The Essential Guide to Gay and Lesbian Weddings (81 page)

White tie.
The most formal of formal wear, it is also called white tie and tails or full-dress tailcoat. It's what made Fred Astaire Fred Astaire. The suit is black; the tie is—right you are!—white. The front of the coat (which has no buttons) extends below a white pique waistcoat. The trousers are solid black and are held up by suspenders. The white shirt has what's called a “boiled front” (meaning it has a white pique bib, never a pleated one) and a winged collar. If you're going all the way and “puttin' on the Ritz,” add a pocket watch and chain, a white scarf, white kid gloves, a silk cape, an ivory walking stick, and, of course, a black silk top hat.

There are all kinds of threatening-looking charts that tell you when the various incarnations of formal wear are to be worn, and by whom. Use them as guidelines, but don't get too caught up in them unless your greatest goal in life is to avoid offending a debutante. If you want to wear tails in the afternoon, no one's going to have you arrested.

The accessories you choose will further embellish the classic quality of the tux, or allow you to mix it up a little. Remember you want to look elegant but not identical.

The
bow tie
should be of moderate-width black
satin unless you decide to have it match a colored cummerbund. If you go with an
ascot
(a scarflike tie looped under the chin), it's usually either striped or white and requires a stickpin. Then there's the gray-and-black striped
four-in-hand,
which is what you think of as a generic tie with a slipknot.

A
cummerbund
is a pleated sash worn around the waist and often matches the bow tie in color and material. Since the trousers have no belt loops, they're held up by
suspenders,
sometimes referred to as
braces,
which of course are covered by the jacket but may make an appearance if you take the jacket off as the day wears on.

Waistcoats
are nothing more than backless vests (with straps around the back) and are worn instead of cummerbunds. For the purist, they match the tie in fabric and color, but you can go wild and find a brocade, tapestry, or iridescent-colored one. (And what about lavender?)

Shoes are properly black plain-toe
oxfords
or
pumps
—slip-ons of patent leather or calfskin.
Opera pumps
are patent leather, with grosgrain bows on them.

Socks
are black; no leg exposed, please.

The
shirt
for your tux should not be an afterthought. Remember the famous
Seinfeld
episode with the puffy shirt? You don't want your wedding shirt to be a running joke. The classic tux shirt is most often a form of white (ivory, pearl, cream) and has a pleated or white pique bib front. At the neck is either a standard
spread collar
or the more mysterious and elegant
winged collar.

The formal shirt requires
studs
(never mind the clever definition that we won't lower ourselves to use; they take the place of buttons) and
cuff links
made of anything from mother-of-pearl to black onyx.

Add to this either a
pocket square
(folded handkerchief) or a
boutonniere
(using both is considered gauche), and abracadabra, you're dressed to kill.

If you plan on having your attendants wear tuxes, ask for package discounts. You should get one free tux rental with the rental of four or five others.

Don't use a rental shop where you select outfits from a catalog. Make sure they have tuxes to try on and be fitted to you in the store.

Plan a trip to the shop at least four weeks in advance for your test fittings; don't just call your measurements in and hope for the best.

If you want everyone to match, don't let anyone bring his own tux from out of town. Out-of-towners should be fitted by professionals from their hometown, then coordinate the measurements with the same shop the rest of your attendants are using.

The cost of renting shoes is extra. Skip the rental if you have something appropriate, but make sure they're well-polished.

Find out exactly when everything is due back at the shop and have your best man or best woman make the return for you.

In some parts of the country you can rent a complete formal-wear outfit for $65-$100, but if you live in a big city where a rental can cost $175 or more, you might think about buying a tuxedo instead. You can actually find some great ones for $200–$400 (although that Dolce & Gabbana number will run you upward of $1,800), and if you anticipate needing to wear a tux again in the foreseeable future, purchasing could actually be the prudent way to go. You can also check with your local tuxedo rental shops, which sometimes sell last year's stock at bargain rates.

Women do look smashing in a man-tailored tux. And if the good lord blessed you with a statuesque lean figure, buying or renting a tuxedo will be a lot easier than it is for the other 80 percent of us. However, tuxes are typically cut for a man's body: shoulders are broader, and waists are narrower. Women tend to hold any pesky extra pounds in their stomachs and hips. Plus-size women (whatever that means in this age of rail-thin chic) should not be tempted to rent from the big and tall men's department, since there is just too much alteration work.