Taking Chances (Learning to Love) (28 page)

We stood there on the street like a couple of dorks hugging until Matty pulled back giving me a curious look.

"Do you love him, babygirl?"

I was long past my denial. I had fallen head first and was drowning in the misery of it.

"Yes." I sighed. I still felt like a hypocrite saying it out loud.

"Go tell him." Matty's look practically had me running for the rental car. "Stop letting excuses keep you from something that will make you happy."

I wanted to go, to listen to my brother, but those excuses were persistent. "Matty, he's probably working and I have to get back to work. I can't just drop everything and go there. Anyway, I told you, this was a difficult week for him. I don't want to push him. If he was interested in seeing me, he would have made it clear." I knew they were excuses, but hell, they were true.

"Give me your phone." He held his hand out insistently.

"Huh?" I looked from his face to his hand, not really computing what he was saying.

"I'll say it slower, so you can understand. You ready? Give. Me. Your. Phone." He wiggled his hand a few times to show me his impatience.

I wasn't sure what I was getting myself into, but I trusted Matty enough to take the chance. I handed the phone to him and held my breath waiting to see what he was up to.

He typed furiously. My phone dinged in reply, which he read, then powered down my phone, and handed it back. "Promise me, you will not turn that back on for a while."

"Who did you text?" I looked down at the blank screen, a wave a panic washed over me.
What the hell did he just do?

"
That
is not important right now." He took my arm and dragged me over to my rental car. "Keys?" Again, he held his hand out, demanding I comply.

At that point, I was probably already in over my head so I handed him the keys. He sat down in the driver's seat and punched an address into the GPS.

"Okay, get in and drive."

"Where? For what?" My voice cracked. I didn't know whether to yell or whisper. "Matty, what did you do?"

He laughed, nudging me into the car. "Kitten, you know I love you, right?"

I nodded. Of course I knew that.

"And you trust me, right?"

Again, I nodded. Trust wasn't something that came easily for me, but I most definitely trusted my brother.

"Then please just do this. Take a chance, Lexi."

That seemed to be the theme of my life these days.

"Matt—" I tried one last time to protest.

He put his hand over my mouth and cupped his free hand around my head, pulling my face to look at him. He didn't say a single word, but he made his point nonetheless. He kissed the top of my head and gently eased me into the car.

I fought the urge to check to see where the GPS was taking me and just followed along. I turned on the radio, trying to distract myself from whatever Matty had thrown me into. Thomas Rhett's
It goes like this
, the same song that Sebastian was singing to me trying to calm my nerves in the car, sang out at me. I couldn't decide if listening to the song relaxed me or pumped up my anxiety. Maybe it was a little of both, a strange little paradox.

I had no idea where he was sending me, but I was pretty sure it had something to do with Sebastian. My heart thumped against my chest at the thought of him. I nearly pulled over and broke my promise to Matt. My phone sat in the cup holder calling to me. The GPS sent me in the direction of Bas-Linc and I thought my idiot brother was sending me right to Sebastian, but then the annoying computer voice yelled out to turn right, sending me away from the lab.

If he ended up sending me to Sebastian at work, I would probably have turned right back around and left. Not that I didn't want to see him. I certainly did, but, the thought of him brushing me off like he did when I texted him was too much to bear.

When the obnoxious GPS voice called out 'You have arrived', I pulled onto the side of the road. I wasn't actually anywhere, just the side of the road with a wide open field on one side and a thick covering of trees on the other. I looked around completely confused.

I turned the phone back on and immediately checked my text history to see who Matty had texted. There was nothing there except the last text I sent to him this morning to meet for coffee at lunchtime. The jerk deleted whatever it was he sent.

I got out of the car and looked around. The place did seem familiar. I sent off an angry text to Matty asking him why I was standing in the middle of nowhere, alone. Seconds later my phone rang.

"You don't recognize the place?"

Again, I looked around. "Should I..." Then it hit me. I was standing in almost the exact place where the tree hit my car. "Why the hell would you send me here?" I practically yelled into the phone.

Matt laughed, pissing me off further.

"Calm down, sis."

"Who did you text?" I demanded.

"Pete. I told him you had something you needed to take care of and that you would make it up on Monday. So you don't have to get back to work. He said no problem, by the way."

"Pete? That's it?" I didn't know if I was relieved or disappointed.

"Well, I didn't say that." He stifled another laugh, obviously amused with himself. As annoyed as I was, it was good to hear him laugh.

"Okay, who else?" Not that I didn't already know the answer.

"Lexi, you're a very smart girl. You know exactly who I texted before you even took that phone from my hand."

Of course he was right.

"I'll rephrase then. What did you text him?" I got out of the car needing some fresh air.

"I told him it was time to decide what he wanted."

My mouth dropped open and my pulse jumped up about a hundred more beats.

"I also told him that you'd be at that spot until exactly two, and if he didn't show up by then, you'd know how he felt and this would be over."

"Seriously, Matt. Tell me you did not text that." I could feel the blood drain from my face and my hands grew clammy.

"Look, Lex, you need answers. He can take all the time he needs to grieve his dead wife, or he can move on with his life and realize what an amazing girl you are. Either way, you need to know."

