Treasure Fever! (13 page)

‘But everybody else is digging holes,' said Gretel.

‘Just because everybody else is doing something doesn't make it right,' Mrs Cross chided. ‘Fill in the hole before somebody falls in and hurts themselves or I'll send the lot of you to Principal Greenbeard's office.'

We started filling the hole in as Mrs Cross stomped back down the hill.

‘Why is she picking on us?' asked Newton.

It was a good question.

I didn't know the answer then, though I do now.

At that moment, as we all got down on our hands and knees to fill in the hole, all I knew was that treasure hunting was turning out to be a lot of hard work . . . and not much fun.

By the time the bell rang for the end of lunch we were exhausted.

And hungry.

Fortunately, when we came back into class there was a banana on each of our desks.

‘Excuse me, Mr Brainfright,' said Fiona. ‘There's a banana on my desk.'

‘Ah, you've noticed!' Mr Brainfright looked pleased. ‘Excellent observation, Fiona.'

‘There's one on my desk, too!' said David.

‘And mine!' said everybody else at the same time.

Mr Brainfright nodded. ‘Very good,' he said. ‘Nothing wrong with Class 5C's eyesight. But if you didn't have eyesight, how might you tell that there was a banana on your desk?'

‘By smelling it?' said Jenny.

‘Yes!' said Mr Brainfright. ‘Now, everybody
close your eyes and see if you can
smell
the banana on your desk.'

By now we were getting used to Mr Brainfright's unusual lessons. In fact, we were looking forward to them.

We all closed our eyes.

Well, all except me, because I needed to check whether everybody else had closed their eyes. When I
did
close them, I noticed a definite smell of banana in the air.

‘Well?' said Mr Brainfright. ‘Who can smell their banana?'

‘I can smell banana,' said Fiona, ‘but I don't know if it's my banana or because the room is
full
of bananas.'

‘You should be able to smell your own banana,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘Every banana has its own unique smell. Its own unmistakable scent. No two bananas are alike.'

‘Yes, they are,' said David, holding up his and Fiona's bananas. ‘Look, they're both yellow, they're both curved, and they both smell like bananas!'

‘At first glance, yes,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘But take a closer look.' He took the bananas from David and held them up. ‘Examine their markings. This one has a small black mark in the middle, whereas this other one has a slightly ragged black hat.'

It was funny, but as Mr Brainfright pointed out
the unique markings and features of the bananas, they began to seem as different from each other as, well, two bananas, I guess.

‘All right,' said Mr Brainfright, ‘now it's your turn. I want you to look at your banana. Not just look at it, but
really
look at it. Study your banana. Examine your banana. Give your banana a name.'

‘A name?' said Jenny. ‘For a banana?'

‘Yes,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘Why not? Make friends with your banana! Bananas are people too.'

‘No, they're not,' said David. ‘They're bananas!'

‘Perhaps it might help if you draw a little face on it,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘Like this.'

Mr Brainfright picked up a black marker and drew a happy little smiley face on his banana.

‘There!' he said. ‘How's that?'

David frowned.

The rest of the class laughed . . . and immediately began drawing faces on their bananas.

‘I'm going to give my banana a name,' said Clive in a loud voice. ‘I'm going to call mine Henry. And then I'm going to MASH it.'

I ignored Clive, but Jack couldn't. ‘I'm going to call mine Fred,' he said, ‘because it's got about as many brains as him.'

‘I'm going to tell my brother you said that,' said Clive, ‘and I can tell you now—'

‘Yeah, I know, I know,' said Jack, ‘he's not going to like it.'

‘I'm going to tell him you finished my sentence, too!'

‘I don't even care,' said Jack, ‘because if your brother tries anything it's not just me he's going to have to deal with . . . it's my banana as well.'

Jack held up his banana. He'd drawn a really mean face on it. That was one scary banana. Definitely not the sort of banana you'd want to meet late at night in some dark alley.

‘Don't fight, boys,' said Jenny, holding up her banana, which had a smiley face on it, almost identical to the smiley face on the badge she had found on Skull Island. ‘Let's all be friends! Let's have a banana party!'

‘I don't think so,' said Clive. ‘You and your bananas are all freaks!'

‘Oh, you hurt my banana's feelings!' said Jenny.

Which I'm pretty sure is what Clive was intending, but before he could reply, Mr Brainfright called us all to attention.

