Taking Chances (Learning to Love) (29 page)

'Please don't be mad at me.'

Five minutes later, he still hadn't answered. My guess was that he was angry and not answering me intentionally. Usually that would have certainly been the point, if not sooner, that I tossed the phone down and resolved that this thing between Sebastian and me was over. I just couldn't bring myself to give up so easily. I gave him another minute then texted him once more.

'Please meet with me so we can at least talk
.'

Almost immediately he answered.

'Okay.'

My stomach did a backflip. I nearly jumped off the bed. Such a typical Kat reaction. Before I could finish typing, where, my phone dinged again.

'Open your door.'

I looked at the words slightly confused for a moment, before I heard the knock. I ran to the door, jumping over Jasper who insisted on sprawling out in the middle of every doorway I needed to go through. I pulled open the door, not fully letting myself believe it until I saw him standing there.

"I'm sorry, baby, but I don't answer texts while I'm driving." He brought one corner of his mouth up into a sexy half-smile.

That smile was more than I could take. I propelled myself into his arms, nearly knocking him over out into the hall. He laughed, picking me up and walked me back into the apartment, kicking the door closed behind him.

"Do you have any idea how much I've missed you?"

I wrapped my legs tighter around his waist, knowing that it couldn't possibly have been more than I missed him.

I smiled, totally focused on those delicious lips. "Show me."

He nipped my bottom lip with his teeth. "Oh, I intend to."

"Sebastian?" I suddenly felt like being serious for a moment. I struggled out of his arms, getting him to put me back on my feet.

"Yes, baby?"

"Last week, when you were sort of sleeping..."

"Uh huh?" He kissed the side of my mouth, making it difficult to form whole sentences.

"You said something."

He pulled back and looked at me. One corner of his mouth tilted up. "I don't sleep talk, Lexi."

I took a moment to consider what he said. "You said you love me."

"I did." He looked amused.

"You did." I repeated the words. "As in, past tense?"

My heartbeat picked up. I couldn't do anything but hope I misheard him.

"No, silly girl. As in, I did say that." He shook his head, as if he thought that should have been clear to me.

"Oh."

"Lexi, I want this to be perfectly clear to you." He lifted my chin, commanding eye contact. "I am absolutely and completely, head over heels in love with you. How could you not know that baby?"

"I...you...the last week..." The words refused to come together the way I saw them in my head.

His eyes dropped. The corners of his mouth fell just enough to leave him looking sad.

"I'm sorry about that. This week, it's been difficult. I had a lot of shit to work out. I should have handled it better." He raised one eyebrow, pouting his lips in an irresistible way. "Forgive me?"

I had no idea if whatever this was with Sebastian would last, but one thing I did know, I was going to take the chance and see it through.

I grabbed his lip between my teeth and sucked it into my mouth. He slid his hands down to my ass, and pulled me back up into his arms.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said against my mouth, and carried me into the bedroom.

CHAPTER TWENTY TWO

The sun peeked through the blinds interrupting one of the best dreams of my life. I cracked one eye open, finding Sebastian propped up on one elbow facing me, smiling. He reached his free hand up and playfully tugged at one of my uncovered nipples. The dream couldn't even begin to compare to my reality at that moment.

"Morning, beautiful," he purred, leaning down placing kisses in a circle around the nipple he had just been playing with.

"Best ever," I whispered, trying to find my voice. My throat was dry and in desperate need of cold liquids.

He looked up at me and smiled before turning his attention lower, kissing down my belly, brushing his rough unshaved face along my sensitive skin. He tossed the quilt that only barely made it to my hips anyway, to the floor.

"I think maybe we should put a hold on that." As much as I didn't want him to stop, I really did need a drink, and I was pretty sure we used the last condom I had at about three in the morning.

He stopped, looking up at me, his tongue still against my skin, and raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"

I wasn't.

He shrugged and lifted himself off me, extending a hand pulling me up with him.

"I could really use a drink and maybe something to eat. I haven't had anything since lunchtime yesterday."

He looked me over, smiling. "You are going to want to keep up your strength."

I felt my cheeks warm. It still made me blush when he looked at me that way. I tossed on some clothes and went out to the kitchen to see what we had.

Kat was sitting on the counter next to the giant cappuccino maker, tapping on the top and trying to reason with it. I pushed a few buttons and got the thing working, before checking the fridge to see what I could make for breakfast.

"Thanks." She jumped down and shoved a bag of bagels at me. "I figured you might need some sustenance this morning. Besides, it wasn't like I was getting much sleep with you two going at it all night like a couple of bobcats in heat."

"After the sleepless nights, holding my hands over my ears to reduce the trauma of you and my brother in the next room, I don't feel the least bit guilty."

Her smile faded at the mention of Matty.

Sebastian joined us in the kitchen, taking the knife I was using, and finished cutting the bagels. Kat usually didn't let me have that job either. She insisted I was going to lose a finger one day.

"Good morning, Katarina. Sleep well?"

Kat snorted. "Good morning, Sebastian. Maybe next time you can keep it down with the grunting. I was pretty sure there was a wild boar at the door trying to scratch its way in, thinking it lost some kin." She pushed past him and disappeared into her room.

"She sure is something." He handed me the plate of cut bagels and poured two cups of coffee.

"Yes, she most definitely is."

