The Holiday Hoax (3 page)

“I don’t even know your last name. Mine’s Goodman.”

“It’s Laurens. JD Laurens. But you’re going to be calling me Tyler anyhow, right?”

“Yes.” Although the thought of saying Tyler and looking into JD’s dark eyes didn’t sit right with me.

“Do you have anybody but your brother? Other siblings?” I asked, hoping the answer was yes. Even if that made our arrangement more complicated, JD deserved more family than that awful Shawn.

“Just him. How about you?”

“Two sisters.” I thought about Ann and Courtney. We’d fought as little kids, each of us trying to outdo the other in bratty behavior, taking some pride in driving our mother crazy until she’d finally start yelling. My sister Ann was pretty in a sharp, guarded way that boys found challenging, and it made her alarmingly popular. She’d had boys writing her dopey love letters since grade school. Ann was always telling them, me, and our baby sister Courtney what to do too. Little Miss Perfect. She liked to boss everybody around right from the get-go, but somehow Ann got away with being dictatorial and people still liked her. Since she’d transferred to a college in Pennsylvania, she was hardly ever home.

I was the “talented” one, belting out show tunes before I knew my ABCs, always hamming it up for my grandparents. Truthfully, I hoped to be destined for something extraordinary and recoup the losses from my distinct lack of a social life.

My younger sister Courtney was a tomboy for most of our childhood. She spent most days reading a pile of books in the backyard, sitting high up in the tree house our dad had built, her dirty bare feet swinging down. But when Courtney started high school last year, her looks suddenly blossomed, and she had acquired a boyfriend in a short amount of time. She was still a tomboy, but a hot one.

“How about Tyler?”

“Tyler?”

“The guy I’m pretending to be?” JD prompted.

“Oh, right.” I realized that Tyler hadn’t entered my thoughts for some time. That was a first—a welcome first. It felt good. Maybe I really was over Tyler, and the world hadn’t ended.

I stared into JD’s eyes. He stared into mine.

“Does he have any siblings?”

“Tyler’s an only child.”

Did that explain why Tyler refused to talk with me and chose instead to avoid me? Tyler didn’t know how to fight; his background was polite and perfect. His parents were strangers to him; his day devoid of dirty, grubby siblings to bicker with him over who was right or wrong.

“His parents are diplomats. They don’t know he’s gay or anything else about him. I don’t think Tyler talks to them much. Oh, if my parents do ask, since they’re pretty nosy and might want details, he’s close to an old teacher at his prep school. Mrs. Rye? I think that’s her name. She taught history there.”

“And your folks wanted to meet Tyler? They’re um… okay with your being gay and everything?” JD jammed his hands into his pockets.

“As if I could hide it from them! Mom says she knew before I did. And Dad doesn’t ask a whole lot about it; he’s more likely to ask me about my grades or something, but he’s good for the most part.”

I didn’t add that sometimes, despite my dad’s best efforts to accept me, we sat there in silence because we had no common language, or that when dad did speak directly to me, we often rubbed each other’s sore spots. It would have been nice if my dad had a little more faith in me and my dreams, but next to JD’s problems, it didn’t seem right to complain about that.

JD didn’t say anything else. He turned and gazed out the train window. Again, my heart broke for him, but I didn’t know what to offer in the way of comfort, so I fell silent.

A few more people boarded at the next train station. An older woman sat in the seat across from us and settled her big purse on her lap, and two businessmen, one stoop shouldered and the other with a pleasant face, occupied the seat in front of JD. They immediately took out their laptops and plugged them into the nearby outlets.

“Trains have come a long way from when I was a kid,” I said. “Except for the bathrooms. Still like pissing down a hole.” I smiled. “It’s hard to aim on a rocking train.”

“I’ve never been on a train before.”

“Never?”

“No. My folks didn’t really take trips.”

“Where’re you from?”

“Here in New Jersey.”

“So you must have gone into New York city at least once, right? To Broadway? The Village? Little Italy?”

“No. I’m from a small farming town. Bentbrook. We never did that.”

“We have farming towns in Jersey?”

“It is the Garden State.”

“Yes, but I thought nuclear plants were our main vegetable.” I made an explosive sound and pushed apart my hands as if they were exploding.

“Funny.”

