The Night We Said Yes (21 page)

NOW

12:35
A
.
M
.

We write down our song choices and I bring them up to the karaoke lady. She nods, barely offering a glance in my direction, and sighs at our selections. I suppose she does hear them often. Matt kept his a secret, and I was too good to peek.

Our conversation stifles as we await our turns. The place is pretty empty tonight, so we know it’s only a matter of seconds before she calls our names.

“Who’d have thought that two musicians who play in front of hundreds of people would be so nervous about karaoke,” Meg jokes, and I smile.

“Not nervous,” Jake rebuts, but he obviously is. He
shuffles in his chair, playing with everything on the table. His napkin is torn, his chair won’t stop moving. Meg puts her hand over his calmly. The simple gesture makes him stop.

“And you?” I ask Matt.

“Nah,” he says, but I think I hear his voice crack. He’s still twisting his watch and looking straight ahead. His eyes are wide, intense. I’m not sure what he’s more nervous about—singing, or being here with us. Or perhaps he’s thinking back to last year. It makes sense that we’re here, singing, after a night of reenacting. We both know how the story goes. But will history repeat itself? I glance over at him and think of us on the roof again. Of him so close. And him so close right now, back in my life. He’s so cute when he’s nervous.

I don’t have much time to deliberate, though, because I’m called up first.

“WOOO! GO ELLA!” Meg yells, thrusting her fists in the air.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I groan, hiding my face behind my hand.

“ELLA!” Jake joins in, knowing it will further embarrass me.

“I hate you all.” I glare at them, knowing I was in for this. Just knowing that this would happen.

“You’ve got it,” Matt says, while placing his hand on my shoulder. I look over at him and he removes his hand, quick
to react. But instead of wanting him gone, I finally feel the absence of his touch, and how that empty space will be left unfilled were he not to be in my life. I want his hand—and everything else—back.

I grab his hand and squeeze it, just as I did one year ago. He jumps, just as he did then, and then squeezes back. His mouth twitches as if to ask
Dare I smile?

I nervously walk to the stage, thinking of my friends behind me and how ridiculous I’m going to sound. Yes, I’ve sung more since that one night, but I’m still not comfortable.

But—it’s always memorable.

I take the microphone from the stand and step up onto the stage. Everyone’s looking at me, and I can feel my heart racing in my chest, beating over and over again, as if creating a musical beat of its own. I look over to Matt and suddenly I’m brought back to that night. I can see the crowd. Hear the murmurs filtering through the shop. I squint at the lights hitting my face. My hands go clammy.

But at the table, Matt’s there, looking at me like no one has before. As if all the belief in the world is coming from him. As if he’s offering me everything in the world and more. He’s not leaving. He’s staying. Maybe it’s worth taking a leap. Maybe we can start fresh, ignore the past and move on. Make memories of our own again, ones that’ll be truly remembered, and not just scraps of paper for others to pick up. Maybe it’s time for us to start living instead of planning
or re-creating or avoiding what we really want.

As soon as the song starts, the millions of voices fighting in my head are silenced. Out of many, one survives, and I hear it. And I know what I want.

As I sing out the lyrics, letting them do the talking instead of me, I think back to the time in the pizza place when we were new and light. And also to the time at the record store one year ago when we were still tentative and unsure. And while these memories are great, I realize that I’d rather make new ones. I want to create a new story that doesn’t already have an ending. I’m ready to forgive.

We as a couple were far from the perfect memory I had imagined and relived in my head over and over again. I know that now. I also know that this night was far from perfect, and trying to reenact the past won’t change anything. Why try bringing back the past when it’s far and gone and possibly not quite how it was remembered? Why not shoot for more or better or what might happen next?

My heart races as I realize I want my future to be with him.

Lay down your arms

give up the fight . . . you and I.

THEN

1:15
A
.
M
.

The Pepperpots played one more song, which I more or less paid attention to. I saw them moving, and I heard the music, but I was mostly focused on Matt, wondering what would happen next and waiting for him to put down his guitar. My adrenaline was fully charged; despite the late hour, I was ready for the night to continue.

