The Confession (9 page)

Adam spoke first. “Lydia is remembering
what you did to her. You incapacitated my wife with a date rape
drug, and forced yourself on her, against her will. If you were not
a priest, I would beat the shit out of you. Why John, why did you
do it? Why did you force yourself on my wife?”

“I have asked myself that
question many times over the years, and it pains me having to tell
you the truth. I do remember that I was drinking
heavily,
and
I
used cocaine that night, and,”
I
take a deep
cleansing breath, “I’ve regretted my actions for the past nineteen
years. I entered the priesthood because I knew of no other way to
atone for my sin. I committed the vilest of crimes against my
brother’s wife. I had to remove myself from everyone because I was
in love with Lydia. I loved her for a long time, but she only had
feelings for you. I resented you for taking away my
chance
at happiness. When she agreed to marry you, it destroyed
me.”

Stunned by his honesty, Adam searched
for the right words. “Lydia told you repeatedly that she loved you
as a friend. We both thought you had accepted this and moved on to
someone else.”

“She loved you and it made me angry. I
tried so hard to keep my feelings to myself. That night has haunted
my dreams for many years. I had to remove myself from the
memories.”

“I want you to stay away from Gail. If
you hurt her, I will hurt you. I don’t care if you are a
priest.”

“
What are you implying,
Adam? This does not concern Gail.”

“Gail is your daughter. Her
pre-surgery
blood
work
confirmed that I
am
not her
biological father. The blood you so readily donated was typed and
matched
before
Gail’s surgery. David found similar protein
patterns in your blood that matched Gail’s blood. He ran a DNA test
as a precaution. You are Gail’s father.”

For as long as I live, I will never
forget this day. I will never forget the look of anguish on my
brother’s tear stained face. How is it possible that I am Gail’s
father? “Oh Adam, I didn’t know. How could I have known? What do we
do now?”

“I don’t know what to do. How do I tell
my daughter that I am not her father? I want to know what would
drive you to betray me in this way. What have I ever done to you
that would justify you fucking my wife?”

I cringe at Adam’s harsh words. Father
Mallard has a similar reaction. “Please Adam, watch your
language.”

Adam snapped.
“
Please,
spare me the righteous indignation. You are guilty
of rape, and I want to know why.”

I sit quietly for several minutes,
rubbing the rosary beads between my fingers. Father Mallard stood
silently in the background, and when I glance over at him, the
expression on his face makes me nervous. I can feel sweat running
down my neck and back. In an unusually calm voice, as if I were
detaching myself from the memory, I tell Adam the painful
truth.

“I was always jealous of
you. There was not a time growing up that I did not resent you.
After you and Mary
had
been
born, I became invisible. It took a
long time for Dad to include me in your lives. By that time, the
resentment built to the point where everything you did
irritate
me.”

“I met Lydia at a rock
concert, and we dated for several months. She told me several times
that she did not want to have sex until after she
was married
. My body craved her in a way that excited and frightened me.
When she told me she did not love me and wanted to end the
relationship, I let her go, but never stopped loving her. It killed
me when she showed up at our family Christmas dinner with you. I
confronted her in the kitchen and demanded to know why she was
dating my
brother
.”

“Imagine my shock when she
proudly told me that you were the better
man
and apologized for
not telling me directly. She did not like my
drinking
and
caught me using cocaine. She thought showing up for Christmas
dinner with you would defuse the situation. She looked happy, and I
felt like an ass because I still loved her.”

Adam gritted his teeth. “What happened
that night?”

“Lydia was upset that you
missed your birthday party. She made a point of cooking a
special
dinner
and invited Mom and Dad. She called me complaining
about everything, and I drove over to your apartment to keep her
company.”

“When everyone left, I
stayed and helped Lydia finish the bottle of wine. We made popcorn
and watched a movie. Once the wine
bottle was empty
, I moved on
to
beer
and snorted cocaine. I was drunk and high
on cocaine
by the end of the night, and I was…aroused. I still
wanted
Lydia
and thought I could…persuade her to have sex with
me. I dropped something into her wine and waited for her
to…to…submit to me.”

“I became angry when I
touched her and she thought it was you. She had no idea I
was
touching
her. I was drunk and high, and I just…snapped. I
cannot remember how many times we…had sex. At some point during the
night, Lydia passed out on the bed. I fell asleep next to her and
woke early the next morning. I made sure I left no evidence in the
room.”

“My friend told me this
particular drug wiped out the memory. I prayed Lydia would not
remember. I went home and passed out. I awoke
with
a hangover
and a guilty conscience. I called her a few days later, and as far
as I could tell, she had no memory of that night. I had a few days
to think about what happened, and I regretted my actions. I went to
confession, and you know the rest of the story. I felt it was best
to leave and never return.”

Chapter 7

Adam is not looking at me. He’s been
staring out the window for several minutes. Why won’t he say
anything? I rise from my seat and say, “I think we’ve said enough
for today. Our focus must be on Gail’s recovery.” Father Mallard is
still hovering and he escorts me from my office.

