The Amish Doll: Amish Knitting Novel (Bonus Knitting Pattern Included) (11 page)

“What’s wrong with her?” Lawrence asked.

“She’s like living with a time bomb. Gets so upset and cries over everything. I mean, she yelled at me for putting too much salt on my meat. She’s a little nuts.”

Concern etched Jim’s face. “How about living without electricity?”

Chuckey moaned. “I don’t like it, but like Bud said, it’s trying to live with Lottie that’s the hard part.”

Raven clenched her jaw. She’d have to sit down and talk with Lottie over her behavior. Whatever her problem was, she needed to show some self-control. Lottie was upsetting too many people.

“When are you getting out of here?” Bud asked Jim.

“Well, in a few days. Mrs. Rowe will, too. We’ll stay with Larry until Appleton is remodeled.”

Chuckey jumped up and down. “I knew it! Appleton could be fixed!” He gave the boys a round of fist bumps. “Then we can all go back.”

“I like it with Joshua,” Timmy said. “Not that I don’t miss Appleton, Mr. Rowe. But I like the farm animals.”

“Me too,” Cliffy said. “And with Susanna being sick, we’re helping Joshua a lot. I love milking the cow best.”

Jim beamed. “I knew it. Good hard work on a farm is what every boy needs. I milked a cow when I was a boy,” he said. “When I wasn’t selling apples.”

Chuckey laughed. “We know. You sold a ton of apples when you were a kid.”

“Yes, I did.” He turned to Toby and Ethan. “And how are you boys doing, living Amish-like?”

Ethan pursed his lips. “Not sure yet. It’s only been a week.”

Toby looked up. “Well, I like it better than I thought, but don’t want to hurt your feelings, Mr. Rowe.”

“Aw, I want you happy. Can’t live at Appleton forever.”

“Why not?” Chuckey and Bud blurted out in unison.

Jim cocked his head back. “I thought you wanted to be adopted.”

They both shook their head, and Bud spoke up. “We miss Appleton. It’s home for us.”

Raven knew she had to speak with Lottie as soon as possible, and it made her stomach do a flip. Something about that girl was so irritating, and she didn’t think it was jealousy over how much
Joshua cared. Something made the boys not want to be in the same home as her.

Her mind turned to Joshua. She cared so much for him, but he’d seemed so fickle over the past few days. He said he’d take the boys Amish skiing but changed his mind, saying he had an important meeting. When she pressed him further, to see if it was about Susanna’s health, he seemed irritated with her and flippantly said it was personal. Even though they lived next to each other, the distance between them had grown. He must regret saying he loved her, since she wasn’t Amish. But he didn’t know she was reading all she could about the Amish faith, and agreed with most everything. She only really struggled with minor issues like being a pacifist, having been in the military, but she had only enlisted to get an education and have an income. Raven knew she needed to talk to Joshua, too, but maybe wait until after Christmas.

Susanna turned to look at all the snow beating up against the window. The Amish were encouraged to live in pace with nature, but sometimes nature moved too fast. She tried not to think of her upcoming transplant, and savor her time at home for Christmas. Although weak, she had her rubber stamp collection out and Timmy and Cliffy helped her make cards, something she looked forward to every year. She felt such love for these two boys and knew the Lord had placed them in her life to love, and to her surprise, they were a comfort to her.

She looked over at the boys sitting at the oak table, intently making cards. They didn’t have enough ink on the stamps at first and Joshua taught them to press the stamp down hard against the ink pad. The boys were afraid ink would spill out and stain her table. Such thoughtfulness. They were also so eager to bring up her meal tray on days she just couldn’t get out of bed. Although talking wore her out, she could always listen. The boys chattered non-stop one on one, but appeared shy when together with the whole family. When visitors came, the boys tried to blend into the woodwork.

Especially when folks came over with meals, which were getting more regular. Susanna couldn’t help but notice Lottie was over more than usual, following Joshua around like a baby duck. Why did she like Raven, who wasn’t Amish, better than Lottie? Susanna put down the card and pen and pulled her prayer shawl tight around her. She didn’t want to meet her Maker without a clear conscience, and if the surgery didn’t go well, it would be soon.

She bowed her head and confessed to God her dislike for Lottie. She had a
mamm’s
heart, wanting her son to marry a girl that would build him up, not tear him down. Lottie was too emotional lately, and it never did settle right that she’d broken off with her son because of her illness. It wasn’t the Amish way to not live for others…to be so selfish. She felt her prayers were going nowhere. The more she prayed for Lottie, the more fear rose in her heart concerning her son. He wasn’t his usual self either. She’d asked repeatedly what was wrong, but he only forced a smile, saying everything was fine and to enjoy the Christmas season. She knew exactly what he meant. Rueben said the same thing…enjoy the Christmas season. It might be her last.

