The Big O (The Virgin Diaries) (5 page)

“
D
ad
.” The drilling noise and beating of metal continues. I scream a little louder this time. “DAD.”

My father finally rounds the corner, wiping his brow with the handkerchief in his back pocket. He doesn’t acknowledge me, but I know damn well he’s heard me.

“Where’s the parts order from this week?”

“Oh, I went to the local part store and I think the receipt is in the jockey box of my GMC.”

“You think?” I ask, pissed off.

“I’m a mechanic and play in the grease.”

“Well, keep your damn receipts you old fart. I’m a teacher, not a detective.”

I typically look forward to my Saturdays at Dad’s shop. I do his books for him, but this morning after a completely sleepless night, I feel like I’m losing my shit. Pedro’s light snores from his dog bed underneath the desk don’t help matters and only make me sleepier.

Dad’s known as the best mechanic in town and is; however, his organizational skills lack. His office is always a mess with piles and piles of papers; some of it trash and others important documents.

I begin digging through the piles of papers, scouring for important receipts to update his monthly expense books, when my phone dings, alerting me to a text message. I’m sure sleeping beauty just woke up sated from amazing sex and is now ready for more details from my dinner with Oren.

An evil giggle escapes me as I punch in numbers into the computer program, aligning the expense with the check number written and imagine Scout throwing a hissy fit. When she’s real determined, she’ll start blowing my phone up and then she’ll march her nosey ass right down here to the shop. I spilled all the details last night, but know she dozed off in the middle.

After a good hour of sorting and filing go by, I finally get to my new cellphone I picked up this morning on the way to dad’s shop. One new text message lights up the home screen.

Unknown: Have any blind dates tonight that you need rescued from?

Me: ???

Unknown: I’m on night shift again and am willing to save you.

Me: Oren?

Unknown: Yep

Me: How?

Unknown: Your quite annoying friend

Me: But how?

Unknown: You texted her last night from my phone and then I did a little investigation of my own.

Me: Prove that it’s you.

My heart races out of control, fingers tremble in excitement, and then I finally pinch myself to make sure this isn’t another damn horny dream of mine.

“Ouch,” I squeal after nearly ripping flesh from my arm and then my phone dings.

When I make eye contact with my phone laying on top of the desk, I moan. Yes, moan out loud in delight and mostly shock. Oren sent a picture alright and it just may be the sexiest picture I’ve ever seen.

It’s him in what looks like a bathroom in boxers, bare chest, wet hair, and a dab of shaving cream on his chin. I pick up the phone, zooming in and out on all of his features. I don’t miss the precious smirk dancing on his face in the picture. I take a moment to save his number and fight to muster up a coherent sentence to reply with.

Me: Well, hello Officer!

Oren: Your turn

Me: For?

Oren: A pic. I mean Scout could’ve given me the wrong number.

Me: No. Hell No.

Oren: Lol. Sorry, getting ready for work hence the bathroom pic

Me: Oh, don’t be sorry

Oren: It would be nice to have a pic of you for my contacts.

Me: Persistent

Oren: Throw a dog a bone.

Scout is the selfie-whore. I only get in one when she’s aiming the camera at the both of us. So, I fluff my messy bun, adjust my black nerd glasses on my face, slap my cheeks trying to put some color into them and try to take a few. FAIL.

I’m slapping the underside of my chin while testing all angles and even trying out duck lips when my dad walks in.

“Have you gone mad?”

Oh, that causes me to blush perfectly, throw my chin down, and snap a pic. And amazingly enough it turns out the best.

“It’s for school, Pops.”

“Interesting.” He smiles back at me without saying a word before grabbing his phone and walking back out of his office.

Me: Here you go. I don’t do selfies or send pictures, so consider yourself lucky!

In a not so patient manner, I tap the desk with my nails, staring at the phone screen, waiting on his reply. And then I see it or should I say, them. My boobies in all their glory overflowing from the top of my tank top give a whole new meaning to cleavage.
Holy shit, is that the top of my areola?
I was so damn worried about the angle of my face I didn’t even notice the girls and their high beam headlights fully on display.