‘Okay, class,' he said. ‘Now you've all got to know your bananas a little better. You've studied them, smelled them, learned their names, given them faces and I note that some of you are even talking to your bananas and that your bananas
are talking back to you. But now it's time to get to know them even better. It's time to eat your bananas.'

‘EAT my banana?' said Jenny. ‘But I could never do that. I LOVE my banana!'

‘Never get emotionally attached to a piece of fruit,' said Mr Brainfright, in a gravely serious voice. ‘You never know when you might have to eat it.'

Never get emotionally attached to a piece of fruit. You never know when you might have to eat it.

‘We are now going to learn how to eat a banana,' said Mr Brainfright.

‘But we already know how to eat a banana,' said David.

‘Oh, I'm sure you know how to shove a banana into your mouth while you're busy doing something else,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘But I'm going to teach you how to eat a banana using all your senses.'

‘Will we be tested on this?' asked Fiona.

‘Yes,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘If you can eat a banana feeling as much excitement as you'd feel going on a rollercoaster, you'll pass the test.'

‘Huh?' said Fiona.

‘True happiness in life comes from being able to appreciate the ordinary,' said Mr Brainfright, ‘not just the extraordinary. Now, take your banana, pinch the top, and then peel one side down.'

Jenny had tears in her eyes. ‘I can't do it!' she said. ‘I can't!'

‘It's okay,' I whispered to her. ‘It
wants
you to.'

‘It does?'

‘Yes,' I said. ‘It's your friend, right? And friends look after each other. Your banana is looking after you by giving you fresh vitamins and minerals and filling you up with bananary goodness.'

Yeah, I know, I sounded like an advertisement for breakfast cereal. But I didn't like to see Jenny upset. And it worked.

‘Do you really think so, Henry?' she said.

‘Yes,' I told her.

‘Okay,' she said to her banana, pinching the top of its head. ‘This won't hurt a bit, I promise. Well, it
will
hurt a bit, but not
too
much.'

‘As you peel your banana,' said Mr Brainfright, ‘don't forget to look at it. Smell it. Feel it. Listen to the sound of the peel as it splits. Then, and only then, when you've removed all the peel,
taste
your banana!'

I did as Mr Brainfright suggested.

I looked at it.

I smelled it.

I felt it.

I listened to it.

I tasted it.

Mr Brainfright was right. That banana tasted better than any other banana I've ever eaten in my whole life.

‘Do we put the peel in the bin?' Jack asked after he'd finished his banana.

‘Oh no!' said Mr Brainfright. ‘The peel is the very best part!'

‘We don't have to eat it, do we?' said Jack, looking as alarmed as Newton.

‘No,' said Mr Brainfright, ‘we can do something much more fun with it. Let me demonstrate.'

Mr Brainfright placed his banana peel carefully on the floor in front of his desk, yellow side up, and went to the door. Then, without warning, he ran and jumped on his banana peel, skidding about three metres before losing his balance and falling against the blackboard with a whoop of joy.

Just when we thought we'd seen everything, we saw something new.

We saw a teacher skidding on a banana peel.

And not by accident, either.

This was deliberate.

‘Hang on,' said Mr Brainfright, ‘that wasn't a very good one. What if I put the banana peel closer to the door and then took a run-up from the corridor? That would give me a longer ride.'

‘Should I measure it?' asked Fiona.

‘Great idea,' said Mr Brainfright. ‘Let's do this properly.'

Mr Brainfright repositioned the banana, went out into the corridor, and bent down in a crouch.

‘Count me down, Class 5C!' he said.

We were only too happy to oblige.

‘TEN!' we yelled. ‘NINE! EIGHT! SEVEN! SIX! FIVE! FOUR! THREE! TWO! ONE!'

Mr Brainfright took off explosively. He burst through the door and jumped onto the banana peel and sailed right across the room, this time without falling over.

He punched the air.

We cheered.

‘Three and a half metres!' announced Fiona, tape measure in her hand.

‘That's more like it!' said Mr Brainfright. ‘Who thinks they can beat that?'

Of course we all put up our hands.

The next ten minutes was the most fun any of us have
ever
had in a classroom. We threw down our banana peels and started skidding.

We experimented with placing the banana peel right side up compared to upside down. Long run-ups versus short run-ups. Yelling as you ran compared to quiet runs.