Truth Meets Love (15 page)

I grow horns at the thought of her with Ben. Him touching her and her responding to him the way she does me. How could all that have been a lie?

I feel a tear run down one cheek as I laugh to myself. Who am I calling a pussy?

I pull the door open, bracing myself for my exit. I am never coming back. I never want to see her or Ben or even be reminded of this place again. Another bad chapter in my book of life I plan to close quickly.

My eyes fill once more when I see those hazel eyes… her face--scared, hopeful and tired--looking back at me from the hall as I open the door.

I wasn't sure I loved her; didn't know if I would recognize it when it happened. Looking at her now, I know I did. Actually looking at her now, still wanting to hold her and smell her and feel her lips against mine…not only did I love her; I still do and I know it because I am walking away from her, and it hurts more than anything I've ever had to do.

She chose him. My gut feels like nails are driving through it. She is probably here to tell me what I already know thanks to her fiancé.

They say you hurt the ones you love most. Therefore, since I no longer plan on ever telling her I love her, I let her rip. I let all my hurt do my dirty work as I spout my vengeful goodbye, effectively making her withdraw and cringe.

Oh yeah, she felt that.

Good… I love you, too!

Chapter FOURTEEN

Hurt That Won't Heal

Hadley -

He's gone. He's really gone. He quit his job because of me. I've hurt him so much. I could see it on his face. I kept calling him just to hear his voice on his voicemail greeting … I kind of knew he wouldn't answer but I wanted to make sure he is okay…

I need to let him go and not cause him any more pain. He has endured enough and I know he doesn't owe me the opportunity to explain. However, the explanation wouldn't hold much weight in my favor on the scale anyway. It is not even a good one. Why couldn't I have just cow-girled up and told Ben to fuck off immediately? It seems selfish to keep bugging Tralen right now just to give myself peace of mind.

It has been a week since the fateful night when I let Ben change my course. Mr. Greyson took him along on a trip to New York this week, so I was counting my blessings I didn't have to deal him in addition to mending a broken heart.

I finally came up with a plan and stopped second-guessing my value to the company and my respect for myself and what I work, for what I stand for… I knew what I needed to do, and it is what I should have done sooner.

I called Shelby. She and Marcus had just got back from their honeymoon last night and I told them that I needed to talk to them when they got a chance. Sensing it was important, they showed up less than hour later, all sun-tanned and touchy-feely. They are so happy, which gives me a little happy to pull from in my time of need.

I explained everything. I went all the way back to AJ and Mom, then Destiny, Dez, Mr. Greyson, Tralen, Ben. They both just hugged me when I cried and told me they were there for me and always would be.

While they were making their way out, Marcus said he was going to look at some trace logs on the network and see what Mr. Harrison has been accessing over the past few months. Shelby was going to sharpen her paring knife and then ask Ben over for a wiener roast when he gets back into town.

I need to start being open and honest with those that love and care about me. I can no longer be afraid to take a chance to love and be loved.

After all, for a dream to stay alive sometimes it just needs a chance. I know it exists now; I could see it with him. It was there.

I need to pull from my inner strength and embrace the triumphs and risk whatever it takes to restore my faith in myself and my chance at everlasting love.

Everything makes me think of him.

There is a knock at my door. I race to it, hoping it is Tralen. I open it and see a tall, lean, muscled man with piercings in his eyebrows and two in his bottom lip and a few tattoos adorning his skin. He has messy light brown hair with extreme blond highlights. Although some may find his look shocking, I don't. He looks cool. His mouth is full and his eyes are full of life, light green… like… like Tralen's.

He sees that I am taken slightly off-guard by his appearance as he says, "Yeah, I get that a lot. Listen, I am Cody Creed. I think my brother lives here. I need to check in on him. This is the last address I knew he was at before I left again on tour last month."

My eyes fill with tears when I realize that his brother is Tralen. He is here to check on him. I don't answer or respond at all. My eyes are still trained… on his shoes, of course. Nice boots.

He continues almost as a plea, "Please, if you know where he is, I just want to talk to him. He left me a crazy drunken message a few nights ago. I know he was drunk because of the rendition of the song he was hammering, 'Drunk Last Night.' Just before he hung up he said he needed to chill out but he was out of ice. I think he was hallucinating. Have you seen him, by chance? He sounded upset. He has never sounded like that before. He was going on about being in love with a stripper wearing black lace that gives lap dances in her living room. That is just not Tralen. He doesn't do strippers, so I am worried he might be on drugs, too!"

I sag to the floor on my knees and start to weep. Uncontrollably.

