The Lightning-Struck Heart (34 page)

So I said, “
What
?”

“Never mind,” Ryan said, refusing to meet my eyes.

“I like him,” Mama said. “And I don’t say that about many people.”

“You’ve said it to five people,” I reminded her. “Me. Moishe. Tiggy and Gary. And now
Ryan
?”

“I think I’m being insulted,” Ryan said.

“Where are Gary and Tiggy?” Mama asked me.

“Outside the city,” I said. “We’re trying to keep a low profile. Too many people know our faces right now.”

“There’s the ego,” she said.

I rolled my eyes. “It’s a loud unicorn and a half-giant. It’s not about ego or subtlety. It’s more practical.”

“Especially when you’re coming to see the Queen of the Fuck Palace,” she said.

“I blame you for this,” I told Ryan. “All of this is your fault.”

“I don’t even know what’s happening right now,” he said.

“You’re being interviewed,” Mama said. “For a job.”

“He is not!”

“Tell me, Knight Commander,” she said. “Are you up for a little questioning?”

“This can’t possibly end well,” I muttered. “And you’ve already questioned him.”

“What?” Ryan asked. “What job?”

But Mama didn’t even give him time to think. “Mead or cider?”

“Cider.”

“Oceans or mountains?”

“Mountains.”

“Brisket or lamb?”

“Brisket.”

“Topping or bottoming?”

“Both,” he said. Then, “Wait. What?”

“Sweet molasses,” I whispered.

“Well, then,” Mama said. “Versatile. My, oh my. My day just got far more interesting.”

“How do you
do
that?” Ryan demanded.

“Get you to say things you don’t want to say out loud?” she asked. “Simple. I’m Mama. I can do anything.”

“I think I’ve forgotten why we came here,” I said, staring at Ryan.

“You’re hired,” Mama told him. “Of course, you’ll need to renounce your knighthood, your oath to the King, break your engagement with the Prince, and then tell your one true love you can’t be with him anymore.”

“Won’t his one true love know when he breaks the engagement?” I asked. “That seems to be pretty telling if you ask me.”

Mama stared at me.

“What?” I asked.

“Are you really that stupid?” she asked.

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

“Ryan,” she said. “Would you care to—?”

“Nope,” he said quickly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

She glared at the both of us. “Really?
Really
?”

I was so confused. “What are you mad at me for?”

“You’re fired,” she said to Ryan. “Pack up your shit and get out.”

“What?” I shouted at her. “You
can’t
fire him! He’s the best whore you’ve—wait.”

“Um. I don’t have any shit here?” he said. Or asked. I wasn’t sure which.

“Oh,” Mama said. “Then it will be easier for you to leave.”

“I’ve never been fired before,” Ryan told me. “I feel strangely upset by this whole thing.”

“Mama tends to do that to you,” I said. “Strangely upset or uncomfortably aroused. It’s almost the same thing.”

“Are you going to put Moishe out of his misery?” she asked me.

“If by out of his misery you mean killing him, then maybe,” I said. “I’ve honestly thought about it for years.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Then no. That would not put anyone out of their misery. In fact, there might be more misery. Like, tons of misery.”

“Moishe wants to have sex with him,” Mama told Ryan.

“He has a wizard kink,” I muttered.

“No,” Mama said. “He has a
you
kink.”

I grimaced. “That’s not helping.”

“He’s not having sex with Moishe,” Ryan growled.

Mama’s eyes gleamed. “And just
why
is that, Knight Commander?”

“Because.”

“Great answer,” Mama said. “I believed it. Right down to my toes.”

“You don’t own me,” I reminded him. “Do we need to go through this again?”

“Again?” Mama asked.

“Fairies,” I said, trying to remember what it was I needed to ask Mama. She tended to suck me into her circular conversations and I always left without remembering why I came to begin with.

“Dimitri?”

I nodded. “A few days ago.” I started to tune them out so I could think. I needed something from Mama.

“
Everything
wants to have sex with him,” Ryan said.

“Really?” Mama asked. “Everything. Imagine that.”

