intention of taking it that far." He turned back to meet my eyes, as his pleaded with me, to believe him, for forgiveness, something.

"Then why did you?" I knew he was sorry. I believed every word he said, but that didn't make it okay.

"I have no good answer for that." He shook his head, breaking eye contact. "When I'm near you I lose all ability to think clearly. I can't breathe, can't think, can't focus on anything but the way it feels touching you. Tell me you don't feel it too. Just say the words and I will leave you alone." He stared into me like he could see right into my heart.

The thing was, I felt the same way. I knew exactly what he was talking about because that was precisely how I felt around him. Part of me was still angry that he wasn't honest with me but another part understood that desperate pull that existed between us.

"I can't. I feel it too," I said, my voice nearly a whisper.

No. This wasn't okay
.

I struggled again to free myself, but he still refused to release me. "None of that matters, Sebastian. I can't trust you. What you did… that was
wrong
. You had plenty of opportunities to tell me the truth and you
chose
not to. That's kinda fucked up."

He loosened his grip just enough, yet still held me captive in his arms. "I know. I have no excuse. Please forgive me. If nothing else, I just
need
to know that you don't hate me."

"I don't hate you." Not even if I tried. "But I don't think this is gonna work between us, like you said. I think… I think we should just stay away from each other." Even as I got the words from my mouth, I knew I didn't want them to be true.

His breathing was coming in fast, short bursts, matching my own. "I don't think I can do that."

"What does that mean? You're the one who said it was a bad idea just earlier today."

He nodded and looked away. "I did. And then I watched you drive away."

He turned back and his face betrayed a brokenness so deep that it reached inside me and tugged at my own broken soul, like it was the other half of my own missing piece. In just that look, and in that moment, I knew everything I needed to know.

Sebastian looked from my eyes to my lips. I knew exactly what was going through his mind because I felt it deep inside me. It was as if we could read each other's thoughts.

I dropped my hands from his chest, no longer holding him back, giving him permission. Wasting no time, he pulled me closer, our bodies tight up against each other like he was trying to pull me right into him. He pressed his lips into mine, as with all things Sebastian, it was rough and demanding. His tongue explored my mouth, claiming it as his own. He ran his hands over my body, tugging my shirt up and over my head, tossing it to the floor. I was grateful that I hadn't bothered to put on a bra after I changed out of my wet clothes. It would have been one more unwanted barrier between my skin and the touch I so desperately craved.

My heart thumped hard against my chest in anticipation. He slid his hands up my body slowly, savoring every millimeter, cupping each breast into willing hands. My breath caught in my throat as he rolled the taut peaks between his rough fingers. I leaned my head back, letting the sensations take over. A small moan escaped my lips as he brought his mouth down, tasting the soft skin. My fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him tighter against me.

His hands roamed over me greedily as his mouth continued its relentless assault on my mouth, neck, breasts. My awareness focused in on his abundance of clothing as my fingers struggled to undo the many buttons of his shirt. Starting from the bottom, he helped, working much more efficiently, as I took care of the top buttons. His shirt ended up in a pile on the floor near mine.

He pulled back and looked at me as if he wanted to ask something, but was unsure how to proceed. My first instinct was to protest, to pull him back, but I could tell from his expression that was not going to work.

"What is it?" I asked, trying to fumble with his belt buckle.

He placed his hand on top of mine and stilled my hand. "Wait," he growled.

"Why?" I was being impatient. Thoughts of anything other than getting the rest of his clothes off and feeling him against me overtook all rational thinking.

"Because I don't want you to regret this. I want, no I need to know, that this is what you want."

"There's nothing I want more Sebastian."

He looked me over once more, then scooped me into his arms and started walking in the direction of the bedrooms. He stopped briefly waiting for me to point out which room was mine, before he kicked the door open and tossed me onto the bed.

I sat up with my legs dangling over the side as he stood in front of me, no longer preventing me access to his belt. I undid the pesky barrier, unclasped his pants, pushing them open, and clumsily tried to push them to the floor. I'd never actually undressed a man before. It was something they usually took care of quite efficiently themselves. Probably because I'd never been that impatient to get a guy naked before.

He easily stepped out of the pants, kicked off his shoes at the same time and stood before me in tight, black boxer-briefs. For one quick moment, a wave of uncertainty came over me. I looked up at him, nervously. He reached down, tucking stray hairs behind my ear, and took my hands, pulling me up to him.