The Millionaire's Redemption (24 page)

He touched it gently with his fingertips and she winced. “What happened?”

“I slipped over and hit my head.” Moving further into the room, he was greeted with utter chaos. Pots, pans, toys and groceries lay strewn all over the place. The floor covered in something white: powder or flour.

“Lilly made the mess.” Holly started crying. “I felt too weak to clean it up.”

“It’s okay,” he soothed, running his fingers through her hair as she sobbed into his wet jacket. “I understand.” But he didn’t. The place looked like a pigsty. How the hell had she let things get into such a shocking state?

“I’d better take my coat off. It’s making you wet. This place is freezing, don’t you have a fire?” He shrugged out of his coat and hung it on the door handle.

“Yes, but it won’t light up. I’ve tried and tried.”

“I’ll see if I can fix it. You look terrible. Have you been sick?”

“Yes.”

“Why didn’t you contact me earlier?” he growled. It hurt like a physical pain that she couldn’t bring herself to ask for help until she was reduced to this pitiful state. He squatted near the fire. “The pilot light has gone out. Do you have any matches?”

She nodded.

“Sit down before you fall down. I’ll get them.”

“There’s some in the drawer under the sink.”

He picked his way through Lilly’s debris. No surprise Holly would live in a rundown dump of a place like this because it was cheap, but unbelievable for her to let it get into such a state. She had always been so fastidious at his apartment.

She sat slumped in an old armchair when he returned, so forlorn and exhausted, his heart bled. The skin stretched over her cheekbones, made her heart shaped face seem smaller, more delicate than he remembered.

“When did you last eat a decent meal?” he asked, as he lit the match and fiddled around until the fire came on.

“I don’t remember, yesterday I think.” Her voice sounded husky, worn down by despair.

He came over to the chair, squatted down and picked up her hand. “What the hell’s been happening? How long have you been back in this dump?”

“Since I left you.”

“What!” The admission hit him with the force of a sledgehammer.

“I lied about going to Mrs. Harris’ to salvage my pride. I knew you wanted to get rid of me.”

“I never wanted to get rid of you. I let myself get caught up with work. I spent weeks in
Turkey
. When I got back, you’d gone. No explanation, just some crappy little note.”

“You didn’t care enough to even ring me.”

“I tried on several occasions. Things were difficult with the time differences, and the phone reception was virtually non existent in some places.” The excuse sounded even more pathetic when spoken out loud. He’d been too selfish and wrapped up in his work to bother making the effort, if truth be known.

It was crunch time, now or never if he wanted her back. “Listen Holly, come back to me. I’ve missed you like hell. Things will be different between us this time. I swear it… I love you.”

“Since when?”

“I don’t know. Probably the first time I met you, if I really think about it, but I was too stupid to realize. We’ll get married. I’ll make a proper home for you and Lilly,” he promised.

“Things have changed,” she whispered. She had to tell him about little Robert but couldn’t find the words. He loved her, but it was too late. At best he would think she had tried to trap him by deliberately getting pregnant at worst, he would be enraged because she had deprived him of the chance to see his child come into the world. Better for him to have said he hated her, she thought sadly, not offer her hope of a future together only to snatch it away once he found out what she had done.

“I want you desperately, Holly, nothing has changed. I...”

The sudden crying of a baby cut him off mid sentence. It didn’t sound like Lilly. “Bloody hell.” Realization dawned. It slammed into him with such force he almost doubled over with the shock. All the strange pieces of the jigsaw slotted into place.

He was a father, and she hadn’t told him. They had created a child together. How could she do such a thing to him? “You stupid little fool.” He towered over as she struggled to get up. She had put their child and herself at risk. Not to mention Lilly.

The terrible pain in her eyes killed his anger stone dead. He felt overwhelmed with remorse because he had treated her with so little respect, had let what happened to Brad taint his view of marriage.

Please, Justin, I have to feed...