“Dark wizards,” Ryan said. “Tiny men with wings. Fan clubs. Dragons. Guys with weird ears because apparently that’s
sooooo
cool and whatever, you know? We all have
ears
. Gods.”

“Huh,” Mama said. “And just how much do
you
want to fu—”

“I remembered!” I said quite loudly. I wasn’t even sure what they were talking about, but I was sure it could wait. “Old Clearing.”

Mama’s eyes hardened and the room felt colder than it’d been before. “Old Clearing, you say?”

“There’ve been reports. People missing. Livestock taken. Scorch marks upon the earth.”

She sat back in her chair. When she spoke next, I could hear the great care with which she chose her words. “And so, naturally, you thought of the dragon and the Prince.”

“Naturally. Well. Morgan thought of it. We know where the Prince is now. We think. Dimitri told us of a keep in the north near the mountains.”

“Where?”

“Tarker Mills.”

She arched an eyebrow. “And you trust the fairy?”

“Trust might be too strong a word,” I admitted. “But I don’t see what reason he’d have to lie to me. Even
if
he’s a fairy.”

“He’s your ex,” Ryan muttered. “Of course he’d lie to you.”

“He’s
not
my ex.”

“You were almost married!”

“That was
once
!”

“This is just fascinating,” Mama said. “Please continue to waste my time.”

I scoffed at her. “Don’t lie. This is the most fun you’ve had since the last time I was here. I bring joy and wonderment to your life.”

“That’s not quite how I would describe it,” she said, even though we both knew she was full of shit. “There was no dragon in Old Clearing. At least, not from what I’ve heard.”

“And you hear everything,” I said.

She nodded. “I do. It’s one of the perks of being Mama. Shit don’t stick and stories get told.”

“Then tell me a story,” I said.

She eyed me warily. She stood up and walked around the desk. She wore high heels, adding inches to her already considerable height. They clacked angrily on the wooden floor. She brought a single finger to her lips in warning as she moved around us to the carved door. She cracked it open briefly, peering out into the hallway. It was empty. She closed the door again.

She turned back to me. “Do you feel anything here?” she whispered. “Any magic that isn’t your own?”

I shook my head. “Nothing.” I would have noticed the moment we walked into the room.

She sighed. “Good.”

“Problems?” Ryan asked.

“Sometimes the walls have ears,” Mama said. “And sometimes the ears are attached to little heads that should not still be attached to their bodies.”

“That’s… ominous,” I said. “And confusing. You are ominous and confusing.”

She smiled at me. “Thank you, precious. I have spent a very long time cultivating such a demeanor.”

“Spot-on, then.”

She studied me for a moment. I didn’t know what she was looking for, but she nodded and said, “Your dragon has never been here.”

“Come again?”

“The dragon has never been to Meridian City. Or to Old Clearing. I doubt it’s been within days of here.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You wouldn’t, precious,” she said. “Because none of us do, really.” She sat behind her desk and leaned back in her chair. “People have disappeared from villages around Meridian City. Men. Women. Children. Not in great numbers and only within the last two months, but they’re gone and have never been seen again.”

“Why couldn’t it be the dragon, then?”

“One would think if a dragon was attacking a village that it would not have gone unnoticed.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t need the sarcasm, Mama.”

“Then don’t ask dumb questions, precious.”

“Why has no one brought this up to the King? Surely someone would have mentioned it by now.”

“They’re scared,” she said. “The City of Lockes is far away. It’s only a few people at a time and spread out over great distances. Take your pick, Sam. Any reason will do.”

“Is it just from the villages?”

Mama chuckled darkly. “People disappear every day, especially from Meridian City. Who knows how many others there might have been. There’s no census here. Too many people coming and going. I had a customer come in the other day I hadn’t heard from in nearly two decades. I thought him dead long ago. Turns out he was just married.”

“And he’s not anymore?” Ryan asked.

Mama grinned. “I didn’t say that. And lose that judgmental face, darling. You are obviously in no position to criticize the choices of others, if your words have any weight to them. And besides, you’re much too pretty to scowl like that. I changed my mind. You’re rehired. You can start right now. Take off your pants so that I may see your cock and know just what a knight commander carries with him as his weapon.”

