The Amish Doll: Amish Knitting Novel (Bonus Knitting Pattern Included) (7 page)

Raven thought of him skiing Amish-style and had to stifle a giggle. The Amish had more ways of having fun than she ever imagined. Amish kids were always outside playing in the snow, sledding or making snowmen. Most American children were inside, hooked up to electronics.  She was prejudiced against the Amish when she first came to Appleton. Her only impression of them came from her childhood; that they were wimpy men who wouldn’t fight back. How her views were changing.

She picked up the book and thought of Lawrence again, and how he looked at her. If it wasn’t for Joshua, she’d say yes in a heartbeat to a date, but she needed to get Joshua out of her mind before she did. She could just say yes to coffee or something very casual, and that she’d just gotten out of a bad relationship…with Brandon…

~*~

Joshua chopped wood and looked over at Eb’s. The house looked sad. Pealed paint and even a broken window replaced with a board. He’d helped rebuild after the fire, several years ago. Couldn’t Eb see the goodness of God through the People? He thought of the days and weeks of tearing down the rubble, and replacing it with a new home where he would maybe raise a family again. Why’d he have to go and turn to the bottle, and in his rage, turn against God and the People?

A car pulled into his driveway and Raven got out with a large box. Joshua noticed Eb hadn’t shoveled the walkway leading to the house. Sticking the ax in a piece of wood, he got the metal snow shovel and made his way over. “Raven, how are you?”

“I’m doing fine. How about you?”

“Well, concerned about Eb and I’m sure glad at least
you’re
checking on him. I’m going to shovel the driveway and stairs so you don’t hurt yourself when you come over.”

“That’s thoughtful of you, but Eb’s shunned. You don’t want to get in trouble. How about I ask Lawrence to do it?”

He tried to read her when she said his name. Did she feel something for the pastor? “I’ll do it. Should have been done last week.”

“How’s your mom?”

“Getting used to dialysis. She’s knitting everyone scarves. Says it helps pass the time.”  He looked at the concern in her eyes. He’d never seen it in Lottie’s. He drew near to her and took the box, his hands overlapping hers, and turned when he heard the clopping of horse’s hoofs. It was Lottie and her mother, Mary. Lottie gawked at him then snapped her head, looking straight ahead.

Joshua jiggled the doorknob and opened the door. “Eb,” he yelled.

He heard a shuffling sound and soon Eb emerged. He was in his pajamas and robe with a brown scarf around his neck. “Stay right there, Son, I have some kind of flu.”

“I can take you to the doctor,” Raven offered.  “Where’s your thermometer?
We need to take your temperature.”

Eb walked over to an overstuffed chair and collapsed. “I’m sorry, dear one, I don’t have a thermometer.”

She went over to feel his forehead and quickly turned to Joshua. “He’s burning up. Can you make me a snowball?”

He ran outside and took some snow from the front porch rail and pressed it together. “Here, this should bring it down.”

Raven took the snow and put it on Eb’s forehead. She broke off a piece and wiped it on both cheeks. Eb closed his eyes and moaned.  “What hurts, Eb?” Raven asked.

“Everything. Mostly my head and joints.”

She kept the ice on him for two minutes then felt his forehead again. “He’s burning up. We need to get him to the ER.”

~*~

Susanna sat up in bed, admiring her new quilt.  It was warm and made with love. By the glow of the oil lamp, she saw each square had a flower embroidered on it and the name of its maker in small letters on the bottom. She was thankful Mary and Lottie had stopped in to visit and deliver the gift. Maybe she was wrong about Lottie and overly sensitive about her son’s feelings.

She knew these quilts were usually made for those who were terminally ill. That she was, no denying it. All the people tested had not produced one donor match. She’d thought of putting an ad in
Die Botschaft
but it was illegal to solicit for a kidney, but knew many other people would get tested if they knew of the need.

She laid her head on the pillow and thought of the shouting she’d heard the other night. Rueben was getting nervous, she could tell, but there was something in his voice as he shouted about Eb’s
rumspringa
days. It was guilt. But why? What was it about Eb that made him so cautious, always wanting him to keep his distance from Joshua?  Was there something Rueben knew about Eb that she didn’t know? None of it made sense. She soon saw Rueben come in and slip in beside her, concern on his face. “Joshua still isn’t home? No trace of where he went?”

