The Good Daughter (27 page)

Brian was dancing to ‘Push It' by Salt N' Pepper. I loved this song. I approached him from behind and curved myself around him. He turned his head. When he saw it was me, he flipped and we ground our hips against each other as we mouthed the words. I don't know how long I danced for, but my mouth was parched. I stumbled into the kitchen and was slurping down orange juice and vodka when Jesse materialised next to me again.

‘How are you doing?' he asked.

‘I'm having a blast,' I shouted, leaning against him. I'd seen him at the edge of my vision while I was dancing and each time I'd turned away. As I gazed into his eyes now I couldn't remember why I'd been avoiding him.

‘With or Without You' by U2 was playing and I swayed as I sang. Jesse took the glass from my hand and returned it to the table. He lifted my arms and put them on his shoulders. He sang in my ear as we slow-danced. I was giddy with happiness. I leaned back in his arms and closed my eyes, enjoying the feeling of hanging in mid-air. He pulled me up and I opened my eyes. All the things I'd tried so hard to forget came back as I stared at his face.

Now, with each word Bono sang, a layer of my happiness faded, as if I was slowly waking from a deep sleep. Jesse's hand caressed my face. My heart raced at the weight of expectation and hope in his eyes.

the kissing game

‘Don't do that.' I pushed his hand away.

Jesse tried to pull me back. ‘I don't understand.'

‘Just don't do it!' I shouted. His face filled with hurt and I reached for the vodka. ‘Just don't like me, okay.' I added orange juice and headed for the living room.

I skolled the vodka and put the glass on a lamp table, then drifted out to the dance floor. I gyrated with the crowd, the alcohol coursing through me. I thought I was floating, when suddenly a man's hands pulled me against the front of his body. Assuming it was Brian, I pushed my backside into his groin. Hands cupped my breasts. I was not dancing with Brian.

The man turned me to face him. I was dancing with Rob. He pulled me against him, his erection on my thigh. I put my hands on his arms trying to move him away, but he didn't budge. I struggled to get free.

‘That's it babe,' he whispered against my ear. ‘That's so good.'

I slumped and closed my eyes. My knees gave out and he held me up. He kissed my neck and I moved my head. ‘Don't, please,' I whimpered. He ignored me. ‘Stop it!' I tried wrenching myself away.

‘You bitch!' Fists hit me in the back and I was drowning in a cloud of red satin. ‘He's
my
boyfriend!'

Rob let go and I dropped to the floor. Gemma tried to kick me, but her cape got in her way. Her hands tangled in my hair and she yanked. Rob grabbed her and tried pulling her back.

‘Fucking bastard!' She let go of my hair and hit him.

As he dragged her away, I crawled in the other direction, pushing through dancing feet. I pulled myself up against a wall and used it to walk to the kitchen. I was pouring Jack Daniels when Jesse appeared at my side.

‘Sabiha, are you all right?' He held my arm and peered at my face in concern.

‘I'm bloody marvellous. marvellous.' My tongue was thick in my mouth.

He took the glass from me. ‘You've had enough.'

‘No, I haven't.' I hit his arm and reached for the glass.

‘Everyone having a great time?' Brian shouted as he walked in.

‘I am!' I shouted back and grabbed Brian. ‘It's a great party.' I kissed him on the cheek.

‘You want some?' Brian asked as he poured himself a drink.

I reached for the glass. ‘Fucking oath.'

‘She's had enough.' Jesse pushed between us.

Brian took a sip of the glass Jesse had put down. ‘It's a party.'

I took the glass from him. ‘I'll drink to that.'

‘She can barely stand.' Jesse grabbed the glass out of my hand.

‘Don't be a bore,' Brian said. ‘I'll keep an eye on her.' Someone called his name and he turned in the other direction. ‘Hey, Adnan.' He hugged him. ‘I didn't think you'd make it.'

‘I came when the party started.' Adnan rubbed my hair. ‘Hey cuz. So are you a prostitute or Wonder Woman? I can't tell the difference.'

‘Ha, ha,' I sneered, brushing his hand away. I felt dizzy. Jesse helped me onto a kitchen chair. I pushed him away. ‘I'm fine.'

Brian and Adnan laughed and left the room. Jesse knelt beside me. ‘Are you going to be sick?'

‘No.' I shook my head and the dizziness intensified. Jesse handed me a glass of water. ‘Thanks.' I handed him back the empty glass. ‘I feel better now.'

