Taking Chances (Learning to Love) (25 page)

I picked up the note and took a look around the apartment. Everything was in its place as far as I could tell. I looked into my room. It was in its usual neat arrangement but my closet light was turned on. Upon closer inspection, I noticed there were some things missing from hangers. I checked through everything hanging and realized everything that was missing, was Kat's. It was odd for her to take all her things back like that. Kat rarely cared if she got anything back I borrowed. Normally, I had to insist she take things back.

I headed for her room to see if maybe she was rearranging her clothes or something. Shock hit me like a ton of bricks as soon as I walked in the room. Her closet was completely empty except for a few stray hangers and a pair of suede boots that belonged to me sitting on the floor. Her dresser was cleared out, her laptop gone, even her scruffy zebra Pillow Pet was missing. Nearly everything she owned, gone.

I sat down on the bed, note clutched in my hand, trying to wrap my brain around what was going on.

Kat moved out.

Nothing made sense. First she broke up with Matt. Then she avoided my calls and texts, and then she moved out without even talking to me. I blinked my eyes hard thinking maybe it was a dream and I just needed to wake myself up, but it was no use. The nightmare was actually reality.

I was worried that she was so upset with me for not coming home last night, when she must have needed me, that she moved out.

Maybe it was my fault and now she hates me.

I tried to tell myself that was crazy, that it had nothing to do with me, but I couldn't help the pangs of guilt that poked their ugly little heads up, making me worry more. I looked down at the letter tightly squeezed into my trembling hand. I was afraid to open it and find out my best friend hated me, because instead of being there where she needed me, I was off fucking Sebastian.

I must be the worst friend ever.

It took me a long time of just looking at the letter, before I got up the nerve to actually open and read it.

Lex,

I'm so sorry about last night. I just couldn't face you. I really appreciate you giving me the space I needed to give all of this some thought. I know I've been a terrible friend, but I need to work all this out in my own head first. I'm going to stay with my parents for a bit until I can figure everything out.

Please forgive me.

I promise I'll call you soon.

Kat

Fat sloppy tears plopped down on the paper, wetting it and smearing the purple ink. Purple ink- that was so Kat. She not only wasn't angry that I didn't come home last night, she was glad. I didn't know whether to be happy about that or hurt. My best friend thanked me for not being around when she was upset and didn't even want to see me. She wanted to be so far away from me, she took all her shit and moved out. I just didn't know what to think about that.

I dropped the letter on the bed of her now empty room and walked out to the kitchen. I half expected to find her standing there, overstuffed suitcases on either side of her, tears streaming down her face, and giving me that 'I need my best friend' look.

But she didn't need me.

She left.

There was no sense in standing there in an empty house. If I couldn't be there for Kat, I could at least go see Matty. I seriously doubted he packed up and fled town too. Of course, if you told me Kat had done that very thing a half hour ago, I would have peed myself laughing. I pulled out my cell and texted Sebastian to pick me up when he could. I felt bad bothering the guy so soon. He wasn't going to get many errands done with me around. I really needed to get something done about my car. Especially if Kat was gone.

I waited outside for Sebastian to return, not wanting to sit inside the empty house any longer. It just felt wrong with all Kat's shit gone. She must not have planned on returning any time soon if she took nearly everything she owned. The thought of Kat not coming back left a burning pain in the pit of my stomach. She was like a part of me. Having her around made everything that was wrong in the world, a little easier to swallow.

Sebastian gave me a concerned look as he opened the car door and ushered me inside.

"That was fast."

"Yeah." I wasn't ready to explain Kat's disappearance at that moment and thankfully, he didn't push. He drove to Matt's house in silence, giving me the space he must have sensed I needed.

***

I was way past nervous until I saw Matty's truck parked outside. If he disappeared too, I didn't think I could handle it. Standing in front of Matty's place I found it difficult to climb the four steps to his door. Everything around me was changing and I didn't recognize my new and different world. Something had to be the same. If it wasn't my brother, I didn't feel like I could take it.

Sebastian took my hand and stood quietly with me as I gained the courage to move forward. The whole thing with Sebastian only added to my confusion and upturned world, but having him there with me brought me comfort and gave me that small push I needed. I let go of his hand and took the first step. He stood watching me until I made it to the door and Matt ushered me inside.

He scrubbed his hands over his face, his eyes swollen and red. "I didn't know you were coming by."

"Really? You didn't expect to see me after what happened?"

He led me into the kitchen and started making coffee. "I guess."

"Matty, what happened?" I probably should have waited until the coffee was done and he had a chance to wake up a bit, but I just couldn't hold off any longer.

"She didn't tell you?"

I knew he was hoping that Kat would have given me the story so he didn't have to recount the details of his heartbreak. Honestly, I would have rather gotten the story from her too. Without talking to her, I couldn't be sure if whatever she told him was actually the truth.

"No, Matty. She's gone." I nearly whispered the words, wanting so bad for them not to be true.

"Gone?" He looked at me unbelievingly.

"Yes."

"What do you mean she's gone?" A hint of anger tinged his voice.

"When I got home this morning she wasn't there. All of her stuff was gone. She left a note saying she was going to stay with her parents for a bit and that she would call me soon."

Matt gently placed the cup down on the counter and took a deep breath, turning away from me so I couldn't see his face. "She took everything?"

"Just about, yes."

