The Complete Idiot's Guide to the Roman Empire (37 page)

Although Tiberius saved Gaius from Sejanus, Tiberius never really groomed Gaius for the responsibilities of becoming
princeps
and probably would have preferred his own grandson, Tiberius Gemellus, whom he made a co-heir. Tiberius probably saw in Caligula what others later wished they had seen. But Tiberius died before Gemellus could come of sufficient age, and without dissent the senate accepted Caligula, the son of the popular Germanicus and Agrippina, as
princeps
.

Caligula had spent a good deal of his life with his grandmother Antonia in the company of eastern potentates and with Tiberius in the confines of Capri. His models for a ruler were more autocratic than Augustan. Nevertheless, he had a very popular start. His courteous and generous manner pleased people and senate; he cut back the
delatores
and acted to consolidate and unify the imperial family. He also announced a return to the glory of expansion with big plans to attack both Parthia and Britain. Things were very upbeat. Then he became ill and almost died.

 
Veto!
Tiberius's seclusion at Capri led to reports of his cruelty, debauchery, sexual perversions, and sorcery. These reports made for great fodder for writers like Suetonius. In reality, Tiberius surrounded himself with the scholars and tutors that he really enjoyed and was probably busier with these and with running the empire than with sexual escapades.

 
Great Caesar's Ghost!
Caligula got his name from spending time with his father, Germanicus, and his mother, Agrippina, on campaigns along the Rhine. The soldiers affectionately dressed their commander's son as a mini legionnaire, complete with the little boots (
caligulae
) that became Gaius's moniker.

 
When in Rome
Delatores
were informers who accused others of treason or other offenses against the state. By law, delatores received one quarter of the property of the accused upon conviction (kind of like turning someone in for tax evasion today). Tiberius, contrary to some accounts, did not institute a reign of terror with this law, but his precedent-setting uses of it and the delatores became infamous.

 
When in Rome
A
megalomaniac
(Greek for “huge madness”) has delusions of grandeur and conceives of himself as a person or divinity of enormous power and prestige.

Whether it was an effect of the illness, the psychological stress of a brush with death, the absolute corruption of absolute power, or some combination of all three, Caligula emerged from his illness a whacked
megalomaniac
.

Determined to prove that he was immortal, Caligula exalted himself as a god in the manner of an Egyptian pharaoh. He sat in temples, dressed as one of the gods, and engaged the gods in conversation. He perpetrated outlandish acts such as appointing his favorite horse, Incitatus, to the senate. He humiliated senators by forcing them to swear to lay down their lives for him and his sisters and to serve them like slaves at table. He squandered the surplus that Tiberius had accumulated on incredibly stupid and garish expenditures until he had to raise taxes and go after personal property with prosecutions and
maiestas
trials.

Caligula was erratic with foreign polity. His insistence on being recognized as a god in the temples of other gods nearly caused a revolt among the Jews (avoided by his death). Longing to be another Alexander the Great, he careened from decision to decision, from big plan to big plan, but never really followed through with any of them. He built a bridge from boats over the Bay of Baiae and rode his horse across wearing Alexander's breastplate (part of the bridge sunk in the drunken celebration that followed). He marched an army to the channel for his grand invasion of Britain, erected lighthouses at Boulongne and Dover, and then suddenly abandoned the expedition. He did, however, order his soldiers to gather seashells in their helmets to take back as “spoils from the sea.” (Imagine the T-shirts: “My legion went to Britain, and all I got . . . .”)

Caligula was just as unbalanced with the imperial household. He had Gemellus killed, as well as Macro, who had replaced Sejanus as praetorian prefect and had proposed
Caligula as
princeps.
(Ironically, he seems to have spared his uncle Claudius because he was thought to be an idiot and not a threat.) Finally, four years of him was enough. Senators, members of the imperial household, and military agreed to kick a little booty (pun intended). A disgruntled praetorian killed Caligula in a secret passage, and the praetorians ran amok in the palace.

Rome was rid of a tyrant, but nobody had a plan for what to do next. For a brief moment, a group of senators had a chance to effect some kind of change. They debated whether to return to the Republic or to adopt an elected principate. Deliberations were cut short, however, by the announcement that the Praetorian Guard had proclaimed Caligula's uncle, Tiberius Claudius Nero Germanicus,
princeps.
The senate protested, but this was a done deal. Opportunity knocked, and then was gone. The senate approved the new
princeps.

 
Roamin' the Romans
When in England, head to Dover. Upon the white cliffs, the lighthouse at the castle of Dover is the oldest in England, built by Caligula for the grand, but abandoned, conquest of all Britain.

Suetonius tells a great story about how the praetorians, ransacking the palace, spotted feet jutting out from behind a curtain. Ripping it aside, they found the cowering Claudius, the 50-year-old stuttering imperial family buffoon. Instead of killing him (as they did Caligula's sisters and daughter), they carried him off like a mascot to the barracks where they proclaimed him emperor.

Like most of Suetonius's stories, however, things were more complicated than that. When Claudius was discovered, he was smart enough to work the situation and become emperor. He recognized that the power lay in the Praetorian Guard's hands, offered them large bonuses to support him (a disastrous precedent), and seized the day. Pretty smart moves for an idiot.

 
Lend Me Your Ears
“Because Caligula was bald, he made it a crime for anyone to look down on him from above as he passed along, or to utter the word ‘goat' for any reason whatsoever. He even made a great effort to render his naturally horrible face hideous as well by practicing each and every look of terror and dread in front of the mirror.”

