The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (116 page)

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O
UR LOVE TO
the friends and family who guided and supported us during the initial writing of this book: Charlotte Sheedy, Roz Wolpert, Jay Wolpert, Bea and Morris Mitz, Vincent Price, Polly Anderson, Penny Stallings, Mike & Val Ayers, Dana & Catherine Ayers, Jenny Sullivan, and Martin Gage. Our thanks to our editor Kandace Hawkinson and everyone at HarperSanFrancisco, especially Andrea Lewis and Matthew Lore; and our love to our parents, Bob and Esther Ayers and Stan and Lyn Brown, for planting the seeds that made us who we are today.

Our new publisher, Matthew Lore, actually worked on this book in a lesser capacity in 1994 and has been tracking its various incarnations ever since. We are grateful for his support and belief in the timelessness of a gay wedding planner. Big thanks to our Publishing Assistant, Molly Cavanaugh, for all of her hard work; to everyone at The Experiment, especially Jack Palmer, Karen Giangreco, Diane Giangreco, and Nicholas Cizek; and Pauline Neuwirth of Neuwirth & Associates for the book interior design. Thanks also to Lorri Jean at the Los Angeles Gay and Lesbian Center, to Mary Connelly, and to Pat Holt; and to photographers Stephen Gosling, Chris and Jules Berggren, and Jenny GG.

Support on the 2009 edition came from: Don Weise and Paul Floretz from Regent Media; Hunter from MagicMud.com; Matt from Matt Mendlesohn Photography; Jane Lockhart and Jeff Softley from Sweet Lady Jane; Robin Goldsmith from Scissor Paper Stone; Kraig Meyer and Tracey Peterson from Olivia Cruises and Resorts; Gregg Kaminsky and Barbara Kinney from R Family Vacations; Brian Van Wey from RSVP Vacations; Lauren from Cohn Frankel Photography; Jason from Jason Wittman Photography; Megan from Megan Robbins Photography; Peter from Peter
Estenoz Photography Inc; Jovan from Jovan Charlton Photography; Stephen Wilcox from mhpphotos.com; Cathy Mazich-Addice; Katie Robertson and Jenny Stafford from Red Loft Studios; Jon Carrozza; and Soccorro Valenzuela. Very special kudos to Kathryn Hamm from
GayWeddings.com
and of course Marcinho Savant from SavvyPlanners.com.

Also big shout-outs to those brides, grooms and friends who contributed so much to the latest editions: Steven J. Ralston and W. Robert Hair; Trevor Burroughs and Matt LaChance, Major, U.S. Army (Retired); Gary Lowman and Brock McCormack; Valeria Cometto, Erin McCormack Mand, Jacqueline Rock, Priya Selvakumar, Laura Teeter, and Amy Wartick; Audrey and Erica Tanberg; Connie and Stephanie; Jim and Eric; Tanika and Patrice; Bruce and Mallory; Scott and Victor; Brian and Ted; Bryan and Robbie; Molly and April; Robin Tyler and Diane Olson; Steven Reynolds; Dan Reynolds; Francis Ramsden; Robert Moyer; Jason Seegert; Matt Rosen; Caray Powell and Michele Flamer; Susan M. Hill and Kelli Cureton; Ron Lucas and Brian P. Szura; Andrew and Darren Troup-Major; and Jerry Garcia and Drew Alexis.