And that bugged the shit out of me. I was used to Mama’s innuendos and sexual advancements and had always brushed them off with a laugh in the past. It didn’t matter who it was directed at (though, once, I might have considered throwing a punch when she’d met my father and decided to call him “dinner”), I would look past it.

But this.

This was different.

I stepped in between the two of them, like I could block Mama from even seeing him. There was a bit of green and gold that fluttered off to the side, and a little voice said,
Why not? Why not pull it in and turn it into something more?

Because I could.

“No,” I growled at her and she just
smiled
.

“Now, isn’t
that
curious,” she said.

I felt Ryan’s hand come up to the middle of my back. He pressed his palm flat against me and said, “
Sam
,” and there was no green. There was no gold. There wasn’t the need to think
iov
and
twe
and freeze Mama’s lungs in her chest. There was only calm and peace and I was settled in a way I hadn’t felt in a very long time. It was warm and sweet and I never wanted to feel any other way ever again.

It was absolutely awful. Because it wasn’t mine.

But didn’t I press back into his hand, for just a moment?

Well. If I did, that would be my little secret.

“We don’t have time for this,” I said to Mama, voice rough. I stepped away from Ryan. His hand dropped back down to his side.

“And yet, here you are,” she said. “A prince is held by a dragon in a keep far away from here, but you still bless us with your presence. How delightful, Sam. We’ve missed you, of course.”

“I came because we needed answers. We thought it was the dragon.”

“Now you know it wasn’t,” she said. “It’s something else.”

“We’re done here,” I told Ryan. “Mama, thank you. You’re most… informative. I wouldn’t expect anything less.”

She bowed her head. “Of course.”

I turned and pushed Ryan toward the door. I needed to get the both of us out of here before someone did something stupid. Most likely me.

“Sam,” Mama said. “A minute of your time. Alone.”

“Fuck,” I muttered. I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy.

Ryan looked over his shoulder at me, worry marring his handsome face. I shook my head once at him. “It’s fine. I’ll follow you downstairs. Won’t be but a moment.” I smiled at him, but it was forced and I think he knew it.

He closed the door behind him and I took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.

“So,” Mama said.

“So.” I turned back around and met her gaze, no matter how hard it was to do so.

“Really, Sam? That’s what you’re going with.”

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

“None at all,” she said.

“Nope.”

“Let me tell you a story.”

I sighed. “Seriously? A whole story?”

“Once upon a time, there was a little drag queen with big dreams.”

“This sounds like it’s based on someone I know,” I said.

Her eyes narrowed.

I said, “And no commentary. Got it.”

She tapped her fingernails on the desk. “This little drag queen met a man when she was nineteen. This man was the sweetest man and he did everything for the little drag queen. He adored her. He worshipped her. He was everything she could possibly imagine. But this little drag queen was ambitious and self-centered and didn’t appreciate the man as she should have. Eventually, she drove the man away. She told herself it didn’t matter. That she didn’t need him. That he was holding her back. It took her a very long time to realize that he was only holding her up. And when it hit her, she did everything she could to get him back. But it was too late. The man had found another who loved him as he should have been loved and they were happy. The little drag queen left him to his happiness and regretted all her choices every day thereafter.”

I watched in fascination as the mask that Mama wore slipped for just a brief moment, and I saw the man underneath and he was sweet and kind and scared. But then Mama came back and the nails stopped rapping on the desk.

I said, “Regrets are hard to live with.”

“Especially when they’re from chances lost,” she said. “Do you understand?”

“I don’t think I do,” I admitted.

“You’re a smart boy, Sam.”

“Thank you?”

“But sometimes, you’re an idiot.”

“I take it back now.”

“We hide,” she said. “The two of us. Me behind Mama. You behind your words.”

I took a step back.

“Ever since I saw you, you know what I wanted for you, precious?”

I shook my head.

She smiled, and it was warmer than any other smile I’d seen from her. “I wanted you to be happy. I wanted little Sam to find something big and wonderful in the world, a love as bright as he is. My old, shriveled heart just
pounded
with it. You and I are so very different, but not so different that I can’t see myself in you.”