The Impossible Art of Falling (Impossible Art #1) (13 page)

Despite her new outlook, there was a small voice that nagged at her. She hadn’t been completely truthful about her past and about her father. In fact, she hadn’t even told him about her father. She would have to, eventually, if this was a relationship that she hoped would continue. She would have to tell him where she came from and what had happened. It wasn’t something that she could hide forever. Then again, was it really that important for him to know? Regardless, it wasn’t something she wanted to think about. She wanted to live in the moment, and that meant seeing Luke.

Jena was showered and dressed in no time at all and ready to go downstairs to breakfast. She clambered down the steps as she threw her hair into a ponytail, excited to see Luke. Instead, she rounded the corner and nearly slid into Kyle.

“Well, hey there,” he exclaimed, grabbing her arms to steady her. He was close. Too close.

“Hi,” she answered curtly and shook herself free from him, managing to take a step back. She peered over his shoulder, trying not to look too eager, her eyes searching for Luke. She tried to hide her disappointment when she realized that he wasn’t there yet.

“Good morning, dear,” Meg said, as she came in with a plate of sausage. “It seems that we are all running a bit late today. Your uncle is still out feeding, and Luke hasn’t come in yet either.”

Jena saw Kyle smirk as he took his seat next to her. She scooted further away from him, trying not to be too obvious. She was hoping that Luke would come soon and give her something to think about, other than the hulking figure of Kyle sitting next to her. He clearly wasn’t getting the hint and was inching closer to her, their arms almost touching as they ate.

“So Jena, when are you going to come out and help us on the trails,” Kyle started. 

“I don’t know. Meg needs my help in the office,” she said, hoping to end the conversation.

“Well, I think you should… soon. You can even come out with me. I’ll help ease you into it.”

The fact that he thought she needed help infuriated her. She had tried to keep calm, but something about the way he was asking, pushing her, was more than she could take. She slammed her chair back, and it clattered to the ground.

“Stop, just stop!” she yelled. “Jeez, can you just drop it? I will let you know when I am damn good and ready, so please stop pestering me! Just leave me alone!”

Jena turned on her heel and stormed out of the room toward the door, nearly running into Luke.

“Jena,” he called after her. “What’s wrong?” She didn’t answer and stomped off the porch and headed toward the barn.

“What was that all about?” Luke asked, stepping into the dining room. All three sat in silence. Luke’s gaze narrowed at Kyle and instantly, he knew the reason for Jena’s prompt exit. Meg and Rob’s eyes were glued to the doorway where Jena has just fled. Kyle was back to eating, as if nothing had happened.

“Why do you have to be such an asshole,” Luke couldn’t help but mutter.

“You should talk, Thomas,” Kyle answered, putting his fork down. Luke could feel his fists clench at his sides.

“Boys,” Meg interjected quietly, her tone a warning. Kyle smirked again, as if he knew he had gotten away with something. “Both of you need to stop it if you are going to continue to work here. And I think you had better leave Jena alone. Clearly, you have upset her.”

Good
, Luke thought. Kyle wouldn’t be around her. He only wished he knew what the other man had said to set her off. He should go find her, see if she was okay. He turned to leave, needing to go check on Jena, when Meg stopped him.

“You, too, Luke. She needs her space.” Luke froze and then turned and nodded. It hurt to think that he couldn’t go to her, but he would respect Meg and Rob’s wishes.

Jena walked toward the barn, her intention to go hide in Gatsby’s stall. To let his presence sooth her. She was halfway there before realizing that it seemed too obvious of a hiding place. Someone would find her… and right now, she wished to be alone.

Jena needed to seek her solace somewhere other than the barn. She looked around and saw the wall of trees where the driveway ended, just beyond the barn.  The leafy foliage looked like the perfect place to disappear for a few hours. She walked to the edge and suddenly remembered there was small trail weaving through the trees. It was barely visible from the driveway, but she remembered it from her childhood and the many times she would slip under the cover of the trees and disappear for awhile, much to the concern of her aunt and uncle. The woods beckoned and she stepped into its protection and within a minute, the farm was barely visible.

