Their New Beginning (Oh Captain, My Captain #5) (4 page)

I slam the door to my Mustang after I get in and I hit the road without looking back. There’s nowhere I want to go, so I plan to just drive. After about five minutes, I can’t take it anymore. The silence in my car is getting to me and the radio is pissing me off for no good reason. I reach into my pocket and call Ashton.

“Hey, Uncle Jax!” Reed answers.

My shoulders relax a little. “Hey, where’s your dad? I need to talk to him.”

“Okay. Dad!” he hollers. “Uncle Jax wants to talk to you!”

A few moments later, I hear him say something to Reed about answering his phone before he goes, “Hey, Jax. What’s going on?”

“Are you busy?” There’s no point in telling him if he can’t really talk.

“Um, just at the house with Lexie and the kids for a playdate. Hold on.” I hear him talking to Lexie, his girlfriend, before he returns and says, “Okay, I’m away from everyone. What’s going on? Is everything okay?”

My hand grips the steering wheel tighter. How am I supposed to admit that I couldn’t keep my wife satisfied? Dissatisfied enough that she slept with someone else?

“Jax?”

“Avery went on vacation,” is all I manage to say.

“Yeah, I know. She came back today, right?”

“Yeah.” I swallow hard and decide to blurt it out as she did when she told me. “She cheated on me while she was gone. I spent the day with her, we come home, and she tells me. After we went back and forth, I just walked out.”

Ashton doesn’t say anything right away. “I…” he starts, but stops. “What all did she say about it? What are you going to do? I know you said y’all were having issues, but…”

“Things were worse than I said. Apparently, I haven’t been her husband because I’ve been caught up in my career and it just fell apart.” I take a deep breath. “She said he told her that she was beautiful and that was all she needed to hear, pretty much, because I hadn’t said it. Today, I was going to show her that she was first again, and then this shit happens. I don’t want to go back home. I don’t want to see her, Ash. I was so fucking close to deciding that if my job was that much of a legitimate threat to our marriage, I would play the rest of the season and be done when my contract runs out. I don’t even know that I’ll get another contract if we don’t make it to playoffs again.” I shake my head. “I was going to give it all up for her if I needed to. And now…” I can’t bring myself to say it again.

“Wow. I don’t know why you’ve surprised me by saying that, but you have.”

“I’ve always joked that I’m getting paid to do something I have fun doing. I don’t need to play, but I need Avery. Or I did. I don’t know anymore. I’d never do this to her, and I never thought she would do this to me. How am I supposed to forgive her for this?”

Ashton takes a deep breath. “I don’t know, Jax. That’s something you’re going to have to figure out, but you don’t have to do that all in one night. Where are you now?”

“Just driving.”

“Are you going back home tonight?”

The thought of having to face Avery makes my stomach roll. I never thought there would be a day when I would dread seeing my wife. Yet, here I am. “No.”

Avery

I sob harder, watching Jax walk out the door. I feel as if my soul is being ripped from me. I don’t know how else to explain it.

This is it.

This is how my marriage will end. Jax will never forgive me. He’ll never be able to look at me again.

I pick myself up off the floor where I collapsed and flop onto the couch. The house is eerily quiet, except for my sobs.

He spent all evening with me. He was trying to make it up to me, and how did I repay him? By telling him the one thing no married man wants to hear.

My heading is pounding from all my crying. My face feels grimy, and I’m so tired. However, I’m worried about Jax. I pick up my purse and grab my phone. There are several texts from Jasmine, but nothing from Jax. I want to call him. I want to hear him say that he’s mad, but it’s going to be okay. I want my husband.

I close my eyes as my subconscious kicks me in the ass. I should have thought about that before I fucked the first guy that said I was pretty. What kind of person am I? Yes, I was mad at Jax, but I should have been smarter. I shouldn’t have left that bar with Rob, or had sex with him.

I wish I could wake up from this nightmare I’ve created for Jax and myself. My heart leaps when I hear my phone ring and I see Jax’s name on the display.

“Jax, I’m–”

“Stop.” His voice is cold and distant. “I don’t want to hear it. I’m staying in a hotel tonight. I’d prefer you not be there when I come by in the morning.”

“Jax, you can sleep–”

He cuts me off. “Do you really think I want to be in bed with you when you fucked some guy less than twenty-four hours ago?”

I gasp at his tone and the hurt in his voice. I can hear him breathing and I know that he’s mad. He’s madder than he would be fighting another player on the ice. After another second or two of silence, he ends the call without another word to me.

What have I done?

~ ~ ~

I stare at the alarm clock as it goes off. I’ve had no sleep. I can’t rest knowing Jax is across town in a hotel. I roll out of the bed and head to the shower. The hot water blasts me, and the tears begin to flow again. When I’m done, I wrap myself tightly in my robe and go back into the bedroom to get dressed.