“All right,” he interrupted her. “Don’t move. You look ready to keel over.”  He strode off. The bedroom was cluttered with furniture, Lilly’s things and other baby paraphernalia. He saw all of this by the light streaming in from the lounge room.

Where the hell was the baby? Frantically, he looked around. Lilly slept soundly in the bed. He leaned over and pulled the blankets closer around her shoulders and patted her soft warm cheek. He spotted the crib perched on a set of drawers. Why would Holly put a baby up there?

So Lilly wouldn’t get it. He answered his own question. No wonder Holly looked so tired and drawn. She was too frightened to fall asleep. He felt sick to his stomach. His gut knotted up. Why the hell hadn’t she let him know? He picked up the baby and was shocked at its tiny size. He knew nothing about babies, but this was obviously new born. Surely she wouldn’t have given birth here, all alone? His legs buckled under him and he slumped on the bed. God Almighty, she could have died, the child could have died. As for Lilly? His mouth dried up, his chest tightened and he struggled to breathe. Gritting his teeth, he stood up.

“Hey, it’s okay, you’ll do yourself damage screaming so hard.” He held the baby in the crook of one arm and rocked it gently as he tried to get himself under control.

He staggered out into the lounge room, clutching the baby against his chest. “When and where did you give birth to this baby?” he raged, thrusting the screaming infant at her. The screams were cut off when the baby’s mouth found the comfort of Holly’s breast.

“I had him in hospital,” she whispered.

“Him? It’s a boy?”  A son to inherit the empire he had built up over years of wheeling and dealing, working eighty hour weeks. He didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Yes, he’s four days old.”

“What the hell are you doing here then?” he demanded, trying to get a grip on his emotions. One part of him wanted to scream and rant at her, the other part wanted to kiss all her pain and trauma away.

“Public maternity hospitals send mothers home after a couple of days, and the hospital crèche wouldn’t keep Lilly for any longer.”

“Why didn’t you contact me before? How could you put my son at risk? Put yourself and Lilly at risk?” he demanded.

“I didn’t think you cared about me, that you’d think I got pregnant on purpose.”

“What kind of man do you think I am?” A selfish, egotistical scumbag, no doubt. And he was. “All right, I deserve your contempt, but why contact me tonight then?”

“Because I got even more desperate than before. I’ve been too scared to fall asleep in case I didn’t wake up. Then what would happen to Lilly and Robert?”

“Robert!” He clenched his jaw to stop yelling out. How could you name my son after your dead husband? Easy, he thought bitterly. Hadn’t he ranted like a maniac when he thought she might be pregnant? His heart constricted with guilt and remorse. She was reduced to this pitiful state because of him.

“I’m sorry, Holly. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did.” His apology sounded stilted and pathetic, but he didn’t know what else to say. He put a trembling finger out and caressed the baby’s soft, pink cheek. How smooth it felt. How warm and alive.

“If you’d only told me,” his voice broke. “I would have helped.” He felt shattered because she hadn’t been able to trust him. Not that he blamed her.

“It wasn’t so bad for a while when I had Harry to help me.”

“Harry?” Justin’s hackles rose. “Who the hell is Harry?”

“My knight in shining armor.” She gave a sad little smile.

“Who the hell is he?” Justin demanded, trying to swallow down on the jealousy surging through him.
I’ll rip him apart if I get hold of him.

“My friend. He’s about seventy years old and owns the store where I buy my groceries. For the last few weeks, when I couldn’t get around much, I rang him up with my order, and he delivered it for me. But he’s got the flu, and Mildred, his wife, has been sick,” she gabbled. “He rang me up and said he had closed the shop because he didn’t want to leave her alone.”

He watched Holly transfer the baby to her other breast and he suckled strongly, clenching and unclenching his little hand. His dark hair stuck out a little at the nape of his neck. He had obviously inherited the dreaded Devereux cowlick.

“What do you think of little Robert Justin Kirwan?”