“Do you mind another question? Are you religious?”

“Religious? My folks were devoted churchgoers—my brother still is. More so after my folks died a few years ago in a car accident. It’s partly why I knew he might… act like he did.”

“Sorry.”

“Not your fault.”

“Still, I… I’m sorry. Your brother is a total asshole to treat you that way.”

JD frowned. “No. My brother’s not all bad. He raised me when everything fell apart. But some parts of him are closed off to anything different than what he believes.”

“So that excuses telling you not to come home?”

“It’s complicated. And he was shocked. I had a girlfriend all through high school. Heather. We didn’t… do anything, though. She was the same as me, so we helped each other out. We fooled everybody. I let my brother think I was like him. I’ve been an asshole too.” JD sighed. “That’s all I’m trying to say.”

In my mind, that still was no reason for Shawn to react with hatred and ignorance, but I didn’t share my thoughts with JD. I wanted to ask him why he finally decided to tell his brother the truth, but his dark expression stopped me.

“I always followed Shawn’s way.”

“That sounds difficult.”

“It was. I tried to live up to his expectations. For years I played sports ’cause he did, had the girlfriend, aimed to be popular, all of that.”

JD shared with me so openly, I wanted to return his honesty. My bad experiences a few years back in school didn’t compare with his home life, but I wanted him to know he wasn’t alone. I, too, struggled to fit in somewhere.

“Yeah, I didn’t aim to be popular. It was beyond the realm of my possibilities.”

“So what’d you aim for?”

“Survival.”

JD laughed, the sound warm and rich. “How’d that go?”

“I’ve got some battle scars.”

“I bet.”

I was glad JD seemed a little happier. Still I hesitated before I asked, “What will happen to you after the break? Does he help you with school and everything?”

“I’ve a scholarship and can always take out a student loan if that falls through.” JD held my gaze and added quietly, “I’ll figure it out as it comes.”

“Sure. Why plan when you can improvise?”

“Exactly.”

I wanted to give him a warm hug, but I wasn’t sure how JD would take that sort of gesture. Like, right now he had a stony expression, his arms crossed, and his big frame looked braced for a fight. I was good at reading body language, and JD’s clearly said “don’t touch.” I realized he was only going along with the whole Tyler pretense to salvage his pride; inside, he must have been frightened and lonely. He had come out, been rejected by his only family, and had no place to go for the holidays. If he needed to be the one doing me the big “favor,” then I would let him. JD was practically a stranger, yet I had never wanted to help anybody more. It was clear to me how much he was hurting. I might have bought his stoic act if his eyes weren’t the saddest ever.

“To answer your earlier question, I’d like to believe something created all the wonders that I see in the universe. It’s all so incredible. I believe that much. But I’m hardly at church every Sunday. And you already know how I hate the holidays, so I guess I’m not that religious.”

“Good.” I made my tone light on purpose. “Because I invited you home for the holidays and everything, but I forgot to mention that I’m a Paul Newman.”

“Huh?”

“A half-and-half. Mom’s Catholic, Dad’s Jewish. So get ready for some latkes followed by some fruitcake. Okay?”

“Sure.” JD appeared bemused. “I like fruitcake.”

“Oh, come on. Nobody likes fruitcake. But don’t worry; she always has Christmas cookies. We leave some for Santa. He likes a variety of cookies and eggnog too. My mom makes everything from scratch, and the eggnog so freaking good until it makes me sick, it’s so rich. You know? But I can never resist having a few cups.” I tried to rein myself in. “Sorry if I’m rambling. I do that when I get excited.”

“No, it’s cool.”

I picked at a hole in my jeans. An awkward silence fell. Possible topics went through my brain: the weather, sports, and the dorm. All so lame. I kept quiet and worried. Had JD and I already run out of things to say?

“I saw you in a play on campus once,” JD offered.

“You did?”

“It was something Shakespeare, and you were this guy… Huck?”

“Puck?”

“Yeah.” His lips quirked. “Sorry. I’m not too up on that stuff.”

“No worries. At least you didn’t think my name was Fuck.” At my loud profanity, the older woman across from us gave a frosty glance, and I smiled back at her. “It’s Shakespeare,” I said. Then winked at JD, who chuckled.

“You’re a little crazy.”