My phone dings once again in the small office and my butthole puckers out of fear.

“No, no, no.”

“No, what?” I look up to Scout holding greasy take-out bags. “O, you’re white as a ghost.”

“I just sent a picture of my tits to Oren on accident.”

“That’s no assident.” She giggles. Scout never misses a chance to pronounce accident the wrong way.

I shove my phone up into her face and cover my eyes. “Here, look.”

She’s only silent for a few seconds before she bursts out in hysterics. “O, you gave him a serious gun show, but looks like he liked it.”

“Why?”

“He sent back heart emoticon smiling faces and then said
gorgeous
followed by the tongue with drool coming off of it.”

“Oh shit.” I slap my hands over my mouth.

“He likes you, O.” Scout begins taking out the food and making everyone’s plates. It’s her official Saturday job. She knows Dad’s favorites and spoils him.

I delicately pick back up my cellphone like there’s a ticking time bomb in it and look at his reply. It feels good talking to him and I’m not ready to stop.

Me: Thanks

Oren: Text me tonight if you get trapped on another date from hell. I’m seriously worried about the health of the bushes in the community.

Me: Very Funny!!! But I’m done dating

Oren: Forever?

Me: I think it’s best for society

Oren: Damn, I don’t get a day off until next Friday and thought…

Me: By all means finish your thought

Oren: I’d like to have dinner with you since you’ve quit dating

Me: Deal

Shit, that was a bit aggressive and needy.

Oren: Have to head into work, but if you ever need anything please call this number.

Me: Thanks

“What’s that shit-eating grin for?” Dad takes a seat in his favorite worn out black office chair, kicking back his heels, and digging into his food.

“Nothing,” I grit out between my teeth and send Scout a death glare that could kill.

“You never told me how your blind date went, firecracker,” Dad throws out between bites of his spicy chicken sandwich.

I’m not sure how to play this one out. If I tell my dad the real story of the pasta and how big of a doucher Connor was, he’d be out of the shop with his shotgun on the hunt. And if I tell him about my hopes with Oren he’ll become overly excited.

I shrug. “It was fine.”

Dad sputters on his chicken sandwich, flinging his legs down to the floor, and slamming on his chest. “I’m impressed.”

“Well, it’s complicated, Pops, so don’t be going and getting your panties wadded up.”

“I’m happy for you, Olivia, I really am.”

I skip my chicken strips and tots and fill up my appetite with the picture of Oren on my screen. I save it, add it to his contact info, and then in a very tacky and desperate move, set it as my home screen. I move the apps around on the screen, so his broad chest and handsome face fill the screen and then let out a sigh.

“What’s so interesting on your phone, firecracker?” My dad places his hand on my shoulder, trying to peek over at my screen.

“Nothing.” I hit the sleep button. “Just looking up math lessons for Monday.”

Pedro joins the conversation, jumping up and down barking for food. Scout gets my attention and she’s suggestively pushing her tongue on the inside of her cheek and using a hand to make a crude motion.

“I’m off to work, girls behave.”

She promptly quits her vulgar action as soon as he turns around.

“Now spill,” Scout says as soon as Dad shuts the door.

“I did last night, bitch, you fell asleep.”

“I didn’t fall asleep. You make it sound so bad. I was sucked into a sex induced coma.”

It doesn’t take much convincing to retell the whole tale to her. Halfway through the story I realize for the first time ever, I’m actually happy and hopeful.

“
S
o
, when is the big field trip?” Scout asks, while shoving half a banana in her mouth. I can’t even begin to imagine how much dick she’s used to housing in there.

“Earth to O. I asked you a question.”

“Thursday.”

“Are you excited? Think you’ll see him?”

I just shrug and pick through my dismal salad.

“What’s wrong, Champ?” She nudges me in the shoulder.

“I seriously have no business messaging Oren and letting him take me out on a date or I mean, dinner?”

“Why?”

