The Night We Said Yes (17 page)

THEN

12:30
A
.
M
.

After leaving Walmart, Meg and I arrived at One Spin Records in just under five minutes. We’d taken longer than the thirty minutes we initially said, but we didn’t care. We didn’t want to look too eager, but we were. At least I was. We got out of the car and looked at the shop, preparing ourselves for the rest of the night.

“So, once more,” Meg said, twirling in front of me.

“You look great. Me?” I had pulled my hair into a low, messy bun to hopefully disguise the frizz. It wasn’t a permanent fix, but it worked.

“Marvelous, darling.”

“Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” Meg sighed.

“We don’t have to go in,” I reminded her. “We can just leave. Right now,” I said, though there was hesitance in my voice. I
wanted
to go. I
wanted
to see Matt.

“I’m not letting him control my life. I
want
to go. I want to see the band for Barker and Matt. And I want you to go. I know what will happen anyway. We’ll see each other. Fight. Make up—”

“And more than likely make out.”

“And be totally fine until the next time. The end.”

“Well, it seems like you’ve got it all figured out,” I said.

“We’re not going to make out,” she stated, referring to my interjection.

“Of course you won’t.” I grinned and we both laughed, knowing that, with their history, it wouldn’t be odd if they did. We turned around and walked toward the store.

The building was old, weathered but resilient. It took hits each time a band played there, but still stood strong. It also had amazing soundproofing, because while outside it sounded like another quiet night, inside it was an explosion of music. A band wasn’t even playing; it was just an extremely loud recording.

“We couldn’t have missed them, right?”

“No way, it’s too early,” she answered. “Unless they decided against going on. Let’s find them.” I followed her into the rather large store and through the people, toward the stage in the back. Album covers, gig flyers, and old movie
posters covered the walls. There was hardly a bare spot left, as posters overlapped posters. Customers flipped through rows of used CDs and vinyl.

The place was remarkably crowded for midnight, but then, it always was. It became a second home for many, a place to hang out when everything else was closed. About half the people from the party had come. While everyone was hanging out and talking, there was an energetic buzz vibrating through the room. It was the anticipation of what would come next.

The stage was set up in the back. Relief washed across my face as I saw Barker adjusting his cymbals. He tightened each onto its stand, and then hit them in succession to test the sound. The bass drum thumped along as well, filling the room with a meaty undertone. We hadn’t missed them after all.

“Well, there they are,” Meg said, nodding to the stage. Where were the other two? I tilted my chin in his direction, and she nodded.

“Hey Barker,” I called over his thumping. He was wearing the same thing he had on earlier, though small patches of sweat had started to form under his arms.

“Hey!” he called over his drum set. He threw down his drumsticks and crossed in front. “You made it!” He jumped off the small stage and gave us each a hug.

“Of course. Where’s Gabby?” I asked, trying to be nice.

“Right behind you.”

Gabby came running up to us, arms open. She was small and sprightly, with a black bob that ended at her chin, and blunt bangs.

“Hey guys!” she squeaked cautiously. Excitement was bubbling in her voice, but she was restraining herself, unsure, I guess, of how we would respond.

“Hey Gabby,” I said, smiling. She brightened at my look.

“Hey Gabby!” Meg said beside me. All the sunshine in our voices was awkward and made it obvious that we were all trying to ignore the space between us.

“I’m so glad you guys made it. I was getting sick of being the only girl,” she said a little too perkily.

“Are the rest of the guys here yet?” I asked, moving on to a comfortable subject.

“Yeah, they’re in the back. Jake wanted one last cigarette, and Matt was on the phone. I swear, if Jake doesn’t stop chain-smoking, his voice is going to be shot. I know he likes that gravelly sound, but it’s getting ridiculous.”

“Is it that bad?” I asked, glancing over at Meg. She, too, looked surprised. Barker let us talk, and walked back to his drums. The beat continued under our conversation.

“It’s worse tonight. I mean, he just keeps smoking. I get it, it’s a habit, but it’s not healthy. And of course he won’t listen to me,” she sighed.

“I’ll try to talk to him,” I said, again looking at Meg. She was the reason for his smoking, of course, though it wasn’t exactly her
fault.
Meanwhile, I wondered who Matt was on
the phone with. The mere mention of his name sent my heart spinning, but I was still wary. He hadn’t contacted me. We’d left on uncertain terms. Would he even be happy to see me again?