Finally, with one last chord and one last “Yeaaah,” the song was over. I hopped in place, my heart racing. People swarmed around, going back to the CD racks, or waiting to greet the band. Meg and I stayed where we were; we didn’t need to look eager—we were with the band, after all. Or, in my case, I was kind of in it.

“You’re amazing,” Gabby yelled, hugging me again. She’d repeated the compliment at least seven times already, and I let her because it was time to move on. “And the kiss? Is there something I should know?” She smirked, eyes sparkling.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” I answered, giggling, and not nearly as embarrassed as I would have been had we kissed in front of everyone prior to the show. Singing onstage was so exhilarating that at that moment I felt like I could do anything, including let her back into my life. Nick was in the past, I saw to that earlier, and Matt was my future. And, like Meg, Gabby would be with me through it all.

“Seriously, it was adorable! Matt’s a million times better than Nick,” Gabby continued.

“Right?” Meg piped in, eyeing both Gabby and me. I nodded in agreement, eyeing Meg right back so she’d know I was also telling her that it was all okay, that I had finally forgiven Gabby.

“Definitely,” I said, and Meg grinned and grabbed us both in a hug. “And we’re back,” she announced triumphantly, over our heads, and Gabby and I just giggled in response. Because yes, yes we were.

When we released I just stood there grinning stupidly, with one eye on my best friends and one on the stage. Matt looked over and smiled, ducking his head down. My pulse sped up as he started walking in our direction, but then he stopped by the microphone and mouthed, “Striking.” Of
course, they had to pack up the instruments first.

“So, what’s next?” I asked.

“Well, we know what’s next for you,” Meg said, making a kissing face.

“I’m never living this down, am I?”

“Nope,” they both answered.

“I think some girls are jealous,” Gabby clucked, eyeing a group of girls behind me. I turned around and noticed them all staring at me, eyes squinted and mouths pursed. I turned back to my friends, feeling a bit alarmed.

“Of course they are. Cute guy taken? It’s heartbreaking, really,” Meg commented, faking a swoon.

Jake jumped off the stage, and walked—no, strutted—toward us.

“Can we for a second discuss how our set turned into a porno halfway through?”

“Ugggh,” I groaned, rolling my eyes and feeling my face heat. But before I could get too embarrassed, he pulled me in for a big, sweaty hug and I knew he was proud. After pulling away, he walked over to Meg and threw his arm over her.

“Ew,” she said, pushing him off. Sweat had already seeped onto her shirt.

“What? I thought girls loved it.”

“Your sweat? Not so much.”

“Then perhaps it’s just my beautiful smile.”

“Jake, ladies and gentlemen,” Meg said. He threw his arm over her again and rubbed his hair on her face,
attacking her with his perspiration.

“ACCKKK,” she laughed. “GET OFF.” She tried pushing him, but he just held on, squeezing her tight. He was laughing, too, really laughing. It was the first time I’d seen him that happy in a while. I guessed she was right—sometimes you just needed to yell.

“What?” he said, back in his faux-British accent. “When I’m a famous rock star, you’re going to remember this day.”

“Oh, not the accent again,” I sighed dramatically.

“When you’re a famous rock star, I’m going to prove to everyone that you’re not British,” Meg snickered. He stopped wiping, and, instead, drew her in for a hug. She let him, leaning in. She turned around to face me, but kept his arms around her waist, resting on him as he supported her—something she didn’t often do. He placed his chin on her head and drummed his fingers on her stomach. Clearly the epic saga of Jake and Meg was far from over.

“Hey,” I heard behind me. I turned around to see Matt sitting on the edge of the low stage. His glasses had slid down his nose, and he was looking at me over them. He looked . . . shy. His hair fell on his face delicately, and I wanted to touch it, push it to the side. I felt myself walking toward him without even telling myself to move.

“Guys, let’s get out of here. I don’t want to witness another make-out session,” Jake said. I didn’t see it, but I knew Meg hit him in response.

“Hey, we had to see yours earlier,” Matt responded
over my head. I didn’t know what to do other than smile awkwardly at him. So close. Apparently, he didn’t either, because he just played with his watch, rolling it over and over his wrist.

“And I’m going to go help Barker with his drums,” Gabby said, making an excuse to leave.