We sat in silence for what seemed like forever. I could hear the guys he worked with yelling at him to get off the phone, but he sat there ignoring them, giving me a chance to absorb what he said. I glanced at the time on my phone. It was quarter to two. I felt like I could hear ticking as the seconds went by.

"Lex?"

"Yeah?"

"I just want one of us to be happy."

I could hear the sadness return to his voice.

"I know, Matty. I love you."

"I love you too, sis. Listen, I gotta get back before the guys take the phone from me. At two, you get back into that car and you leave if he doesn't show. Promise me."

I promised and hung up.

***

By 1:59 I felt like an idiot standing there. It was clear he was not going to show up. That was it. I had my answer. I powered my phone back down, not wanting to deal with anyone at that point, and got back in my car to head home.

By the time I made it into my apartment, all I wanted to do was get into the bath. I grabbed my iPod and a bottle of tequila and set about forgetting the day ever happened. Three shots of tequila later, the tub was filled and sleepiness replaced the stress of the day, lulling me into relaxation.

I was jolted awake by loud banging on the door to the bathroom.

"Lexi, if you don't answer me I'm going to come in there, even if I have to break down this door and be traumatized seeing my baby sister with all her girly parts exposed," Matt yelled from outside my bathroom.

What the hell?

I jumped up, pulling ear buds from my ears and nearly dropping my iPod into the tub.

"Matty?" I yelled back, my brain foggy from sleep and tequila.

I could hear Kat's voice outside the door as well as they talked about something I couldn't quite make out. I quickly got out of the tub and wrapped a towel around me. I pulled the door open finding Kat and my brother standing there, looking concerned.

"What is going on?"

"What the hell? Were you in a coma in there?" Matt looked past me, peering into the bathroom for confirmation everything was okay.

"I must have fallen asleep. What's the big deal? Are you on drugs?" I pushed past them both, and went to find some clothes.

Matt stood outside my door waiting, not so patiently.

"You realize that it's after seven and no one has heard from you in over five hours, right?"

I pulled open the door, getting more annoyed by the second. "So? I wasn't aware I had to check in with anyone."

Matt backed down a bit, following me into the living room. "Lexi, where is your phone?"

"I left it in the car, I think. Why?"

Kat stood in the kitchen, watching Matt, but not getting too close. "I can go get it."

Matt nodded, neither bothering to care what I thought of it.

"Matty, what the hell is going on? Sebastian didn't show, I came home, took a bath, and fell asleep. Why are you freaking out?"

He sat down on the arm of the chair and took a breath. He certainly looked like he needed it. He handed me his phone, open to his text messages. There were a bunch between him and Sebastian. I looked at him confused, not touching the phone.

"He didn't get my text until after two. He was in a meeting."

"Oh." So he hadn't chosen not to come.

"Then he tried reaching you I guess, and he came here, but you didn't answer. He got in touch with me to see if I knew where you were, and neither of us could find you."

I could hear the worry in his voice.

"Kat checked your room and said you weren't home."

"I didn't even think to check the bathroom. I'm really sorry." She walked back in with my phone, avoiding looking at Matt.

"I just didn't want to deal with anyone so I shut it off. I didn't think everyone was going to flip out looking for me." I turned the phone back on and within seconds, I lost track of the texts that came through.

Matt looked uneasily over at Kat." Well since you are fine, I better get going." He walked over and kissed the top of my head.

"I'm sorry for making you worry, Matty."

"Don't be. Today was my fault. I'm the one who should be sorry." He nodded to Kat, and left.

"He explain any of this?" I held my arms up, feeling more stressed than before my bath.

"Yeah, he gave me the condensed version, but you know Matty, that's pretty much all you get." She sighed and flopped down into the chair across from me.

"Well, I guess I better go deal with this." I held my phone up and headed for my room. I could tell she wanted to talk, but at that point, I just didn't have it in me. All I really wanted to do was see what Sebastian had said.

The first message:

'Please forgive me. I was in a meeting until after two. Can we meet up in about an hour? How about that cafe you meet your friends at?'

Second:

'I haven't heard from you, but I'll wait here awhile longer.'

Third:

'Lexi, please answer me. I'm sorry about earlier. You have no idea how much I want to see you.'

Fourth:

'Okay, I will prove it to you. I'm coming to your house.'

Fifth:

'I can see your rental car. Answer your door!'

Sixth:

'I'm really starting to worry about you. Please answer.'

Seventh:

'I'm texting your brother. I need to know you are alright.'

Eighth:

'This week has sucked beyond belief. I'm so sorry. Please let me know you are alright.'

I didn't have words for how guilty I felt, especially after that last text. I could imagine him frantically calling and texting his wife, having no idea what happened to her. Then finding out she was dead.

I sent him a quick message to make sure he knew I was okay.

'I'm fine
.'

I didn't know if Matty had told him already, but I wanted to make sure he wasn't still sitting wherever he was, worrying. After about a minute, he replied.

'I heard
.'

I didn't know what I expected, but that wasn't it.

My normal reaction would be to let it go, automatically thinking that he wasn't interested in furthering the conversation with such a curt reply. I wanted things to be different with Sebastian. He was different. How I felt about him was different. I sent him another message, trying not to assume the worst.

'I'm sorry I made you worry.'

I waited for a reply. After five minutes, I got impatient and texted him again.