The Outsider (11 page)

Nathan’s brown eyes were intent on her. His hand grasped her arm tighter as he said, “You don’t have to. You can go with me.”

Gabrielle didn’t know what to say. In the space of an hour she had been given two ways to leave the Believers. Was the Eternal Father testing her?

Encouraged by her silence, Nathan rushed ahead with his plans. “We could go tomorrow. The doc will help us, and then we can find a preacher and get married.”

“Commit matrimony?” The very words were uncomfortable on her tongue.

“Nay, we’ll just be getting married like folks do every day.”

“But we’re Believers, Nathan.”

“I’ve never been a Believer, Gabrielle, and I’m not staying in this godforsaken place another week.”

His words banged into her ears. “How can you say that, Nathan? God is all around us.”

“Maybe so, but I’m not wanting to talk about God right now. I’m talking about you, Gabrielle. About us. You have to go with me. You have to.”

“I cannot.” Gabrielle didn’t want to hurt Nathan, but the words had to be said. “I’m sorry, Nathan, but I can’t leave Harmony Hill. This is my home.”

The color rose up in his face and then drained away, leaving the burn scars a bright pink on his too-white cheeks. He still wasn’t ready to hear the truth of her words. “I’ll come back for you when you’re ready, Gabrielle. I promise to take care of you. I love you, Gabrielle. I’ve loved you ever since the first day I laid eyes on you. I thought you loved me too.”

His pain hurt her. She tried to explain. “I do, Nathan, but as a brother. I know not this other love that men and women in the world share.”

“Come with me, Gabrielle, and I’ll teach you.”

“No love can be taught and I fear especially the kind of which you speak. Love must come from the heart,” Gabrielle said as gently as she could.

Nathan’s hand dropped off her arm to hang limply by his side. His whole body seemed to sag. “I can’t believe this. All the nonsense I’ve put up with here in this place even to almost burning myself alive for a measly sack of corn.”

“I never told you I’d go away with you, Nathan, and you surely can’t blame me for the fire.”

“I’m not blaming you for the fire. Only that I was in it. Do you think I’d have stayed in this place a year if it hadn’t been for you?” He was almost yelling. “Four years of my life I’ve wasted here because I thought you’d come away with me. Because I thought you loved me. And now you say nay as though I’d offered you nothing more than a sip of water.”

“That’s not true, Nathan.” She reached out to touch his hand, but he jerked away from her angrily.

“What do you know about truth? You’re as bad as the rest of them around here, going around pretending to love everyone, but it’s all just a sham. You never cared nothing for me.”

She wouldn’t argue with him. He was too upset to accept anything she might say. So she stood there without a word and let him throw his words at her.

“And I thought you were so good, so pure, so beautiful. I didn’t think you’d turn on me like some kind of snake.”

Tears pushed at Gabrielle’s eyes, but she blinked hard to keep them back. She didn’t want Nathan to think she was softening and might yet change her mind. It would be better for him to go away hating her.

All at once his stream of angry words ran out. His voice broke as he said, “You did care for me. I know you did.”

Gabrielle didn’t say again that she loved him as a brother. Instead she said, “If I weren’t a Believer, then things might be different.” She wasn’t sure her words were true, but it was the only gift she had to give him. “Goodbye, Nathan.”

“I can’t say goodbye, Gabrielle.” He stared at her a long time before he turned and started away. He went a few steps, then stopped and, without turning around, said, “Don’t watch me leave. It’s bad luck.”

He slowly limped off into the woods. Gabrielle watched him only a moment before she went back to the path. Tears streamed down her cheeks. She wiped at them with the corner of her scarf and wished she could believe she’d see him again.

11

Brice wasn’t surprised when he saw Nathan back at his door. “What are you doing here, Bates? You should have been back at Harmony Hill hours ago.”

“I was,” Nathan said. “I came back.”

Brice pulled the door open to let him in. He’d been expecting the boy to show up like this for a week or more. Nathan had never been a Shaker, and the time had come for him to shake off their restraints. But there was more. A stab of misery went deep in the boy’s eyes. “You asked the young sister,” Brice said. It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact.