We would also like to thank the following people who were kind enough to give of their time and expertise and for sharing their experiences with us: David Craig; Joe Timko and Randy Neece; Naomi Caryl; Dr. Gwynne Guibord; Stanley Siegel; Barry Michlin; Michael Arden; Susan Saroff; Laurie Pincus; Lynn Houston; Nancy J. Robbins; Judy Rudin; Allan Rich; Ann Volkes; Patti Levy and Beth Saltzman; Sandra Scoppettone; Bob and Rod Jackson-Paris; Stephanie Blackwood; Seema Weinberg from P-FLAG Washington; Adele Starr from P-FLAG Los Angeles; Rabbi Julie Greenburgh of the Jewish Renewal Life Center of Philadelphia; Ben Bakus; Barry Douglas; Mike Anders and John Chambers; Martin McCauley and Jeff Robertson; Susan Teisciero and Mary Huggins; David Bruner and George Zeimer; Michael Franco and Bob Shores; Norman Nichols and David Williams; Michael Snell and Michael Tonda; Ben Shivley; the Reverend Eduard Perry of MCC Tucson; Naomi Tomashoff; Geoffrey Fidelman; the Reverend Mary Grigolia of the Strongsville, Ohio Unitarian Universalist Church; Father Mike Tueth; Marianne Muellerleile; Peter Passell from
The New York Times;
Roxy Ventola and Matthew McGrath; Ellen Hullkower; Rupert Holmes; James Lafferty from the National Lawyers Guild; Jennifer Press; Barbara Safrin from Write on Third; Charlotte Booker; Barbara Held; Debbie Grunfeld; Rachel Solasz; Randy Tomme from Bloomingdale's gift registry; Howard Mandelbaum from Photofest; Time-Warner, Inc.; Tina Esposito; Don Roe; George Pyle, editor of the
Salina Journal;
the Reverend Kit Cherry of MCC Los Angeles; the Reverend Dusty Pruitt of MCC Long Beach; Lydia Segal of MCC Toronto; Shaun Newton of MCC Dallas; David White and Blake Derry; Fran Ruth and Sandy Moldafsky; the Reverend Victoria Lee; Mark Metzen and Tom Nolasco; Shirley Scott and Betty Barr; Don Campbell and Russell Windall; Boomer Kennedy; Demian from Partners Task Force; Nancy Seaton; Bob Mills and Jeff Wright; Mark Bower; Shelly Peters and Sandra Pearce; Pol and Andy Sandro-Yepes; Peter Tatchell of Outrage! UK; Craig Dean and Patrick Gill from the Equal Marriage Rights Fund; the Reverend Rosalind Russell; Babs Daitch from Olivia Cruises; Cindy Cesnalis and Clay Reeves from Shocking Gray; Bonnie Gruszecki and Maggie Wynne; Joel
Hecht; Bobby and Kay Smith; Michelle Lifer and Nancy Ferron; Dr. Betty Berzon; Judith McDaniel and Jan Schwartz; Diane Greenberg-Dilena from the Hotel Bel-Air; Hannelore Hahn, editor of
Places;
Diane Goodman; Suzanne Sherman; Pat Allen; Jim Kepner, and Jeff Hagedorn from the International Gay and Lesbian Archives in Los Angeles; the June Mazer Collection; Wayne Whiston, editor of
Our World;
Sandy Pinney and Carma Liperr from Sandy's Printing Services; Beverly Kopf; J. Kenneth Poe from the City of West Hollywood; Sandy Sprung; Carlos Stelmach, Sara Hart, and Cookie Kinkead from
10 Percent;
Brian Smith and John Beitner; Janice McQueeney; Michael Mitz; Tony Cook; Rabbi Marc S. Blumenthal of Temple Beth Chayim Chadashim; the Kit McClure Band of New York City; Donald Kreindler of 21 West Catering, Beverly Hills; Elaine Holliman; Pam Putch from Earth Angels; Barbara Held from Barney's New York; Mary Micucci from Along Came Mary Catering; Maria Sumnicht from Precision Software; Andrea Thomas from Royal Hawaiian Weddings; Susan Feniger from Border Grill; Marcelina Martin; Greg Richmond; Patricia Lee and Vanna Pecoraro; DJ Davis Photography; Linda Dozoretz; and Greg Constante, Scott Brassart, Julie Trevelyan, Kennette Crockett and Monica Warden from Alyson Publications.

 

We would like to thank the below photographers and photography studios for the wedding photos gracing the pages of this book.

Lauren Cohn-Frankel
began her career right out of high school, as a photojournalist and subculture documentarian in New York City. After moving to California in 1996 she earned her BFA in Fine Art Photography from California College of the Arts, and then opened her own studio specializing in artistic wedding photojournalism. Lauren's fresh style and beautiful, emotive images have won multiple awards and been published all over the world; in addition, she has generously donated many of her LGBT wedding images to further the cause of legalizing gay marriage in California and beyond. Enjoy her work at
cohnfrankelphotography.com
.

Peter Estenoz
has been doing wedding photography on the island of Key West since 1969. Whether a wedding on the beach for a couple eloping or a large planned event, Peter knows how to capture the day with his breathtaking photography. His web site is
www.ezweddingsinparadise.com
.