Jax is coming out of our walk-in closet. He cuts me a quick, mean look, making me drop my head. He’s angry because I’m still here.

“Um, don’t forget you have that promotional shoot after practice,” I tell him. “Are you coming home tonight?”

Jax doesn’t say anything. I look up at him, and his arms are crossed. After a moment, he walks past me into the bathroom and shuts the door. I try to not feel like I’m being stabbed in the heart repeatedly, but that’s how it feels. Every time he looks at me, he shows me what a terrible person I am, and he’s right. It’s how I should feel because I’ve ruined our lives and our marriage.

I quickly dress, flip my hair up into a tight bun, and rush out of the bedroom. I go into the kitchen, and I know that I should eat something, but I can’t right now. I make myself a cup of coffee, and one for Jax, too. I try to take a sip, but even the smell makes my stomach turn. Jax walks in, freshly showered, and ready for his day.

“I made you a cup of coffee.” My voice cracks, but I can hear the ping of hope in it that he’ll talk to me.

He stares at the cup on the counter as if it’s a poisonous apple. He stalks past it, grabs a bottle of water from the fridge, and walks out.

The front door slams, causing me to jump. I hang my head, knowing that I’ve caused this.

When I pull into the hospital parking lot, I sit in my car for the longest time. It’s the first time that I don’t want to go to work. I want to hide in my bed and dream that I can make a single wish and everything would go back to the way it was before I messed up our lives.

I pick up my phone and call the absent hotline. I punch in the code for a sick day and drive away from the hospital.

Las Vegas has been my home all my life, but right now I feel like a stranger. I don’t know where to go, I don’t know what to do, and I’m tired of crying. I look at the clock and realize that I need to talk to someone before my head explodes.

I pull out on The Strip and head for the MGM Hotel. My sister should be working, and she might be able to make time for me.

I walk up to the front counter and a pretty redhead smiles at me.

“May I help you?”

“I need to see Regina Staples.”

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No, but it’s important. Please tell her it’s Avery Godwin.”

“One moment.” The redhead picks up the phone. After a moment, she smiles. “You can go up.”

I nod, not smiling back, and head off to the offices on the far side of the building.

My older sister has worked here almost her entire life. She has been in management for the past few years. She loves it. I think it’s the most stressful job any one person could have, but who am I to judge; I’m a nurse.

I knock on the door with her name on it and hear her yell to come in. When I open it, my very tall, very blonde sister is sitting in a large leather chair.

“What are you doing here, Squirt?” She comes around her desk to hug me.

If you looked at us side-by-side you would never think we were even related. Regina takes after her father, who had been husband number two, and I take after our mother. My father was husband number five, but I never knew him. There’s a ten-year age gap, but you can’t tell it because Regina still looks twenty-five.

“What’s wrong?” She can see it plastered on my face and she wraps me in her arms. I didn’t think I could cry anymore, but I do. Regina guides me over to the small sofa in her office. “Talk to me. Are you okay?”

I shake my head. “I’m a horrible person.”

“You?” she scoffs. “Of everyone I know, you are the last person that would be horrible.”

“It’s true.” I take a deep breath and tell her my terrible secret. “I cheated on Jax.”

Regina mouth drops. “Shut up.”

“I did.” I pull out of her arms, drop my purse on the floor, and pace her office. “I ruined our marriage, and now Jax won’t even look at me.”

“I don’t know what to say. I mean, you said that you two were having issues, but I didn’t think that it was that bad.”

I nod. I tell her everything that has happened in the last six months. The pain I’ve felt, the way I’ve been ignored, and how Jax didn’t even realize it.

“Do you think that he’ll file for divorce?”

I shrug. “I don’t know, but by the way he acted this morning, I would imagine he's at an attorney’s office right now.”

“Squirt, I don’t know what to say.”

“I do.” I square my shoulders and stare at my sister. “I’ve turned into Mom.”

Regina stands up. “No, you haven’t.”

“Yep,” I nod. “I have. I’m going to be sixty years old with eight failed marriages, living in some condo out in the desert.” I love my mom, but that woman has more marriages than Elizabeth Taylor. She meets a man, falls in love after ten minutes, and then runs off to a chapel to get married. Regina and I have bounced around so many homes in our lives, it’s crazy.

“Squirt, quit that right now,” Regina orders me. “Jax loves you, and you’re not Mom.”

“He didn’t even talk to me today.”

“Well, give him time. Maybe he’ll come around. Think of this though: you don’t have a prenup, so at least you get some sweet money.”

I gasp. “Genie. How can you say that? I didn’t marry Jax for his money. I couldn't care less about that.”