—Suetonius,
Caligula
, 50

There are two conflicting views of Claudius. Some see him as someone mistaken for an idiot who became an educated and effective emperor at the center of an efficient
imperial administration. Others see him as a marginally functional man managed by the imperial household (or, as Dio says, “by slaves and his wives”) and an effective administration of freedmen who really ran the empire.

The evidence can go both ways, because the essential character at the center of the Empire is a mystery. If you look at what his administration did, you would tend to favor the former view; if you look at the ancient sources (which are biased to be sure), his personal life, and a few candid moments, you begin to suspect that the emperor was without his genius at least part of the time.

 
Great Caesar's Ghost!
Claudius not only suffered indignities during his lifetime, but was ridiculed after his death by Nero in his accession speech, and by the famous author and philosopher Seneca (Nero's tutor), who wrote a satirical work about a botched deification of Claudius, called the
Apolcolocyntosis.
This roughly translates, instead of “Claudius becomes a god,” as (pun intended) “Claudius becomes a gourd.”

 
Great Caesar's Ghost!
Roman intervention in Britain under Claudius was in part instigated by British chieftains who feared the growing power of the kingdom of Comulodunum (Colchester). Its great king, Cunobelinus, was the source of Shakespeare's
Cymbeline.
His son, Caratacus, championed both British independence (under
his
rule, of course) and Druidism until defeated by Claudius's troops in
C
.
E
. 43.

Most contemporaries, however, thought Claudius a freak. A birth defect or early childhood seizure had given him a deformed physique, a head he couldn't hold still, strange expressions on his face, and stammering speech. These physical traits may have gone hand in hand with mental or developmental impairments, or simply been taken to indicate them. Claudius was also (understandably) very socially awkward and timid. Caligula made him into the imperial court jester.

Augustus had, however, recognized there was more to Claudius than met the eye. His letters and actions show that, although he never meant for Claudius to have a public presence and distrusted his ability to be influenced, the
princeps
thought that Claudius had a brain. He gave him scholars (such as the historian Livy) and scientists as tutors, and Claudius eventually became a published expert on Roman law, history, and languages (Etruscan and Carthaginian). He never had, however, direct experience with imperial administration or military command before becoming emperor.

As emperor, Claudius followed Augustan tradition and participated in senate meetings, encouraged senators to take up their duties seriously, and (with his interest in law) was very active in the courts. These attempts were mostly met with suspicion and the same kind of awkward posturing that Tiberius had experienced.

In addition, Claudius streamlined and centralized many administrative functions for the empire in a working cabinet of talented and ambitious freedmen. Chief among them was Narcissus, his cabinet secretary, and Pallas, the minister of finance. The senators hated and envied the freedmen's power, wealth, influence, and access. Nevertheless, under Claudius, Britain, Thrace, and Mauretania (North Africa) were added to the Empire, provincial citizenship and urbanization was increased, and the Empire thrived generally. Great building projects, such as the artificial harbor of Ostia, were also part of Claudius's principate.

Claudius's reign was haunted by personal problems with and weaknesses for gambling, drinking, and wives. These are probably understandable, given the way he was treated. While drinking and gambling didn't turn out to be a terrible problem, his troubles with women did. He divorced his first two wives for adultery, and then was married by Caligula to Messalina Valeria, another Julian, and only 15 years old.

Claudius doted on her and she bore him a son, Britannicus (named in honor of the conquest of Britain), whom Claudius favored as his heir. Messalina, however, spent most of her energy messin' around. She not only slept around, but allied herself with Claudius's freedmen to manipulate Claudius. Among other things, she used her influence with him to prosecute and execute her enemies and former lovers. Finally, she contrived with a lover, the consul Gaius Silius, to take over the principate. While Claudius was away, she openly married Silius. Claudius was alerted by his freedmen, however, and was able to execute Messalina and Silius before the conspiracy could spread.

Claudius then married his niece (the law had to be changed to allow this), Caligula's ambitious younger sister, Agrippina. Claudius's freedman Pallas (Agrippina's lover) was the matchmaker. This marriage brought Agrippina to the power she had craved and (in her mind) deserved as the daughter of Germanicus. Claudius's son Britannicus was only five, so he adopted Agrippina's son Lucius Domitius Ahenobarbus. The boy took the family name of Nero. Claudius put the philosopher and rhetorician Seneca the Younger in charge of Nero's education. Agrippina's ally, Burrus, became praetorian prefect, and everything was in place for her.

Four years later, when Nero was just old enough to take power, Claudius conveniently died, perhaps (as the story goes) poisoned by Agrippina with mushrooms. If Agrippina didn't arrange it, she certainly was well prepared for it. She, Pallas, Seneca, and Burrus pulled off a well-orchestrated and smooth transition to power, and a joyful inaugural celebration ensued for the beginning of Nero's reign.

 
Lend Me Your Ears
“And yet there were those who for a long time adorned his tomb with flowers each spring and summer; they kept putting dressed statues of him on the Rostra, or his edicts, as if he were alive and would return shortly to the great harm of his enemies . . . and finally when in my own youth (about twenty years after Nero's death) a certain man of unknown origin came forward and claimed to be Nero, the Parthians still so regarded his name that they supported him strongly and scarcely gave him up.”

—Suetonius,
Nero