The Reluctant Outlaw (Love Inspired Historical) (15 page)

The next morning, she was so eager to see Evan she tossed aside her blankets and rushed into the tent, heedless of her appearance. She was surprised to find him already awake, propped up into a sitting position and supported by a mountain of blankets. She hesitated just inside the opening.

“Good morning,” she said with a tentative smile, “How long have you been up?”

“Long enough to wonder if you were ever coming to check on me,” he drawled. The heavy growth of black stubble covering the lower half of his face made him look dangerous, at odds with his usually clean-shaven appearance. His eyes tracked her every movement, as if hungry for the sight of her. “You must’ve been exhausted to have slept so late.”

“I was,” she admitted. “I feel rested this morning, though.”

He nodded. The silence stretched between them, thick with unvoiced emotions.

Juliana longed to feel his arms around her. She wanted his reassurance that everything would be all right.

“Juliana.” He sighed heavily. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?” Her lower lip trembled, sudden tears burning her eyes.

“Come here,” he said softly, his arms outstretched.

She hesitated a fraction of a second before vaulting into his arms and burying her face in his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her in a comforting embrace, his fingers stroking her unbound hair, his low voice murmuring reassuring words as salty tears slipped from beneath her eyelashes.

Juliana was independent by nature, accustomed to being the one everyone else leaned on. How wonderful it was to be able to lean on someone else. To not have to be the strong one for once.

Once the tears had abated, she sighed contentedly and snuggled deeper into his embrace. He held her tight. Being close to Evan made her soul sing. Right now, in this moment, she refused to think about how wrong it was to love him.

Evan closed his eyes, buried his face in her hair, and inhaled deeply. Images of lush green meadows dotted with pale lavender blooms flooded his mind. He pictured Juliana in that meadow, dressed in purest white, her golden-red hair spilling over her shoulders, her green eyes brimming with laughter. He was there, too, in a three-piece suit fit for church. Or a wedding.

No,
he cautioned,
don’t think about forever. It’s too dangerous. You’d never survive another loss. Especially not losing Juliana.

Gradually, her trembling ceased. She sighed a small, contented sigh that told him she was comfortable in his
arms. The need to tell her the truth gripped him. She deserved to know everything. He only hoped she could find it in her heart to forgive him. Again.

J
uliana did not want to move from this spot. She felt safe. Protected. Cherished.

“Juliana.”

His deep voice rumbled through his chest. She felt his hands come to rest lightly on her shoulders. With reluctance, she eased away from the haven of his embrace to stare up at him.

His gaze was a tender caress, filled with longing, affection and regret. With great care, he wiped away the wetness from her cheeks.

“I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

It took a moment for his words to register. She sat back, her thoughts bouncing off each other.

“About what?” She heard the tremor in her voice.

Oh, Lord, please don’t let him have a wife. I’ll die if he tells me he’s married.

He hesitated, clearly uneasy, which caused her stomach to tighten with anxiety.

“I’ve kept certain things from you in order to protect you. At least, I
thought
I was doing it to protect you. Maybe I was protecting myself. I don’t know.” He paused
to draw in a lung full of air. “I’m not who you think I am.”

What did that mean? He had an alias? “Your name isn’t Evan Harrison?”

“No. I mean, yes. I am.” He plowed his fingers through his hair, accidentally dislodging the bandage. “Can I take this thing off?”

“Maybe tomorrow,” she said, distracted.

With his thumb and finger, he untwisted the strips and smoothed them against his forehead. “I’m not an outlaw. Despite evidence to the contrary, I am a law-abiding, God-fearing, honest-to-goodness farmer.”

Juliana didn’t move. She couldn’t believe it! He was lying. Lying with a straight face. And oh, he was
good.
If she hadn’t found that paper, his air of innocence would’ve fooled her. The knowledge stung. What else had he lied about? Her thoughts turned to the badge in his boot. No lawman in his right mind would give it up without a fight.

Evan paused, his head cocked to one side. “What is it?”

She forced the words out. “It’s no use, Evan. I’ve seen the sign with your picture on it.”

He was momentarily taken aback. “What are you talking about?”

Outrage and despair warred within her. She loved this man…a man who apparently had no qualms about lying to her. She’d never felt so low. How she wished she’d heeded her instincts!

“Your gun, remember?” she muttered. “I found the wanted notice with your name on it. Evan Trey Harrison.”

His mouth quirked. “Ah. I see. You found that, did you?” A disbelieving laugh burst from him. “Why am I not surprised? After all, you found the badge I’d so care
fully concealed. You are one surprising woman, Juliana O’Malley.”

His reaction didn’t make sense. Why wasn’t he more concerned?

“Sheriff Tate and I had that drawn up just in case Roberts didn’t trust me. You see, I had to make him believe I was an outlaw.”

He was determined to conceal the truth. “Forget it.” She moved to get up. “I’m done believing your lies.”