“Because I have no friggin’ clue what I’m doing? Hell, I’ve never even been kissed before, Scout.”

“Here.”

I watch Scout scoot her chair closer to mine, then wipe off her lips with the back of her hand and before I know what in the hell is happening, she has her lips sealed to mine.

“Scout.” I push her back and scrub the shit out of my lips with my napkin.

“See, now you have nothing to worry about.” She points over her shoulder. “And we just gave every veteran male teacher in this staff lounge a boner.”

“God, how have I stayed friends with you this long?”

She slaps both the tops of my thighs. “Seriously, O, I’ve given you the most powerful vibrator on the market along with a clit stimulator and have told you to watch porn. I mean, you need to get a little loosened up if hot cop is going to turn into something real.”

“I can’t, Scout.”

“Just go home tonight, run yourself a nice hot bubble bath, pour you some wine, set the mood music, and then let Tony the Tiger sneaks his way in.”

“Just stick it in my vagina?”

Did those words just really come out of my mouth in the teacher’s staff lounge?

“Like I said, you need to get lose, strum your clit-tar to get revved up, and then sink it in.”

“No, I’m so done with this conversation.” I slam my lunch box shut and feel more hopeless than ever. I’m really starting to believe that some women are just destined to be alone forever. It’s all too overwhelming to think about.

I make my way down to my classroom, high fiving each of my friends and then save the day teaching one math problem after another. My mind fights me on every single step though. I’m constantly checking my phone for a text from Oren. He’s been texting randomly and I can’t get enough of it.

When the bell rings and I usher the students out, I only stay until contract time instead of six or seven at night grading papers and prepping tomorrow’s lessons.

“I can’t believe I’m going to do this,” I say to my reflection in my rearview mirror. “I’m not even a wine drinker for Christ’s sake.”

On nervous high heels, I walk into the store, toss in my normal items and then hit the wine aisle. My sweaty palms run over the front of my tight khakis as I look at all the wine.
Holy shit, it’s like the mecca of wine here.
Reds, whites, pinks, some in boxes, others in fancy glass bottles and not one even speaks to me, so I pull out my phone and Google the best wine for a newbie. Google recommends Moscato and I go for it, throwing in the biggest bottle I can find on the shelf.

This is going to take massive amounts of courage if I even do it. After school, Scout reassured me that Tony the Tiger is waterproof and will for sure give me an O. I’d like for my first O to be from a real body part, not a synthetic gigantic impression of a cock that can glide, twirl, and vibrate. My phone dings while I wait in line.

Oren: Hello Miss Olander.

Me: Good day Hot Cop

We’ve both become a little more unguarded over our few days of texting.

Oren: Only a few more nights until we dine together.

Me: I won’t lie. I can’t wait and it’s two nights.

Oren: I was thinking of taking you out for pasta

Me: Lmao. Of course you were. Hey, I’m checking out and will text when I get home.

At least the man has jokes, so far never making anything awkward. My skin crawls when the cashier scans the wine and then takes her time tucking it in a brown paper bag. I swear she knows that I’m going home, slugging back some wine, and then getting it on with huge plastic dick. I’ve never slid my card so fast through the reader and punched in my pin.

“Fancy seeing you here.”

A quick flash of red and blue lights grabs my attention and then my gaze lands on Oren in his patrol car with his arm resting out the window. He slowly pulls his sunglasses up to the top of his head and smiles sweetly at me. Oh, those dark brown eyes and strong jawline will be the death of me.

“Are you following me?”

“Maybe.” He shrugs. “It’s not illegal to be attracted to a gorgeous woman.”

“No, but it is illegal to be that cheesy.”

We both share a good laugh and I step closer so I can get a whiff of his cologne. I melt when it hits me.

“Have a hard day at work?” he asks, pointing to the neck of the wine bottle peeking out from the bag.

I go speechless with no witty answer. It takes me moments to recuperate. “It’s for a friend.”

“That’s what all the good girls say, Olivia.”