‘You need to ease up.' Jesse held a wet washcloth against my forehead.

‘I'll be fine.' I took the washcloth from him. ‘Brian will take care of me.'

‘You need to understand one thing.' Jesse squeezed my wrist. ‘Brian takes care of himself first, last and always.'

‘No, he doesn't.' I tried to pry his hand away, but his grip didn't ease up. ‘He's my best friend.'

‘He's been my best friend longer,' Jesse said.

My ears filled with static and I didn't hear anything he said after that. It was Kathleen and Shelley all over again.

‘Did you hear me?' Jesse shook me.

I pushed him away. ‘Mind your business.'

‘Fine.' He threw off my hand. ‘You win.' He turned and left, making his way through the crowd.

I collapsed back onto the chair, then stumbled to the bathroom. When I opened the door there were two figures kissing in the darkness. ‘Sorry.' I pulled the door closed and went to Brian's bedroom. Slumped on the bed, I closed my eyes, my head spinning and spinning and spinning. Something jostled me. I opened my eyes and saw Brian sitting beside me.

‘Are you okay?' He held my hand.

I nodded, but stopped short as my head began to ache. ‘I guess.'

My eyes filled with tears and I covered my mouth. He lay down beside me and I curled against him. He caressed my hair and whispered in my ear. I was crying so much I didn't realise he was saying sorry over and over.

‘It's not your fault.' I cupped his cheek. ‘I'm the one who stuffed up and kissed him.'

‘You're crying because you kissed Jesse?'

I wiped my face.

Brian sat up. ‘I thought—'

I sat up and rubbed his back. ‘What?'

‘Nothing, it doesn't matter.' He lay down again and pulled me with him. ‘So you and Jesse?'

I nodded and settled my head on his chest. ‘Have you ever kissed someone and it felt like heaven?' I listened to the beating of his heart.

‘Yes,' Brian said.

I lifted my head. ‘Who was she?'

‘It's not important.' He pushed my head back onto his chest. ‘Are you and Jesse together?'

‘Nah.' I remembered Jesse's face and my heart started pounding again.

I yawned and, as I moved my head, my face rubbed against Brian's. His beard tickled my face and it felt so nice, I did it again. ‘Mmm,' I murmured.

I opened my eyes. Brian was gazing at my lips; his eyes were heavy-lidded. He moved his head closer and kissed me, his tongue tasting of cigarettes and Jack Daniels. Jesse's kiss was gentle and tender, but Brian's kiss was carnal and determined.

He moved on top of me and held himself on his arms, his lower body pinning mine to the bed. As his hips thrust against me, the zipper of his jeans rubbed between my legs and his groin pressed between my thighs. His hand went down my top and he gently squeezed my breast. He stopped as abruptly as he'd started. His breath was heavy over my own panting.

‘Sorry.' He kissed my forehead. ‘I had to know.' He lay on his back and covered his eyes with his arm.

‘Know what?' I asked as I leaned over him. ‘Know how this feels.' I kissed him, my hand moving between his legs. As I touched him he hardened against my hand. There was one part of me floating above the bed, shocked at what I was doing. I hadn't even gone to second base with a boy before. The other part of me was thrilled at my own daring.

‘No, Sabiha.' Brian put his hand on mine and tried to move it away. ‘Stop.'

I met his eyes. ‘Do you really want me to stop?' My hand was still moving up and down.

I started lowering my head—perhaps Dina and Gemma were right about blowjobs. I'd never imagined doing something like that—at least not until I was in a serious relationship—but I wanted to be close to Brian.

He pulled me back up and cupped my head as he kissed me, pushing me back on the bed. I groped to undo his zipper and put my hand down his pants. As I held him in my hands I was surprised at how soft his skin was. His hand covered mine and he pushed it up and down in a stroking motion. His forehead was pressed against mine and he moaned as warm liquid covered my hand.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up as his chest heaved. It wasn't until his tears dripped on my neck that I realised he was crying.

‘I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,' he whispered between sobs.

I wanted to ask what was wrong, to comfort him, but I was so tired I couldn't move.

In the morning I was alone in the bed. I pushed myself up, feeling woozy and nauseous. What had I done last night? I was never getting drunk again. It wasn't worth the agony and humiliation. When I stood my head pounded. I carried my backpack into the bathroom and had a shower. When I got out I heard dishes clattering. I hesitated. How was I going to face Brian after what we had done the night before?