~*~

Raven put another log in the woodstove and snuggled under the warm afghan Susanna made years ago. She used to have a little store selling all kinds of things she made, when she was healthy. She opened another book Eb gave her but was soon interrupted by a car that pulled into the driveway. She could see through the window it wasn’t Lawrence. Maybe an Amish driver Eb hired? Raven watched as a tall man wrapped from head to toe in winter garments walked to the house. When he knocked, she slipped on her moccasins and ran to the door. When he pulled the scarf off his face, she stepped back.

“Brandon, I told you not to come. And how did you know I was here?”

Brandon stepped inside and took her by the shoulders. “We need to talk, face to face.”

“But it’s over. Can’t you understand?”

Brandon stomped the snow off his boots. “Where can I put these?” he asked, pointing to his feet.

“On the black mat,” she said, but wanted to yell Nowhere. Leave!

He took off his parka and gave it to her and then unlaced his boots. “Are we alone?”

“Eb’s upstairs…”

“Who’s Eb?” Brandon asked in a demanding tone. “Your Amish boyfriend?”

Raven shook her head. Brandon was so immature. “No, he’s a friend who’s housing me since Appleton burnt down.”

“I heard about that in town. The locals told me you were living among the Amish and gave directions. Had to go from farm to farm, asking where you were. The people next door told me you were here.”

Raven cringed. Most likely Joshua had spoken to him.

“
Ya
, real nice folks, next door. Asked me in for hot chocolate. The man with the long beard looks like Rip Van Winkle.”

“So you met Rueben?” she asked.

“Met the son too, but he was kind of edgy. When I said I was your boyfriend, he blushed like a girl. Kind of funny. Think he has the hots for you.”

As he moved closer to her, putting both hands on her face, she pushed him away. “I’m not your girlfriend.”

He grabbed her around the waist and roughly pulled her to him. “I’ve missed your feistiness, too.”

He put his hand on the back of her neck and forced a kiss on her. She slapped his face. “Stop it.” She tried to break free, but he had her around the waist. ”Brandon, you’re hurting my back. Let go!”

He released her. “You looked like you were starving for a kiss. Don’t you miss me at all?”

“If I missed you I would have told you to come and visit, but I’ve changed. A lot. I see our relationship was based on physical attraction alone. It’s not enough. We couldn’t talk.”

Brandon pulled at his knuckles, cracking each one. He sat on one of the benches. “How about we backtrack then? Start over as friends.”

Raven looked at him evenly. “You live in Florida, and I’m staying here. Long distance wouldn’t work.”

“We could try, couldn’t we?”

Raven forgot the darker shade of blue Brandon’s eyes became when he was upset. How could she tell him she loved an Amish man, when Joshua was giving her such mixed signals? Seeing Lottie over at the house so much made her feel more hopeless. Her mind turned to Lawrence. He would never act so rude, grabbing her and forcing a kiss. No, he was her friend. If anything ever developed she had that as a foundation, and was so fond of him.

Brandon got up and went near her again, putting his hands on her shoulders. “What do you say? We could start over.” He pulled her to himself, cradling her head against his chest. “I love you, Raven.”

Surprised she felt nothing at all toward him, only distrust, she pushed him away again. “Brandon, it’s over. I’m sorry.”

“Who is it?” he yelled. “I can tell there’s someone else.”

She couldn’t look into his eyes. “You need to leave. There are hotels at good prices in Jamestown.”

He threw his hand in the air. “I just got here. My flight back home isn’t for a week. I took off a whole week to spend with you –”

“And I told you not to come. I meant it. This relationship is over.”

“You’re turning Amish or something? Being brainwashed? Maybe this will bring you back to reality.” He grabbed her head and forced a kiss so hard it hurt. He pulled her up against him and pulled down her turtleneck sweater and roughly kissed her neck.

She slapped him and yelled for him to stop. She saw Eb, standing at the foot of the stairs, mouth gaping. “Eb, help me!”

Brandon didn’t appear to hear, only continuing to act like an animal. Eb yelled for him to let her go. Brandon turned to him and scoffed. “Go away, old man.”