His hand on her shoulder stopped her. “Juliana, please.” His husky voice was pleading, bordering on desperate. “Hear me out. I’m telling the truth.”

She stared into his molten blue eyes. There was no trace of deceit, only sincerity.

“What about the mercantile? I was there, remember?”

“And I ushered you inside, which landed you in a heap of trouble,” he supplied, his gaze probing hers.

“Yes,” she murmured, “we mustn’t forget that.”

His expression turned rueful. “I felt certain no one would come in until later. That’s what I’d counted on, anyway. I figured we could get in and get out without being seen. Tell me, why were you there at that hour? You must’ve gotten an early start.”

She recalled complaining to Megan about the early hour. “I needed supplies for my mother’s birthday celebration. We had a lot to do to prepare, since we were expecting a lot of guests that night. Mr. Moore’s a talker and, like you, I wanted to get in and get out as quickly as possible.”

“Talk about bad timing.”

“Why were you there in the first place, Evan?”

“Ten months ago, my brother James was gunned down in cold blood.” Pain flashed across his face, stark emo
tion that couldn’t be faked. “That day, I pledged to hunt down those responsible and bring them to justice.”

Stunned into silence, Juliana couldn’t breathe. His brother?
Murdered?

“It is my mission,” he continued. “That’s why I was at the mercantile, and why I’ve been hanging around lowlifes like Fitzgerald and Roberts.”

His jaw was set, his blue eyes hard and unyielding. His expression promised retribution.

Juliana’s head spun. No wonder he hadn’t acted like a criminal—he
wasn’t.
She remembered all the things about him that just didn’t add up. Her gut instincts had been on the mark. She hadn’t lost her heart to an outlaw, but to a farmer-turned-undercover detective!

The implications were too huge for her to grasp at that moment.

“What happened?” she managed.

His hand covering his eyes, he massaged his temples with his fingers. His words were muffled when he spoke. “James was attacked by a band of thieves. He was traveling to Knoxville with a large sum of money. My guess is he resisted, and they killed him.” When he lifted his head, Juliana sucked in a breath at the sorrow etched in his features. “James would’ve stood his ground even if he was outnumbered. He wasn’t the type to give in without a fight.”

Her heart ached for his loss. She tried to imagine what she would do in his situation and couldn’t. The idea was too horrific to even comprehend. Reaching over, Juliana wrapped her hand around his. “I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine how much it must’ve hurt to hear the news.”

He flipped his hand over and held on tight. “I was ill.” He spoke the words almost as an apology. “Pneumonia. I told him the trip could wait until I was well enough to go
with him, but he wouldn’t listen. If I had gone, I could’ve protected him. James would still be alive today.” Regret rolled off him in waves.

“You can’t know that for sure,” she insisted, determined to make him see reason. He blamed himself for something he had no control over. “One extra gun wouldn’t have made that much of a difference. If you had gone, in all likelihood you would’ve been killed, too.”

“I could’ve tried to outrun them. I could’ve bargained for his life. Something,
anything
to change what happened.”

Juliana searched for the right words. “I know this might be difficult for you to hear, but God alone controls our destinies. His Word says each person has a set number of days on this earth. Nothing we can do can change it.”

A muscle in his jaw twitched. “Does that bring you comfort when you miss your father?”

“Knowing God is in control brings me comfort and peace,” she answered, ignoring the sting of his words. He had responded out of hurt. “Of course I don’t understand the reasons or the timing of my father’s death, but I trust in God’s goodness. When I was consumed with grief, He gave me the strength to go on.”

He stared hard at her. “I’ve heard when tragedy strikes, a person either draws closer to God or falls away. Two guesses which category I’m in.”

“It’s okay to be angry with God. He already knows what’s in your heart. The key is not to shut Him out. Talk to him. He’ll help you work through your emotions.”

He was quiet, staring straight ahead. “I’ve been angry with Him for a long time,” he confessed, his shoulders slumping. “My parents’ deaths didn’t affect me the same way, maybe because of the way they died. No one was at
fault. One day they got sick and died. I don’t know why, but something inside me snapped when I heard what happened to James. Someone was to blame. Someone cut his life short.”

He swung his attention back to her. “Before you came along, I was in pretty bad shape. Thoughts of revenge consumed my every waking moment. When I was with the gang, it was all I could do not to strangle each and every one of them while they slept. I was haunted by James’s face. I studied each man, wondering which one of them had pulled the trigger. After a while, the only emotion in my heart was hatred. Then, suddenly, I had you to worry about, and everything changed. Avenging James’s murder wasn’t my sole focus anymore. Keeping you safe was my first priority.

“I believe God used this illness to get my attention. When I heard your prayers, I realized what a mess I’d made of things. I didn’t want to die. I told Him I couldn’t bear this burden any longer. And because He’s a loving, patient God, He forgave me.”

Her heart swelled with gratitude. God had worked a miracle in his heart. “I’m proud of you, Evan.”

