Taking Chances (Learning to Love) (26 page)

I thought about texting Sebastian to see what he was up to, but that seemed like such a girlfriend thing to do and I wasn't sure what it was he thought of me as. Hell, I wasn't sure what I thought either. My mind flashed to his sleepy utterance of love. I had since written it off as just a dream, either on his part, or mine, not the true way he felt. I glanced at my phone and sighed.

He was probably busy at work anyway
.

I shoved the phone into my pocket and started cleaning up around the apartment to busy myself until Matty showed up. He really was a slob. I tossed empty food containers away, washed dishes, wiped off the counters, and vacuumed the whole apartment. It looked better, but still smelled of dirty socks and old garbage.

"What the hell, sis? You wrecked the place," Matty said, walking in, dropping his keys into the bowl by the door.

"Oh ha ha, very funny. This place was a step above being condemned Matt. Don't you ever take out the garbage?" I motioned over to the three bags by the back door stinking up the kitchen.

"Occasionally." He shrugged, like it was no big deal.

I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head.

Some things never change.

"I see you helped yourself to my clothes, again." He raised one eyebrow, looking over me.

"Yeah. I took a shower. Don't you have anything of Kat's here?"

His smile faded. "No. She took everything that was here a couple weeks ago. Said she wanted to get them altogether to donate some."

"She did donate some. If that helps any."

I could tell by his fake smile, it didn't.

"I was afraid I was gonna find your boyfriend here doing the nasty with you in my bed. I would have had to hurt him. You do know that, right?"

"Again, he's not my boyfriend. And seriously? You think I would have brought him here?"

"Maybe."

"Don't be silly. We would have gone downstairs and done it in his car." I tried my best to keep a straight face but Matt's expression was priceless. I was sure that for a second, he considered the possibility that I was being serious.

"That's not funny, Lexi."

I poked my tongue out at him playfully, but he wasn't seeing the humor. "Oh lighten up, Matty. I'm a grown woman. You do know
that
, right?"

He grabbed me in a head lock like when we were kids, and pulled me into a hug. "You will always be my baby sister. I'll always look out for you. Just because you are old enough to get naked with boys, does not mean I won't kick their ass for it."

***

Matty dropped me off at home and made plans to take me to the rental place during lunch tomorrow so I could stop relying on him for rides. Not having a car really did suck. It wasn't so bad when Kat was there because our schedules were always easy to work around. Half the time she just gave me her keys and drove into work with one of the other girls.

I wasn't looking forward to being back at the half empty apartment alone. Matt couldn't bring himself to come up and I didn't blame him. It made me sad to see all of Kat's stuff gone, I couldn't even imagine how he felt. I almost felt like I was broken up with as well.

Why won't she talk to me?

I checked my phone about every five minutes for the rest of the day. I told myself that it was a text from Kat I was looking for, but I couldn't help but hope there would be one from Sebastian almost as much.

Okay, maybe I wanted one from him even more
.

Pete sent me an article to work on about kitten day at the shelter saving me from spending the day trying to stop myself from texting Kat or Sebastian. Jasper purred at my feet, probably trying to make sure I was distracted enough that I didn't get too attached to any of the adorable kitten photos. He was way too much of an attention whore to not be an only cat.

By the time I finished the article it was nearly seven and I was starving. I headed out to the kitchen to see if there was anything remotely close to dinner appropriate. I wasn't hopeful. Kat and I were supposed to go food shopping today. That obviously wasn't going to happen. Matty went out for drinks with the guys after work, so I couldn't even ask him to take me. Not that I wanted to bother him with that anyway, but I did need to eat.

I finally broke down and sent a text off to Sebastian.

'You eat dinner yet?'

'No.'

'Wanna grab something?'

After about twenty minutes he finally responded.

'Can't
.'

That was not at all what I hoped for. He could have at least elaborated, but he didn't owe me any explanations. Clearly, he was either busy or just not interested in having dinner with me. The immature part of me wanted to text him back and ask why not, or if it was only something else he was interested in. Of course, I knew that was crazy. He had never done anything to make me think sex was the only thing he was interested in. I couldn't help but be a little crazy when it came to Sebastian Michelson. I just didn't know why.

***

By Wednesday morning my nerves were on edge. I had no idea if Kat was going to show up for our lunch or not. I managed to keep busy and give her some space, but I hadn't heard from her either. Matty took me over to the rental place the day before so I could get something until everything with my car got worked out, so at least I could get around on my own. I was back at work and had a few interesting stories to work on, which at least kept me busy.

I hadn't heard from Sebastian anymore either. I tried not to let myself worry that he just wasn't that interested in me. It would figure, when I finally broke down and let myself admit I had feelings for the guy, he'd disappear from my life. I also couldn't help but worry that something happened to Lincoln again like last time I didn't hear from him. I thought about asking Jamie if everything was alright, but I just wasn't ready to let her know how much he meant to me.

I was the first one to the cafe. Jamie texted and said she might be a few minutes late. I flagged Leo down and ordered a drink and a veggie plate. I was starving and knowing Jamie, it could be awhile before I got to actually order some lunch. Leo looked disappointed that it was only me.

"Just you today, Lexi?" Leo squirmed uncomfortably, avoiding eye contact as he spoke.

"No. At least one more of my friends will be joining me. She's just late."

Leo's eyes lit up. "You mean Kat?"

I wasn't even aware that he knew our names. I guess he paid closer attention than I realized.