I looked behind Gabby, as if willing him to walk through the front door, and saw someone I definitely didn’t expect. My heart thumped in my chest and I became, of all things, nervous.

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“What’s up?” Gabby asked, turning around. Meg didn’t have to, though. Seeing the shock on my face was enough.

“He’s here?” Meg asked. I nodded, quickly looking at her in order to not meet eyes with high-five-for-friendship Nick.

“
Why
is he here?” I whined. I didn’t want him here. Not now. He ruined my night before; he wasn’t going to do it again.

“Who’s here?” Gabby asked.

“Nick,” Meg spit out, not wanting to even taste his name, as if it was poison inside her mouth. Gabby turned pale. Meg looked at me, studying my reaction. “Well, hey, you knew you’d see him. Now is fine. You look great. Feel great. And don’t need him.”

“Yeah, maybe, but . . . uggggghh,” I groaned.

“What’s up?” a voice said behind me. I spun around and there was Matt. He stood on the stage with his hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels again, just like
the first time I saw him. He was just as good-looking, with mussed-up hair and glasses askew. And for a moment, all I could think was
mine
. Not that he was mine, but after the night we had, we at least had a connection. A memory. We had kissed only hours ago. Our lips touched. Other girls could look on and swoon all they wanted, but for a few minutes he was mine. And as my smile broke out, I realized that I did hope he’d be mine again. Just seeing him again made me want to forfeit my plan to avoid guys, the one I made just before the night started, scratch it out and reconstruct a new one with him. It was crazy, and made me terrified, but I knew what I wanted, and for once I didn’t need someone else’s approval or push.

“H-Hey!” I stuttered, my face a flash of red. He looked down, grinning, and then back up at me.

“You changed,” he said, nodding at me. I instinctively touched my new shirt and felt good about the choice. It was representative of me—it had personality and, perhaps, it had the power to shine on its own. At least a little bit.

Matt, on the other hand, was wearing the same thing. The wet patches had mostly dried, but there was still a mark on his jeans by his knees and on his shirt by his waist. His waist, which I had previously attacked while in the water. I blushed again.

“Oh, yeah, well, we were all wet.” In my peripheral vision, I saw Gabby give Meg a look. Meg nodded to the book section and Gabby followed her gaze before shooting
a knowing look and a smile my way. Despite everything, I loved how we all could still communicate without words. An understood quietness.

“You look nice.” He paused, and then rushed to say, “I mean, I liked the other you too. That one was nice, but you look nice now, and oh god, never mind.” He slapped his face with his hand and I started laughing. I grabbed his hand and pulled it down. Only I didn’t let go.

“You look nice, too.”

“Ella?” My face flushed instantly because I knew the voice. I knew who it was before I turned around and dropped Matt’s hand. I didn’t want to; it was an automatic reaction.

“Oh, hey Nick,” I said. I felt a shudder go up my spine. I was literally shaking. Why was I so nervous? I’d seen him since the breakup, even since hearing that he cheated. But with Matt there, I felt different. Nick was just a couple of feet away from us. I vaguely recognized the clothes he was wearing. He had on his signature cocky grin, which I hated. The one he wore when he broke up with me.

It dawned on me that I was between my ex and my crush. My hopeful future and my painful past. Right in the middle. That’s why I was nervous. I now knew what purgatory might feel like. “Um, Nick, this is Matt. Matt’s the new bassist for the Pepperpots. Matt, this is Nick.” I looked up at Matt in time to see recognition flash across his face. His
mouth went from serious to smirking. He was thinking of the high five.

“You’re the new bassist, eh? Good luck. I heard the band just plays birthday parties now after losing so many bassists.” Nick was jealous, of course. He’d always been jealous of the band because not only was it better than his, it had an audience. His band didn’t. As I watched the words come out of his mouth, I wondered why I even liked him in the first place. He was cute enough, but underneath he really was a jerk. As I was told numerous times after he ended it. I’d never felt more ready to push off my past and race into my future than I did right then. I knew it was time to let go of whatever anger or confusion or regret I felt about him and just . . . start new.

