Taking Chances (Learning to Love) (27 page)

"So, you're in love with Sebastian?"

"I don't know, Kat. You know how I feel about that kind of thing."

"I do, but I also know you are totally wrong."

"Oh? So you know I'm wrong about love and relationships, but you just broke up with the guy you have been telling me you were in love with since you still played with dolls, because you didn't know if you really loved him?"

"That's different."

"How the hell is that different?" Now she was the one in denial.

"Lex, I don't wanna talk about Matty. That's part of the reason I went to my parents' house. Please respect that." Her face was serious, her eyes welled with tears.

The last thing I wanted to do was upset her and I didn't want her to leave.

"Sorry. I'll do my best." It was going to be difficult not to talk about Matty. It was going to be near impossible not to talk about their breakup. It would keep me out of the middle of it all, which was probably for the better though.

"So what are you going to do about Sebastian?" she asked, wiping her eyes and changing the subject.

"I really don't have a clue. I was hoping you would have some suggestions."

She stared at me for a moment, then broke out into laughter. "Seriously? After the mess I've made of my life, you want
my
advice?"

She had a point, but until recently, Kat always seemed to know how to handle men and relationships. She was certainly better at it than me.

"Look, Lex, I won't use the 'love' word because I don't wanna freak you out, but you really like this guy, right?"

"Yes." There was no denying it. I definitely really liked him.

"Have you told him?"

I thought about what happened to my poor brother when he told Kat how he felt. I figured I should keep that to myself. "No."

"Why not?" She kicked off her shoes and stretched out on the couch, finally acting like she was home again.

"I guess I'm still trying to figure it all out myself. This isn't easy for me to make sense of, Kat. I've never really thought I could feel this way about anyone."

"Okay. I get that, but you know now. No matter how much you might want to hold on to your old crazy beliefs, in your heart, you know how you feel about him." Her tone trailed down into a near whisper by the time she finished the sentence. I could tell she was thinking about her and Matty as much as me and Sebastian at that point.

She was right though. As crazy as it seemed to me, my heart knew what it felt.

"I can't exactly tell him now."

"Why the hell not?"

"His wife died a year ago this week. I haven't even heard from him in days. Jamie says he's having a hard time with it. Showing up at his place and throwing that on him now seems like a bad idea. Besides, he doesn't want to see me right now. I texted him Monday and asked him if he wanted to grab dinner and he said no."

"Maybe he was just busy Monday."

"Maybe, but he didn't ask for a rain check, or text me since. Kat, if he wanted to see me, I would have heard from him. Sebastian is not shy."

"I don't know, Lex." She shook her head. "I'm not sure I know anything anymore." She broke down and cried the kind of tears that you only cried from a broken heart, and you didn't get a broken heart without being in love.

***

Kat spent the next couple days moving her shit back into our apartment. Matt wasn't ready to come over and chance seeing her, so for a while, we agreed if he needed to come by we would meet downstairs or I would just go to his place. He was crazy in love and heartbroken and I knew that no matter what she said, she loved him too. I just couldn't understand what happened.

Kat still refused to talk about any of it. She promised me she would eventually, but that she just wasn't ready. I told her I would give her some time, but I was getting impatient. I hated to see Matty hurt. I tried getting more information about Sebastian from Jamie, but she just kept telling me to give him time. All the waiting was driving me crazy.

By Friday night I was ready to break down. I hardly slept for two nights. Thoughts of Sebastian haunted every waking moment. Falling asleep was no better. Sebastian played a starring role in every dream. I had to know, one way or the other, exactly how he felt about me and where things, whatever you called it, was going.

I picked up my phone at least ten times and started texting him, before deleting it and tossing the phone back down. I was about ready to beg Kat to take the damn thing from me and hide it for the night. A jolt of courage flashed through me and I was ready to follow through, when Kat walked in and flopped herself down on the bed with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" I eyed her curiously, trying to decide if she was being her normal dramatic self, or if something was actually up.

"I hate the fact that I can't talk to you about certain things."

"What are you talking about? You can talk to me about
anything
. You know that, Kat."

"Not anymore, I can't."

I knew she was talking about Matty. That was the one thing she didn't feel like she could share with me.

"Look, Kat, I know you are trying not to put me in the middle, but no matter what you do, I'm always going to be there. Whether you tell me what's going on or not, I see you and him suffering and it hurts me that I can't do a damn thing to help either of you." By that point, I was ready to grab her by the shoulders and shake it out of her.

"He cheated on me, Lex." She rolled over onto her stomach, hiding her face in my pillow.

"Why the hell would you think that?"

"I'm sorry, I know how close you are with him, but it's true. He's just like your father."

"Kat, what are you talking about?" She was making less and less sense by the minute.

She rolled back over and sat up, slowly raising her eyes up to look at me. "Matty cheated on me. The whore he was with told me all about it."

I could feel the blood drain from my face. That was the last thing in the world I ever expected to hear. I sat down slowly on the edge of the bed, unable to even respond.

"Please say something." she begged, a soft desperation in her voice.

I wanted to tell her I had no idea what to say to that, but no words would come.

She took a deep breath. "It was a few weeks ago when we were fighting for a few days. You remember Brooke Callaghan from high school?" She paused to give me a chance to respond, but I was still staring at the wall, mute.

