The Secret of Life Wellness: The Essential Guide to Life's Big Questions (31 page)

with a person with whom they can only share certain aspects of their lives and them-

selves, not necessarily because the person they are with is not for them, but because

they may have different interests and values. While spiritual evolution may be an inter-

esting and valuable subject to you, your present or potential partner may be more

interested in raising children or playing sport. However, they might be completely

compatible with you in terms of your appreciation of art, how you deal with your

finances, or your travel dreams.

Humanity has tried to sell a very limiting and restrictive idea of love. Basically, we

are encouraged to romantically love our partners and share our hearts with them, love

our family and our kids, and like our friends, often in a fairly superficial way, with a few

exceptions.

Human beings are deeply fearful of closeness and opening their hearts to a person

who they cannot define and put into a category of a romantic relationship. Thus, we

have a lot of marriages and relationships that either don’t work or make people feel like

prisoners.

I believe we are entering a time where the strict boundaries of love are becoming

blurry. We are beginning to recognize that we need different people and experiences to

open our hearts and enrich our lives. We are coming to a point in human evolution

where we no longer have to place unrealistic expectations on the person we are with

and expect him or her to meet all our needs.

As we mature as a society, we will stop judging love and allow ourselves and those

we care about to develop deep, satisfying connections with a variety of people. Thus, we

will allow our hearts to grow and enter into an experience of love with wisdom,

freedom, and respect, rather than rules, conditions, and control. We will give ourselves

and others the chance to explore and experience deep connections without the need to

judge harshly, express jealousy, or make them feel guilty because they may desire more

than we can offer. Instead, we will realize that there are many incredible people on

178

SeLife_interior_pgs 145–214_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:40 PM Page 179

The Secret of Life Wellness

earth who have a lot of love, wisdom, and inspiration to offer us, and by opening our

hearts, we can greatly evolve and grow. It is important to note that those experiences

will most likely enhance our primary relationship and create happiness and

contentment in our lives, as we will feel free to play, explore, and grow.

We need to realize that when we have a partner, they are not ours; we do not own

that person. We have simply come together to share, learn, evolve, and support each

other through the good and challenging times. We also need to understand each other’s

values, dreams, and desires and find ways to give each other freedom to grow.

I believe that the greatest gift we can offer ourselves and others is to live a full, joy-

ful, interesting, inspired life. I have learned that there is no black and white in any

relationship, only colors.

Processes for Attracting a Loving Partner

Below are several processes that can help you to attract a loving partner. I suggest that

for best results you practice them regularly, in particular do the process for Visualizing

and attracting a partner.

Write Down the Qualities You Would Love

Write down the qualities you would love in a partner. Write next to each quality if you

feel you possess the trait you are looking for. If you are looking for someone who is lov-

ing, ask yourself if you are loving; if you want someone who is ambitious and successful,

check if you feel ambitious and successful; if you desire someone generous, fun, vibrant,

and healthy, then make sure that you are a match.

Work on Your Heart

Working on your heart and releasing any stuck energies is vital. To do this, place your

hands on your heart. Take some slow deep breaths. Become aware whether your heart

feels open and relaxed, soft or tense, protected or afraid?

If your heart is tense and afraid, acknowledge those feelings. Ask yourself if you are

holding on to past experiences that have caused you pain. Allow memories of those

179

SeLife_interior_pgs 145–214_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:40 PM Page 180

Inna Segal

experiences to come to the surface. Reflect on those experiences. What decision did you

make based on the hurt you felt? How long ago did those experiences occur? Is the

pain serving you now? What positive things came out of those challenges? What did

you learn? How did you grow?

By keeping your heart closed, what potential experiences are you missing out on?

What excuses do you use to keep yourself limited and alone?

If the experiences which are repeating again and again in your life are not working

for you, you need to recognize the patterns which are re-occurring and the limiting

beliefs and feelings you are holding onto and change them.

Find an Example

Find an example of people who have fantastic relationships and interview them. Dis-

cover what works for them and why?

Visualize Attracting a Partner

Rub your hands together, making sure you rub each finger. Imagine that you have a

beautiful pink ball of light between your hands. Focus on intensifying the energy

between your hands. Think of as many loving and positive things about yourself as you

can for thirty seconds.

Place your hands in front of your heart, move them in a circular motion and take a

couple of deep breaths. Imagine that your heart is opening and growing. Do this for

thirty to forty seconds.

Relax your hands

Be willing to risk opening your heart and trusting that you can attract into your life

a person who complements, supports, and deeply enriches your life.

Say an Invoking Statement

Say: “Divine Love, assist me to heal any past hurts that have scarred me and are

keeping me stuck. Please help me to release any negative, limiting, or burdensome

beliefs, feelings and memories that I am carrying, which are preventing me from recog-

nizing my own worth and attracting a loving, caring partner into my life. Allow me to

180

SeLife_interior_pgs 145–214_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:40 PM Page 181

The Secret of Life Wellness

experience deep love in my heart and share this love with a partner who will appreciate,

enjoy and grow with me.”

