The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (108 page)

Take all pertinent contract information and any other organizational tools you've collected.

See that you have all required balances, gifts, and tips for people such as the caterer, officiant, musicians, and helpers.

Make sure, if you're going out of town, that arrangements have been made for collection of your mail, newspapers, and so forth.

Try to sleep.

Chains do not hold a marriage together. It is threads, hundreds of tiny threads, which sew people together through the years.

—S
IMONE
S
IGNQRET

E
ACH WEDDING DAY
is as different as the people who partake in it. However, in the Western world there are a number of popular wedding-day occurrences (think of them as part of Weddings 101) that everyone is familiar with and that you may want to include in your festivities. The trick is to take these heterosexual and sometimes chauvinistic rituals and put your own spin on them for the perfect gay affair. In addition to these dilemmas, there are details that must be worked out that simply have to do with good common sense… such as, how do you get to the wedding?

Getting a ride to your wedding shouldn't be difficult—chances are, you know someone who's going in that direction anyway. You're going to have so much on your mind on that you'll be doing the world at large a favor by not getting behind the wheel of a car. Enlist a friend (maybe your best person) to drive you from your house to the wedding, and for goodness' sake give this job to someone who is reliable. You really don't need the extra pressure of waiting around for anyone whose '72 Lincoln is constantly in the shop for repairs.

Some couples choose to go all out and rent a car and driver to chauffeur them for the day. In some circles, a veritable fleet of cars is hired to transport the entire wedding party. You can't really call renting a limo a necessity; however, it's something that newlyweds sometimes choose to indulge in.

You don't have to hire one of those flashy ultra-stretch numbers; most transportation companies have a range of models to choose from. There's the luxury sedan or town car, which is really just a large car with a roomy backseat that will be perfect for the two of you. Next comes your basic limousine, which is big enough to allow you to say to the driver, “James, please put up the divider window… we want some privacy.” Then there are stretch limos—these are the ones which can accommodate a party of eight, and we do mean party. The more elaborate stretch limos might come with moon roofs, bars, sound systems, plasma screen televisions and DVD players, and, yes, we've even read of one with a hot tub.

So how much is a ticket to ride? Depending on where you live, a basic sedan begins around $50 an hour; the superstretches might run into
the hundreds. An hour. With a two- or three-hour minimum. And a mandatory 15–20 percent tip added on. (See why we consider it an indulgence?) You might be able to get a package deal or arrange to have the car drop you off and pick you up at prearranged times. Ask around or hit the yellow pages or the Internet to get leads on reliable and reasonable car services.

ME? SUPERSTITIOUS?

The following are some wedding-day superstitions that have evolved through the years. Read and heed.

• The couple will be assured of good luck if the bride is kissed by a chimney sweep on the wedding day.

• If a bride cries on her wedding day, her marriage will never cause tears again.

• Bad luck befalls those who stumble on the wedding day. (So don't forget to tie your shoes!)

Getting from point A (the ceremony) to point B (the celebration) can be as straightforward or complex as you desire. Couples have been known to be whisked away in vintage cars, horse-drawn coaches, hot-air balloons, even helicopters. If you don't have far to travel and you love a parade, you can walk en masse to the party. We heard of two newlyweds who were shielded from the sun by large oriental umbrellas and of others being serenaded by strolling musicians as they led the promenade.

If you go by car, this is a chance to toot your own horn, as it were. The car you're in can lead a long line of other cars, all honking and announcing to the world that you two are indeed “Just Married.”

We're going to wait until it's legal everywhere, because otherwise, I said to Kelli, we'll be going around touring the country on the marriage tour, state by state!

—Rosie O'Donnell, when asked why she didn't go back to California to retake her vows that had been ruled not legal.

The receiving line ties the ceremony to the reception and is a formal way for the wedding hosts to welcome guests—and for the guests to meet you for the first time as a married couple. The custom guarantees that the couple get to be kissed, hugged, and congratulated by everyone and alleviates you of the responsibility of “making the rounds.” This is also an organized way of meeting any guests you might not know yet. Plus—who're we
kidding?—the receiving line is glamorous as hell, with everyone kissing you and shaking your hand and treating you as if you were the Queen Mum.

At nongay weddings, the receiving line is usually set up in this order: first the mother of the bride, then the groom's father, groom's mother, bride's father, then the couple. If you'd like, you can also include grandparents, aunts, uncles, your cousin from Seattle, your florist, ad nauseam. Anyone you feel should be there, should be there.

The downside of a receiving line is that it can slow down the reception. Make sure people are offered something to drink and nibble on while they are waiting (and waiting) in line. Some music to listen to couldn't hurt here, either. (Just make sure it doesn't drown out their comments about how stunning you look.) An honor attendant might also mingle among those in line and tell some jokes or do a softshoe to keep everyone amused.

Marianne and Tammy's wedding was based around the theme of a fifties sweetheart dance. Instead of having a receiving line, their friends crowned them Queen and Queen of the Sweetheart Dance: they were presented with crowns and scepters and were made to sit on two matching thrones. The DJ invited the “court” to greet the royalty. For the first forty-five minutes of the reception, Marianne and Tammy relaxed while guests visited them. Said Marianne, “It was great. No one waited in line, we got to meet everyone, and it was really funny sitting on the thrones and having our picture taken with everyone. Just a couple of queens.…”