"I'm not sure. I'm actually starving. Could you put a rush on the veggie plate, please?" I was trying to hurry him along, not really in the mood to make small talk with the waiter who so obviously had a thing for Kat. I felt like I should let the poor guy know there was no way she was ever going to be interested in him, but I didn't want to crush his hopes. He was a cute kid, a little on the scrawny side, but much too young for Kat to even think twice.

Leo hurried away to put in the order. I scrolled through my phone, hoping for some sign that Kat was going to show, and checked some email. By the time I managed to nibble through half the carrots and a quarter of the cucumbers, Jamie showed up, looking exhausted as usual lately.

"Don't you sleep anymore?"

"Not really. Justin works until seven or eight every night and by the time he gets home and showers, we have to decide on spending time together or sleeping." She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and sighed deeply.

"I can see which on you picked last night." I didn't really need the details of her newlywed activities.

"Ha! Yes, well, what can I say? Being married is amazing. I know though, you don't wanna hear about it. True love is a myth and all." She waved me off and rolled her eyes.

"Actually..." I glanced away, almost immediately regretting saying the word.

"Wait, actually, what?" She sat up straighter, suddenly completely enthralled in what I had to say.

I had opened my mouth, so I couldn't really avoid it now. "I think maybe I wasn't completely right about everything."

Her eyes nearly popped out of her head. "Lexi James, are you actually saying you were
wrong
? I never thought I'd live to see the day."

"I don't know that I said I was wrong, per se, but I guess you could call it that."

"What changed your mind?" She was still staring at me all bug-eyed. It was kind of creeping me out.

"You heard about Kat and my brother, right?"

"Yes, but I don't see how them breaking up could possibly change your mind. If anything, I would have thought that would only further glue you to your crazy beliefs."

"I thought it would too. I always figured it was only a matter of time until they broke up, but when it happened, I was shocked. I guess it made me realize how much they loved each other."

"I still can't believe she broke up with him. It boggles my mind." She placed the menu down, called Leo over, and placed her order.

"Have you heard much from her?" I was hoping to get some information from Jamie about what was going on with Kat. Well, I was really hoping Kat would just show up, but really, I didn't think she would.

Jamie pretended to poke around in her purse uneasily. "Um, we had drinks last night."

I knew it was wrong of me to push her for information, but I just couldn't help it. Kat was my best friend and I missed the hell out of her. "I know I'm putting you on the spot, and I'm sorry, but her shutting me out is torture."

"I know, hon, and she feels really bad about it. I think she's afraid to face you."

"Afraid? What the hell for?"

"Think about it, Lex. Matt is your brother and we all know how close you two are. She doesn't want you to feel like you have to pick sides."

"I've been in that position since they started dating. Please tell her not to worry about that. I just miss her. I really need her right now with everything that's going on with Sebastian." I knew as soon as I said it that I made a mistake. I just couldn't keep my mouth shut.

"What do you mean, Sebastian?" Her eyes narrowed, and she eyed me suspiciously.

Well, I guess I had to tell her now
.

I took a deep breath and gave her the condensed version of the story.

Jamie swallowed hard, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. "Hon, how much do you know about Sebastian's wife?"

Her question caught me off guard. His wife was the furthest thing from my mind. "Not too much I guess. She was in a car accident and died. I saw her picture. She was pretty." His dead wife wasn't really something we talked much about.

"Well, I don't wanna tell a story that isn't mine to tell, but it was the anniversary of her death this week. He got really drunk Monday night and called Justin to pick him up. He was over there until like three in the morning."

"Oh." I didn't know what else to say at that moment.

"Justin didn't say much about it other than Sebastian was a mess. I told you when you first started talking about him that it wasn't a good idea to get involved with him, that he was broken."

She did tell me that. I had no intention of getting involved with him. If anyone had told me then, that I would be feeling the things I was feeling about him a month later, I would have thought they were smoking crack.

"I didn't plan this, Jamie."

"I know, hon, but you should just walk away now, before it's too late." She put her hand on mine, trying to comfort me.

"It's already too late." I sighed. I was doomed from the start, whether I realized it nor not.

She raised an eyebrow at me, a surprised look on her face. "What are you saying?"

"I don't even know. I can't stop thinking about him. I dream about him. I wonder where he is and what he's doing. When I'm around him my stomach does back flips. When he touches me, I can't think, can't breathe. I feel like I'm under some sort of mind control." I dropped my head into my hands, feeling totally helpless against the power that was Sebastian Michelson.

"Oh my God, Lexi, you're in love with him!"

Love
.

"I, uh... I can't...be." I didn't even believe the words as I said them.

Jamie laughed out loud. "You can try denying it all you want, but I know you better than that. You're in love."

"Am I in the wrong place?" Kat asked, shocked, her hand on the back of her usual chair, unsure if she should actually sit.

"Ohmigod, Kat!" I jumped up and tackle-hugged her, nearly knocking her into a shrub. "You have no idea how much I missed you, bitch."

She laughed. "Clearly, I've missed a lot."

CHAPTER TWENTY

Kat wasn't planning on coming back home yet. Honestly, I thought she was under the impression I was mad at her and wouldn't want her to be there. That was crazy of course, and I told her so. After plenty of insisting on my part, she finally agreed to at least spend the night.

It felt like my entire world was turned upside down. Having Kat back, even if it was just for the night, made everything just a little bit better.