“Yeah, I should go greet my adoring fans or whatever,” Jake added.

“Or whatever is more like it,” Meg answered, following him away. Just Matt and I were left. In a crowded room. Right by a stage we previously kissed on. No big deal.

“So,” he said, amused.

“So.” Silence. Silence. Silence. And then, laughter. A lot of it.

“Come here,” he said, grabbing my arms softly and pulling me to him. I stepped in between his legs, which were hanging off the stage, and hugged him. Breathing in his scent, one I had just met earlier that day, I leaned my chin on his shoulder and my cheek against his. We stayed like that, content in the moment, as our laughter died down.

“I should apologize for, you know, ravaging you onstage like that. It was a bit much.”

“A bit?” I answered, leaning my face away from him, but keeping my body where it was.

“Okay, a lot.” He smiled. “It was just . . . our first kiss was on the roof during a game. I wanted our second to mean something a bit more.”

“And how’d you know there’d be a second?” I asked, grinning.

“I didn’t. I hoped, though. So, you know, onstage in front of everyone—what would be more memorable than that?”

“Hey, would you look at that—you have a memory of your own now!”

“I do, don’t I? I guess I can’t use my loner speech on girls anymore.”

“Well, you have a ton of candidates lining up, in case you’re interested.” I nodded toward the crowd, who were mingling, only slightly aware of our presence. Some of the girls were still staring, watching our whole interaction, but instead of feeling scared or embarrassed or alarmed, I felt . . . proud. Standing there in Matt’s arms, I didn’t care what anyone thought.

“So I saw. They were undressing me with their eyes.”

“Were they?”

“No, I just wanted to see what it’s like having Jake’s ego.” With each sentence, we were leaning in again. An inch at a time, our faces were getting closer.

“Never try to have Jake’s ego.” And closer.

“Deal.” And closer, until his lips found mine again. This time he was gentle, careful. My body filled with adrenaline again. I felt like I could fly. I pulled him closer as the kiss became more intense, more electric.

I heard a cheer bellow out, and turned to look. Of course it was Jake.

“You think there will be a time when Jake doesn’t interrupt us?” he asked, laughing.

“Nope.” I sighed. “We should go before he wants to join in.” Matt pushed himself off the stage and started walking toward the crowd. But first, he reached back for my hand. I grabbed for it, as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

We caught up with Jake, Meg, Barker, and Gabby in the middle of the store. They were leaning against racks of CDs, recounting the night. Matt and I walked up, still holding hands.

“What’d we miss?” Matt asked.

“What did
we
miss, you mean,” Jake answered.

“See? Never living it down,” I pointed out.

“You guys can keep making out if you’d like. We’ll just watch.”

“Jake—” Meg said, slapping him playfully.

“Hey.” He grabbed her around the waist, pulling her to him. “So, what’s up now?”

“What time is it?” I asked, realizing I had absolutely no clue.

“After one a.m.,” Meg answered, pulling out her phone. “Crap, what can we do?”

“I gotta go load my drums and get out of here,” Barker answered. “If I don’t get Gabby home in the next few minutes, her dad will kill me.”

“No he won’t,” Gabby responded, then turned to us and
mouthed “yes he will” while nodding. I muffled a laugh.

“Good show, guys,” Barker said, high fiving Jake and Matt.

“Lame,” Jake responded. “Go home with your woman.”

“Don’t mind if I do,” Barker responded. Gabby shook her head, rolling her eyes at Jake. Before leaving, Barker came over to hug me good-bye.

“I did not see that happening,” he whispered into my ear.

“I didn’t either,” I whispered back. “But I’m glad it did.” He stepped back and grinned, saluting me as he always did when he was happy. Gabby ran over and gave each of us a hug as well.

“Seriously, you were great,” she said again, and I smiled because I just couldn’t stop.

“Come on,” Barker said, slinging his arm over Gabby’s shoulders. She reached up and intertwined her fingers with his. As I watched them go, I thought of their relationship, which was all stability and sweet touches, which always seemed private. And then there was Meg and Jake, who were all impulse and passion, and shared it with the entire world. I suppose I fell in the middle somewhere, not quite on solid ground, but far from outrageous.

