The Humans (12 page)

DEIRDRE

Oh wow, that's great . . . do you guys have any Thanksgiving traditions?

RICHARD

Uh, some, yeah, we usually start our morning off volunteering at this soup kitchen about thirty minutes from our house, so . . .

DEIRDRE

That's beautiful, I volunteer with the Bhutanese now, / every week they have—

BRIGID

Mom, we know.

DEIRDRE

They uh, the Bhutanese, the level of poverty, guys, is just . . . [unimaginable] . . .

They eat. Erik returns to the table after getting Momo settled.

ERIK

     
(To Richard)

You balancing a job with all your studies . . . or just racking up the college loans?

RICHARD

Ha, I've gone the loan route but I plan on paying them off as soon as possible . . .

BRIGID

His grandmother—he's getting a small trust when he turns forty—can I tell them?

RICHARD

You want to know if you can tell them
after
you tell them? / Seriously?

BRIGID

Sorry—babe, sorry, don't be embarrassed . . .

ERIK

     
(Teasing)

You haven't reached that milestone yet, Rich?

DEIRDRE

Having to wait until your forties is a—your grandma's a smart lady, it's like that—'member that e-mail I forwarded you guys about Andrew Carne—is it Car
neg
ie or
Car
negie, / I never remember . . .

DEIRDRE

I forwarded it, Rich, 'cause it had this great answer to the question: “What makes Americans powerful and influential and wealthy?”

Small beat as they eat.

AIMEE

Trust funds?

DEIRDRE

No . . . not trust funds, / smart-ass . . .

AIMEE

What—too soon? Too soon? . . .

BRIGID

Yes, too soon . . .

DEIRDRE

What makes a person powerful and influential and wealthy is
not
growing up with power and influence and wealth. That's what the e-mail said, anyway . . .

     
(Caught off-guard by her emotions)

. . . the gift of poverty is a . . . it's not a myth, / it's a real thing, it can be a blessing . . .

AIMEE

Whoa, Mom, are you okay?

DEIRDRE

Yeah I'm just happy to be with my girls, sorry . . .

They eat. Brigid mouths, “Get a grip . . .” to herself.

Erik cracks open another beer.

ERIK

One thing I learned, Rich—and the older I get I see this—it's that having too much money—it can be just as bad for you as, you know,
not
having enough, / you know? Gotta be careful . . .

BRIGID

     
(Embarrassed)

Dad, why're you—what are you talking about—

RICHARD

I think I know what you're saying—do you mean—

ERIK

I'm saying—Dee's bosses have more money than God and they're stingy with her on everything, bonuses, vacation days . . . Aimes gets fired 'cause she's sick—
my
grandma almost lost her life in a fire 'cause her bosses locked the doors to her factory to keep 'em from taking breaks, coupla blocks from here, so—and this isn't some scientific notion or something—but, yeah, I do notice that rich people are usually pretty messed up.

RICHARD

Well, no, no, it's a good point, I just don't think being messed up is
necessarily
linked to how much money is in your bank account.

RICHARD

We agree on that, yeah, but so can being poor. Right? / Just meaning—

RICHARD

—I actually agree with you, I'm just adding that . . . yes, wealth can ruin people but so can poverty.

DEIRDRE

Well I'd rather be ruined in a Four Seasons somewhere, on a beach, you know? . . . I'll take wealth for four hundred, Alex . . .

RICHARD

. . . well I'm proud that my family went out of their way to ensure—you
do
get that I'm not able to touch my money until I'm forty, right?

ERIK

Uh-huh, but do
you
get how that sounds to a man my age?

RICHARD

No I hear you, I hear you . . . / I do . . .

DEIRDRE

They're delicious . . .

BRIGID

We're gonna try and keep our fridge stocked with them, start juicing for breakfast.

AIMEE

Cool . . .

RICHARD

You guys liking any of the super-foods?

BRIGID

     
(To Aimee)

Rich made up a
list
that I e-mailed to these guys . . .

DEIRDRE

I even, I bought blueberries last week . . . they're not cheap.

ERIK

You also bought blueberry doughnuts.

DEIRDRE

Yeah, and you had three of them, so don't / act like you're better than me please.

ERIK

I did, no, I did.

AIMEE

Sadly, doughnuts are cheaper, too, huh?

They eat.

ERIK

So what, uh, when forty comes along, what happens . . . do you just, do you retire?

RICHARD

Yeah, the main reason I'm not done with school yet is, I've been / in and out—

BRIGID

He took time off—

RICHARD

—yeah, because for a while / I was—

BRIGID

You don't have to tell them . . .

RICHARD

—it's fine—in my early thirties—I was depressed for a bit, so—I'm fine now, just took me a while to get up and running again, but . . . I've been better for years, it's why I'm comfortable talking about it . . .

