The Night We Said Yes (19 page)

“Where’s Barker and Gabby?” Meg asks Jake.

“They had to go home, something about a family reunion tomorrow. But Barker said to call him if we need backup, and Gabby sends a hug, or something like that.” I smile, thinking of Barker running in to save the day, and Gabby in the corner protecting me from danger. After Matt
left, she kind of became my savior, along with Meg. She baked me “screw him” cakes and let me vent throughout the day. I’d thought it was because she was still upset about the Nick situation, but really, she was just being a good friend.

“So, where’s the man of the hour? Late? That doesn’t bode well for his execution,” Jake continues.

“Hm?” I ask, wondering who he means.

“You didn’t tell her?” Jake asks, turning to Meg.

“I didn’t exactly have a chance to yet,” she says to him, then turns back to me. “But I guess the cat’s out of the bag.”

“What cat . . . ?” I ask the question cautiously because if she says what I think she might, I’m not sure I’m ready.

“Matt’s coming.”

“WHAT?” I practically yell.

“At least he said he would. Jake invited him,” she continues.

“Why would you do that?” I turn to him, still yelling. I feel the familiar flush coming to my face as my mouth goes dry. This is not happening.

“Hey, he’s my friend, too,” he defends himself, but I’m not taking that.

“Friend? Since when are you friends again?”

“We’re not,” Jake says, crossing his arms in front of him, doing the exact same pose Meg did earlier. “I just wanted to test him.”

“Test him how? See how much he could make me go insane?”

“It’s not that,” Meg cuts in, trying to rescue Jake, and I know she’s in on it, too. Why would they do this to me? My heart is racing again, just as it was earlier in the night when I first saw him. Just like then, it doesn’t know what to do. Should it be excited? Should it run away in fear? “You said he’s sorry. We want to make sure he is.”

“By making me face him again.”

“No, by making him face
us
,” she clarifies. “It’s one thing to be all apologetic to you—you’re, like, the nicest person in the world—but to us?”

“We’re not as nice,” Jake says, pointing out the obvious. “And he still has a lot of explaining to do. To me.” I calm down a bit—just a bit—when I remember Jake’s right. He’s in this, too.

While Matt was here, they became good friends. Closer than he and Barker ever were. They just got each other without any explanation. So when Matt left, it hurt Jake, too. I didn’t even know Jake was trying to contact him so often until he told me he got through. Sure he was trying so hard for himself, but it was also for me, and I’ll always remember that. And when I told Jake about the letter, he was livid. I had to stop him from driving to Texas to beat Matt up. To this day, I’m pretty sure he would have gone had I not stopped him.

“So what happens if he passes the test?” I ask tentatively.

“He can hang out again, and you’re allowed to date him, or whatever,” Jake answers.

“If you want,” Meg clarifies, cutting in.

“Allowed?” I question, raising an eyebrow.

“Permitted?” Jake counters, and I shake my head.

“And if he doesn’t pass?”

They turn to each other and share a private smirk reserved for lovers and criminals. They’re both, I suppose.

“This should be interesting,” I sigh, tracing my finger over a napkin left on the table.

“I’ll say. The four of us together again,” Meg answers, leaning back on her chair.

“Listen, I’m all for him coming back and being in our lives. I liked the guy a lot. But if he pulls that disappearing crap again, I’m going to beat the shit out of him,” Jake announces, and I shake my head.

“Hey, that’s what I said!” Meg interrupts.

I smile, looking at my friends. It’s interesting—as a child you think your parents can solve anything and make the world a better place. But slowly, unexpectedly, that belief transfers over to your second family, your friends. My parents don’t know about any of this, but if I go a day without talking to Meg, I feel lost. When does the transfer of power happen? And why does it feel so good?

Suddenly, Meg raises her eyebrows, and Jake straightens up in his chair. I don’t have to look behind me to know that Matt’s just walked into the bar, and he’s heading in our direction.

THEN

12:50
A
.
M
.

One Spin Records was just as crowded as earlier, but for some reason it seemed louder. As if everyone was screaming, trying to cover up the fight outside. Once we approached the stage, Barker ran up to us, with Gabby tagging along behind him.

“Um, I hate to ask this . . . but what are we playing?” Barker asked. Jake had his arm draped over Meg. Matt and I weren’t touching, which I noticed every single second.

“Same set that we were going to do at the party?” Jake asked.

“Sounds good,” Barker answered, twirling his drumstick through his fingers.

“Wait, I have an idea,” Matt interrupted. “You know how we’re doing the cover of ‘Bad Reputation’? Why don’t we get a girl to sing it?”

Oh no.

“What girl?” Jake asked.

No, no, no, no, no.

“I was thinking maybe . . . Ella?”