His heart lifted with hope. If she had given the baby his name along with Robbie’s it must mean that she still cared. “He’s beautiful. Oh, God, Holly.” He gulped down on the lump forming in his throat. “I’ve been such a fool. Can you forgive me?”

“I don’t know. I loved you, Justin, probably right from the very start, but I didn’t want to betray Robbie by falling for you so quickly. The guilt nearly ripped me apart, but I started to realize the way I loved Robbie was special, but different from how I felt about you.”

She patted the baby’s head. “After you left for overseas, I discovered I was pregnant. When the doctor told me I was over four months pregnant, I nearly collapsed in shock, but she said IUDs can fall out. That’s what must have happened to me.” The baby gave little contented snuffles. “I thought you’d think I did it on purpose to trap you. That’s why I left. I decided to go before you came back and kicked me out.”

Kicked her out! He would have married her in a flash had he known, wouldn’t have let her out of his sight for a single moment. “Holly, we’ve both been such fools.”

“Could you get me a disposable nappy? Robert needs to be changed before he falls asleep and I don’t feel up to it?”

“Sure, tell me what you need, and I’ll get it. When you’ve finished organizing him, I’ll cook you something to eat.” That’s if there was any food in the place.

“I’m not hungry,” she said, wearily pushing at her hair.

“You should still be in hospital. How the hell can they justify letting women out of hospital in your condition with no home support? It’s criminal. I think you should spend a couple of days at Glen Fern.”

“Never, I’d sleep in the gutter before I go near that place again,” her voice rose in agitation.

“It’s the best hospital in
Melbourne
.”

“Not to me it isn’t,” she cried out in anguish. “Owen tried to rape me there.”

“What!” Shock tore through him.

“If I hadn’t kneed him in the groin he would have. Then the sleaze fired me. I would have gone to the police but I knew they wouldn’t believe me.”

“The lying little creep,” Justin snarled. “I ought to tear him limb from limb. He claimed you propositioned him, so he told you to leave the hospital.” He paced the floor. “I was so jealous I believed him. That’s why I blackmailed you into sharing my bed. After that first night, you were so sweet, so passionate, I think I knew then you were special, but I didn’t want to admit it.

He stopped in front of her. “Remember the night I rang you from
Sydney
and we had phone sex?”

“Yes.” Her cheeks burned with embarrassment.

“Well, I actually rang you up to tell you I heard Owen had been suspended from the hospital for sexual misconduct.”

“Someone reported him? I hope he goes to jail.” Thank goodness he wouldn’t be in a position to assault any other women. It was the best news she had heard in months.

“Yeah, anyway, I got sidetracked and didn’t tell you.” He dragged his fingers through his hair. “You tied my emotions up in knots; I decided I needed time to think things through before I made a decision about us. I was scared of letting my guard down. I didn’t trust women. Years ago, a friend of mine committed suicide because his cheating wife ruined him. I swore I would never leave myself open to such trauma.”

“I’m sorry about your friend. I’m too tired to think straight, but I don’t want to go to hospital. I need a good night’s sleep without being scared something might happen to Lilly or our baby.”

“We’ll go to my apartment.”

“No, it’s too wet and cold to take the baby out. Stay here with us tonight. I’m frightened of being alone. I seem to have gone to pieces all of a sudden.”

“You’ll never be alone again,” he promised. “I’m not letting you out of my sight. I’ll cut back on my workload, but if I do have to travel, we’ll do it together. I’ll make it up to you for the hell I’ve put you through.” He put his hand over his heart. “I swear it.” If it took him a lifetime and every cent he owned, he would make it up to her.

Strange how money and power didn’t seem so important any more, love, warmth and a family was what he wanted. What he needed if he wasn’t going to live the hollow existence he had before. Without even realizing it, he had been half dead, and it had taken Holly and Lilly to breathe life back into him. From a faint flicker, it became a raging wildfire, and he knew that the flames would never go out.