The Joy of Sex (8 page)

All the above reassurance also applies to vaginal size. Few women are too small; lubricate, add lots of foreplay, wait until she has “ballooned” through
arousal before penetrating. So long as she isn’t hurting – in which case stop instantly – a tight woman gives the man extra-intense feelings. Nor is any vagina too large: if it seems a loose fit, switch to a posture in which her thighs are pressed together – from behind for best effect. Long term, do
Kegel exercises (
see
pompoir
) to keep muscles toned – though lots of sex works just as well and she will enjoy it more. Apart from postpartum stitching, surgery to tighten the vagina is usually a reflection of lack of confidence on her part or inappropriate demands on his.

Genital anatomy probably fixes which postures work best for a given couple, but no more than that. With rare exceptions, men and women are universally adapted. The only practical exception is in the case of a very big penis and a very small woman, in which case she should be careful on top, or she will knock an ovary (which feels very much like accidentally knocking a testicle does for a man), and he should avoid thrusting too hard until he knows he won’t hurt her. As to the size of other structures, such as breasts, these may be individual turn-ons, but every build has its sexual opportunities built in: use them.

foreskin

Cutting off this structure is possibly the oldest human sexual ritual. It still persists – for cultural as well as supposed health reasons. Some believe that cancer of the penis and cervix is rarer when it’s done (a myth) or that it slows down orgasm (for which there is no evidence). It probably doesn’t make very much difference, either to masturbation or to intercourse – one normally retracts it anyway for all these purposes – though if he doesn’t have one, there is a whole range of covered-glans nuances he can’t recapture. Holding the skin back hard with the hand (her hand) during intercourse works for both the circumcised and uncircumcised as an accelerator, and offers a sensation of its own.

Women who have experienced both are divided – as they are over which looks sexier. Some find the circumcised glans “neater” and are even turned off by an unretracted prepuce as looking “feminine,” while others love the sense of discovery that goes with retraction. If he is uncircumcised and she prefers the other, he can retract it – if vice versa, simply find other amusements. In terms of function, it’s probably there for immunological protection and helpful for lubrication – the high density of nerve endings doesn’t harm either.

While in the area, a word about the frenulum, the “little bridle” that connects the underside of the glans to the shaft. It is sensitive to stretching – it’s probably this that creates the sensation during up-and-down hand work – and circumcision may tighten it or sometimes remove it altogether. If it’s intact, try lubricated palm over glans, with thumb massaging frenulum and little finger directly on it circling smaller and smaller. Flick across with the tongue and apply sustained pressure while he simply relaxes. Reserve this technique, however, until he is ready to come more or less instantly.

In sum, the circumcised man isn’t at any important disadvantage (or advantage), but many people prefer to be able to choose their egg with or without salt, and let their children do likewise.

scrotum

Basically, a sperm factory. The testes produce sperm; the scrotum is the control device to keep them producing it at the right temperature, moving up when he is cold and down when he is warm. No need to panic at asymmetry – it’s normal for one
testicle to be smaller and for the left one to hang slightly lower – though extraneous lumps or pain should be checked out immediately. It’s also a highly sensitive skin area, and needs careful handling, since pressure on a testis is highly painful to its proprietor. Gentle tongue and finger work or cupping in the hand is about right, or try a fingertip along the visible center line and gentle teasing on the
perineum between scrotum and anus. She can take it right into her mouth.

semen

There is no lovemaking without spilling this, on occasions at least. You can get it out of clothing or furnishings either with a stiff brush, when the stain has dried, or with a dedicated cleanser designed to remove blood. If you spill it over each other, massage it gently in. If you want a very
copious ejaculate, he can masturbate nearly, but not quite, to orgasm about an hour beforehand to increase
prostate secretion. If his semen tastes bad, try altering his diet, and if that makes no difference, get a checkup – it can indicate health problems. She may like to know that an average ejaculation delivers about five calories and a dose of vitamin C.

skin

skin

its coolness, texture, and tightness are triggers for a whole range of sexual feelings

This is our chief extragenital sexual organ – underrated by men, who concentrate on the penis and clitoris; better understood by women. She says: “The smell and feel of a man’s skin probably has more to do with sexual attraction (or the opposite) than any other single feature, even though you may not be conscious of it.”

