The Big O (The Virgin Diaries) (9 page)

“
S
o you guys just kissed
?” Scout bounces up onto Dad’s desk, laying down lunch for our Saturday time in the shop.

“Yes, my lord, Scout I’m not a well-rounded whore like you.” I know my eyes go wide and dreamy. “I swear he melted my heart, lips, and panties just with his kisses.”

“Did he at least pop some wood?” She stuffs a handful of fries in her mouth.

“I- uh…felt him.”

“Thank you baby Jesus. I was beginning to the think he was too good to be straight. My damn gaydar has been off lately.” She slams her greasy palm down on the desk. “How do you know he got hard?”

And just like that my best friend knows damn well she has me backed in a corner.

“O, spill it now.”

“It’s not like I’m the most seasoned vet when it comes to bumping uglies, Scout. But his kisses and the way he looks at me.”

“I told you that I really think he’s into you and if he’s popping wood that’s a good sign he’s not batting for the other team.” Scout pops a fry into her mouth.

“Keep it PG, girls. I’m here for the grub and to check on expenses.” My dad sits in his favorite worn down chair, grabbing his food from Scout before I have the chance to blow the full details.

“Just talking about your daughter’s date last night.” She waggles her eyebrows.

“Well, she’s chipper and has Pedro at her feet, so I’m guessing it went okay.” He draws out his last word like he’s unsure of it and waiting for the ball to drop.

“It went well, Pops, he’s a great guy.”

“When’s the next date?” Scout asks as she dry humps her bacon cheeseburger.

“We’re going to the movies tonight. He had to work today.”

“And where does he work?” Dad asks.

“Oh, ol’ Daddio doesn’t know much about your walking daydream, this must mean it’s serious,” Scout taunts.

“Shut up, bitchface.” I toss my boat of fries at her.

“Dammit, you girls raise my blood pressure.” Dad slugs his soda. “What does he do, Olivia?”

His voice leaves no question of the fact he wants an answer
. It’s his ‘move your ass, Olivia’ voice or I’ll kick it for you
. He’s never laid a hand on me, but I’d recognize his serious voice from miles away.

“He’s a cop. Just moved to town.”

“And she wants to hump him,” Scout adds.

“Jesus.” Dad finishes his burger in record time. “And when do I meet this guy?”

“Hopefully, soon, Dad.” I pick at the hem of my pants. “I just don’t want to jinx it or scare him away.”

“I’m here for you, kid, even if this guy is the one or you end up being the crazy teacher who never marries and the town suspects lesbonic behaviors.”

“She throws up when she sees puss. You’re good old man.” Scout pats his shoulder as he saunters from the office and back out to work. Dad’s hands have always been happy when covered in oil and solving the mystery of a broken engine.

“Love both of you, crazy girls.”

Once the door shuts behind him, Scout peppers me with questions.

“Is he huge or mid-size and just exactly how did you touch his pecker?”

“Scout.” I sit straight up in the office chair. “He’s huge like Tony the Tiger has nothing on him.”

“Oh shit, he’s bigger than Tony.” I have Scout’s full attention in this moment.

“We made out in the corner of the pool. His hands were everywhere gripping my ass, roaming up my sides; he even got side boob action. Another family hopped into the pool and we had to part. When I slid down the front of his body, I felt every inch of him and then out of nowhere, I grazed his Woodie with the back of my knuckles.”

“And…”

“He’s glorious and huge. We had to separate and then just swam around for a bit, but holy shit it was hot.”

“He’s definitely into you, O.” She wraps her arms around me, plopping her ass in my lap. “It’s like my baby girl is growing up.”

“I think I’m falling in love with him.” I lean my head on her tits.

“Your cherry is going to get popped in the very near future, but as a seasoned sex freak, just watch out for your heart, O.” Scout runs her fingers through my hair.

“I want to fall hopelessly in love and then get my cherry popped.”

“If I’ve learned one thing, O, it’s that it just takes days for your who-ha to heal, but forever to cure a broken heart.”

I let her words soak in. I know she’s right, but I also know I’ve fallen for every touch and compliment from Oren. My heart’s being drowned in the idea and thought of love. I know I’ve jumped into a dark, murky pool that I can’t get enough of.

My damn phone is supposed to arrive on Monday, which it better since I feel freaking naked without it. Oren gifted me with one hell of a goodnight kiss when he dropped me off last night and promised to pick me up again at seven o’clock to go to a movie and popcorn. He vowed it would be less date-ish, but my only request was more kissing and petting. He left one hell of a kiss imprinted on my lips before turning to his car.

Now here I sit in my apartment with Pedro sleeping in my lap and remember the stinging bruise of his lips on mine. It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours and I’m more than ready for another outing with Hot Cop.

It’s crazy because tonight I’m not worried about my outfit, hair, or makeup; my body is just zinging to see him again.