Adam sat in John’s office
for several minutes as his mind
raced,
and his heart thumped in
his chest. A wave of sadness overtook him. Picking up his phone, he
called David. “I’m sorry Adam. I hope you know that I would never
intentionally hurt you. I know how much you love Gail.”

“Yes, I do. I am sorry too, but it
changes nothing as far as I am concerned. Gail is my daughter. I
don’t know what will happen with Lydia. We have a lot to discuss,
and now is not the time to cause her further trauma. How is Gail?
Is she still in recovery?”

“Her vitals look good. I want to keep
her in intensive care for another day. I want her stabilized before
I move her to a room. Her leg is badly broken, and I had to remove
her spleen. She has two hairline fractures to her ribcage, and a
mild concussion. Brain activity is normal, and I see no indication
of fluid or bruising. The leg is what concerns me. I had to use two
rods to set the tibia and femur. There were three hairline
fractures to her ankle. Gail’s recovery will be slow, and therapy
will be painful. Did the police apprehend the bastard that ran her
over?”

“I have no idea. I was so focused on
Gail that I never thought to ask my father.”

“Go home to your wife and get some
sleep. You sound exhausted.”

“I am tired. I have not slept since
early Sunday morning.”

Adam needed his twin sister
Mary. The two of them always had
a unique
connection.
In their youth, Adams friends
called their connection spooky voodoo because the two of them had a
way of silently communicating with each other.
Reaching for his phone, he sent Mary a text.
Where are you?

Mary immediately
responded.
I am sitting in your kitchen
eating lunch with Bobby. Where are you?

I am in the rectory, in
John’s office.

Come
home,
and I will
make something for you to eat and we’ll have a nice long
talk.

When Adam pulled up into the driveway,
he sat in his car and cried. Mary heard his car and watched him
through the window. Adam never cried. She always joked that he had
nerves of steel, and so the sight of her precious brother crying
like a baby destroyed her. Mary walked outside, opened the
passenger door, and reached for her brother.

Adam fell into her arms. “I’m scared
Mary. I don’t know what to do.”

“I know Adam. I went over to see Mom
and Dad earlier today, and they are devastated. Mom could not stop
crying, and Dad was yelling at her. I have never seen them argue.
Dad was yelling that it was John’s fault. Mom yelled back saying
that they should have told you the truth. Dad threw his coffee mug
against the wall and left the house.”

“Are we the only sane
people in this
goddamn
family? I don’t understand what
is happening to
us,
Mary. How do you do that to someone
you love?” Adam wiped the tears with the tail of his shirt and
reached for the door handle. “I have to check on Lydia. Is she
still sleeping?”

“Yes. Whatever you gave her knocked her
out. Bobby told me he sat in front of her bedroom door right after
you went to the hospital. I found him asleep on the floor when I
arrived this afternoon. Does he know what happened to his
mother?”

“He heard Lydia talking in my office,
but he doesn’t know about Gail. We had a man-to-man talk, and he
promised to keep this to himself. He does not want to upset his
mother or his sister. I need to see my wife.”

Adam walked quietly into their bedroom
and pulled back the curtain. Dim sunlight filled the room. Lydia
looked like a child curled up on her side, hugging a pillow. He
walked into the bathroom and took a quick shower. His confrontation
with his brother left him feeling dirty, both on the inside and
outside. He could wash off the dirt and grime from his body. How he
felt inside would take a long time to disappear. Walking back into
his bedroom with a towel wrapped around his body, Adam sat gently
on the edge of the bed and brushed a few strands of hair from her
beautiful face.

Lydia felt his touch and opened her
eyes. The sight of her husband’s beautiful face brought a small
smile to her face. Adam leaned down and kissed her forehead. “How
do you feel today honey? Did you sleep well?”

“How long have I been
asleep?”

Adam looked at the bedside clock. “I’m
not sure. I don’t remember what time we came home last
night.”

Lydia turned away from him and buried
her face in the pillow. Adam dropped the towel and crawled into
bed. When he reached out for her, she recoiled from his touch. “How
can you touch me knowing what he did to me?”

Adam fought to control the rage.
“Honey, nothing that happened was your fault. I have been touching
this beautiful body for nineteen years. You are my wife, and I love
you with every fiber of my being. Nothing will ever change my love
for you. You are beautiful Lydia, inside and out.”

Lydia moved closer to him
and felt his strong arm wrap around her. Spooning next to his wife,
Adam kissed her neck. “I will help you deal with this honey. You
are not alone. What can I do to help
you,
Lydia?”

Crying, she pressed herself
closer to him. “Love
me,
Adam, just love me. I don’t want to
be a victim.”

“Whatever happens, I will always be by
your side. I will protect you from my family. I do not want any of
them near you. Mary is downstairs with Bobby. Are you hungry? Could
you eat a little lunch? Mary made a pot of gravy and
meatballs.”

A small growl erupted from her stomach.
Laughing she said, “Um, I think I could eat something.”