He drives alongside me slowly until I reach my car and pop the back hatch with my remote. I turn to him after I settle my bags in and place both hands on my hips.

“Need something, Officer?”

He uses his pointer finger, beckoning me to come closer. I close the space and bend down a bit. Oren snakes his arm around the back of my neck, tugging me closer into him, his large palms splayed out on the back of my neck, and then whispers in my ear.

“Your ass looks killer good in those pants. Wear them Friday.” He keeps our closeness for a second before dragging his lips along the lower lobe of my ear before backing all the way back.

“And Miss Olivia Olander this is why I can’t be around you when I’m on shift,” he says with a smile. “The bad guys would be torching the city while I’m all wrapped up in you.”

A call comes across his radio and he does his best to pay attention and then gives me a wave as his sirens and lights go on. The shrill sound of the sirens sends goose bumps racing up and down my spine.

I plop down in the driver’s seat of the car with my knees still knocking together from the contact and his words. I send him a text that I know he won’t see for several hours, since he just raced off in such a hurry.

Me: I can’t wait for the handcuffs.

And from there on it’s radio silence, which means those red and blue lights mean serious business. I drive home in the safest mid-size SUV thanks to my pops and look over at my bottle of wine every once in awhile. When I hit my front door, the bottle of wine practically shouts my name from the brown paper bag. I swear the fucker is screaming my name and taunting me the whole time to get my O on.

Pedro does hot laps around me, bounding all over the apartment, only holding still for a couple of pets and then doing more hot laps. I swear my neighbor slips him crack while I’m away at school.

“Walk.” I hold up his harness and smile when he slides between my feet. He loves going on walks and it’s rare in the springtime considering how late I typically get home. Wrapping up the school year is always hell.

Fresh air will do my mind good right now, like get me in game mood for the main event later in the bathtub. Pedro sits perfectly letting me snap his harness on. Boy, that took us a good year to get down; it used to be like a damn WWE wrestling match with dog hair flying and me cussing.

Once it’s snapped, he paws me with his paw, kindly reminding me to feed him his Pupperoni for being a good boy.

“You are so spoiled, little boy.” I ruffle the top of his head and toss him his snack. “I love you.”

I scoop Pedro up, letting him eat the rest of his treat and jog down my stairs with my cute little doo-doo bag in my other hand. The sun is bright and I curse myself for forgetting my shades, but know this will be a short walk today since my mind is seriously preoccupied.

Pedro takes off on a run down the sidewalk, using all of his leash and even tugging on my hand more. Yep, someone has to be slipping him crack. I look down at my tight khakis and giggle, remembering the compliment Oren gave me. The flip-flops I slipped into before leaving slap the sidewalk rhythmically and my thoughts float away to hot cop. His scent, smile, and voice; it all has me locked in a trance.

“Time to turn around, Pedro.”

We reach the end of our block and I don’t feel like crossing the main road tonight. Pedro does some dirty business on a patch of grass and like any other responsible dog momma, I scoop it up.

A flood of sirens assault me when I stand back up. At least a dozen cop cars whiz by us with their lights and sirens blaring. Something big must be going down right now. They go by too fast to even be able to recognize Oren. I try to shrug it off and head back where my wine awaits my company.

The walk seems to have worn out Pedro. He lays perched at the bottom of my bed soaking up the little bit of sunlight streaming through the window. I forgo eating due to nerves and pour a glass of wine after nearly elbow dropping the top of the bottle to get the cork out. Who knew a simple machine was so damn difficult to use?

At first the tartness of the wine makes me shiver but then soon, a sweet spray dances over my tongue.

“Not bad,” I say to myself and down the glass.

The stage is set. A hot bubble bath, a full wine glass, bottle of wine, light mood music, candles, and then…the massive purple plastic cock who is about to give me my first screaming O. I locked Pedro in his kennel because there’s no way I could handle him watching me rub this one out or at least try to.

The water stings my skin as I sink down into the tub. My favorite sweet scent of bubble bath assaults my senses as I melt back into the tub. I sip down another glass of wine, relaxing even more with Norah Jones singing in the background. I was smart enough to keep the bottle in reaching distance for refills.

