The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (36 page)

Double-check all final counts with caterer

Attend rehearsal and rehearsal dinner

Get lots of sleep!

It's very dear to me, the issue of gay marriage. Or, as I like to call it: 
“
Marriage.'
”
You know, because I had lunch this afternoon, not gay lunch. I parked my car; I didn't gay park it.

—L
IZ
F
ELDMAN

W
HEN YOUR COUSIN
Bernice planned her wedding, there were huge fights between her mother and the mother of the groom over the number of guests each could invite. The traditional guest list is divided between the bride's family and groom's family, and is often further broken down by parents' friends and business associates—not to mention the bride's friends, the groom's friends, and mutual friends. Tension is compounded if the bride's parents are footing the bill and feel entitled to a larger chunk of the guest list.

You may not have the same problems as cousin Bernice, but in case we haven't mentioned it before, gay and lesbian weddings create unique circumstances that require some extra thought. For example, although you may really get along with the office manager at work, will
you
feel comfortable worrying about whether she will feel comfortable around your more—uh—colorful friends?

BAD NEWS
&
GOOD NEWS

The
BAD
News:

Because homophobia still exists, not everyone you invite to your wedding will come.

The
GOOD
News:

Because homophobia still exists, not everyone you invite to your wedding will come.

First of all, know that
there is no one that you absolutely have to invite to your wedding.
This may be the only time you hear this rule, and at least for this one selfish moment know deep down inside that it's the truth. Your guest list should be made up purely of people who you feel will share in your joy and enhance the experience
of a public declaration of your love. This is, of course, theory, and will occur only if you exist in a state of perfect grace, never feel any guilt, and cannot be influenced in any manner by friends or family.

So, keeping that ideal in mind, you can begin the process of putting together your guest list. First, each of you should sit down (together or separately; at the beginning it doesn't really matter) and compile a list of everyone, absolutely everyone, from your respective pasts and presents, whom you would want to have at your wedding. If your parents are hosting the wedding, of course they'll have a list too. This first list is what we call the In a Perfect World List and disregards budgetary concerns, space considerations, and social problems. Included on your In a Perfect World List might be:

immediate family and relatives

people who are like family to you

people you work with

people from your old jobs