I’ve showered, tossed on some clothes, light makeup, and have done nothing but picture him for the last hour while mindlessly scrolling social media and petting the sleeping dog in my lap.

An ignition of fireworks light up my apartment and they’re not the sexy ones, but more of a spine chilling, rapid fire barking brought to you by Pedro. A loud knock on the door sent him into spastic barking episode.

I check the clock on my wall that has each number marked by a different muscle car, courtesy of my old man, and realize it’s an hour early for our movie time.

I scoop the yapping freak up into my arms and make my way to the door, swinging it open.

“Did you happen to check your peephole?”

It’s him. The Sex God. The Instant Lady Boner. Mr. Get in My Vagina Right Now.

“Hey,” I barely squeak out.

“Got off early and I’d text you, but…”

“Yeah, no phone. I need to give you my home phone number.”

“You have a home number?”

The look on his face cracks me up. It’s shock, awe, and a twinge of disgust.

“Yeah, my dad insists since I’m so clumsy and well…”

“Ahh.” He nods. “Good dad, but he should teach you about checking your peephole before slinging open your door.”

I grab him by the wrist and pull him into the apartment. “No one comes here but Scout and well now you. I thought it was Miss Jackass USA since you’re so early.”

“No excuses.” He growls out. “I’ve seen too much shit in my career. Check the peephole.”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” I wave him off. “But nice surprise.”

“Slow day and my partner took over for me.”

“Nice.” I nod.

“Hey, dog.” He pats Pedro, who’s tucked under my arm.

“Pedro,” I correct.

He plucks Pedro from under my arm and pats his head while taking a seat on the couch like this is his second home. And before long they begin wrestling. Yes, the man of my dreams is currently wrapped up in a chokehold with Pedro, growls and all.

“Drink?” I ask.

“I’m good. Do you know what movie you want to see?” Oren doesn’t miss a beat while wrestling and growling back at Pedro.

“I haven’t been to a movie in forever. I’m lame. I correct papers for fun.” I perch on the arm of the couch near the tumbling duo. “You can pick.”

“I’m in the same boat as you. I haven’t been to the theatres for years.”

“Here.” I toss him my laptop that lands between him and Pedro. Pedro pants a bit and then nuzzles into Oren’s lap while he fumbles to flip open the lid.

“I’ve picked the diner and basically ordered for you, so you get to pick the movie.”

“Chick flick or action packed? What’s your choice of poison?” Oren flips open the laptop and I offer up my password.

“I like anything,” I reply, fighting the urge to curl up in his lap while he plucks in the password.

And it’s like he reads my mind. Oren’s large palm wraps around my wrist, dragging me into his lap. His breath tickles the tender flesh on my neck. I find it easy to melt back into him. He snakes his muscular arms around me until both of his fingers are back to the keyboard.

“Password, again?” he asks.

I swear I feel his tongue lap up and leave a fiery path of passion along my neck. I’m not sure if he really just licked my neck or if it was my wild imagination.

I repeat the password one more time, making sure he strikes each key correctly. The rainbow circle of death whirls around for seconds as everything loads.

“A guy at work is saying there’s a new romantic suspense thriller type in the theatres called The Hunted. I’ll check the times.” Each sound and syllable produced by his throaty and sex lathed voice sends chills through my body, capturing more of my heart word by word.

“Sounds amazing.” In a bold move, I turn just enough to place a quick peck on his cheek.

I feel each peck of his fingers as he types in the password. It’s quite a lengthy one and in this moment I’m appreciative of that. I feel myself melt even more into his comforting embrace.

I watch as he clicks on the Internet icon. Seconds float by before a ball slapping sound interrupts our intimate moment.

It’s not just a ball slapping sound but it’s accompanied by a hairy visual. That visual being a hairy butthole as an Oscar Meyer wiener pummels into the ass. I see hair, balls, dick, buttthole, and then my life flash before my eyes.

Once again, Scout’s death is plotted from her ingenious idea of watching porn to educate myself.

I burst from Oren’s lap and I don’t miss his throaty laugh as I do. I know Pedro’s on my heels, but I ignore him as I slam the door to my room shut and huddle in a fetal position curled in my blankets.

I’m pretty sure watching porn online is an offense, against the law, and scrutinized by people around the world. Not only did I let my best friend search it up and me attempt to watch it, but also I left the fucking browser open on my computer.

I’m going to die of humiliation right now.

“Olivia.” Knuckles rapping against my door catch my attention, but I ignore them.

“Olivia, let me in.”

It’s his deep, sexy voice and I muster up no courage to reply.

“I’m opening the door and pray you’re not standing behind it with a blunt object, ready to kill me.”

The creaking sound of the door, his footsteps, and then Pedro’s nails clicking on hardwood floor follow. The bouncing on my mattress is Pedro, a motion I’m used to. Then it’s the low dip of the mattress that’s foreign to me. A heavy touch covers my hip.