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

“What? You want to sing, El?” Jake asked, a curious smile on his mouth. My face was the color of a tomato. I felt it spread down my neck. I was sure my stomach even looked sunburned at that point.

“No, no, it’s not that,” I quickly answered, trying to figure out what to say. I glanced over at Meg and saw her beaming, visibly brightened by this prospect. Besides Matt, she was the only one who knew, who’d been pushing me to break out all along. So of course she was thrilled. Her eyes softened as they darted back and forth between Matt and me. She approved of him, of us.

“I just . . . I told Matt earlier I’d always wanted to do it, but not now. I can totally do it another time. It’s no big deal, go do your show. Don’t worry about me.” I kept rambling, hoping someone would cut me off. Of course, it took them a while to put me out of my misery. I loved that Matt remembered, I loved that he wanted me to do this, but at the same time—I really hated him. I wasn’t prepared at all.

Jake and Matt exchanged glances, and then looked back
at me, grinning. Actually grinning. This was not happening.

“Um, I think you have to do it. Let me reflect for a minute . . . what’s tonight again?” Jake asked, crossing his arms.

Matt checked his watch. “He’s right, you know. I’m pretty sure you have to say yes.”

“It’s past midnight!” I interjected. “It’s technically tomorrow.”

“The night doesn’t end until we go to sleep,” Matt said authoritatively.

“His game, his rules,” Jake added, nudging Matt.

I was going to kill them.

“Oh, come on, guys, she doesn’t have to.” Gabby jumped in, trying to save me. I gave her a look and mouthed “thank you.” She was trying to prove that she was on my side, and at that moment I was extremely thankful.

“What’s this yes thing you’re talking about?” Barker asked.

“Long story,” Meg answered, waving him off.

“What do you say?” Matt asked.

And then I looked at him. His eyes were shining, daring me. Full of light and hope and everything I wanted in life. He believed in me, he actually believed in me. I didn’t have to plan this, prepare for this; it was actually here. Why shouldn’t I believe in myself? Why should I be afraid?

“I . . . okay, fine,” I relented. The guys high fived in response, and then laughed at their action. Because
of course
they were high fiving. Despite hating them at that moment, I also loved these guys. For a multitude of reasons, but mostly because they were helping me do something I wanted to do.

“Okay, we’re on, guys. El, we’ll call you up when it’s your turn. Good luck?” Barker asked, still confused.

I shook my head and watched as Jake took Matt to the side ever so slightly.

“Hey, thanks for tonight.”

“No problem,” Matt answered, shrugging his shoulders.

“Seriously, I know I was an ass. But . . .”

“Hey, I know you’ve got me next time,” Matt said, and Jake nodded and they both did that guy thing where they patted each other’s shoulders instead of hugging. And I smiled because I was pretty sure I had just witnessed the start of a real friendship, one Jake needed. Even with his many conquests, he didn’t really have anyone else besides us. He needed someone for when he and Meg were, well, being him and Meg.

They turned around and took to the stage. Matt looked back and flashed me the rock ’n’ roll hand gesture, then closed his eyes and mouthed “Wooo!” I laughed, shaking my head, and when he opened his eyes we shared a smile. I was still shocked by what was about to happen, but I took in his grin and let nerves and excitement take over.

Meg grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the side of the stage. Gabby followed us after giving Barker one last kiss. He placed his hand on the side of her face and kept it
there as they had a whole conversation with a single touch. I turned away; their moment was too private.

“Are you okay?” Meg asked, grinning.

“I think so. What’s going on?”

“All of your dreams are coming true, Cinderella.” She smiled, bringing me into a big hug. I held on tight, not wanting the moment to end.

“Are
you
okay?” I whispered in her ear.

“Yeah . . . sometimes I just need to yell.” We broke apart and took our place by the stage, staying off to the side while everyone else made their way to the front, crowding around to get the best view. “By the way, what did I miss when I was outside? Are you guys in love yet?”

I thought back to our conversation, the hugs, the hands, the looks, the touches. I thought of the moments we shared. When I opened my mouth to answer, I realized I didn’t want to tell her what happened. Not everything, at least. Not because I wanted to keep things from her, but because they were our moments, mine and Matt’s. They were private, special, and I wanted to remember them as such. Our own little scrap of paper. My heart leapt every time I thought of his eyes. Now I understood why Meg never told me everything about Jake. Sometimes you just have to keep secrets.

“We talked a lot. And I have hope.” She linked her pinkie with mine and gave it a squeeze. We weren’t perfect, far
from it, but we were picking up our pieces and assembling our own puzzles.

“I like that boy,” she said, nodding toward Matt. “You should keep him.” I nodded in agreement, basking in her approval.