“She said she loved me—like a brother.” Nathan’s voice was rough as he spit out the words. He angrily swiped at the tears that popped up in his eyes.

Brice mashed his lips together to keep from saying he’d warned the boy about the young sister. Nathan’s pain was too fresh, too deep. Then in spite of the sympathy he had for the boy, a breath of relief swept through Brice. He couldn’t have fought the boy for Gabrielle, but now as long as his only rival was the Shaker life, he’d never give up. He’d already made her admit her doubts. In time she would come away from the Shakers. The last thought echoed in his mind, and he remembered Nathan saying the same with just as much hope and sureness.

Brice pulled a chair and stool close to the fire. “Sit down, Bates, and put your legs up. You’ve been on them too long today already.”

“I don’t care. I wish you’d just left me there in that barn,” the boy said, but he sat down and obediently put up his feet.

“It was Gabrielle who told me where to find you in the barn, and burned her own hands putting out the fire on your pants legs. She does care for you, Bates.”

The boy leaned his head back and shut his eyes. “So she said. Like a brother.” He was quiet a long time before he went on. “You know, Doc, I thought I knew all about pain. What with the way my legs are and all. But the way I’m hurting now makes all that other seem like child’s play.”

Brice frowned at Nathan. “I’ve seen plenty die with burns no worse than yours, but nobody ever died of a broken heart, Bates. You won’t either.”

Nathan opened his eyes and looked at Brice. “You got medicine for everything else, Doc. What you got for this kind of hurting?”

Alec Hope stepped up into the door that Brice hadn’t closed. “I reckon the doc might not give you what you’re needing, boy, but I got just the thing here.” He came over to the fire and pulled a flask out from under his shirt to hand the boy. “Fixes up whatever ails you every time.”

“At least till the morning sun shows up on the horizon,” Brice said, but when Nathan reached for the flask he didn’t try to stop him. The boy had to learn on his own.

Nathan tipped the flask back and took a swallow. Then he started gasping and coughing. Hope reached over and grabbed the flask before the boy could spill any of its contents. “The squeezings appear to be a mite strong for the boy.” He looked up at Brice. “Who is he anyway? He puts me in mind of them at the place I just come from. He one of them Shakers?”

“He was,” Brice started, but the boy swallowed hard and found his voice.

“Not anymore I’m not. If it’s any business of yours.”

Brice kept his eyes on Hope. “So you went to the Shaker village?”

Hope sat down in the other chair and left Brice standing. “I did. Not that it done me a bit of good.”

“They didn’t let you see her?”

“I seen her, all right. Talked to her too. But that dried-up old preacher sat there and wouldn’t leave us alone. If I could’ve got her alone, I’d a made her see that that ain’t no way to live.”

“Then she wouldn’t talk about coming away with you.” Brice hadn’t thought she would, but there’d been that chance.

“Nope. Claimed she was happy living there like that. Leastways that’s what she said with that old preacher watching her.” Hope took a swig from his flask and stared at the fire. “She was even prettier than I remembered. She’s all grown up now and not a thing like she used to be when she was a little tyke. Sitting there so solemn and all. And she wouldn’t even hug my neck. She always used to run and give me a big hug when I come home.”

“That was a long time ago, Hope. You couldn’t expect her to be the same little girl she was then.”

Hope took another long swallow from his flask. He wiped his mouth on his sleeve. “I reckon as how you’re right, Doc, but I just can’t get used to the idea that she wants to stay there. I don’t claim to know all that much about religion, but the way they’re thinking about it just can’t be right.” He looked over at Brice. “Can it, Doc?”

“To our way of thinking. But to their way of thinking, no other way is right,” Brice said.

Nathan had been watching them while they talked and now he spoke up. “Did you say Hope, Doc?”

“That’s right, Bates. You and this old woodsman have something in common. You both asked the young sister to leave with you and she turned you both down. She doesn’t seem to want a husband or a father.” Or a doctor either, he added silently. He could pretend not to be part of their misery, but he was. And just as apt to fail to reach her as they were.

