The Big O (The Virgin Diaries) (10 page)

“
N
o Scout today
?” Dad asks, sitting next to me.

“Nope, she’s baking cookies.”

“The girl doesn’t know how to cook, does she?”

“Nope and she’s going to rub the dough in her armpits.”

“Less is more, Olivia.”

“Here.” I hand him a bag. “You won’t like it as much as the heart attack shit Scout feeds you, but it’s yummy.”

He peeks into the bag and grimaces. “I’m not a damn rabbit and you know I hate eating seagull.”

“Lettuce is healthy and it’s chicken, Pops.”

He just grunts and digs in. My dad’s not one for waste and is usually hungry. He’s a hard worker. The old-fashioned type; up before the dawn and working all day long. I worry about him and how long his body will hold up for him.

“I have all your May bills paid and logged. The shop is doing great.”

“I can’t believe May is already done. When you out for the summer?”

“June twelfth.”

“Want a summer job turning a wrench?”

I laugh at him. “You ask me this every summer.”

“Well, I figure one day you might take me up on it. You’re all I got, girl.”

“Dad, I’ll always keep this shop going, even if it’s not my prissy little hands twirling the wrenches.”

“I know. I know. Just want to instill that in you.”

A thundering engine rolls up to the front of the shop. Dad pokes his head out the door and shakes it side to side.

“Everyone in town knows I’m strict about my damn lunch break.” He stands up, tossing the Tupperware container to the desk. I notice all the lite dressing and chicken is gone while a bed of perfect lettuce remains in the bottom.

He steps out of his office to face the newly arrived car. “Holy shit, now that’s a car.”

I peek around my dad and spot a black, sleek, and very sexy 1967 Shelby Mustang. The chrome shines in the daylight.

“Well, if this isn’t better than any damn shitty salad.”

I pat my Pop on the shoulder. He’s a car lover at heart and oldies are his favorite. I turn to go back into the office and offer Pedro some of my chicken off my salad and dump Dad’s greens into my bowl and combine it all together.

I hear Dad’s voice off in the distance talking to the customer and go right back to finishing up the books for the month, so I can go home and wait on my own personal sex god or at least I hope one day he earns that title.

I turn the music up on the docking station and rock out to the best of the nineties. For years, my dad scolded, persisted, and damn near arm-wrestled me into going into the accounting field. I love working with numbers, it’s mindless, and soothing to me, but I knew I’d miss the human interaction part of it. I guess I went whole hog diving into the teacher world.

I lift one butt cheek off the chair and rip some wind. Pedro barks, getting caught off guard.

“It’s just me, boy, being so damn lady like.” I roll my eyes and tidy up my work area.

That damn chicken I think to myself as I hike my leg, steadying myself to rip another one. It’s the loudest fart I’ve ever heard, causing the whole area of butt to vibrate. When you begin to giggle at your own farts you know you’re a teacher. I’m damn tempted to go for a third one, but the possibility of sharting is lingering on the horizon.

“Olivia.”

I swivel in the office chair to see my dad and motherfucking Oren standing just inside the office.
Maybe they didn’t hear it.
I feel the blood drain from face and my fingers shake with the possibility of embarrassment.
Dear Farting gods please help a little innocent Fart Loving god woman like me.

“What do you think about that damn rabbit food now you keep trying to stuff down my throat?” My dad asks and then proceeds to bust out into a belly laugh to the point he has to rest his palms on his knees all hunched over.

I slap both of my palms over my mouth and want to scream fuck you to the Farting gods of the Earth.

“Olivia.” Oren’s voice carries the natural deep husk to that sends chills up my spine. It’s saying a lot in this epic time of embarrassment. I can only manage to nod back to him.

Dad finally is able to stand up after several minutes of howling like a hyena. “You know my daughter?”

I bite down on the inside of my cheek, wondering how in the world this could possibly get any more awkward.

“Yes, sir, I do.” Oren looks my dad straight in the eye when he talks.

“How?” Pops counters.

Oh, shit. He’s about to bear his protective dad teeth to Oren.

I’m still paralyzed from humiliation to even drop my hands from my mouth and help Oren out of my dad’s interrogation.

“I visited her class during career week representing Orange County Police.”