To Raven’s horror, Eb walked back into his room. The Amish were pacifist. Fear and anger gripped her. She felt so violated, but then Brandon had done this while they were dating. Why didn’t
she see the lust before? As he continued to devour her, she remembered her self-defense class, but not one move came to her mind, which was racing now. Her back ached and his rough goatee was bruising her neck. The only thing she could think to do was knee him where it would hurt. But what if he only got angrier? How could she have dated him? She felt she deserved to be abused, just like when she was a child. No more!  Raven mustered up all her strength and kneed him. He groped in pain, but grabbed her wrist so tight she yelped. She saw the rod iron poker near the woodstove, and tried to reach for it.

He started to pull her toward the steps. “Let’s go up to your room,” he snarled, “You’ve always resisted me.”

Her mind whirled, not knowing what to do, but saw a car pull into the driveway. It was Lawrence.

Eb walked down the steps, angrily holding a cell phone up. “The police will be here soon. Let her go.”

Brandon looked over at Eb, a smirk on his face. “I’m not stupid. Amish don’t have phones.”

“I’m not Amish!” Eb shouted. “Now let her go.”

She felt Brandon release her and she ran to Eb. Soon Lawrence was in the house talking to Brandon, and then a police car pulled up. Raven buried her head against Eb’s chest, feeling ashamed. How could she face Lawrence; who knew she’d dated such an animal? 

When the police got there, she saw Officer Carter again, this time directing her attitude toward Brandon. Her male partner took Brandon by the arm. “You want me to throw him in the slammer for attempted rape?”

Raven looked at Brandon sheepishly. “No, just get him out of here.”

“Are you sure? I mean –”

“We were just making out,” Brandon snarled.

Officer Carter charged over to Brandon and got up on her toes, and grabbed his collar. “From what I hear, a woman was telling a man to stop. When a woman says no, she means it, Buster. Understand? No, means, no!” She looked over at her partner and then spun around to face Raven. “Are you sure he’s safe to be in society?”

“Yes. He’s an ex-boyfriend. Upset that I broke things off.”

Officer Carter turned to Brandon. “Where do you live?”

“Florida.”

“Then get your tail-end out of this state in twenty-four hours or else.”

Brandon turned to look at her, as if to apologize, and then headed out to his car. She was shocked to see Officer Carter wink at her. “Giving people twenty-four hours isn’t even a law. Need anything else, just call 911.”

Raven let Eb guide her to the kitchen table and put on water for tea. Lawrence sat beside her. “I’m so embarrassed.”

Lawrence gently took her hand. “Raven, it wasn’t your fault.”

“No, I’m embarrassed that I dated someone like that. Such an animal.”

“You’re changing. From all our talks, you realize that you have a God who loves you with a pure love…”

She couldn’t deny that she’d never noticed how impure Brandon was, until she knew what pure love felt like.

~*~

Joshua saw the police car over at Eb’s. Now he could go over to the shunned man’s house, because there was some kind of emergency. What could have happened that Pastor Lawrence was there too?

He trudged through the snow toward Eb’s. He saw deer munching at frozen stumps of cornstalk in the field across the street. One looked at him as if he could read his thoughts. He was going batty. Too much stress. Too many problems.

When he got to the house, he didn’t bother to knock but just walked in. He took off his boots and Eb soon appeared from the kitchen. “Come on in, Joshua. Making tea. Join us.”

After putting his boots on the black rubber mat, he walked into the kitchen, but stepped back when he saw Lawrence and Raven holding hands. He knew it. All along she’d been dating him. The boys had said she was going to marry him in her white coat, out in the snow. Even though it didn’t make sense, since the Amish didn’t have the same customs. Raven turned to look up at him, her eyes seeming to search his. For what?

Eb broke the silence. “Raven’s old boyfriend was up. He wasn’t too nice. I called the cops.”

“But you don’t have a phone…”

Eb pulled a cell phone from his pocket. “Yes I do. Lawrence got it for me. If I have the urge to drink, I call him, and he comes over. Been mighty helpful.”

Jealousy over Lawrence again consumed Joshua. Jealousy was a sin, and one he’d been committing ever since he met Raven Meadows. God didn’t lead us into temptation, so was it clear he needed to stay away from Raven?

~*~

Raven followed Eb’s orders and snuggled up in bed. What she’d experienced with Brandon was exhausting, but emotions were surfacing that fatigued her more. How could Joshua act so coldly, and not even ask if she was alright? And why did Lawrence tell her the church doors were always open if she needed time to sort things through: the house fire, living with Eb off the grid, and Brandon’s abusive behavior. Lawrence had called it abusive. Didn’t all men have needs, like she was told?

Raven reached for her new knitting supplies that she bought at the craft store. Everything she had from this comforting craft was destroyed in the fire, even the needles that Granny Nora had gotten her. All the yarn she’d collected, some expensive alpaca. And the sweaters she knit for her doll were gone, too.