“You can’t be Gabrielle’s father. She told me her pa was dead.”

“So I was, and I might as well stayed that way for all the good it done me or her for me to come back. But my bones have been aching some when I get up in the morning and I got to thinking about how I was getting on in years and I got to wondering how her and her mother had got along after I sent them that message that I’d drowned. I was even thinking maybe I had some grandkids that would want to sit on my knee and hear some stories. Just foolishness on my part, and I reckon I had whatever grief I got today coming. I weren’t never much shakes as a pa. Not that Gabrielle ever held that against me.” Hope looked at the boy and handed him back the flask. “But what about you, boy? What did you have to do with my girl?”

“I loved her,” Nathan said simply before he tipped up the flask and took a careful swallow. He hit his chest with his fist, but managed to keep from coughing.

Brice thought it a good sign that Nathan used the past tense. He would heal. His love hadn’t gone so deep that it couldn’t be cut out. He was young. There’d be other girls with no opposition to marrying and settling down with the boy.

“I reckon as how you ain’t the only one,” Hope said. Brice looked quickly toward the man. Hope met his look steadily for a moment before he went on. “I mean, it’d surely be easy for any red-blooded man to fall for my girl.”

Nathan stared sadly at the flask in his hand. “I never thought she’d say no.” Then he tipped it up to take another drink.

Hope pulled his pipe out of another pocket and lit it with a taper from the fire. “Well, I reckon it’s the truth, boy, when I say that many a man was sorry a woman said yes as the years went by. There ain’t nothing like a woman to try and tie you down.”

“I wanted to be tied down with Gabrielle,” Nathan said. “

My girl is sure enough special, but still and all, a woman is a woman. And it ain’t always a good idea to settle down so early on in life. I mean, you’re just a boy and there’s a lot to see out there where womenfolk ain’t a mind to go.”

“But I had it all planned out. Been planning how we’d go away and start on our own for years.” Hope’s liquor was beginning to make the boy slur his words. He tipped up the flask again, and this time drank it down clean.

“What you aiming to do now, boy?” Hope asked.

Nathan swallowed hard. “I don’t rightly know. I guess I’ll be having to get work somewhere.”

Brice spoke up. “I could take you on to learn medicine, Bates. I’ve never thought about an apprentice, but there are times when one might come in handy.”

“That’s mighty nice of you, Dr. Scott, but I don’t think I’d make any kind of doctor. I like being outside, not in sickrooms. But if you’d let me stay on a spell, I could fetch things for you and take care of your horse. Just until my legs get some better.”

“What’s wrong with your legs, boy?” Hope asked.

“He was in the fire they had at the Shaker village a while back,” Brice said.

Hope reached over and yanked up the boy’s pants leg. He made no face at the sight of the still angry-looking burns, but he said, “I’m thinking if I ever need doctoring, I’ll know where to come.” Hope sat back before he went on. “But that’s too bad, boy. I was thinking maybe you’d be wanting to go with me when I left.”

“And where would that be?” Nathan asked.

“Can’t say for sure.” Hope pulled on his pipe before he went on. “Wherever my feet take a notion to lead me. But most likely I’m going to head up north to see what’s going on with the redcoats. I’ve heard fighting might break out up there just any day now, and if it does, I’m aiming to be in the middle of it.”

“They haven’t declared war yet,” Brice said. “I saw a newspaper just last week.”

“But they will,” Hope said. “They’ll have to. The way them British scoundrels are taking our boys off ’n our ships like it’s their right. And then the Injuns are getting a mite too brave up in the territories. It’s time we went up there and taught them a thing or two.”

“A war?” Nathan sat up a little straighter in his chair and leaned toward Hope.

“Where you been, boy? Hiding in a hole somewheres?” Hope asked.

“I might as well have been,” Nathan said. “The Shakers don’t hold with fighting, so there wouldn’t be much need in them talking about a war unless it was going on right here around them where it might cause problems with their crops or something.”

Hope stared at his pipe and shook his head. “I just can’t figure them people out. Any man ought to be proud to stand up and fight for his country.”

