The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (106 page)

Some like this tradition of getting dressed in separate locations, in secrecy; but some gays and lesbians prefer to rewrite it. Grooms will fix each other's ties; brides help each other into their gowns and share the same hairstylist and makeup artist. Fern and Faith chose this route for their commitment ceremony, and later Fern said, “If we were nervous, we were nervous together. If we were giddy, we were giddy together. I think it would be lonely to do it apart.”

We know many brides and grooms who treated themselves to professional massages the day before or the morning of the wedding. If this is something that generally appeals to you, we can't recommend it highly enough; you'll float through the ceremony and have extra energy to take you through the party paces.

Think of every possible little item you're going to need when getting dressed and to get you through the day. Create a “just in case” kit to take with you to the ceremony site and reception, and pack it the night before. Here are our nominations for what should be included. (We've tried to be as gender-neutral as possible, but where we've failed—try to figure it out for yourself.)

aspirin

baby powder

Band-Aids

bobby pins

bottled water

breath mints or gum

comb or brush

contact-lens solution and extra pair of contacts

copy of Serenity Prayer

extra undershirt/teddy

eyeglasses and/or sunglasses

hair spray

makeup