ERIK

You take medicine for that?

BRIGID

Dad, that's rude / to ask—

AIMEE

Yeah, no we just have a lot of stoic sadness.

They eat.

ERIK

     
(To Richard)

Well . . . I'm sorry, if—

RICHARD

[It's fine.]

ERIK

. . . makes you wonder if—the kind of faith
we
grew up with . . . it's not perfect but you take for granted what a, a, a kinda natural antidepressant it is . . .

AIMEE

No religion at the table—

DEIRDRE

Hey, my mouth is shut, you know / where I stand . . .

BRIGID

Mom . . . you brought a statue of the Virgin Mary into our house— / how is your mouth shut?

ERIK

All right, okay . . . I didn't mean to get us . . . I was just saying it's funny you guys'll try—you put faith in, in juice-cleansing or / yoga but you won't try church—

BRIGID

I did
one
juice-cleanse . . .
one
. . .

BRIGID

That's because—yeah, I was trying to get you to pay for
mine—
I still can't afford it—

ERIK

Well save some of the money you spend on organic juice and pay for it yourself—

BRIGID

Don't criticize me for caring about my mental health—

AIMEE

Okay . . .

ERIK

Well what about—Rich's mom is a therapist—why don't you get it from her?—

Small beat.

DEIRDRE

She's not your mother-in-law unless you get married—

AIMEE

Mom . . . [don't] . . .

BRIGID

Looking for work every day, it's depressing—

ERIK

Well you've still got the will to eat super-foods—if you're so miserable why're you trying to live forever?

Aimee smiles involuntarily.

BRIGID

Last week—I shouldn't even tell you—

ERIK

Of course I'll care.

RICHARD

Read it to him, you'll feel better.

Brigid gets out her phone, searches for something.

RICHARD

This one professor has been writing all of her recommendation letters for all these applications and—

BRIGID

Yeah 'cause there's only one that I felt close to at school, who actually knew who I was, so . . . I was gonna miss this one deadline so I called his office and . . . his assistant agreed to e-mail the rec letter directly to me . . .

Brigid hands her iPhone to Erik, who reads the PDF of the letter on her phone.

AIMEE

What's it say?

BRIGID

. . . at least now I know why I'm not even getting interviews for unpaid internships.

ERIK

     
(Reading)

What's the big deal?—he didn't praise you enough?

Pissed, Brigid grabs her phone.

BRIGID

Are you kidding me?

     
(Reading)

“Brigid is a talented musician and composer; she served as a TA in my music theory class her senior year and many of the students noted how approachable and helpful she was to them in navigating the course. Initially, I must confess, I found Brigid's compositions almost willfully opposed to specificity and urgency. In her senior year, however, she showed marked improvement. And while her orchestral pieces still do not have the range or originality of her contemporaries, she always displays technical proficiency and great verve.” [What does that even mean?!] “Her hard work and positive attitude have made her an asset to the music department.”

     
(Eyes watering)

. . . why wouldn't he respect me enough to say he couldn't do it?

Richard comforts her.

ERIK

You can always work retail.

BRIGID

Everyone whose opinion I value has read this—

ERIK

Your grandma grew up in a two-room cesspool and your tragedy is what—having to figure out how to get a new letter of recommendation? / Sorry if I—

ERIK

—you're lucky to have a passion to pursue, if you don't care about it enough to push through this setback you should quit and do something else . . .

UPSTAIRS
:
The light above the staircase burns out. The only light upstairs now comes from the open bathroom door.

DEIRDRE

It's just a light bulb . . . we'll live . . .

Brigid goes in search of a spare bulb. Erik follows her.

ERIK

     
(To Brigid, who is still angry with him)

Hey, hey, I don't wanna see you bent outta shape over something you can fix. / The Blakes bounce back, that's what we do.

BRIGID

Thanks . . . . . . uh-huh, yeah . . . . . . thanks, Dad, I don't really need a lecture now . . . Rich—why didn't we ask the landlord to replace all the light bulbs before we moved in?

RICHARD

Because that's a crazy thing to ask for, babe, no one asks for that.

AIMEE

What are you laughing at?

DEIRDRE

. . . she's burning out the bulbs to get our attention . . .

DEIRDRE

She-With-No-Face . . . / she strikes again!

BRIGID

Dad sees faceless women in his sleep . . .

DEIRDRE

     
(Going upstairs, wobbly ghost wail)

. . . woooooooo . . .

RICHARD

Tough crowd, Erik . . .

DEIRDRE

The bathroom . . .

     
(Using a flashlight)

. . . this is gonna be like spelunking just to go pee . . . woooooo . . .

Now they are all laughing, even Richard.

UPSTAIRS
:
Deirdre proceeds to the bathroom.