“I could go with you.” Nathan sounded eager. “My legs aren’t that bad off. Are they, Doc? You said yourself I could start working.”

Brice put a hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Easy does it, Bates. Wars aren’t all that exciting. Sometimes it’s just a good place to die. But even so, there isn’t even a war on yet. Just a bunch of rumors flying. You’d best stick around here with me for a while and let your legs get some stronger before you march off with an army.”

“Sure, boy.” Hope pulled on his pipe again before he added, “Like the doc here says, they ain’t even said for sure there’s gonna be a war yet. There’ll be plenty of time to join up later on, I expect.”

Nathan stared at the fire. “I’m no good for anything. Gabrielle wouldn’t have me and now you say the army won’t either.”

He started to tip up the flask again, but Brice reached and took it away from him. “I think you’ve had more than enough, Bates. You’re beginning to sound foolish. You’d best go to bed and sleep it off.” Brice handed the flask to Hope who stuck it back in his shirt. “You aiming to stay the night, Hope?”

“Naw, I’ve been bedding down in a barn over at the settlement. And I’ll be wanting to get an early start come morning. I just come by to tell you I was leaving.” He stuck his pipe in his mouth and reached for his hat.

Outside Brice’s horse whinnied and they heard boots on the steps. Hope stood up and said, “Sounds like somebody might need your doctoring, Doc.”

But when Brice swung open the door, Elder Caleb and another Shaker man stood there. Brice wasn’t surprised to see them, but he’d thought they’d wait till morning. “Good evening, sirs,” he said. “Is there something I can do for you?”

“We seek our brother,” Elder Caleb said. “Brother Nathan was to have come to you for treatment this afternoon. He did not return to our village.”

The elder’s face was stern and unforgiving. He was ready to do battle with Brice for the prize of the young brother, but Brice had no wish to battle with the old elder for the boy. That fight would have to be won by Bates himself. Brice opened the door and stepped back. “He is here.”

The two men moved past Brice into the room. The elder’s eyes swept around the room, stopped briefly on Hope, and then landed on Nathan. “We had concern for your safety, Brother Nathan.”

Nathan looked up. Hope’s liquor had turned his cheeks red and now gave his tongue courage. “I decided to leave your grave out there and start to live. And living feels good.”

Elder Caleb looked at him for a long moment before he fastened his eyes on Brice even though he spoke to the boy. “I fear you have sought bad counsel, my brother.”

“I gave him no encouragement to leave your people, Elder. He needed none,” Brice said.

“The same way you have not encouraged young Sister Gabrielle to wonder about the world, Dr. Scott?” the elder said.

“I couldn’t encourage her to do anything.” Brice tried to rein in the anger rising inside him. “You won’t let me talk to her.”

“From the first night you came into our midst, there has been nothing but discord. It would have been better if you’d never come.”

“Then the boy here would have died.”

“Perhaps, although the Eternal Father saves those he chooses to save. But even so, it would have been better for our brother to have died with his salvation in eternity assured than to live with only the fires of hell as a reward.”

“I’m not sure the boy would agree,” Brice said.

The elder looked back at Nathan as he said, “Leave us so that we might talk with our brother alone. There is yet time to help him see the error of his path into sin.”

Brice didn’t move until Nathan looked up and said, “They’re bound and determined to have their say, Doc. I might as well get it over with.”

The elder knelt beside Nathan and shut his eyes in prayer. The other Shaker stepped in front of Brice and said, “You need have no fear that we will harm the boy. He is our brother.”

“Come on, Hope. We won’t freeze out on the stoop.” Brice led the way outside and pulled the door shut behind them. “I must be a fool letting them run me out of my own house,” he said as he walked down the steps.

Hope followed him. “Best to let them do their talking and get it out of their system, but I’m thinking they ain’t going to make much headway with the boy. His mind’s done set agin them, and I got a feeling when that boy sets his head there ain’t no changing it. I reckon that’s why my girl turning him down went so hard on him.”

“I tried to tell him once before she wouldn’t come away with him, but he didn’t want to hear it. I’m not sure there’s any way of getting her away from there short of stealing her away.”