"Well, she was at Justin's bachelor party apparently. She sent me photos, Lex." She pulled her phone out and scrolled through her pictures until she found one of Brooke and Matt and shoved the phone at me.

Brooke was sitting in Matty's lap and it looked like she was swallowing his face. Brooke was the kind of girl who threw herself at any guy who showed her the tiniest bit of attention. Even more so, she went after the ones who ignored her completely. Matty always fit in the latter category. From the photo, it looked like she finally got some attention out of him.

"I know I'm not perfect and I never expected Matty to be, but when I saw those pictures, I freaked. Matty is so much like your dad. I always figured it was just gonna be a matter of time before he broke up with me and moved on to someone new. I really didn't think he would cheat on me, but I guess I shouldn't have been surprised either."

I didn't even know what to think about any of what she told me. Matty didn't say anything about cheating on her and he really seemed to have no clue why she would break up with him.

"Kat?"

"Yeah?" She sat up, bringing the pillow with her.

"Did you ask Matt about the photos or mention what Brooke told you?"

"I just couldn't, Lex. He was looking at me all sweet, telling me he loved me and all I could think was how many women did your father say that to."

I shook my head and tried to catch my breath. I'd expected the relationship wouldn't last, but I never thought Matty would cheat. He was
not
just like our father. Even our father wasn't the way I'd always thought he was. It just didn't make sense. Matty was crazy in love with Kat. Why would he cheat on her?

"Lex, we both know how Matty is with women. I knew what I was getting myself into when I threw myself at him all those years. And I knew he was ready to say he loved me and I kept putting him off. If I'd just been sure, maybe said it to him first, maybe it wouldn't have happened. I don't deserve for him to love me." Tears fell down her cheeks and she wiped them off onto my pillow.

Great
.

"Are you sure he cheated? I mean, those photos look bad, but maybe there's a good explanation. I've never seen Matty cheat on anyone. Kat, he
loves
you. He's a wreck without you."

Matty was trying so hard to be a better person than our father. With Kat, he was different, better. I just couldn't believe what she was telling me.

"Why would Brooke lie?"

"Seriously? Because she's a bitch who wants the attention on her all the time. Because she lies and makes up stories just to screw with people. Who knows why the girl does anything? Just talk to him and see what he says."

"No. And you can't either."

"Why the hell not?"

Kat dropped her head into her hands and sobbed. I pulled her up against me and tried my best to comfort her, even though I didn't understand what was going on with her, even the tiniest bit. When she finally calmed down a bit, she pulled back and dried her face on my pillow.

"Why won't you talk to Matty about the photos?"

She lifted her head and met my eyes. "He's tried so hard not to be like Larry. I know he has. It's not his fault though, some things you just can't fight. I thought it would be easier if things ended because of me. That way he didn't end up even more fucked up." Her voice caught in her throat and her jaw quivered. She was fighting not to cry again, but I wasn't sure she'd win the battle.

"But, what if it's not what it looks like? What if—"

"No, Lexi. That's it. It's over."

Kat got up and left the room, slamming the door behind her. I knew I had to drop it, but I wasn't about to let it go forever.

CHAPTER TWENTY ONE

"No, Matty. I'm sorry but there isn't anything more I can tell you right now. You should try to talk to her." As much as they both kept saying they didn't want to put me in the middle, they never seemed to miss an opportunity.

"I'm sorry. I'm doing it again, huh?" Matty frowned and leaned back against the truck sipping his coffee.

"I really wish I had something I could say that would make this all better for you. I just can't give you the answers you need. I can't even figure out my own life." I sighed, joining him against the truck.

"You still haven't heard from Sebastian?"

"Nope." I gulped back the rest of the coffee and tossed the cup into a nearby trashcan.

"Sorry, sis. I really thought sending him your way after the wedding would help."

I punched him in the arm playfully. "I figured that was you."

He laughed. "Yeah, well it didn't take too much convincing. That idiot is totally into you."

I sighed. "I don't know, Matty. When I'm around him, it really seems that way. Hell, he even told me he loved in his sleep last week, but then I don't even hear a word from him. I don't know what to do with that."

"In his sleep, huh?" His lips straightened, one eyebrow raised.

"Focus, Matty. We've slept together. Move past it."

Matt opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. He forcefully squashed his coffee cup and tossed it into the trash with mine.

"The last thing I wanna think about is my baby sister in bed with that asshat, but if there's anything I learned from all of this is that you have to go for it."

That was a surprise. I figured he would have rather not told Kat how he felt if he could have a do-over.

"I know telling her how I felt is what screwed everything up, but honestly, if she didn't love me, it was better to know. She would have ended it anyway if that was how she felt. I just wish I told her sooner, rather than dragging it out."

"Matty, she didn't break up with you because she didn't love you." I knew I should have kept my mouth shut, but I hated the idea of him thinking he wasn't good enough for Kat to love him.

"Then why did she break up with me, Lexi? I know you know why." He grabbed my wrist and pulled me around to face him. His eyes begged for closure.

I sighed deeply. It killed me to see him suffer, but telling him the truth would likely hurt him more. I wasn't sure what was right anymore.

"The one thing I do know is that girl does love you. No matter what she says, I know she does. Maybe you should just give her some time to work everything out in her own head and then try to talk to her." I leaned in, resting my head against his chest. His arms came around me, giving me as much comfort as he took from it.