‘Sabiha, is that you?' Brian called out.

‘Yes.' I shuffled into the kitchen, my eyes on the floor.

‘You want some?' He held up two slices of bread.

‘Ta.' I sat on the kitchen counter.

‘Drink this.' He handed me orange juice.

I wanted to heave when I remembered all the vodka and orange drinks I'd had the night before. He put the toast in front of me and handed me butter and jam. After I'd eaten the toast, my stomach settled. I relaxed, pleased that everything was okay between Brian and me. ‘I'll help you clean.'

He took the sponge from my hand. ‘You'd better get going. Dina called and she'll be home by midday.'

What had happened? She'd made a big deal about me not going home before three o'clock, so she could spend Sunday afternoon with Tony. ‘Okay.' I lifted my backpack and waited for him to turn. He did, slowly. I kissed him on the lips. He didn't pull away, but he didn't kiss me back either.

‘I haven't brushed my teeth yet,' he said in response to my questioning look. He put his arm around my waist and led me to the front door. He lowered his head and I pursed my lips for a kiss. His lips landed on my cheek.

‘Maybe I should stay.' I stopped walking. ‘We need to talk about Jesse and what we're going to tell him.'

‘I can't now. I have to clean up before my parents come home.' He gestured down the hallway. ‘We'll talk to Jesse tomorrow.'

At least I wouldn't have to face Jesse alone. Brian had cried after we'd messed around—he must feel guilty about Jesse. But I'd never had doubts about liking Brian and now I finally had the chance to be with him. My mistake had been to kiss Jesse. I'd been vulnerable and let his attentiveness sway me.

There was no one home to answer my knocking. I used the spare key and went to my room. As I lay in bed with my eyes closed I kept seeing flashes from the night before. Whenever Jesse's face appeared, I was filled with shame. If only I hadn't let him kiss me. I pushed him out of my mind and concentrated on Brian, remembering our night together. It had finally happened and we were officially together.

I waited all day Sunday to hear from him. Whenever I tried calling, his phone was engaged. I started feeling the first inkling of concern.

On Monday morning I headed for the oval. Dina and Gemma were waiting. ‘Slut!' Gemma headed for me like a bulldog on the attack.

Dina stepped between us. ‘Stop it.' Dina pushed her away. ‘Is it true?'

‘What?' I frowned at her.

‘Did you come onto Rob?' Dina asked.

‘I saw her!' Gemma shouted.

‘He came onto me,' I mumbled.

‘Fucking liar!' Gemma was screaming. ‘He would never do that.'

Dina held Gemma's arm. ‘Ease up.'

‘No.' Gemma threw Dina's hand off. ‘Either you believe me or you believe her.'

‘No, Gemma.' Dina held her hand up in a placating gesture. ‘Either I believe Sabiha or I believe Rob.'

Gemma's mouth gaped open. ‘You're taking that slag's side.'

‘I'm not taking sides,' Dina said. ‘I'm trying to be fair.'

‘You wogs stick together. Rob told me not to trust you.'

Dina stepped back as if she'd been hit.

‘Stop it,' I snapped at Gemma.

‘What else did Rob say?' Dina asked, her voice sharp as cut glass.

Gemma turned away, realising she'd crossed a line.

‘Come on, Gemma. Since Rob is such an expert I want to hear all about myself,' Dina baited.

Gemma jabbed her finger at me. ‘This is all your fault.'

‘No, it's not.' Dina knocked her hand away again. ‘It's our fault.' She put her arm across my shoulders. ‘We're lying wogs.'

I thought Gemma was going to back down. Her eyes blinked as if she were about to cry, but then she squared her shoulders. ‘Rob
was
right,' she spat out. ‘You can only be friends with your own kind.'

Dina threw Gemma's backpack down the oval. ‘Then find your own fucking kind!'

Gemma scurried to pick it up and ran off, bumping into Adnan as he walked towards us.

‘What was that about?' he asked.

Dina flashed me a look of caution. ‘Nothing at all.' She gave him a huge fake grin.

Brian came over. I ran and kissed him on the lips. ‘What did I miss?' he asked.

Adnan watched, doing his macho ‘head of the family' act, as I hugged Brian and pulled his arms around me, daring Adnan to say something.