“None,” Rueben mumbled. “It’s not like him to up and go without saying a word.”

Susanna took her husband’s hand. “You carry a lot on those shoulders of yours. I’m still here to help.”

He squeezed her hand. “You’re sick and need rest.”

She leaned toward him. “What happened during your
rumspringa
, Rueben? I’ve asked before and you make light of it, but I can tell it haunts you.”

Susanna felt his hand stiffen and pull away. The silence in the room mocked the whistling wind that beat on the windows. Nothing made her husband turn cold as ice, unless she brought up the wild oats she guessed he’d sown in his youth. Rueben and some other fellows got a car and drove it to Jamestown and Salamanca. Everyone looked the other way, since they were allowed to explore the outside world to make sure they wanted to make a permanent commitment to the Amish faith.

Susanna could only think of one thing that could linger so long in his memory. Unrepentant sin…the sin of sexual immorality. “Rueben, I may not be here for you to ask me to forgive you, so I want to say right now, that I do.”

She looked over at him and saw a tear glide down his cheek and felt him take her hand. “Eb was the ring leader and I can’t forgive him. He kept taking us to a bar and I had too much to drink.” He turned to her. “It was only once, as God is my witness. She meant nothing to me.”

Susanna felt a stabbing pain in her chest, and swallowed hard. “Only once, you say?”

“
Jah
, one big mistake. I told Eb I’d never go down with him again, and I didn’t.”

Susanna prayed immediately for grace. Her instincts were right. He’d been with another woman before they were married and he blamed Eb for his sin. She didn’t think such a confession would hurt so much, but it did; she closed her eyes and prayed for strength. “I forgive, Rueben, and I’m not vain, but was she pretty?”

“She was an Indian. From what I recall, yes, she was pretty, but I barely remember her. It meant nothing to me. We were all young and foolish.”

She heard the sound of a car pulling in the driveway. Rueben got up and looked outside. “It’s Raven’s car and Joshua’s getting out.”

Joshua sipped his morning coffee and thought of Raven. How tenderly she cared for Eb while they waited for hours in the emergency room. She wanted to take care of him, too, insisting he
stay at Appleton in a spare room. Jim and Marilyn were wise to protest, since the boys could all get sick.

So, she was at Eb’s right now, sleeping on his couch. She’d go to work and check on him throughout the day. Raven even gave him her old cell phone and charged it in her car every time she visited. From what she’d said, she knew what it was like to be left alone and afraid when a little girl. Her aunt never kept the promise her dying mother asked her to keep. To care for Raven.

He’d promised his
mamm
many things, if she should go on to eternity, and couldn’t imagine breaking his promises.

Raven’s heart was pure gold, but who loved her like a woman needed to be loved? She’d mentioned she had no feelings for her old boyfriend in Florida. It felt too natural for him to want to take her in his arms and he barely knew her. He’d known Lottie since they were
kinner
but he still felt like there was a barrier between them.

Joshua heard a buggy pull in. It was Bishop Byler. Such a nice man to always be checking on his
mamm
. He greeted him at the door, and soon knew this was a serious matter.

“Joshua, I need to have words with you, in private.”

“
Daed’s
in the barn and
mamm’s
asleep. Sit down.” He grabbed the blue speckled coffee pot and filled a cup, placing it in front of the bishop, and then sat across from him. “What’s the matter?”

Bishop Byler cleared his throat loudly. “You know Eb’s a shunned man, yet you’re seen over at his house. Why?”

Joshua grimaced.  Lottie and her
mamm
saw him over at Eb’s yesterday. It was clear they reported it. “
Jah
, I know he’s shunned. He was sick. We took him to the hospital.”

“Oh,” the bishop stroked his long salt and pepper beard. “Well, you had that right. We don’t withhold the hand of fellowship to anyone in true need.” He took a swig of coffee. “So you only go over to Eb’s for emergencies then?”

“Well, I shovel his sidewalk sometimes.”

“Eb’s not too elderly to do that. He’s only in his fifties. Why would you do that?”

Joshua didn’t have a good reason to help Eb.  He had to admit what was inside. “I miss him.”

