The Confession (10 page)

Adam kissed her neck. “Go
take a shower and I’ll ask Mary to make a plate for you. Tonight we
can talk about what happened yesterday. Until then, try to relax.
We will work through
this
as we’ve worked through everything
these past nineteen years.”

Several minutes later, he
heard Lydia crying in the shower. Lowering his head, he walked into
the bathroom and opened the shower door. Lydia was sitting on the
shower
floor,
her head resting on her knees. Adam knelt in front
of
her,
and she fell into his arms. “I just had a memory.
It was awful Adam. He had his head between my thighs. He
was
, oh
God, he had his mouth on me.”

Adam closed his eyes and gritted his
teeth. The image of his brother’s head between her thighs had him
wanting to commit murder. He must remain calm for his wife. “Now
that we know what happened, these memories may come to the surface
when you least expect them. I want you to tell me when you have a
memory. I don’t care what it is. I want you to discuss it with
me.”

“I’m so afraid of what I’ll
remember. I thought it was
you,
Adam. I thought you were
making love to me. He used me, and I feel dirty. He used me, and I
want to hurt him, the way he hurt me.”

“Let me worry about my brother. I want
you to focus on Gail. She will need us when she comes home from the
hospital. Our baby girl needs both of her parents.”

Lydia had to address the
elephant in the room. “Do you feel
different
towards Gail knowing
that she is not your daughter?”

Adam expected this
question; however, it still punched him in the gut hearing it from
his wife. “Being a father is not about biology. Being a father is
about loving someone so
completely,
you would give your life to
protect this precious gift. Gail is my gift. She is my daughter,
and I will
fight
with every ounce of strength I have
to keep her
safe
. She will never call anyone else
father. She is my daughter.”

His
words were wh
at Lydia wanted to hear. “I
love
you,
Adam. We are lucky to have you in our lives. Our
children are
fortunate
to have you as their father,
and I am incredibly happy you married me.”

Whispering in her ear, Adam
said, “I am the lucky one
honey
because I have what I’ve always
wanted. I have children who are the joy of my life. I have a wife
that I love beyond words. All of you are the love of my life, and
no one will take that away from me. I will always fight to protect
what is mine.”

Later that night, when the house was
finally quiet and they were lying in bed, Adam and Lydia talked
honestly with each other. “Honey, I know this is a traumatic event
for you. Do you feel the need to seek professional help in dealing
with the memories?”

Thinking for several minutes, she
finally said, “I don’t know if it will help me. My subconscious
mind has been trying to remember for nineteen years. I would feel
more at ease talking to you.”

“Do you remember any of what happened
that night?”

“Well, I remember making
dinner. I remember the argument, and I remember watching a movie
with John. After that, my memory is fuzzy. When I awoke the next
morning, I was very sick. It makes me angry Adam. I thought it was
you. I was so proud that I waited until we were married before
we
made love for the
first time
. It made me happy knowing you
would be the only man to make love to me. He took that away from
me, and it makes me sick.”

“Why did he hate me? Why
would he hurt me this way? He knew I was in love with you.” Lydia
frowned and rubbed her forehead. Suddenly, another flash of memory
came to her. “I remember something. He was in the room when I woke
the next morning.” She paused as the memory came to her. “He called
me a bitch and said I deserved what he did to me. He
said I enjoyed
it.”

Adam held her tightly. “It’s ok honey.
He can’t hurt you now. I won’t let him near you.”

“What I don’t understand is why you
parents didn’t tell anyone about the letter. If they reported it to
the police, why keep it a secret? Were they protecting
him?”

“I don’t know, but I think they owe us
an explanation.”

Chapter 8

Later that night, the
hospital transferred Gail to a private room. Adam,
Lydia,
and
Bobby
were the first to visit her the next morning. Adam
leaned down and kissed her forehead. Her eyes fluttered open, and a
small smile graced her beautiful face. “Hi
Munchkin
, everyone is
waiting to see you.”

Tears welled in her eyes. “It hurts
Daddy.”

“I know sweetheart. I will
talk to the nurse when we leave. You are going to be
okay
honey. Mom and I will take good care of you.”

Lydia stood on the other side of the
bed holding her hand. Bobby stood at the foot of the bed. “That’s
right honey, your daddy and I will take care of you. Pretty soon
you will be in your bed, eating ice cream and watching silly movies
on Net Flix.”

“What about college?”

Lydia looked at Adam. “I’ll call the
dean this afternoon and explain the situation. Do not worry about
college. You will be up and on your feet before you know
it.”

Yawning, Gail closed her
eyes. “Ok Daddy,” she
said
and quickly fell asleep. They both
kissed Gail and left the room. Bobby remained standing at the foot
of the bed. Hands fisted by his side, he refused to leave his
sister.