“What gave me away? My talking back to strangers, or my inviting a relative stranger home for the holidays?”

“Both.” JD smiled.

“Was I good as Puck? Did you like me? No, no—don’t answer that. I’m horribly vain about my acting.”

JD’s slow smile widened. “You were good.”

“Thank you, thank you!” I gave a mock bow. I glanced at the older lady who narrowed her eyes at me. “I was fucking awesome, wasn’t I?”

I thought I had JD fooled then. I was a pro at masking my insecurities with my bravado. When the Tyler debacle occurred, I’d arrived at dress rehearsal cracking jokes and flirting with everybody around the stage, while inside my nerves jackhammered in my chest. I’d tell my family we broke up after New Year’s, over the phone and away from their pitying faces. I could handle that better.

But would this cockamamy plan even work? I had a weird feeling that JD didn’t know
how
to pretend. His every emotion flickered over his face, open and serious and real. My family expected Tyler to be artistic like me. They knew about Tyler’s boarding school background and other details…. They wouldn’t expect JD.

“This won’t do at all,” I mumbled.

We were almost at our destination.

“What?”

The thing was, Tyler would have smoothly fit into my world. He would have charmed my whole family in ten seconds flat.

“About Tyler, how he is… well….” I broke off and chewed my lip. What could I say here? That JD would be a terrible Tyler? That this was a dumb mistake? Better to call it all off? Have each of us go our separate ways? But where would JD go? Compassion filled my heart. JD was counting on a place for the holidays. Despite often being accused of being shallow, I could never do that to another human being.

I touched JD’s arm. “Just remember to act gaga over me, okay? Like I’m your everything. Let me show you what you might do.”

“Can you do that too?”

“Of course, I’m an actor,” I boasted. “I can even trick myself.”

I took JD’s larger hand in my own and leaned forward. “We hold hands. Then I gaze all doe-like into your eyes, like so….”

As JD’s dark eyes met mine, my pulse quickened unexpectedly.

“It’s not too late to end this.” JD pulled back slightly, his voice low. “Just tell your family that Tyler is out of the picture. I’ll be fine. I can call some friends, only—hell, I haven’t told anybody about… about me, and I don’t want to go through it. Not right now. Not with one more person.”

“Maybe one of your friends will surprise you and be understanding.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. Heather might put me up, but I don’t want to drag her into it all. Her parents think we broke up anyhow. I thought my brother…. Never mind, I can go to a motel. I have a little money saved.”

“No, you should stick to our plan and come with me. We can have some fun. It will be good for us both.”

I stopped talking when my phone buzzed. I frowned at it suspiciously a moment before answering. “Yeah? Oh… hey.”

“Hey,” Tyler said. “How are you doing?”

“Okay.”

I glanced at JD, who stared at me grimly.

“Good,” Tyler said. I waited. Tyler hadn’t even attempted to talk to me in weeks. This could only be about one thing. “But….”

“But what?”
A hookup by any other name
, thought I,
was still a hookup
. And I didn’t want to listen to Tyler backpedal now because Hamilton wasn’t working out.

“Things haven’t worked out with Hamilton.”

Bingo.

I pressed my lips together. I wasn’t going to ask for details.

“Evan?”

“I’m here.”

“Oh. You’re so unusually quiet. I’m headed to my grandfather’s place. Anyhow, I don’t know. I wanted to say happy holidays.”

“Happy holidays.” I ended the conversation abruptly. As soon as Tyler found the next Hamilton, I knew, he’d stop calling me. That had been our thing. I was his plan B. Only it had taken me a while to see it.

I attempted to smile at JD. “Sorry about that. I know we were in the middle of something important.”

“It’s fine.” JD gave a halfhearted shrug. “It’s cool.”

His black hair fell a little into his eyes, and he licked the tip of his upper lip. Was he nervous about something?

“Tyler and me are definitely over,” I blurted out.

“Well, I guess if you weren’t, I wouldn’t be here.”

“Relationships are so confining. Who needs them, right?”

“Yeah.” JD gave me a tiny smile, the corners of his mouth lifting, his crooked tooth visible.

“Yeah.” I smiled slowly back. “Okay, then. Onward.”

A
S
WE
disembarked the train, I was one step from the bottom when I slipped.