The lights dimmed and the stage was illuminated in blue and red hues. The guys looked great onstage, like superheroes emerging from our daily lives. Barker was excited, jittery, bouncing his leg repeatedly and twirling his sticks in the air. Jake stood tall in the front—shoulders back, head high—smirking at the audience’s cheers. And Matt stood next to him, tapping the strings of his bass as he looked out into the oasis of faces. Barker lifted his sticks high in the air, the universal signal for starting a show. He hit them three times and then . . .

An explosion of sound hit the crowd and bounced off the walls. They played a few covers at first, to get the crowd excited, and excited they were. They were singing along, jumping to the beat. When the band switched to their own music, no one noticed. A few people even continued singing. The music flowed out, filled the store. It felt full.

Jake sang with emotion I’d never seen before. He closed his eyes when he yelled, and
felt
the music as it came out of his mouth and fingers. His hand easily slid up and down the guitar, hitting the strings repeatedly and making the song come alive. Sweat beaded by his hairline, slowly
dripping down. Girls gathered by him, staring longingly as he played. I side-glanced at Meg, but she looked okay. She was smiling, laughing and cheering.

Barker, in the back, was just having fun. His eyes were wide and mouth agape as his arms moved wildly, hitting his drums and cymbals with an amazing amount of force and speed. He was a blur, all motion all the time. He was obviously enjoying himself, which was the most exciting thing to see. Gabby stood by us, looking at him proudly. She flailed her arms in the air, and didn’t care who was looking. She was dancing just for him.

Matt stayed on the side, not making a big deal of himself. I could see why Jake knew Matt would be a perfect fit. He was
good
. It looked like playing the bass came as naturally as breathing to him. His fingers moved wildly along the neck, adding rhythm to the song. He bit his lower lip when hitting certain chords and jumped during off beats. It was exhausting and exhilarating to watch. I knew the girls would notice; they were already crowding around. Soon we’d hear the murmur of wondering who he was and who he was with.

I let the music take over and danced next to Meg, bumping hips with her and flailing my arms in the air. It might have taken all night, but the guys were finally playing. And it was worth it. The wait, the struggle, the games, the running. After their last bassist moved, we didn’t know what
would happen to the band. But they never gave up. And for one night, newly formed, they were together again, doing the one thing that made all of them happy. And we were there, too.

And then the moment I was anticipating came.

“For our next song, we have a special guest,” Jake said, raising his eyebrows suggestively, voice low and hoarse. “El, let’s go.”

As soon as I heard my name, I was thrown back to reality. There was cheering, and there was yelling, but my feet weren’t working. Planted on the ground, they did not want to move. There was a buzz in my ear. My heart was racing. And everything seemed muted.

“El, El.” Meg grabbed my hand, tugged on my bracelets for support, and spun me around. “You’ve got this.” I blinked, seeing nothing and then . . . everything. She came into view. And the music amplified. And I was there in a store, about to sing. My heart beat loudly, I took a breath in, and I smiled.

“Okay . . . okay.” I squeezed Meg’s hand, and then raced up the stairs. One foot in front of the other. And everything came into focus. The lights, the instruments, the guys. Especially
him
.

I walked to the front of the stage and stood behind the microphone. Matt was behind me to the left, Jake on my right. Barker was directly behind me. Knowing they were all
there, that they all had my back, made it easier.

“You all right?” Matt asked, raising his eyes in my direction. I stood there awkwardly, rigid. A buzz circulated the room; I couldn’t blink. I flexed my hands, releasing the tension, as my heart pounded. I wanted to do this, I really did, but could I?

“You’ve got this,” Jake said on my other side.

Matt reached over to adjust the microphone to my height. Head bowed, his shaggy hair fell down, hiding his face. He looked over and our eyes met. I grabbed the microphone just as he was taking his hand away and for a moment, we touched. That same spark I felt on the roof reappeared, and a shudder went through my body. He was smiling that proud smile that nothing could destroy. I wanted to kiss him, but instead I took a deep breath.

They could push, they could support, and they could all tell me to do it. But only I had the power to actually open my mouth. And I was ready to do that.

The microphone was warm in my hand, used and wet with sweat. It smelled like cheap beer and sour-cream-and-onion potato chips. I gripped it tightly to steady my shaking hand.

The room looked dark, save for the stage. A throng of people was spread out around us. They must have been chatting, cheering, and murmuring. They must have been rowdy. But I didn’t hear a thing. It was just me and the mic and the guys behind me.

I suddenly felt the ground thump, thump, thumping with the bass drum all around me. The music was full, loud, hugging my body. All at once I heard the cheering, clapping, drums, and guitar come together. I felt the blood in my face drain and my palms start sweating. My eyes widened in shock and horror and excitement and glee. And then it was my turn, my moment in the spotlight. My moment to do what I wanted. I couldn’t even remember how I got there. I closed my eyes, opened my mouth, and let go.