“Hey Meg,” I asked, suddenly remembering our big problem we had conveniently ignored earlier, “where are we staying tonight?”

“Oh god, you’re right.”

“What do you mean?” Matt asked.

“Meg said she was staying at my place. I said I was staying at hers. Our parents never check because we’re at each other’s houses more often than we’re actually home. But now we’re not. So . . .”

“And we can’t just go back because then they’d know we lied and were out until one a.m.”

“Come home with me,” Jake answered, reaching his hands into the front pockets of her jeans.

“Not helping.”

“How about me?” Matt asked innocently.

“Don’t you think we’re moving fast enough as it is?” I joked, smiling, even though the suggestion enticed me.

“No, really. My parents won’t care. I was on the phone with them earlier and they suggested it since it was late.” Oh, so that was who he was on the phone with. He paused and exhaled. “I’ve never really . . . brought people home before. I mean, here or there when I was little, but not much. I just always went to their places. My parents were always on me about it, but I didn’t want people to see our temporary lives. So, despite it being so late, I know they’d be thrilled I actually have friends. They practically threw me out the door when I said I had plans tonight. I realize how awesome I sound right now, by the way. Feel free to run away.”

“You’re a real winner, aren’t you?” Jake asked, still holding on to Meg.

“I think they just worry about me, since we move so often. It’s hard to make connections.” I put my arm around
his waist and leaned my head onto his shoulder. He needed a hug. “So, my place?”

I looked at Meg and she answered with a shrug. “We have no better option. Just promise us your family isn’t, like, made up of vampires or anything.”

“Nah, just zombies. Let me call them, hold on.” He walked a few steps away and got out his phone.

“I’m coming too. I’m not leaving you girls alone in a house of zombies.”

“I think we’ll be fine, Jake,” I said, smiling. But really, I was nervous. I was excited to go back to Matt’s house, was excited to meet his family. But I didn’t know anything about them. What if they were crazy? What if they didn’t like me?

“I know, but I’ll still come. I’ve met his parents already, they’re cool, but they’ll probably be wondering why he’s bringing home two random chicks. Also, more time to do this.” He continued wiping his sweat on Meg.

“I’m going to kill you, you know that, right?” Meg announced as Matt came back.

“Yeah, they’re cool with it. Jake, you want to come, too?”

“What are your parents doing up so late? They are vampires, aren’t they?” I asked.

“Yeah, mate, I’m coming too. To watch out for the ladies. You know how they get,” Jake answered.

“Um, sure? As for my parents, I just woke them up. Like I said, they’re fine with it. A little too eager, actually. My
mom is getting the sheets out now . . . and putting in a pizza. She’s weird.”

“We’re going to die,” Meg said. “They’re going to eat us.”

“At least we’ll have fresh sheets to die on,” I added.

“Matt, take my keys and lead the way,” Jake said, tossing his keys at Matt. “You take El. I remember where you live, so I’ll direct Meg.” He looked at her suggestively as he said it.

“Really?” she said, punching him in the stomach lightly. He pulled her away, and she mock resisted as they moved toward the back of the store.

“Okay, I guess we should go,” Matt said, squeezing the keys in his hand.

“You okay?” I asked, noticing the tension in his grip.

“Yeah, fine. I’m just . . .”

I looked at him seriously, wondering what was going through his head. Wondering if he didn’t want me to meet his parents. It was too soon, I figured. Panic started bubbling in my heart.

“Do you want to go out with me? Like, on a date sometime? God, that sounds ridiculous. I’m terrible at this.”

I laughed because I didn’t know what else to do. “Of course!” I said, pulling him in for a hug. His body relaxed as he wrapped his arms around my waist. “We’ve kissed, Matt. I kind of feel like we’re past dates.”

“Okay, good.” He chuckled nervously. “Because when I introduce you as the girl I’m dating, I don’t want to be lying.”

“You’re going to introduce me like that?” I asked, looking up at him.

“Why wouldn’t I? I know we just met, but . . . you’re amazing. You’re funny and kind and passionate.” He pulled my face up to look at him. “I really like you.”