“Olivia.”

“It was Scout,” I blurt.

“Olivia.”

“She told me to and opened it and then my curiosity got the best of me and she even had me drown my phone in my tub.” I don’t pull my face from the pillows.

“Olivia.”

“I don’t know how to date or keep a boyfriend. Kiss, have sex, none of that I know. She’s tried to teach me.”

“Olivia.”

“I only watched a few seconds of that before I needed to scrub out my eyeballs.”

“Olivia.”

“I was talking to a vibrator the other night and tried using my phone in the tub.”

His hand clutches my shoulder, rolling me over. “Okay, that last part is straight comedy.”

Oren’s deep laughter rolls in my room as he sets me up in the bed, dragging me onto his lap. Oren brushes a tendril of hair back from my frowning forehead.

“The movie starts in forty minutes. Gives us time for a quick bite to eat.”

I let out a breath of pent up frustration and inhale that amazing cologne of him.

“Olivia, can you promise me something?”

“What?” I mumble.

“Let me be the one who shows you and takes care of you.”

I don’t respond, move in his arms, or even make eye contact with him.

“Give us a try and don’t worry about it all happening, maybe just let it try.”

“
O
livia
.”

I turn from staring in the microwave, willing my leftover Mexican food to cook faster to Scout with her legs perched up on the table in the staff room.

“What?”

“You have to try this.”

“Not a damn chance.” I turn back to staring at my beans.

“Seriously, I’m going to do it with Taylor.”

“That’s real reassuring.” I pull the steaming take out box from the microwave and sit next to her.

“Don’t be a stuffy bitch since Oren promised the pot at the end of the rainbow.”

“I’m not.” I slap her thigh and steal a grape from her bowl. “I’m just done with your antics.”

“Okay, listen. My hair stylist told me that when you cook for your loved one that you’re supposed to rub it in your armpits.”

“What?” I choke on the damn grape.
Karma at it’s best.

“She made cookies for her man and rubbed the balled up batter in her armpits before baking and he went wild for her. It’s pheromones and your partner will ravish you.”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“Nope. Another lady was getting her hair done and said the same thing. So, I’m baking cookies tonight and doing it. This is the gross part; it’s not like you need to be super clean it’s better to have your natural oils and smell on you.”

“It’s official. You’ve lost your fucking mind, Scout.”

My phone dings and Scout just rattles on.

Oren: How’s it going?

Me: Going.

Oren: It’s been a damn long week away

I think before I type out a text to him. I don’t want to show him just how damn needy I am.

Me: I miss you.

Oren: I miss you, too.

Me: We still on for Saturday night?

Oren: Yeah, I’ll be home early Saturday morning.

Me: Enjoy the Hot Cop Conference and don’t be hitting on any other first grade teachers. I’m kind of fond of you.

Oren: Will do

I set my phone back down on the table and try to focus in on Scout and her latest insane idea.

“So, why would you do this? You and Taylor screw like bunnies.”

She shrugs. “I just don’t want to lose the spark.”

“What’s going on?” I push her.

“He’s been distant and I know it’s because both of our jobs are super busy this time of year.”

“You’re overthinking it. He loves you.”

“Enough about me. I’ve got this armpit and pheromone shit under control.” She shoves her sandwich in her mouth. “When you seeing Oren next?”

“He’s been gone all week at a cop convention or training or some shit like that. We are going out tomorrow night after I work at my dad’s shop.”

“Going to slide into second base or shoot for a home run?”

“I don’t know. I guess we’ll take it as it comes.”

The batty old third grade teacher interrupts us. “I hate to tell you, Olivia, but there’s no cop training this week. That’s at the end of the month.”

“Oren’s new so maybe it’s something else the others don’t do.”

“Think what you want, dear.”

The bell rings and the teachers begin dispersing.

“Don’t listen to her.” Scout pats my shoulder. “She came to school with cat shit in her hair last week.”

An hour floats by and I still have a terrible feeling about her comment, so I finally text Oren at last recess. I know I’m overanalyzing everything now but I don’t even know where he went or what exactly he was doing.

Me: Hey! I didn’t ask you where your training was.

Oren: California, why?

Me. Oh! I collect shot glasses. Want to grab me one?

Oren: of course xoxo

Me: Thanks

His xos throw me off my game. He’s back in California. I wonder if he’s near his hometown. I turn to my computer and fire up Google to search cop trainings in California.

“Olivia, stop. He has nothing to lie about. Scout’s right, Mrs. Donald is a dingbat,” I say out loud to myself.

It takes several minutes to talk myself out of searching the conference and his names. To love is to trust and the only way to find love is to rely on trust…it’s a blind leap of faith.

“He’s at a conference,” I reassure myself.

“Miss Olander why are you talking to yourself?”

I turn to see Janis staring at me like I’ve lost my marbles.

“It’s what you do when you get older,” I respond.