Born and bred in England,
Stephen Gosling
is a wedding photographer located in Washington, DC, and travels all over the world for his clients. He holds a BA (hons) in Documentary and Fine Art Photography from Liverpool John Moores University. His creative documentary style of shooting is modern, relaxed and fun. To check out more of his work visit his website at
www.goslingphotography.com
.

Jenny GG Photography
is located in Seattle, WA, and Jenny GG is happy to photograph weddings in California, Oregon, Colorado, or the destination of your choice. The photos she loves are those that come
during natural experiences. She will take the time to wait for that genuine smile without rushing the moment, finding inspiration in portraits that aren't posed, with the goal being to show the fun of the couple's day. See her portfolio at
http://jennygg.com
.

Red Loft
Studios, located in Long Beach, California, is a woman owned and run company that brings artistically trained photographers into the wedding and portrait industry. Their philosophy is simple: create images reminiscent of fine art photography and have fun while doing it. An energetic shooting style plus inventive use of light, setting and composition are the reasons the studio's products are often displayed as works of art. Explore their images at redloftstudios.com.

Megan Robbins
is a graduate of Arizona State University. She has been taking photographs since she was 17 and is a freelance photographer, with a focus on weddings in Phoenix, Arizona. Her photography and other randomness can be found at meganrobbins.com.

Jason Wittman
has enjoyed a long career as a noted press, commercial and wedding photographer. He is also well known for his fine art photographic prints. His wedding photography can be seen at lagayweddingphotography.com.

A

accessibility of location,
86
–87

accommodation card,
73

ACLU (American Civil Liberties Union),
15

admission card,
73

alcohol liability insurance,
158

alcohol-related accidents,
158

alcohol service,
154
–58

all-the-way gay,
34
–35,
207
,
256
–60

altar, creating your own,
132

alternative clergy,
116

Altman, Brad,
xiii

ambassadors, acting as

in ceremony,
107
–8,
120
–21

clergy's role during ceremony,
121

gift registration,
205

and home wedding,
99

newspaper announcements,
262

ring purchase,
135
–36

same-sex wedding as,
4
,
12
,
32
,
34
,
65

American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU),
15

American Gemological Institute,
21
–22

American Home Economics Association,
125

announcement,
22
,
261
–62

“Announcing Equality” campaign (GLAAD),
22

Apache blessing,
127

apparel

accessories,
187
–88

alternative choices,
189
–90

and food choices,
148

gender-bending fashion,
177

members of the wedding,
188
–89

men's alternatives to formal,
180
–81

men's formal wear and accessories,
177
–80

overview,
175
–77

recycling,
187

shopping for,
184
–86

wedding gowns,
182
–83,
185
–87

women's alternatives,
180
,
183
–84,
186
–87

appetizers,
151

apps for smartphones or tablets,
52

Are You Two… Together?
(Van Gelder, Brandt),
258
–59

Argentina,
17

Arizona,
17

arm arrangement bouquets,
192

art cards as invitations,
78

at home card,
74

attire.
See
apparel

autobiography of “Mary Casal,”
14

B

Babyloniaca
(Iamblichus),
13

bachelor/ette parties,
212
–13

background music,
224
–25

Baldrige, Letitia,
84

balloons and the environment,
57

bands,
220
–23

Barry, Dave,
51

bartenders,
106

Belew, Judith,
14

Belgium,
16

benedictions,
127

Bentley, Marguerite,
73
,
90
,
167

Berkeley, California,
15

beverages,
154
–58

biblical readings,
125
–26

birds, releasing,
132

Black, Lewis,
58

blind embossing,
78

Bloomberg, Michael,
17

Bloomingdale's, New York,
207

board games as reception entertainment,
226

booking agent for music,
222

Boston Legal
(TV series),
xiv

“Boston marriages,”
14

Boulder, Colorado,
15

bouquet, et al., tossing of,
250

bouquets,
192
–93

boutonnieres,
193

Brandt, Pamela Robin,
258
–59

breaking the wine glass,
118
–19

bridal discounters,
186

bridal industry,
51
–52,
184

bridal magazines,
51
,
184

bridal party.
See
members of the wedding

bridal salons,
185