"What does that even mean?" he snapped, turning back to glare at me.

"Uh... she...I don't know. Like everything in her room. Not the furniture or anything. Why are you angry with me?"

His face softened, his mouth fell into a frown. "I'm sorry, sis. I'm not mad at you."

I walked over, wrapping my arms around him in my best rendition of a Matty bear-hug. He stood rigid for a moment, then pulled me tighter, accepting the comfort until I couldn't breathe any longer.

"So what happened? She won't even answer my texts."

"That's just it, Lex. Nothing really happened. Like I told you, I told her I loved her and shit and she just freaked out. She told me she didn't feel the same and that we needed to end this now. Then she bolted."

Matt poured two cups of coffee, added some sugar and milk in mine, and walked me over to the sofa in the living room. I'd seen him sad before, but never over a girl. Usually it was because of our mother, or when he was being empathetic for whatever drama was going on in my life. Even when Matty wasn't happy, he usually pretended to be. He wasn't even attempting to fake a smile, so I knew it was bad.

"I was kind of hoping
you
could tell
me
what the hell happened." He sighed, putting the cup down untouched.

"I wish I had answers for you. I certainly didn't see it coming. She's been crazy about you for as long as I can remember. None of this makes any sense, especially her not even talking to me." I sighed, wishing I had more to offer him.

"She hasn't said anything lately that would make you think something was up with her?"

He looked at me innocently, just needing some bit of explanation. I felt like I was punched in the stomach seeing him in pain like that, knowing I had more information than I told him.

His eyebrows furrowed, giving me a confused look. "What aren't you telling me?"

I never could hide anything from him, but I would be betraying Kat's confidence if I said anything to him. I took a long sip of the hot coffee, scalding my throat as it went down, trying to buy some time to decide what to say.

"You're stalling. That means you know something." His voice turned angry again but his face looked hurt. I felt like I was betraying him. It was a no-win situation and I was caught right in the middle. Another reason I never wanted them to date in the first place.

Matt got up and walked across the room and stared out the window. "Your boyfriend is still out there. I guess you aren't planning on staying"

"What?" I jumped up and peeked out the window. Sebastian's car sat across the street from where he left me. I could see his figure inside with the seat reclined back. "No, I didn't know. He was supposed to just drop me off, and he isn't my boyfriend."

"Then what is he? Don't think I didn't notice you said when you got home this morning, meaning you didn't go home last night." He was refusing to look at me, still looking down at Sebastian's car.

"I don't know." It was true. I didn't have a clue what it was with Sebastian.

"Why don't you go figure it out then?" He stared into me, his eyes cold and icy. There was a bite in his tone that was meant to hurt me. For the first time, he sounded like our mother.

I backed away on instinct. Matty immediately realized what he did and regret washed over his face. It was such a small thing, but to us it was huge.

"Kitten, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean that." He stepped forward to grab my hand. I pulled back out of his reach. I knew he didn't mean it, but I couldn't stand to have him touch me at that moment.

"It's fine." I tried to pretend it was, but seeing him look at me like that and sound like
her
, brought back those feelings that stayed just below the surface. It had taken me so long to push them down low enough so that they didn't interfere with my life every day. All it took was that one thing to make them come flooding back.

"No. It's not. You didn't deserve that. I don't know what's happening to me. I just feel totally
wrecked
." He collapsed against a chair and let his face fall into his hands.

I rushed forward, putting my arms around him. "It's not your fault, Matty. I'm so sorry she hurt you."

He slid down into the chair, pulling me with him on his lap like he used to when I was small and upset. Tears welled up in my eyes and spilled down my cheeks.

"I love her, Lex."

"I know."

"She doesn't love me back." A tear fell down his face as he leaned into my hair, holding onto me tightly.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Matty and I stayed up half the night talking and watching old movies. I did my best to explain how I thought Kat was feeling the last few weeks, without actually betraying her confidence. I still couldn't say what the hell she was thinking breaking up with him, but I think I gave him a better idea of what else was going on with her.

I came to the conclusion that I really did believe she loved him, which only made it that much more difficult to understand her actions. I tried texting her a few times when Matty was in the bathroom, still trying to get some sort of answer out of her, but she wasn't answering.

I woke up on Matt's couch with a note on the coffee table.

Lex,

Left for work. Didn't wanna wake you. I'll come by at lunch if you need a ride.

Love ya

M.

Matt never missed a day of work. Construction wasn't the most glamorous job, but he loved it. Ever since I could remember, Matt was out in the garage with Dad's tools building things. He even attempted to go to college for architecture, but dropped out in his junior year for reasons he never would tell me.

I pushed myself off the couch and stretched. I didn't have to be at work until Wednesday so I actually had nothing to do.

Wednesday.

I wondered if Kat would show up for our lunch. If she didn't it would be the first time I could remember her not being there. I sent off a quick text to Jamie to see if she had any clue what was going on. Unfortunately, she was busy at work and promised to call me later. Since I had a few hours to kill before Matty could give me a ride home, I figured I'd take a quick shower and see if I could find something for breakfast.

The shower helped, or I guessed you could call it that. It made me think of yesterday's shower with Sebastian, so it did manage to take my mind off things. However, it also left me in need of a little attention that I wasn't about to get at my brother's apartment. Breakfast was a no-go too. The only thing Matty had in the fridge was beer, a bottle of hot sauce, and just enough milk for coffee.