“You are.” Dad pauses looks at me and then back to Oren and raises his pointer finger. “You’re Mr. Lady Boner?”

Oh, for fucksake!

“Scout?” Oren asks my dad.

“Yep. I try to avoid her and Olivia’s conversations, but always find myself walking in on them at the worst times.”

“Oren O’Brien.” He sticks his hand out to my dad.

“Olivia’s dad or also known as Pops.”

The men do the manly handshake and nod heads before turning back to me with my hands still covering my mouth.

“Olivia, we came in here because I’m out of work order sheets in the garage. Could you grab me a few?”

I stand from the chair, remove my hands from my mouth, and finally discover my voice through the ocean of humiliation. “Pops, Oren is the guy I’ve been dating.”

The word dating feels weird rumbling off my tongue especially in front of my dad and Oren.

“Yeah, I figured as much since he’s Mr. Lady Boner.”

“Dad. Enough,” I spat and turn to grab him a stack of papers. “Here you go.”

“Open a window or something Olivia, I haven’t replaced the batteries in the carbon monoxide detector in a couple of months.”

Both men erupt in a knee slapping laughter that last moments longer than it should. The embarrassment fades away since this is the first time the two men in my life are in the same room and also sharing a moment. Even if that moment is over my reckless flatulence.

“I’ll go grab that VIN number and look up the parts.” Dad pats Oren on the shoulder and strolls away.

Oren takes a step closer to me. “Nice guy.”

“I get all my charm from him. What can I say?” I shrug my shoulders.

“Always full of surprises.” He draws out the full for a bit too long.

“Not one word of this.” I hold a finger up to him. “If Scout gets wind of this she’ll have it engraved on my headstone.”

He grabs my wrist, tugging me into him. “I won’t blow your secret, baby.”

“Oren.” I slap his wrist and let a giggle escape because not even Strawberry Shortcake could make this one up.

“I missed you way more than I thought possible.” He bends down and gently kisses me. He doesn’t let his lips linger on mine or dart his tongue into my mouth.

“I really missed you, like stalker criminal missed you.”

“Good to hear.” His smile widens, but he remains standing.

“What conference did you go to again?”

“Orange County doesn’t have a certified criminal detective and I was one back in California, so just had to go back and extend the certification.”

“Wow. Fancy.” I stand on my tiptoes and peck his lips. “Anyone else from the force go with you?”

“No. My partner tried so he’d get a good vacation out of it but the chief didn’t go for that.”

I kiss him again and feel him stiffen.

“It’s not you, Olivia. Your dad.” He nods back towards the shop.

“You’re such the gentleman,” I taunt. “But can we get to second base tonight? My ovaries are about to combust just smelling you.”

“You smell me?” he asks with a scrunched up brow.

“I’ll admit it sounds a bit creepy when I say it out loud, but yeah you’re my favorite scent.” I kiss him on his tender lips again. “I need an Oren candle to burn in my house.”

“Looks like I can get your baby up and running again like a champ. Just a week to get the parts in.”

Oren turns to my dad while still holding my hand. “Great. I can’t believe that engine started knocking. Can you park her here until you get her fixed?”

“Sure, no problem.” Dad turns to me. “Olivia, you should’ve told me your man is into old cars.”

“Pops, I didn’t know and your reference is creepy.”

“Fine, you should’ve told me Mr. Lady Boner was into old cars.”

“Okay, abort. Dad, just call him Oren, please.”

I unwind my fingers from Oren’s and snag my purse and Pedro.

“She didn’t know about my car. I had to go back to California for re-certification this week and swung by, grabbing my last few things from my parent’s house.”

“So, you making this Oregon gig your permanent one?” Dad asks him. I mentally give him a high five.

“Yeah, I really like it here and there was no opportunity for me back home to climb the ranks and make a name for myself.” He pauses and looks over to me, giving me all sorts of goose bumps where I didn’t even know you could get them. “And I’m pretty fond of Pedro here.”

Oren grabs Pedro from under my arm and all my worries about him not working while in California fade away. He’s answered every single question of mine and it also makes sense that he flew there and drove back in his car.

Oh, lordie that car gives me sexy-ass vibes just looking at it and now knowing Oren is the stud behind the wheel, I’m a worthless fangirl as I pass it in the garage.

