The Confession (24 page)

“Have you thought about converting to
another religion? My neighbor is a member of The Faith Baptist
Church, and she told me their pastor’s wife recently died, and he
wished to retire. You can still serve God John. Christianity is one
of many religious beliefs. Find one that makes you
happy.”

“I must be released from my duties as a
priest before I can consider another religious calling. It will
take at least a year before the Vatican releases me.”

“What will you do while you are
waiting?”

“There is not much that I can do.
Technically, I am still a priest. I cannot seek employment. I have
limited financial resources, and tomorrow, I’m moving in with my
parents.”

“Are you allowed to have dinner next
week with a friend and her children?”

“I think dinner with a
friend would be
fantastic
.”

“I should warn you that Olivia and
Jason are a handful. Be prepared for screaming, food throwing, and
general insanity. I love my babies, but by the end of the day, I
need this hour or two of total silence.”

“I think I can
handle
it,
Jennifer. Can I bring anything?”

“If you want to make brownie points
with my children, bring ice cream, preferably strawberry.” Jennifer
gave him her address and said goodnight. John fell asleep with a
smile on his face.

John spoke to Jennifer
every day for the remainder of the week. It amazed him how quickly
they became good friends. They met once or twice during the week
for
coffee
and fell into a comfortable routine. Late night
calls when the children were sleeping were his favorite part of the
day. John felt a growing affection for her and wanted more than
friendship with Jennifer.

“I feel like I’ve known you all my
life,” John said as he reclined against the headboard.

“So do I John, and we’ve
only known each other for nine days, not counting
a few times
we spoke at church. I like talking to
you.”

John closed his eyes and took a leap of
faith. “Do you realize you are my first female friend? Doesn’t that
sound incredibly juvenile at my age?”

Jennifer laughed. “No, it doesn’t. Your
life is changing, and friendships are important. I can’t believe
I’m saying this. I want more than friendship with you John. What do
you want?”

Without hesitation, he said, “I want
you.”

Silence filled the space
between them. Jennifer sighed into the phone. “That’s ok with me
because I didn’t
want
to throw myself at you.”

“If you did, I would catch
you.”

“Would you really
catch
me, John?”

“Yes, I would.”

“Good to know. Don’t be late for
dinner.”

John laughed. “I wouldn’t dream of
being late. Sleep well Jennifer.”

Dinner with Jennifer and the children
was chaotic. Jason stared at John as if he had a third eye. “Who
are you?”

“My name is John, and I am a friend of
your mommy.”

“What kind of friend?” Jason asked
timidly.

“I hope to be a good friend.” He looked
at Jennifer and smiled.

“Ok. Can you be my friend?”

“I would like to be your
friend.”

“What about me?” Olivia cried. “Can you
be my friend too?”

“Sure. I can be friends with both of
you. Would you like that?”

Two five-year-old dynamos flew at John.
He laughed and scooped them up in his arms.

“Children, please let John
finish his dinner. You can have play time after
you’ve finished eating
dinner
.”

Something shifted within
John. He couldn’t describe the feeling. Holding these two precious
children in his arms felt natural to
him
as if they belonged to
him. It was a feeling so foreign to John, he felt like
weeping.

Jennifer noticed the look on his face
and became concerned. Leaning towards him, she whispered, “Are you
ok? You have the strangest look on your face.”

“No, I am not ok.” John rose from the
table and left the room.

“Mommy, where is John going?” Olivia
asked. “Doesn’t he want to play with us?”

“Finish your dinner
sweetheart, and I will talk to John. Take your plates into the
kitchen when you are
done
eating, and put them on the
table.”

Jennifer walked to the front door and
saw John leaning against the porch railing, and it looked like he
was crying. His hands covered his face, and his body shook. Not
knowing what to do, she walked out onto the porch and wrapped her
arms around his body. “It’s ok to feel emotional John. What can I
do to help you?”

Another sob escaped him and
he wrapped his arms around her soft body. “I felt something when I
held Olivia and Jason, and it scared me. Holding you like
this
seems
natural to
me
. I’ve suppressed these emotions for so
long, and I don’t know how to be anyone other than a priest. I
don’t know how to relate to a woman in a relationship.”

“Let’s take it one day at a time, and
get to know each other. If I do something, will you go with it and
not fight whatever you may feel?”

“Why does your question scare
me?”

“Would you pull away from me if I
kissed you?”

“No, Jennifer. I will not
pull away from you. That’s all I’ve been thinking about since I
walked into your house. You look beautiful in that dress.
Please
kiss me.”

Jennifer reached up to
stroke the side of his face. She ran her fingertips over his smooth
cheek. Her lips soon followed, and she peppered his face with light
kisses. “Does this feel
okay
John?”