She walked in the silence of her own mind, listening only to the crunch of her boots on the leaves and twigs beneath them. The wind whispered in the leaves around her, and a rogue ray of sunshine would occasionally reach down and tickle her bare arms. After she had walked about fifty feet, she came upon the small clearing. Large boulders sat out in the open, having rolled there and come to rest decades ago. She smiled to herself. The clearing was just as she had remembered it. This had been her special place as a kid. Hidden from the world, she could sit on the rocks and just think, which is what she intended to do now. No one would find her out here, because no one would know where to look. She was certain that Luke and Kyle didn’t even know it existed. Part of her wished that Luke would come find her, but something told her he would give her space, or that her aunt and uncle would force him to give her space. She sighed. There was always tonight. She would see him tonight.

Jena lay on the large, flat stone, her eyes squinting against the sun as the breeze played with her skin. Her body warmed and this calmed her. She felt grounded again after feeling out of sorts. Kyle had hit a sensitive spot when he said she should help with the horses. It was the only reason she could think of to rationalize why she had snapped at him. Why her mood had changed so quickly. All of the time spent with Luke had gotten her to relax, allowed her to let her guard down and feel like she could live again. Eventually, her past would come out. As much as she thought that she could hide from it this morning, she knew she would have to face it, instead of swallowing it whole, like a bitter pill. Her father was gone. Her mother was gone. Her life was gone. She needed to move on. She needed to get back on a horse. She needed to think about where she would go from here. She needed to think about what kind of life she wanted to live.

Her thoughts drifted back to Kyle and his comments. Would her reaction have been different if Luke had said them to her? Was Kyle really any different from Luke? Yes, she decided after a moment. Luke treated her like a person. Kyle treated her like a conquest. That was it. He didn’t take her seriously. He didn’t try to get to know her. He just pushed.

Then again, he had brought up a good point. She needed to get back out there. She needed to literally, get back on the horse. She couldn’t keep hiding it. She couldn’t keep pushing this part of herself away.

She lay back on the flattest rock, letting the warmth seep into her bones. Her eyes focused above, and she watched the clouds crawl across the blue sky. As a child, she had lain out here and watched the clouds form shapes, as she tried to guess what they were. Even now, she couldn’t help but see the shapes in them now. A fluffy bunny, a four-leaf clover, a race car. And then, there it was…the unmistakable shape of a horse.

JENA DIDN’T SHOW UP to help with the trail rides that day, and she didn’t come to dinner, either. Luke barely spoke to Kyle, blaming him for Jena’s absence. It gave his something to focus his anger on. Meg and Rob seemed unfazed by her disappearance, so he tried to hide his worry. Meg had told him to stay away from her. To give her space. He respected her wishes, but wanted nothing more than to go find Jena and hold her. He wanted to make her smile again. Last night had been different and things had changed between them, but he was afraid that this would push her away. That would drive him mad.

He lay in his bed, glancing at the clock. It was nearly midnight. Even if she did come, he would stay away. He would give her space, as her aunt and uncle asked him. It would be up to her to make the next move.

Ten minutes later, he heard the barn door slide open. He sat up and put his head in his hands, fighting the need to go to her. Gatsby nickered from his stall, and Luke lay back down in frustration. The barn grew quiet once more, and he wondered if she was still there, waiting for him, or if she was glad to be alone. His eyes fixated on the rafters holding up the ceiling, as he tried to not think.

A soft knock on his door brought him back.

“Luke?” a voice questioned. “Are you there?

He jumped out of bed and went for the door, forgetting he was only wearing his boxers; his only concern was that she was there on the other side. She had come to him, and he needed to see her.

“Hey,” she said shyly, when he opened the door. “You weren’t out here, and I was worried that…” she trailed off, her eyes on his bare chest.