Adam turned around, went back into her
room, and saw that Bobby was crying. “Bobby, what’s wrong? Why are
you crying?”

“It’s my fault Gail’s hurt.
We were joking around in the parking
lot,
and I wasn’t paying
attention. I didn’t see the car until it was on top of us. Gail
pushed me out of the way.
At first,
I thought she was messing
around with me, but then I saw the car come out of nowhere, and it
hit her.” Sobbing, he covered his face with his hands.

Pulling Bobby close to him,
he rocked his son while he cried. “It’s not your fault
Bobby. It
was a terrible accident. No one is to blame.” Adam held his
son for several minutes until there were no more tears. Lydia drove
them home while Adam continued to hold his son.

The problem with a written confession
is that it follows you. It haunts you to the point of madness.
Following Adam’s outburst in the rectory, I had a very
uncomfortable meeting with Father Mallard.

“Is this true, Father Brady. Did you
commit the heinous acts described in this letter?”

Shame and remorse rise like bile in my
throat. “I am ashamed to say I did write the letter to my parents.
What happened that day has haunted me, and while I am deeply
ashamed of who I once was, I am no longer that person.”

Frowning, Father Mallard
once again read the letter. “Do you understand how the parishioners
of this parish
will
react if this were made public?
They will never trust you with their children. They will shun you.
We must keep this between ourselves. The church will not be
put in the spotlight
by a rapist who is now a priest.”

“Father Mallard, I respect
and admire
you,
and it is not my desire to argue. I want to remind
you of my nineteen years of service to the church. Not once during
that time have I brought shame to the church. I have served Our
Lord faithfully. I have served the parishioners of my former parish
with respect and love. To insinuate that I would bring shame to the
church is insulting, on many levels.”

“I am not proud of who I once was.
Drinking and drugs had a devastating effect on my mind, my body,
and my morals. It disgusts me that I could do something so vile to
someone I loved. I contemplated taking my life. The church saved my
soul. My faith is a guiding force in my life. I would rather leave
the church than bring disgrace through those beautiful doors. Do
what you feel is necessary. I have lived with this for many years,
and I will take the shame with me to my grave.”

“You are at risk of being defrocked if
this leaks. How many people in your family know of this
letter?”

“As far
as I am aware
, my parents, Adam, and Lydia
know the truth. Why do ask?”

“I must contain this. I want to meet
with them as soon as possible.”

My head is pounding from
where Adam’s fist connected with my jaw. The walls of the rectory
feel like a prison, and I need time to think about how to proceed.
I
roam
around
the neighborhood in an attempt to calm down. To insinuate I
would bring shame to the church keeps running through my mind. I
have served Our Lord faithfully. I am not the same person I
was
before
becoming a priest. How can I make Father Mallard
see that I am a changed person? I am still trying to cope with the
fact that I fathered a child. Gail is my daughter! How can I live
with the truth? How can I look at Gail and not tell her the
truth?

It is well after the dinner hour when I
return to the rectory. My walk did nothing to calm my nerves.
Father O’Connell’s office door is open, and I am overwhelmed with
the sudden need to confess. What would I say? I have to get this
out in the open. “Father O’Connell, may I speak with you for a few
minutes? I am deeply troubled.” Father O’Connell looks up from his
paperwork and sees the ugly bruise on the side of my face. He was
not in the rectory when I had my confrontation with
Adam.

“Father Brady, what happened to your
face? Who hit you?”

I need a few minutes to
compose my thoughts. Father O’Connell waits patiently for me to
speak. “I have tried to be a good priest. I am sure you know the
reason
for
my entering the priesthood. I was a drug addict
and an alcoholic. Those first few years were
tough
for me. I
missed the potential of what could have been an entirely different
life. I chose my path in life to absolve myself of sin. Yesterday,
the consequences of my actions hit me in the face.” I once again
confess my shame and remorse.

“I wrote a letter to my
parents before I left home. I confessed what I
did
but did not
tell them it was Lydia. Ironically, my parents kept the letter.
They gave it to Adam who in turn, gave it to Father Mallard. I will
not disgrace the church. If the result is a defrocking, I will
accept the consequences, and move on with my life.”

Father O’Connell walks from behind his
desk and sits next to me. “A lie on top of a lie is not the best
decision. I understand everyone wants to protect Gail. The deeper
question is how do you feel now that you know the
truth?”

“Honestly, I feel elated. I
knew my decision would end my chances of having a family.
Now that I am aware
I have a daughter, I want to embrace the myriad of
emotions that have bombarded my mind, my heart, my soul. I want to
know my daughter. I have spent so many years avoiding Adam out of
guilt.”