She smiles, walking over to me. “That right there shows you’re not Mom.”

I close my eyes understanding her point.

“It was one time, right?”

I nod. “I fell into bed with the first guy in six months that said I was beautiful.”

“It happens.”

“Not to me. Not to my marriage. What does that say about me, Genie? That I’m a whore.”

“Hey!” she barks at me. “Don’t ever call yourself that. You’re not. If you want your marriage to make it, then fight for it. Fight hard. Mom never did that; she just moved on to the next guy. You haven’t even batted your eye at a guy since you met Jax. Did you love this guy?”

“No, I love Jax. I made a mistake.”

“Then go fix it.”

After I leave my sister’s office, I don’t know where to go. I drive aimlessly and end up in front of the rink. I know that Jax still has practice, and that he doesn’t particularly like me coming, but from time-to-time, I do.

I pull up to the security guard, flashing my family badge, and drive to the parking garage. I park right next to Jax’s Mustang and head through the back door. I find a seat near some other fans, but higher up.

I spot Jax first. I can always find him on the ice; it never fails. It’s usually because of his smile; this time, it’s because he isn’t smiling.

The team is all bunched in the middle of the ice, doing a shootout. Jax is last to shoot. He races toward the goalie and slings the stick back, shooting the puck over the goalie’s right shoulder. The team slaps their sticks on the ice, but Jax still doesn’t smile.

“Mrs. Godwin.” I turn and see Mr. O’Connell, the Gambler’s General Manager, coming over to me. “What is the pleasure of having you here today?”

I stand and shake his hand. “Um, just stopping by.”

“I’m sure Jax will be glad to see you.”

I’m not sure about that, I think as I sit back down. He takes the seat next to me.

“So what are you doing out and about?”

“Oh, an old man like me needs to stretch his legs every once in a while,” he jokes.

Mr. O’Connell is possibly the sweetest man around. Most people think GMs are ruthless and cutthroat, but he’s different. He does his best to keep a team together. He doesn’t just trade them away. That’s why this team has been together so long. However, that still doesn’t mean Jax can’t be traded, and I know he worries about it.

“I don’t see an old man,” I try to joke back, but it isn’t there.

He looks at me cautiously. “Jax’s contracts negotiations should be starting up soon.”

I nod.

“Are you looking forward to a change?”

My mouth drops. “A change? Are you thinking of trading him?”

He narrows his eyes at me for a quick second. “What do you think?”

I look out on the ice and see Jax talking to the newest rookies. He’s pointing and talking to them. He’s a great leader, and an even better hockey player.

“Jax belongs here. He needs to be on the ice. It’s what he’s married to.” I try to hide the sadness in my voice.

“Yes,” he sighs. “He is, isn’t he?”

I continue looking at my husband, for however long I can call him that. “I should be going.” I stand.

“No,” he stands with me. “Let’s go see your husband.”

My heart drops. “Oh no,” I shake my head. “He has a shoot after this and I know that he’s busy.”

“No, come on.” Mr. O’Connell leaves no room for argument.

Shit, I think, as I follow him to the player’s bench. The guys start coming off the ice, and like always, Jax is last.

“Godwin, look who I found,” Mr. O’Connell boasts.

Jax’s eyes are wide and I can see how mad he still is. He won’t make a scene though. He smiles and nods.

“I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone,” he smiles and walks off, leaving us alone in the rink.

“Hi,” I mumble softly.

“What are you doing here?”

“I stopped by just to watch you,” I explain. “I wasn’t going to bother you, but Mr. O’Connell saw me, and here I am,” I rush out. “I called off work today. I didn’t feel like going in.” I thought he should know why I’m not at work.

“Must be nice to be able to do that,” he slightly sneers at me.

“Jax, we need to talk. Please,” I beg. I step closer to him.

“I’m at work, Avery. I’m not talking here,” he grits out at me.

I’m going to fight. I’m not going to back down. “You’ve come to my job before. What’s the difference?” I search his face. “I know you have a few minutes. Didn’t you say that’s better than nothing?” I hate using his words against him, but I'm hoping it might work.

Jax stands there staring me down as if I’m an opponent on the ice and not his wife. There’s no love in his eyes. I caused that to go away. It’s my fault he looks broken right now.

“I did, but I said that to my wife. I told that to the woman who didn’t cheat on me and ruin our five years of wedded bliss.”

“Jax-”

“I’m busy.” He turns to leave me and I have to try to reach him.

“Jax, I know that I hurt you. I hurt
us
, but I can’t imagine a day without you. I mean that. I want us to make it. I will do anything you want to fix this. Just tell me. Please, don’t stop talking to me.”

Jax stops and listens to my plea, but he doesn’t acknowledge a word that I say. He continues his walk down the tunnel.