The Secret of Life Wellness: The Essential Guide to Life's Big Questions (22 page)

Higher Self and live this day in a truthful, courageous, and empowered manner. Help

me to recognize and handle any resistance, self-sabotage, or negativity in the most

appropriate and loving ways. Help me release any mental overwhelm, internal conflict,

density, and heaviness that may be present in my mind, body or emotions.”

Take a few deep breaths while saying the word “CLEAR” to let go of any confusion

about what you need to do that day.

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Say: “Divine Source, please bring lightness into my body, allowing me to expand

and open myself to wonderful new possibilities and opportunities that this day may

bring. Please protect me from picking up any density and negativity from other beings,

which is not mine and has nothing to do with me. Allow me to have compassion with-

out the need to carry other people’s burdens. Thank You.”

Repeat the word “CLEAR” several times until your feel lighter.

Note that if you have limited time or you are doing the process more than once a

day you can just do the last part of the process above which starts from Divine Source.

Imagine brilliant white and gold rays of light bathing you, healing, and clearing all

density, negativity, distrust, limitation, and pain out of your body and energy field.

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9

How You Can Experience

Unconditional Love

How do I experience unconditional love for others?

Wouldn’t it be amazing to be surrounded by people with whom you could be your

true Self and share what you were thinking or feeling without being afraid that

they would stop loving you, even if they disagree or have a different point of view?

Wouldn’t you love to communicate with people on the level of their hearts and souls,

where you feel safe to share your deepest, most intimate feelings and thoughts?

Unconditional love requires softness, forgiveness, and an ability to love the other

person no matter how they behave. It involves wisdom, patience, and maturity to be

who you are without the need to please others and to allow others to be who they are.

When we stop seeking or giving others approval, we offer them the most amazing

opportunity to grow and expand. By releasing our ideas, beliefs, and expectations of

who they are, we allow them to discover who they are.

The trick is to be loving, caring, and helpful without being attached to an outcome.

To experience unconditional love, we need to stop putting conditions on our love. This

means loving people for who they are, not who we would like them to be.

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The Challenges of Unconditional Love

The biggest missing piece in conditional love is lack of communication and willingness

to listen, understand, and see other points of view. Often there is a feeling of righteous-

ness, where one or both parties feel that they are correct or justified in treating the

other poorly. It is easy to judge people’s behavior and then to withdraw our love,

support, and affection if they do not do what we want them to. This is love with strings

attached, which contains an element of threat. Instead of focusing on ourselves, it is

easy to see how others’ behavior makes us feel uncomfortable, unpleasant, and chal-

lenged, and then blame them. It is even easier to try to punish them by sulking,

guilt-tripping, becoming cold, disconnecting, or shutting down.

Laura’s Story: Strings Attached

Laura realized that she was gay when she was fifteen. Her parents were

from a Greek religious background and felt ashamed of Laura’s sexual pref-

erence, even though Laura was extremely intelligent, hardworking, and

easygoing. In her early twenties, Laura’s parents proposed to buy her a

house if she promised to stop being intimate with women. When Laura

refused, they told her that they would not offer her any financial or emo-

tional assistance and that she was on her own.

Laura was so distraught that she began to develop an eating disorder,

until she ended up in hospital. Her parents’ approval was so important to

her that Laura could not digest her food or stomach her life. After a lot of

healing and self-development work, Laura realized that she had to forgive

and love her parents despite their views and behavior.

As Laura transformed and stopped trying to get approval for her life

preferences, her parents began to soften and relax. They even started invit-

ing Laura and her female partner to their house. Although Laura’s

relationship with her parents has improved dramatically, she says that mov-

ing toward unconditional love is a daily practice.

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Consideration for Imperfection

It is important to understand that being able to share with others does not mean saying

or doing hurtful things to test their love; it means taking people into consideration and

finding ways to express your feelings in a loving, compassionate manner. It means that

you recognize that neither you nor others are perfect. Salvador Dali famously said,

“Have no fear of perfection—you’ll never reach it.” Some people consider perfectionism

to be a mental illness that needs to be cured with courage, faith, and a desire to serve

others from your heart. We are all in the process of learning, so self-forgiveness, as well

as acknowledging where you may have said or done something hurtful, is important.

One of the most beautiful experiences in life is to be accepted and loved for who

you are, with all your idiosyncrasies and imperfections. I have talked, taught, and

written about the shadow side because everybody can relate to this. A few years ago, I

was discussing different aspects of the shadow with a close friend when he averted his

eyes and shamefully admitted that he can be very selfish and self-centered. I smiled at

him and replied, “I know, and I still love you just as much.” When he heard that, his

whole posture changed, and I know that he felt safe to express and love himself.