“Your aunt and uncle asked me to give you some space. Actually, they told both of us to give you some space,” Luke said. She nodded and then looked down at her feet.

“I just needed a day away, I guess,” she answered. She lifted her hand to her mouth and chewed on a nail. Luke watched, fixated on her mouth.

“I’m sorry, do you want to come in?” he said, realizing that he was staring. He moved to the side and suddenly, she was in his space. He watched her take everything in. From the sparse decor, to the framed picture near his bed. She sat down on his bed — the only place to sit, as the chair was covered in clothes. No one every came into his space, but he felt as if she belonged here. He moved to sit next to her, keeping a few inches of space between them.

“I wanted to apologize for today,” she started. “Kyle made me angry, but I let him get to me. I shouldn’t have turned from you.” She lay back on the bed, golden curls framing her, and crossed her arms over her chest. Luke lay down next to her and rolled onto his side to prop his head up on his arm. He wanted to touch her again. He wanted to pull her into his arms and bury his face into her hair. He kept his hands to himself.

Jena was silent. Luke didn’t know if she was waiting for him to speak or not.

“Do you forgive me,” she finally said, sitting up and turning to face him, her eyes pleading.

“God, Jena, of course I forgive you. Why should I be mad at you for needing some space?” He sat up and placed his hands on her shoulders, needing her to understand that he was only following Rob and Meg’s wished.

She bit her lip, and Luke nearly came undone. She looked down to hide the single tear that had gathered in the corner of her eye.

“It’s just . . . I’m kind of a mess right now. There’s a lot going on in my life that I’m trying to work through.”

“Hey, you don’t have to apologize for dealing with your problems.” He reached up and pulled the tear away from her eye with his thumb. She took her own hand and wiped her face, then looked at him with a smile.

“Thanks. I needed to hear that.” Her eyes were brighter now, and she smiled at him. He couldn’t stop himself anymore. He wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her toward him before kissing her. He felt her soften underneath him, and he pulled her closer until they were lying on the bed, and he was tangling his hands in her hair.

They kissed for several minutes before Luke pulled away and positioned Jena in his arms. Luke’s arm still curled around her, as he ran his fingers through her soft curls.  Jena rested her head on his shoulder, her hand absentmindedly splayed out on his stomach.

“You never did tell me why you named your horse Gatsby,” Luke said, after a few minutes.

Jena lifted her head off of his shoulder.

“Yes I did.”

“No, you explained your entire philosophy regarding the book, but that’s it,” he said, planting a kiss on her nose. She settled back into the crook of his arm, feeling his muscle shift beneath her.

“Well, obviously, I love the book. When I got him, he was so eager to please. It was like he was moving heaven and earth to do what I asked him. It struck me that he was a bit like Gatsby. He had a goal in mind and went after it. I know that sounds stupid. I mean, how could a horse have a goal? But suddenly, I realized that the name just fit him.” She turned to bury her head into Luke’s side. She loved how he smelled. Hay and horses and soap. He wrapped his other arm around her so that he was holding her, and she snuggled deeper into him, their two bodies entwined as one.

“Huh.” Jena felt more than heard Luke say. “That does make sense, actually. And he is kind of flashy, just like Gatsby was.”

“Hey,” she said, jabbing her elbow into his side. “That’s my horse you’re talking about.”

“I’m just saying he is a bit of a pretty boy,” he said, pulling her closer to him and protecting his ribs from any further abuse. They were both quiet, listening to the nighttime in their own little world.

“I should go,” Jena whispered. Luke turned. Jena’s eyes were heavy with sleep. He glanced at the clock. It was after 1 a.m. He didn’t want her to leave. There was something that felt right about her tucked tightly into his side. She brought peace into his world.

“Don’t go tonight. I mean… stay here with me. We’ll set the alarm early enough that you can sneak back into the house. I don’t think I can let you go yet.”