The Life I Now Live (14 page)

He tried to breath, his chest in a rapid rise and fall, like he just sat down after sprinting a mile. I reached for his hand, rubbed his knuckles, hoping my touch would bring him momentary peace. His hand tensed under mine until he pulled it away and waived the waitress to our table. She gave him the check, he paid immediately, then handed me the receipt.

“Read it,” he said.

“What?”

“The amount of our bill.”

“$66.60.” I looked at him. “And?”

“It’s 666, Heidi. Don’t you see the connections? Don’t you see the dots? Come on, please tell me you see it.”

I tugged at my hair as heat blazed through my body. Rocking back and forth, I erupted and screamed so loud the people in the restaurant quieted and looked at our table. Dishes and forks stopped clanking. Waiters stopped filling drinks. I forced myself to sit as still as possible, clenched my fists, then screamed again. Once I got it out of my system, Andy ushered me out of the building. Riley cried the entire time. And we didn’t say a word during the entire drive “home.”

Ch. 22 | Patrick

Don’t know why, but I decided to meet my secret admirer. Hilarious to even say that out loud. Why anyone would admire me, who knows. But someone did and she said she would only tell me her name in person.

I finally emailed and asked to meet her, but she said we needed to wait until I fell in love with her. Since that wouldn’t be happening, I told her we could remain pen pals out of boredom. She agreed, but promised that one day I would marry her. The girl was nuts. At times I wondered if it was Miranda. She always seemed to flirt with me, subtle hints in her eyes, but she’d never do that to Heidi. Now that Heidi left, probably forever, maybe she thought she could find her way to me by playing this game.

Okay, so I kind of enjoyed it. But I couldn’t tell if that was because I liked the attention and flattery, because I was bored and lonely, or because I genuinely found myself interested in this person. Our emails were always good. They ranged from flat-out strange and sarcastic to profound and intelligent. In other words, she had a brain and a sense of humor. I liked that. 

But it was too soon to meet someone else. So I decided to keep the emails going. If I fell for her, then I would, but I wouldn’t think about it in the process.

She convinced me to try skateboarding again. Why not? It had been almost ten years since I last touched my feet to a board. Didn’t even own one anymore. So I bought a nice Zero deck and got everything else to put it together. Didn’t take long before I pulled up to the empty skatepark at sunrise. Figured I’d skate before work. Mostly in case I looked ridiculous. At least then I’d be the only one watching. Well, me and my secret admirer. She asked for me to send her a video to prove that I did it. I told her I would if she gave me a clue to her identity. She agreed.

I practiced for a few minutes. Foot to board with the other grazing the asphalt. Once I got my bearings I tried some easy tricks, laughing along the way. The cold air refreshed me for once. Wind biting my face as I got comfortable enough to try a nose-slide again. I succeeded and glided my way to the vert ramp with a huge smile on my face. Nothing as freeing as skateboarding. I forgot how much I loved it. I set my phone on the top of the ramp so it would record as I skated. Then I went down the ramp and messed around. Even managed a three-sixty powerslide. So refreshing to ride again. Sometimes you don’t realize how much you love something until it’s gone.

Heidi’s smile flickered in my mind. Dreams that die can live on in your heart, but dead dreams make dead hearts. I needed to live again. To feel life. Really enjoy it. To keep my heart alive and latch onto dreams that live forever.

If anything, my pen pal friend was a good distraction from Heidi. I hate to say it, but a good rebound. Sounds horrible, but sometimes it’s true. Sometimes you just need to see that it’s possible to love again before you allow yourself to move on. Otherwise you end up standing on the sidelines as the rest of the world skates by.

I sat on the ground with the board under my legs. Hit send on the video and got a response within minutes.

From: Secret Admirer

To: Patrick Wheldon

Subject: RE: skatepark vid

Wow! Lol. That is so funny. You look like you’re really enjoying yourself. That made my day!! Thank you for really doing it. You look like a kid again.

Alright, so a deal is a deal. Clue #1 about my identity: my natural hair color is brown. 

From: Patrick Wheldon

To: Secret Admirer

Subject: RE: skatepark vid

Natural color, huh? Is this Miranda? Are you messing with me or do you really “admire” me? Haha...

From: Secret Admirer

To: Patrick Wheldon

Subject: RE: skatepark vid

Not telling you who I am until you tell me you love me. 

From: Patrick Wheldon

To: Secret Admirer

Subject: RE: skatepark vid

You may be waiting a lifetime then. Chances of me professing my love to a stranger via email are pretty slim. Especially with another girl on my mind. 

From: Secret Admirer

To: Patrick Wheldon

Subject: RE: skatepark vid

You are the prize of my life and I’m going to win you.

Mark. My. Words.

I did mark her words, but not in a good way. I marked her down as a little over the coo-coo’s nest, but for whatever reason I couldn’t stop emailing her. All of our late night emails kept me company when I normally fell asleep alone. And during the day I liked having someone to laugh with. The girl definitely succeeded at making me laugh. Nothing like a woman with a sense of humor. I’d pick sense of humor over beauty any day. Yeah, I’d take humor over looks, but a sweet face would be nice to stare into as well.

Days passed and I found myself thinking about this girl in my dreams. During the day I couldn’t wait to email her and at night I blinked at my ceiling wondering what she looked like, who she was, if I was given a third chance at this thing called love. They say the third time is a charm. 

I went to my closet and pulled a bag from the back of the top shelf, hidden under layers of childhood memories. The bag crinkled as I pulled the box out and opened it. Sparkling in the nighttime glow, speaking of what could have been. Size 5. Ornate design. Three small diamonds and four baguettes. Would’ve been perfect on her finger.

I dreamed of proposing since the moment we first met. I wanted to wait until Riley’s first surgery. I was going to propose right beforehand, telling her that I wanted to experience all life had to offer with her by my side, the highs and lows, the smiles and the tears, together. I hadn’t decided on a method yet. Figured Matt could help me with ideas. His proposal was amazing.

Anyway, none of that mattered. I flipped on the television and picked up my phone.