Repeat the word “CLEAR” several times until you feel lighter.

Focus Your Intention

Close your eyes. Think of all the great qualities you have. Imagine listing those qualities

on a golden sheet of paper. Now visualize a golden red bubble of light in front of you

and place the list in it.

On another sheet of golden paper, imagine writing down a list of all the qualities

you would love in a partner. Include everything you would like them to have. Make sure

you mention that your perfect partner needs to be single, and available. (Sometimes a

person can be single, but married to their job, which makes a relationship difficult or

almost impossible.) Place this list into the golden red bubble.

Imagine gently allowing the bubble to float away into the universe, toward your

perfect mate. Allow yourself to feel your heart open and connect to his or her heart.

Sense how the love from your heart re-energizes this person’s heart and the love from

their heart re-energizes yours. Allow yourself to rejoice about having created this con-

nection, which will draw you two to each other, in the most perfect way, at the most

ideal time, with ease and grace.

Trust that your request has been heard. Find ways to enjoy yourself and feel good

about your life.

181

SeLife_interior_pgs 145–214_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:40 PM Page 182

SeLife_interior_pgs 145–214_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:40 PM Page 183

14

How You Can Create Harmony

in Your Relationship

My partner of many years is very negative and drains my energy.

We have different beliefs, interests and ideas about life. I have changed many

things in my life and am beginning to really enjoy myself and feel creative.

However, my husband’s attitude really upsets me, and I don’t know if there

is a way to improve our relationship and make it harmonious or

if the healthiest solution is to separate.

Before we can create harmony in a relationship with another, we need to experience

peace within ourselves. It is extremely easy to blame other people for our lack of

inner contentment. Every person we are close to in our life gives us an opportunity to

know ourselves better and to practice inner stillness in the face of challenge. This prac-

tice builds our emotional and spiritual stamina, and expands our nervous system so that

we can handle a higher influx of information without being overwhelmed.

Taking a Different Point of View

Conflicts in relationships usually arise when both parties are so caught up in their own

points of view and ideas about life that they stop taking the time to listen to, connect

to, and grow with each other. Someone who has lived with their partner for an

extended period of time often creates concepts about that person, instead of

discovering who they are on a daily basis. The best way you can help your partner

change is to see them from an expanded perspective and give them the space to adjust.

183

SeLife_interior_pgs 145–214_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:40 PM Page 184

Inna Segal

For instance, if you place a person in an environment where others treat them as a suc-

cess, they are much more likely to triumph than if you put the same person in a

situation where they are expected to fail.

Having Compassion

Compassion, softness, and a balanced point of view can also do wonders for rejuvenating

a stale relationship.

If it bothers you that your partner is negative, and you are committed to healing

your life, you may need to check within yourself where you are negative and refuse to

admit it. We have all heard the saying, “Whatever we resist persists.” Do you always try

to be positive in your life or are you aware that at times you express yourself in an

aggressive way? Are you always nice, or do you get frustrated and complain to others

about your struggles? The more you recognize the qualities you do not like in others in

yourself, the faster you can forgive while allowing others to have the freedom to express

all aspects of themselves without you being upset or drained.

At times, it can be difficult to understand another person until you walk in their

shoes. One of the most important things I learned when I was studying acting was how

to experience the world from the point of view of the character I was playing. This has

helped tremendously to understand thoughts, emotions, behavioral patterns and actions

of others.

If you let go of needing to be right and become more compassionate toward others,

then they will stop reacting negatively to you and start listening. The more charged and

stressed you are about an issue, the more likely people will resist you.

A balanced point of view can give you the clarity to communicate with your partner

without trying to control, judge, or agitate them. You need to discover your partner’s

highest values and embrace them. If your mate’s highest value is family, and they feel

that the changes you are making might cost them love, care, affection, and support,

then it’s normal that they will become fearful and defiant. However, if you assure them

that your transformation will bring them more love, time, and enjoyment, they may

change their tune and become interested in supporting you on your journey.

184

SeLife_interior_pgs 145–214_Layout 1 3/29/13 12:40 PM Page 185

The Secret of Life Wellness

Focus on the Positive Aspects

If you are in a relationship that you feel you can improve, start focusing on all the posi-

tive aspects of your partner.

First, acknowledge all that you love about them. Really feel your appreciation for

what they do, how they make you feel good, happy, cared for, attractive, and so forth. If

you are not currently feeling amenable towards your partner, then remember times in

the past when you did and draw upon these memories to help you be more receptive

toward them. Then encourage them by sharing your positive feelings. This can be as

simple as saying, “I really liked how you kissed me today; I am grateful that you went

shopping and bought some food; thank you for taking the time to call me; I love the

way you look in that shirt; the dinner you made was delicious,” and so on.

Emphasize the positives rather than saying, “I’m so annoyed that you didn’t do the