Unconditional Love is a way of life. It requires an understanding that everyone is

free to learn and grow from their own experiences. Sometimes they will choose to listen

to you, and at other times, they will follow their own guidance. Sometimes they will

make mistakes, and at other times, they will triumph. Loving without conditions is a

moment by moment experience, which helps us explore where we feel free in our lives,

as well as the areas we need to work on.

My Story: Practicing Unconditional Love

I met my husband Paul when I was 18 years old, and he shared with me various

ideas about unconditional love. He told me that he used to practice seeing

everyone as beautiful beings of light when travelling on the bus or walking. I

noticed that wherever we went, people seemed to like and accept him, even

when he would say strange things or behave in unconventional ways.

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At the time I met Paul, I had a very challenging relationship with my

father, who I judged harshly and felt that he was making my life unbearable.

In fact, I felt so enraged by my father’s choices and behavior that I had

stopped talking to him. One day, while sitting in my parent’s back garden, I

bitterly complained to Paul about my Dad. After listening for a while, Paul

said, “You really feel like you are a victim don’t you?” I told him that in this

situation, I definitely felt helpless and like a victim.

Paul asked me if I enjoyed being in this situation. I told him that I felt I

had no choice. He inquired if I was open to healing my relationship with my

father. I told him that although I could not see how, I was willing to try any-

thing. Paul asked me to imagine my Dad in front of me, which I did. He then

invited me to see past all the appearances and behaviors I did not like and

become aware of who my dad really was.

As Paul was guiding me, I felt my consciousness begin to shift, and I

was shown my father’s soul. I was completely taken aback, as I had never

seen a soul before. My Dad’s soul shining in front of me was pure, Divine,

and loving. I felt deeply touched by the healing energy I felt from this

recognition. Instantly, I realized that my Dad was not his behavior, his

beliefs, or his actions. His soul was bright, loving, and soft. I felt all my judg-

ments, opinions, and righteousness melt away. It was as if on the conscious

level, we were playing a tug of war. I was pulling the rope one way, and he

was pulling it the other. When I saw the truth of who my Dad really was, I

let go of the rope. Something deep and profound had shifted inside me.

That day, when my Dad came home, he gave me a big hug, told me how

much he loved me, and asked me to forgive him. I was so touched, I cried.

This happened without me saying a word about my experience. From the

moment, I saw my Dad’s soul our relationship healed and transformed from

conditional to unconditional love.

Interestingly, there have been several times since, where I did not agree

with my father’s choices or behaviors but felt that who he really is factors in

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so much more importantly than what he does that I have not felt the need

to judge, punish, or become upset with him. Instead, I take the time to

explain my point of view, without making him feel like he is wrong, and he

has done the same with me when I have gone through challenging times.

To love someone irrespective of their choices and behavior is unbeliev-

ably liberating.

Unconditional Love as a Higher Level of Consciousness

Unconditional Love can also be seen as a higher state of consciousness. In this state,

you are not focused on your own selfish needs, points of view, or desires. You love

because that is who you are; you give because giving, caring and supporting is your

natural state. This love is not romantic or controlled by desire, neediness, or eroticism.

It’s pure, intuitive, inclusive, compassionate, devotional, and freeing.

This kind of unconditional love is aligned with Divinity and thus is holy, sacred,

and nonlinear. From this position, there is no jealousy or need for ownership, and a per-

son has the capacity to deeply love many people at the same time. Here, a person looks

at life from a higher spiritual perspective and the love they feel is consistent and inde-

pendent of external factors and conditions. Love becomes a way of living and relating

to everyone and everything. The world also becomes illuminated by beauty, synchronic-

ity, and grace.

While certain people are born into this vibration of unconditional love and

therefore see the world from an enlightened perspective, others have to work toward

evolving to a space of unconditional love by facing their shadow, transcending their

pain, and connecting to their Divinity.

I met an extraordinary man called Reverend Nirvana who experienced the Divinity

of Love while being held at gun point. The love he felt was so dazzling that his attacker

withdrew the gun from near his head, turned away, and left him alone.

At one point in his life, Reverend Nirvana meditated on experiencing the depths,

essence, and power of love every day for an entire year until he could maintain a consis-

tent inner experience of love and joy regardless of outer circumstances. He powerfully

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emanates and expresses this energy, and I feel fortunate every time we have a chance to

spend time together, as he has become a good friend. Like many others, he has encour-

aged and supported me on my journey of learning to transcend my pain, frustration,

and other blocks to reaching higher states of consciousness.

Processes for Loving Unconditionally

Below are five simple processes to help you open your heart, forgive, release emotional

stagnation, and love. Whilst they can be practiced separately if you have time it is pow-

erful to do them all together.

Write Your Way to a New Perspective

Write down conditions you place on others in order to love them. For example, what

behaviors or actions make you withdraw your love from them? Do you judge and place