“The Pepperpots just lost one bassist. Plus, they have a gig tonight, here, and this is clearly not a kid’s birthday party,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“You guys are playing here tonight?” Nick asked, surprised.

“Yeah,” Matt said. “They called us about an hour ago.”

“Oh, backup band, eh? It happens,” Nick said.

Oh my god. I rocked back and forth as the two guys officially started to hate each other.

“To be fair, we were invited to play. And I’m pretty sure you weren’t. So I guess that says something,” Matt retorted. I stopped. Just, stopped dead in place. This was the first
time I had heard him say anything negative. Sure, I had just met him, but the change in tone was kind of appealing. He smirked at me, and I couldn’t help but shake from concealing a laugh. It was amazing.

“At least we have a real name. The Pepperpots? Really?” Nick asked. Barker had suggested it originally, because it was a Monty Python reference, and Jake loved it because it was also the name of, in his opinion, the hot chick in
Iron Man
. Oddly, it worked perfectly.

“No Signal isn’t a better name,” I said, shaking my head.

“Whatever,” Nick said, “at least our lead singer isn’t such an egotistical ass.”

“Aren’t
you
the lead singer?” Matt asked, challenging him and defending Jake.

“Yeah, and?” Nick answered, then added to me, “Hey, Ella, if you want to hang out, I’ll be over there.” He nodded toward the book section, where Meg and Gabby weren’t anymore. “Maybe we can . . . catch up.”

I breathed in and remembered when I would have said yes, when I would have jumped at the offer because I just wanted
someone
. But not anymore. I’d seen what a good guy was like, and I didn’t want to go back. I couldn’t let myself. And finally, I didn’t want to. I was done with Nick, and ready to dismiss him. See how he liked it.

“No,” I said strongly, finally. “I think I’m going to stay over here, thanks.” I turned back to Matt and grinned.

“Suit yourself.” He shrugged and started to walk away.

“Oh, hey, Nick,” Matt said. “High five for being in bands?” Matt watched my face as it burned in both humiliation and admiration. I couldn’t believe he said that. He’d seemed so . . . quiet up until now. Where was this Matt coming from? I liked him.

“Whatever,” Nick said before walking away, clearly missing the joke. Once he was out of earshot, I started cracking up. Matt joined in, finally jumping off the stage.

“I can’t believe you said that,” I said, catching my breath.

“I’m so sorry, I’m usually not that . . . um . . . mean, but I just had to. Come on, he made fun of the band and Jake, and then tried to get you back? No way.”

I stopped laughing and smiled at him. He was standing up for me.

“Err, yeah,” I said, suddenly realizing that he had just witnessed my terrible taste in guys. I didn’t want him to think I only dated jerks. “I’ve made some bad decisions.”

“So I’ve noticed. You did run from the cops in your underwear tonight.”

“I’m trying to forget that, thank you very much,” I gasped. He was okay. He didn’t mind. “Speaking of, where did you and Jake go after you left?”

“Oh god, yeah. That was interesting. I pulled over on the next block. I was okay to drive, but I still wanted to wait it out. And Jake . . . I mean, you could smell the alcohol coming off him. It was bad. He wasn’t really happy with me. And then . . .”

“What?”

“He just kind of shut down. He punched his door, and then just stared ahead for a long time. It was . . . kind of weird. We stayed there until I got the call from Barker and drove us here.”

“Jake was re-wiring.”

“Huh?”

“That’s what we used to call it,” I explained. “I’ve seen him do it after fighting with Meg. Whenever Jake gets really angry, he shuts himself down. It’s a natural reaction. His dad is kind of . . . forceful, and Jake doesn’t want to turn into that. So instead of letting his anger take over, he shuts his body down. I guess it’s good, you know, because he doesn’t get out of control, but I’m just worried that one day he won’t shut down. Or that all the shutting down is hurting him more.”

“That’s tough.”

“That’s Jake,” I admitted.

“He didn’t tell me about his dad, but he did talk about Meg a bit when we drove here. I think he’s conflicted,” Matt said, scratching the back of his neck. “I think you’re right, though—he’s a pretty good guy.”

“Yeah,” I said, nodding. “He is. Sometimes he just needs to let it out and talk to a friend.”