“We all miss him and pray he returns. I pray this with all my might. Until then, no contact unless an emergency. He needs to feel the sting of being away from the flock.”

Joshua shifted on the oak bench.

~*~

Light jolted Raven as she tried to open her eyes. She climbed out of bed, and with eyes shut, she made her way over to the window blind and pulled it down.
One down, two more to go
, she thought as she stumbled around the room. Her feet felt like lead and her head throbbed.  When she got all three blinds down she slowly opened her eyes. The pain was still there but not as sharp. Exhausted, she fell back into bed and thought of Eb. She must have caught what he had. Maybe Joshua did, too.

Raven reached for her cell phone and called the house phone and soon heard Marilyn’s voice. “I’m sick. Joshua was exposed. Can you make sure he knows? A flu could kill Susanna.” Marilyn said she’d take care of everything.

She laid her head on her pillow, thinking of Eb. Who would check on him now? She reached for her phone again.

“Lawrence, Eb’s sick and now I am. Can you take the box of food to him and see how he is?” He kindly offered to do anything to help and Raven told him she was grateful and hung up.

The pain in her head wasn’t going away and she covered her eyes with a spare pillow.  Soon a knock was heard at her door. “Miss Meadows, are you okay?”

It was Cliffy, and her heart melted.  Not only was he overcoming his shyness, like she had, but he was learning to care for others. “I’m fine Cliffy.  Just have the flu.”

Soon Timmy’s voice was heard. “Miss Meadows, Mrs. Rowe wants to know if you want to see a doctor. She said she can take you. I think you need to go.”

This was her first job as a social worker for children and she had nothing else to compare it to, but was getting very attached to these boys. “Timmy, I’m contagious and don’t want anyone around me. I’ll drive myself.”

Another knock. It was Chuckey. “Not a good idea. We can get Doc Mast to come here.” He sighed loudly. “Thanksgiving’s next week. We need you better.”

Her head was throbbing, and she couldn’t take this noise much longer. “If you think so, get the doctor.”

She heard a stampede descend down the staircase and held her heart. This warm sensation she felt toward the boys must be love.  But they’d have to leave when she found homes. Nausea swept over her so she closed her eyes and tried to not think about the future. The Bible said to not fret or worry about tomorrow. He took care of birds and He’d take care of her.

Raven thought of Joshua. He seemed nervous helping a shunned man, but did it anyway. Maybe he wasn’t committed to the Amish and maybe he’d leave. She noticed how he looked at her. His eyes glowed with kindness and they pulled her in.  She’d never been able to tell anyone so much about her past, and the more she opened up to him, and he accepted her, she felt deep feelings of fear and guilt being pulled out. The shame of not being wanted all seemed to be fading the more they talked. She’d heard Lawrence teach the boys that there was no fear in love. Was she falling in love with Joshua?

~*~

Joshua heard a car pull in the driveway. He gave his
mamm
her pills and went to the front door, hoping it was Raven. It was Pastor Lawrence.

“Raven caught the flu. She wanted someone to come by and tell you. She’s concerned you caught it and might pass it on to your mother.”

“
Danki
, I do feel strange. Weak.”

“You look pale. Maybe you should get someone to help your mother until you’re better. I’d stay away from her.”

            He was touched at the concern the pastor showed for his
mamm
. “If you could get word to my aunt, I’d appreciate it. She can send help. Do you know Hannah and David Byler?”

         
“No, but can you draw me a map?”

         
“It’s easy. Just go straight down this road a mile. You’ll see ski lifts on the left and
Byler on the mailbox on the right.”

Lawrence nodded. “Great view of Cockaigne from their place. I ski there all the time.” He took Joshua’s hand, and shook it. “Our whole church is praying for your mother.”

“
Danki
,” Joshua said.

~*~

Lottie was glad Joshua was sick and Hannah had asked her to help the family. Now here she was, cooling Joshua down with a cold towel. She’d opened his shirt and placed her cold hand on his chest, and he took it in his, but said the unthinkable. He called her Raven. How could he? She shook him until he was awake. “It’s me Lottie.”