“Yes,” he whispered, as his
lips met hers. An explosion of emotions flooded his senses. Long
suppressed desires heated his blood. An uncomfortable tightness in
his groin had John leaning away from her body. He didn’t want her
to feel what was happening to him.
He
parted his lips and felt the
gentle touch of her tongue against his. It felt like a door had
opened, and that when he stepped
through
it,
he
was no longer a priest. He was a man
with sexual desires. Their first kiss was soft, warm, and
passionate.

Several minutes later and thoroughly
aroused, John finally found the strength to pull away from her. His
face was flushed, his breathing shallow. He turned away from her in
an attempt to adjust himself. He didn’t fool her. She knew what was
happening to him. John felt her arms wrap around him again. “You’re
aroused, aren’t you?”

“Yes, and it is very
painful. What I am feeling now is so foreign to me. I haven’t felt
this way
for
many years. I’m scared Jennifer. I don’t know how
to be just a man.”

“John, everything feels
foreign to you. Your life up until a few weeks ago was structured,
orderly, and predictable. What you are experiencing now is
entirely
normal
. You’re
scared and anxious about the future. I totally understand your
fear. After my husband had
died
, I felt lost. I had two
babies, a mortgage, and no job. There were days when I couldn’t get
out of bed. Mrs. Mancini next door would babysit for me when I
needed help. Those were some of the darkest days of my life. I am
proud of what I’ve accomplished the past four years. It wasn’t
easy, but every time I look at my beautiful babies, I feel blessed.
Things happen in our lives for a reason.
How you react to these feelings is totally
within your control.”

John turned to face
her
and placed his hand over his erection. “I am embarrassed
Jennifer. I feel like an adolescent going through
puberty.”

“Sit down and calm yourself. We have
plenty of time to get to know each other. For as handsome as you
are, you’re not getting near my panties for at least three
months.”

“I don’t know how to respond to that
statement.”

Jennifer laughed and kissed his cheek.
“You’ll think of something.”

Chapter 17

Two months later

“Gail honey, your appointment is in one
hour. What are you doing in there? Do you need help getting
dressed?”

“I’m moving as fast as I can Mom. Can
you help me with my shorts? I can’t get the leg past the
cast.”

Lydia laughed as she helped her
daughter get dressed. “In a few hours, this monstrosity will be
gone, and you can finally have a little more freedom. Daddy has the
car packed, and as soon as we get home, we will officially be on
vacation. Your brother has been driving me crazy all
week.”

Gail laughed. “All of us
need this
vacation,
Mom. I for one cannot wait to
get the hell out of this house. Being stuck in this room for so
long has me bat shit crazy. I need a vacation.”

“Your father has our
itinerary all planned out. Let’s see, if I remember
correctly,
it's
eating,
sleep, eat more food,
lay
in
the sun, and of course, eat more food.”

Adam heard them talking as he entered
the room. He leaned down and whispered in her ear. “You forgot one
important thing besides the eating and sleeping.”

“What did I forget?”

“You
forgot
the loving
sweetheart, and I intend to make it memorable, in more ways than
one.”

Lydia felt the blush creep up her neck
and spread across her face. Gail roared with laughter. “Mom, what
did he say to you? Your face is beet red.”

“Never
mind
what your
father said to me. We need to get you to your
appointment.”

Adam shrugged his shoulders
and laughed. God, it felt so good to laugh again. The past two
months had many highs and lows. Lydia slept through the night
without the nightmares. Gail’s recovery progressed on schedule, and
therapy starts after their vacation.
Bobby, as usual,
was a
goofball and he never left Gail’s side. He stuck to her like glue
and made her recovery less painful.

The most dramatic change was with John.
He met with the clergy of The Faith Baptist Church, and they agreed
that once John’s obligation no longer existed, they would welcome
him into their church. John was honest with them about the events
of his past.

His relationship with Jennifer grew
stronger day by day. He soon realized that he loved her and the
children. John spent many hours at her house. He loved the noise,
the laughter, bath time, and the bedtime stories. When Olivia
refused to go to bed, John picked her up and cradled her in his
arms.

“Why are you so fussy little Olivia?
Are you afraid to go to sleep? Do you want me to sit with
you?”

“I like it when you play with
me.”

“I like it too, but you
also need to sleep. How do you think little girls grow into big
girls? They need
to
rest
.”

“Do you like little girls?”

“I like one
particular
little girl. Can you guess who she is?”

“Is it me?”

“Yes it is, and if you go to sleep now,
I will take you, Jason, and mommy to the zoo tomorrow. Would you
like to see the horses?”

“Mommy, can we please go to the zoo?
I’ll be good and go to bed now.”

Jennifer laughed. “Ok,
pumpkin,
go
to
sleep,
and tomorrow we will go to the
zoo.”

Olivia squirmed out of John’s arms and
ran to her bedroom. Jennifer and John followed. Olivia opened her
closet door and pulled out an outfit. “Olivia, what are you
doing?”