Skin stimulation is a major component of all sex. Not only its feel when touched, but its coolness, texture, and tightness are triggers for a whole range of sexual feelings. Built in; the so-called
erogenous zones are the ones most rich in nerve endings – lips, earlobes, feet, buttocks, breasts as well as genitals. Sensitivity will vary – for both according to mood and for her according to
menstrual cycle. But it can be boosted in some people by emphasis, and by adding other textures, especially
fur,
rubber,
leather, or tight
clothing. Much underrated part of human sexual response, to be played to the full if it turns you on (
see
friction rub
,
pattes d’araignée
, and
tongue bath
– use these to educate your own and your partner’s skin).

lubrication

Most natural lubrication comes from her – the male equivalent kicks in only just before orgasm, which is far too late. The normal excited vagina is correctly set for friction; if she is too wet, dry gently with a handkerchief-wrapped finger (not tissues – you will never stop finding the bits). But don’t try to de-lubricate with lotions or potions; they can lacerate the vagina.

If she is too dry – it’s normal for many women – it’s likely because she is not sufficiently aroused; simply take the time and put in the effort. More lasting dryness can be due to stress, infections, medication, depression, hormonal ups and downs, and some medical conditions; see a doctor.

If more lubrication is needed,
saliva is the best natural one. There is also much to be said for the many commercial possibilities offering added sensation, smells, and tastes, though note that oil-based ones destroy latex
condoms, silicone-based ones destroy silicone
sex toys, and some anesthetize. Be particularly sure to use lubricant if he is penetrating anywhere that doesn’t naturally oblige – breasts, armpit, anus.

earlobes

earlobes

can trigger full climax from manipulation alone

Underrated erogenous zone, together with the adjacent neck skin – the small area behind the ear has an arousal hotline via the vagus nerve – and the nape of the neck. As with all extragenital sites, they are more responsive in women than men, whose skin is literally as well as metaphorically thicker. Once made sensitive (gentle fingering, sucking, and so on during build-up and before orgasm, to condition the response), earlobes can trigger full climax from manipulation alone. Be warned that some women find the noise of heavy
breathing excruciating and a definite turnoff, so be careful (
see
blowing
).

Heavy earrings help, and can actually maintain subliminal erotic excitement, especially if they are long enough to brush the neck when she turns her head – this is, in fact, the original function of the large Eastern and Spanish candelabra-type earrings.

Swinging weights as erotic stimuli to condition a particular area aren’t confined to the ears. Safe installation and skillful handling of other types of body jewelry can provide additional erotic pleasure.

navel

navel

merits careful attention when you kiss or touch

Fascinating to lovers, like all the details of the human body. It’s not only decorative but has a lot of cultivable sexual sensation; it fits the finger, tongue, glans, or big toe, and merits careful attention when you kiss or touch. Intercourse in the navel is practicable (there are stories of naive couples who thought that was the usual way, and it’s a common childhood fantasy about how sex is conducted). If she is plump, she can hold up the skin on each side to make labia. In any case, the finger or tongue tip slips into it naturally in both sexes.

armpit

armpit

classical site for kisses

Classical site for kisses and can be used instead of the palm to silence your partner at climax – if you do use your palm, rub it over your own and your partner’s armpit area first. Also a key site for
pheromones, which cling, following perspiration, to underarm hair and generate arousal (
see
cassolette
). Which is why the original version of this book instructed that underarm hair should “on no account be shaved” – nowadays,
depilation is more or less universal for her and not unknown for him; tastes change.

Axillary intercourse is an occasional variation. Handle it as for
intermammary intercourse (
see
breasts
), but with his penis under her right arm – well under, so that friction is on the shaft, not the glans, as in any other unlubricated area. Her left arm goes around his neck and he holds her right hand behind her with his right hand. She will get her sensations from the pressure against her breasts, helped by his big toe pressed to her clitoris if she wants it (
see
big toe
). Not an outstandingly rewarding trick, but worth trying if you like the idea.