He opened his eyes. “Raven, I knew you cared…”

Lottie’s temples started to throb. How could this be happening? Joshua was hers.  When his
mamm
died or got better, they would pick up where they’d left. She hadn’t really called the courtship off, only took a break. It was morbid being in this house, helping him care for his dying
mamm
. She gently slapped his face. “Joshua, it’s me Lottie. You’re delirious. You don’t know what you’re saying.”

Joshua looked at her fondly. He reached for her and she put her head on his chest. She took her fingers and ran them over the blonde hair on his chest. She knew Joshua still considered them to be a couple. He reached for her bonnet with one hand and pulled it back. Her hair was exposed and she was glad. He’d be her husband someday anyhow. 

Lottie helped him pull the hair from the bun she had at the nape of her neck. He kissed it. She looked at him and could stand it no longer, and kissed his mouth.     She hadn’t had a kiss from him in well over a year. She kissed his cheeks and then his mouth again. He grabbed her and kissed her passionately and then held her tight, like he would lose her, and then kissed her again.

~*~

Raven heard the knock on her door. She fluffed her pillow and sat up. “Come in.”

“Happy Turkey Day,” they all yelled.

Raven saw the boys pour into the room. Toby and Ethan carried silver trays. “We made you breakfast,” Toby said.

Ethan placed a tray on her lap. “Now you can watch the Macy’s Day Parade.”

She tried to hold back her emotions, but it was useless. No one had ever made her breakfast in bed before. She dabbed at the tears that were forming. “Thank you so much. I’ll enjoy this and then come downstairs. We can watch the parade together.”

“Doc said bed rest,” Bud said. “Tomorrow you’re allowed to get up.”

Bud was being bossy, but it was so cute.  “Can’t I watch the parade on the big screen TV?”

Bud looked at her somberly, and then grinned. “You’re asking me?”

“Yes, I’ve been sleeping around the clock all week. How do I know what the doctor said?”

“I talked to the doc, too,” Chuckey said. “I’m sure you can come downstairs.” 

Bud took his chubby hand and felt her forehead. “No more fever. Okay, you can come downstairs, but we’re still doing all the chores on your list until tomorrow.”

Pride swelled in her chest. “You boys followed the chore chart?”

“Mr. and Mrs. Rowe had to remind us when we forgot, but all the chores are done,” Cliffy said, smiling broadly.

Raven felt like giving Cliffy a big hug. He was overcoming his shyness for sure. She felt a wave of fatigue and put her head back on the pillow. “Thanks for the breakfast boys. Now go get yours.”

They smiled and said their good-byes. She looked at the tray Toby put on the side of her bed. It had mail on it, so she leafed through it and found a card…
from Brandon
? She opened it with shaking hands, still feeling tired. It was a card that read, Thinking of You…. She opened it and read the card’s poem. It was romantic. He wrote something on the bottom:

Raven, I never should have let you go. I’m coming up during Christmas break. I love you.

              Brandon

Her mouth grew dry. He didn’t ask if she wanted to see him. What nerve. He let her go! He didn’t own her. Coming up for Christmas meant a long stay, since he was a teacher and had Christmas to New Year’s Day off.  She felt more fatigued than before. Raven put the breakfast tray on her nightstand and let the mail fall on floor, and then buried her head in her pillow.

~*~

Joshua woke up, surprised to see Lottie in his room. She smiled and pulled her
kapp
off. “Lottie, why are you here? Where’d Raven go? And put your
kapp
on.”

“Joshua, don’t you remember?”

“Remember what?”

She sat next to him on the bed. “You know. Our times together.” She leaned over to kiss him.

He pushed her back. “Put your
kapp
on. Your hair is for your husband to see.”

“You will be my husband, silly.” She started to unpin her bun.

“Lottie, I don’t know what’s going on, but stop. Put your hair in your
kapp
. You’re breaking the
Ordnung
.”

“
Ordnung
kind of rhymes with boredom, wouldn’t you say?” She leaned toward him again. “We’re home alone. Your
mamm’s
in the hospital and your
daed’s
with her.”

Joshua felt like he was in a bad dream. “Why’s my
mamm
in the hospital?”

“She got the flu, like you did.”

“Is she okay?”

“Your Aunt Hannah stopped by with food. Said to pray for her.”

Joshua pulled back the covers and saw he was in his long john underwear, and quickly covered himself again. “Lottie, please leave. I need to get dressed to go to the hospital.”