“I was going to walk home, but since you’re here…”

“What? Just say it.”

I pause, giving him the sideways look.

“You know that you’re just dying for a ride in my practical, safest mid-size SUV on the market, right? I mean, it is equipped with six airbags.”

“Told this damn girl she could have any car when she graduated college, but her choice of a Challenger went out the door. I see too many horrible wrecks in those cars.”

“I agree with your dad, Olivia.”

“Okay, Mr. Safety Pants.”

I can already tell these two could get along very well if they had the chance. Their friendship would blossom over their sole purpose of harassing me.

“Get in or hoof it,” I tell Oren and then turn to kiss my dad. He always gives me a one-armed hug.

“Love you, Firework, be safe.”

“You got it, Old Man.” I toss my purse in the backseat and go to climb into the driver’s seat. Oren and Pedro are already seated in the passenger seat, looking out the window.

“Olivia.”

I turn to my dad, who's standing at the entrance of his shop, wringing his hands with his old-stained rag. As I get older, I recognize all the signs of the years wearing down on my dad and it makes my heart sad. His wrinkles deeper, body moving slower, and balding head; all the tell-tell signs that my dad isn’t the invincible Hulk that I’ve always pictured him to be.

“Yeah, Pops.” I have one leg in the car and palms on the top of the door.

“I’m really proud of you. I think you’ve found it.” He sends me a wink.

“I love you.”

He gives me one final wave of his rag before he turns back to his shop and I know the “it” is the magical love him and Mom found. Above all of Scout’s advice, my insecurities, and worries, my dad’s approval cemented everything for me. I plop down in my seat and look over to Oren, who’s avoiding Pedro. He is intent on humping Oren’s elbow…I’ll give this everything, even if it means years of healing a broken heart because the promise of something bigger is worth it to me.

“Where to, mister?” I ask as I pull out of the garage.

“Good girl.”

“What?” I ask.

“You buckled up.”

“Oh good gravy, maybe dating a cop isn’t the best idea.”

“God, you're gorgeous, Olivia.”

“Was it the massive eye roll or these ratty jeans that convinced you?”

“I think I fell harder for you when I found out you fart louder than me.”

I slam on the breaks at a stop sign. “Not another word about that, Oren.”

I point my finger into his chest. His swift hand grabs my wrist and pulls me towards him. His lips are on mine, devouring them before I can make another death threat. Oren is aggressive this time, biting at my lips and kissing me like his life depends on it.

“Fuck, I needed that.” He mumbles into me and then sits back into his seat, adjusting his jeans.

I focus on nothing else but the road as I just drive. I have no idea where I’m going and can’t even find the common sense to ask. Oren takes a couple calls while I drive. We end up at Oskar Lakes, which is a large wildlife preserve with fishing ponds, walking trails, a picnic area, and play area for youngsters.

“Olivia, I need to make one more call. Are we walking the dog or something?”

“Sure.” I shrug.

He slams the door to my car, causing me to jump. His actions seem angry but nothing else about him does. I fiddle with Pedro’s harness while he bounds into the window, trying to escape. I wonder if he’ll ever act like other dogs.

Oren’s voice raises outside the car. I can spot him in my side mirror. The veins in his neck pop with anger as his voice keeps getting louder and louder. I try to decipher the words, wondering what in the hell could have him so upset, but then Pedro spots another dog and lights up the inside of the car with his high pitched, rapid fire streams of barking. It’s a hopeless cause because he thinks he’s ten feet tall and bulletproof and will attack another dog.

I finally clip the leash to his harness decorated with pork chops and open the door. By the time I make it to Oren, he’s tucking his phone into his back pocket.

“Everything okay?” I ask.

“Yes.” He kicks up dirt. “No.”

“I’m sorry.” I wrap my arms around his midsection, holding onto the base of the leash and letting Pedro roam. “Anything I can do?”

“It’s fucking complicated,” he growls, wrapping both of his arms around me and kissing the top of my head. “It’s my mom. My family has serious issues.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m sorry. You had to hear that.”

“Well, I didn’t hear much. Pedro went ape shit crazy over another dog.”

His chuckle makes me feel lighter. “Good.”