“Please don’t say that. I’m not proud of the man I’ve become these last few months. And I have to be honest—it’s gonna take some time for me to come to the place where I can forgive the men responsible. A big part of me still craves vengeance.”

“It takes courage to own up to sin, even when we feel we’re justified in our feelings. That’s why I’m proud of you. Admitting when you’re wrong is the first step toward change. Eventually, by God’s grace, you will be able to forgive them.”

She remembered the gold star. “Is the badge yours?”

“Temporarily. Sheriff Tate, whose office I’m working
with, gave it to me. Just in case I got hauled into jail, I’d have proof to back up my claim.”

Juliana was relieved he wouldn’t be lumped in with the other outlaws, should they ever be caught. The authorities would only need to contact the Cades Cove Sheriff’s Office to verify Evan’s story.

“Are you positive you’ve got the right group of men?”

“Yeah, I’m sure.” His mouth thinned. “But I don’t have solid evidence. Before you came along, my next plan of action was to go back to the scene of the crime, to Knoxville. Visit the gang’s hangouts and try to snuff out a witness. Those men like to brag about their crimes. I’m hoping they talked the night James was killed.”

For his sake, she hoped he was able to find the answers he sought. As for his deception, Juliana needed time to sort out her feelings. If she were honest, his decision not to confide in her early on hurt. He hadn’t trusted her.

“What are you thinking?” he asked.

“I’m wondering why you didn’t tell me this in the beginning.”

He closed his eyes. “I figured the less you knew, the better.” Opening them, he looked at her with regret. “Now I know it would’ve made it easier for you, at least in the sense of knowing that I’m not dangerous.”

Oh, how wrong he was, she thought. He
was
dangerous. In an ironic twist, he was even more of a threat now than before. There were no obstacles, no reasons for her to deny her feelings. And that was downright scary.

“I realize an apology can’t make up for all the mistakes I’ve made,” he continued, “but I am sorry. If I could go back to that morning at the mercantile, I’d do it all differently, anything to have spared you and your family this grief. Do you think you can forgive me?”

Evan held his breath as he watched the emotions marching across Juliana’s face.

“What happened wasn’t entirely your fault. And you’ve worked hard at keeping me safe, even though it put your mission at risk. I wish you would’ve confided in me, however. You’re right—knowing your identity would’ve saved me a lot of worry.”

He could see the hurt reflected in her clear green eyes. His heart dipped. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness, but he craved it. How could he live with himself if she couldn’t move past this?

“I also understand that you felt you were making the right decision not to tell me.”

He blew out the breath he’d been holding. The glow from the kerosene lamp highlighted the copper streaks in her thick tresses, tumbling down around her shoulders. How he longed to take her in his arms and hold her close. That was out of the question, of course.

“I never intended to hurt you, Juliana,” he murmured.

Her lashes swept down to hide her eyes. “I know.” Her voice lowered to match his.

“There are others my deception has hurt.”

She lifted her head. “Henry and Rose?”

“Yes. I think it’s best if I tell them the truth about us.”

He paused to gauge her reaction. He sensed her apprehension. Would she agree or disagree?

“I definitely think it’s the right thing to do.”

He should’ve known she’d want to do the right thing. He exhaled. “They won’t be too happy with us,” he warned. “Are you prepared for that?”

“They have every right to be upset. We tricked them. And they’ve been nothing but kind to both of us. They deserve the truth, even if it doesn’t affect them directly.”

“I agree.” It wouldn’t be pleasant, admitting his deception to his new friends, but he didn’t want to put it off. “When do you want me to talk to them? Now?”

Juliana moved to her knees, lifted the flap and peered out. “Rose is busy. Henry is playing a game of chase with the kids. How about after lunch?” she suggested, peering over her shoulder at him. “We can talk over a cup of coffee.”

“Coffee?” His black brows rose hopefully.

“You’ll be having tea,” she replied firmly, refusing to be swayed by his entreaty.

“Tea is for females,” he grumbled. “I want coffee.”

“I’m going to ignore that remark.” She arched a brow at him. “Maybe tomorrow. For now, let’s stick with the tea, okay?”

He scooted down until he was lying flat and stared up at the top of the tent. “Yes, ma’am,” he sighed, amazed that a simple conversation could wear him out.

“Evan?”

She was crouched in the opening, looking like a vulnerable young girl with her earnest expression. “I’m glad you’re better. There were times when I feared you wouldn’t pull through. In fact, I—” Her breathing hitched, and her gaze skittered away. “Never mind. The important thing is that the worst is over, and you’re on the mend.”

He swallowed hard, with effort reining in his runaway emotions. “Any other woman would’ve bolted the moment I passed out,” he declared. “You’re a woman of great mercy and compassion, Juliana. I’ll never forget your kindness toward me. I wish I could repay you somehow. Saying
thanks
doesn’t seem to be enough.”

“Your getting well is reward enough.” Her tender
smile warmed him deep inside. “Think you can get some rest?”