My fingers can barely wrap around the girth of the vibrator. How in the hell is it supposed to fit inside me? I giggle to myself when I realize I’m holding the damn thing like a microphone near the tip of it.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the virgin diaries starring Olivia Olander who’s currently O-less and in desperate search for
The Big O
.”

I belly laugh like a crazed idiot after my entertaining stance. I down one more glass of wine and then dial up Scout for one last burst of encouragement.

“Scout,” I purr into the phone.

“Sup, ho-bag?”

“Just floating in the tub, slamming wine, and about to get it on with Tony the Tiger.”

She squeals a tone deafening pitch into the phone before creating any coherent speech. “I’m so proud of you, O. Just make sure to get used to the vibrating speeds before full insertion and once in, set the twirl mode to level three and you’ll be flying high.”

I feel like I should be taking notes instead of nodding and sipping my adult grape juice. The influences of the wine have me fully accepting her advice instead of flushing with embarrassment and running away.

“I think I got this, Scout.”

“Get it, girl.” She laughs into the phone. “How much wine have you pounded?”

“Like only half a bottle, but it’s one of those jumbo ones.”

“You do realize that’s like three bottles in one, right?”

“Is that bad?” I belch before getting out the last word.

“Don’t drink anymore and just get down and dirty.”

A beep sounds on my phone. I pull it away to look at the screen. “Gotta go, Scout, Hot Cop is calling me.”

“O don’t you dare take it.”

“Bye.” I click over to the next call, giddy as a little kid in a candy shop.

“Hello.” I try to purr in my sexiest of sexy voices.

“Hey Olivia.” His rich voice sends shivers down my spine and I swear they land right between my legs. I tingle.

“Everything okay? I swear there were cop carzz everywhere.”

Shit, did I just slur one of my words into the phone?
I sit up a bit taller in the water and try to pay attention. The cool air perks my nipples right up.

“All is good, Olivia. There were two different things going down, that’s why there were so many cars everywhere.” He pauses and I hear the cracking slam of a few doors shutting.

“What are you doing?” I ask out of curiosity.

“Just got home and ready to crash, but felt bad the way I left you today.”

“I get it. It’s your job. No worries. I’m not a needy person, Oren.”

“Just trying to be a gentleman to my new non-dating friend.” His voice muffles for a second and then becomes clearer.

“What are you doing now?” I ask.

“Just took my shirt off, getting ready to kick my boots off, and drink a brewski before hitting the hay.”

“So you’re topless?” My nipples stiffen instantly picturing Oren shirtless.

“Yeah.” He chuckles. “You interested?”

“Possibly.”

Oh those tingles intensify to a mind numbing state. I can do this. I can really do this with Oren’s voice fueling my desire.

“Picture?”

“Duh,” I promptly reply.

“Give me a second. Oh, and Olivia, we still on for Friday?”

“Fucking A we are.” I slap my hand over my mouth when the bold words fly out.
Note to self: less wine.

His deep chuckle vibrates through the phone. “The answer I wanted.”

“Before we say goodbye, give me a second.”

“Okay, I need to whiz real quick.”

Holy shit, he’s about to be holding his big gigantor wiener in his hand. Baby Jesus, don’t let him be packing light.

“Alrighty then, I’ll be right back.”

I set down my cell phone on the edge of the tub and stare down Tony. And then sing “Let’s get it on” to him. It’s the biggest move of my life and I’m about to become a full-fledged woman and if things do ever go further with Oren, I’ll be ready.

His deep voice snaps me out of my hypnotic stare with Tony.

“I’m here,” I holler. I down the remaining wine in my glass grab my phone and then Tony with the other hand. “Thanks for the call tonight, Officer Hot Cop.”

I plunge Tony down into the water, fumbling for the buttons. His edges are a bit more rigid then I remember as I try to softly rub him up and down my clit. It’s the first step to strum my clit-tar.