"I don't think she likes me."

"Oh sure she does. Kat just isn't used to anyone who doesn't find her the most amazing person in the room."

"Ah well, she will never be that as long as you're around." He pulled me close, pushing the bagel I was trying to inhale away from my mouth and kissing the tip of my nose as I finished chewing. "Maybe you should finish that on the way back to the bedroom?"

As much as I liked the sound of that, I knew we needed to talk about some things.

"Sebastian—"

"Bas," he corrected.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Whatever. Don't you think we should talk?"

He sighed, pulling back a bit and let one arm fall away from me, then lifted me up onto the counter and pulled over one of the stools to sit in front of me. "What should we talk about?"

"How about this past week and you totally shutting me out?"

"I really am sorry about that. It was the one year anniversary of Laurie's death and between that and everything else, it just hit me pretty hard."

I blinked my eyes a few times, waiting for him to continue. He wasn't getting off that easy.

He gave me a half smile and nodded to himself. "Okay, so you want more. I guess I should just start at the beginning then."

"Probably a good place to start."

He took a deep breath and started. "We were married about a year when Laurie got pregnant the first time. It lasted a few months and then she lost it. It was sad, and difficult, but she got pregnant again soon after so we thought everything would be fine. Three miscarriages later, we realized things just weren't gonna work out."

"I'm so sorry. I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for both of you." I wanted to reach out and touch him, provide some comfort while he recounted the painful details, but he stayed just out of my reach.

"It was hard on me, but unbearable on Laurie. She started drinking, heavily, and going out to bars until all hours. It got to the point where I was having to drag her out of places at two in the morning and pull her off of random guys that she threw herself at while drunk. The times when I didn't go hunt her down, she'd drive home wasted."

All the times Sebastian had commented on my drinking started to make sense.

"She stopped taking care of herself, hardly bothered to eat, and got herself into some bad situations with bums at the bars she frequented. I tried forcing her into rehab, threatening divorce, and anything I could think of to get her to deal with what happened to us and stop killing herself. Nothing worked. She just basically gave up and one night, so did I.

The bartender called to tell me she was a wreck again, as he did four or five times a week. I had a really hard day at work and I was tired. The last thing I wanted to do was get out of bed at three in the morning in the pouring rain and go pick her up for the hundredth time, so I told him to call her a cab and don't bother me anymore."

Sebastian turned his face away and took a deep breath, then let it out slowly.

"If this is too difficult, we don't have to—"

"No, I need to." He moved closer and took my hand into his. "So, I went back to sleep. I guess she couldn't wait for the cab. She got about three blocks from home before she ran off the road into a tree. She didn't die right away. They said she was trapped there for more than two hours before someone noticed her and called for help. She was still alive when the medics arrived, but before they could get her out, it was too late." His voice hitched and tears welled in his eyes.

I wanted to slide off the counter into his lap and hold him, kiss away his tears, something. The sharp pain in my chest deepened as I watched him struggle with the story. I would have done anything to take it away from him, but all I could do was sit and listen.

"If I'd just went to pick her up, she'd be alive. What happened to her was my fault and I can never take that back. With the year anniversary, the guilt came flooding back. She's dead because of me and here I am living my life, happy, and in love."

"What happened isn't your fault. It was tragic, and horrible, but you aren't to blame." I jumped off the counter and threw myself onto him.

He cupped my face in his hands and pulled my mouth hard against his. All the pain and emotion thrown into the kiss. It left us both panting and raw, our breath the only sound to break the silence.

"You have to know that wasn't your fault. She was on a path of self destruction, whether you were there or not."

He nodded and looked down, avoiding eye contact. "Logically, I know that's true, but it's hard not to feel guilty when she's gone forever, and I'm here with the love of my life. Especially when I can't deny the fact that if she was still here, I never would have met you." His voice trailed off with the last few words and he closed his eyes for a long moment.

When he opened them again, the sadness was gone and his face softened. "I'm sorry to lay all that on you, baby. I really felt like you had to know the whole story. And I didn't mean to stay away all week, but I really needed to deal with everything before I could explain it to you."

"I wish you would have told me that."

"I know and I'm so sorry." He tilted his head to the side and gave me a half smile. "Can you forgive me?"

"I think I did, about three times already last night… but if you want me to accept your apology again, I think we can work something out." I moved my hips back a bit to grind against him to make sure he caught what I meant.

His hands slipped up to my hips to still me and he shook his head with a smile. "Oh, no you don't."

"What? You don't want more?"

"Oh I definitely want more, but we aren't done talking." He leaned forward and nuzzled against my chest, grazing his lips against my skin.

"What else do we need to talk about?"

"Well, there's this little matter of the fact that I don't sleep talk."

"So you said."

He slid his face along my neck, his hot breath scorched the flesh and left me wanting more. "Which means, you've known how I feel about you for some time now."

"Well, I did think you were asleep." I tried to squirm away as he tickled my ear with his tongue, but he brought his hands up around my arms and held me in place.

"And last night, I told you I wasn't."

"True."

He let one hand slip up to tug my hair just enough to lift my chin to his mouth. "And there was something else I told you."

"Uh huh."

The 'Sebastian Effect' was starting to take hold, and at that point physical sensations were the only thing getting through to my brain. I would have agreed to just about anything at that moment.