Tralen-

I finally found my phone in the ice dispenser in my sister's fridge this morning. The ice wouldn't come out, so I had to investigate. It had been missing for about a week and went missing sometime toward the bottom of the bottle the other night, before the fateful morning I walked out of my job.

No lower brain, hormone-driven decisions steering this dickhead. Nope, I am in complete control. This barely even hurts. I know I am better off without her. Yep, and if bullshit were musical, I could play in an orchestra.

Obviously, the phone must have disappeared about the time the ice ran out. After I let it thaw for a few hours while I mowed the lawn around Shilo's treehouse, I checked my messages. There were four messages from Hadley and a couple of texts. She said she just wanted to make sure I am all right. Huh? What do you think? I'm all good over here. I delete the others and the texts without acknowledging them at all. Don't fuck with me, lady; I know your type--only sorry now because although she may have a conscience deep in that dark pit she calls a heart, I didn't mean enough to her to keep her fucking tits out of Ben's face hours after she had my dick in her mouth! FUCK. I hate that this hurts. Why is the one that fucks up the one that gets off easy in these kinds of deals?

My brother called a few hours ago and left a message that he was in town and headed to my place. Great. I haven't been at my place in about a week. Archie took Mags and Shilo to Europe on a two-week vacation so Loosey and I took up residence here until they return. I just couldn't stay at my place with Hadley so close. I also couldn't take the sight of any "visitors" coming and going.

I didn't know Cody was planning on coming back to town so soon. I try to call him back but it goes right to voicemail. I send him a text that I am on my way over there.

I need to go back to my place and get some of my blueprints. What if Ben is there with her? I can't think about that anymore. Maybe I will luck out and she won't even be home.

Oh no. I am not that lucky. Not only is she there, she is at my townhouse spilling her heart out to my brother in my living room, with a quart of strawberry cheesecake ice cream sitting between them and two bottles of empty Boone's Farm on the coffee table.

She looks horrible. I mean still beautiful, but not good. I giggle silently to myself as I watch them from the back door. I snuck in from the gravel road in back so I couldn't see the front of the complex when I arrived. I didn't want to see if Ben was here. I was looking forward to seeing my brother and didn't want to spoil it by seeing Ben's car--or worse, him.

I told myself I didn't want to see her either. However, looking at her now on the couch, sobbing and telling Cody, "He might be better off without me anyway. Even if he believes me, I still fucked up. I let Ben make me second-guess my self-worth. I lost Tralen and I may never get him back, and my career is probably over."

Even if I want to believe her… I am suspect… what line of shit is she trying to feed him? He doesn't know her charms. He is falling for it, and I am going to put a stop to this shit right now. How appropriate--
Volbeat's Heaven Nor Hell
is playing from my speakers and enveloping them as she pours out her bullshit.

I am about to burst into the living room and interrupt their little party when he responds with, "No, you need to tell him that you love him. He deserves to know how you feel. He needs to know that what he feels for you is not unrequited."

"He hasn't come home or called or answered any of my texts or messages. I have no idea how to find him or where to reach him. I called your sister's cell phone but it had a message that she was overseas and out of service for a couple weeks. He had listed her as an emergency contact on his rental application," she almost yelled hopelessly.

She was hurt. She was in pain, inside and out. I had done this to her. She always seemed so strong--or heartless, I had mistakenly thought. She came off like nothing could shake her. However, knowing my absence and her hurt over fucking things up is true--what if she truly does love me? Is that a game-changer for me?

Hadley-

"You love me?" I hear his voice growl low behind me. I sober instantly at the sound of his voice and my fractional "Strawberry Hill" haze dissipates.

I turn around in haste and the spoonful of ice cream I have been whipping around while I was on my previous rant picks this time to fly off the spoon. It hits with a thud right in the semi- bulge concealed mostly by his sweatpants.

My eyes widen even further and I can't help it; I start to giggle… it looks like he missed me… a little at least!

He almost looked sad when I started to giggle through my tears, so I stopped immediately. Then I regained my senses and jumped up off the couch and hustled into the kitchen to get a towel. I am not sure what else to do. I shouldn't be here. How much did he hear?

Cody's phone rings and he heads down the hall to the bedroom, trying to contain his laughter. I absent-mindedly wet a dish towel from off the counter and turn back toward him, training my eyes on his shoes. I can't look up at him. Every look he gives me will hurt: sadness, anger, confusion, disgust…

I bend down in front of him and reach forward to wipe the smudge of ice cream off his sweatpants. He flinches at my contact with his bulging friend and my warm towel, then he grabs my wrist, holding it still.

I am a complete moron… of course he doesn't want me to touch him… there… he doesn't even want me here at all.

I am still standing in front of him, peering down at the towel hanging from my now-still hand. His hand is on my wrist and he pulls me into his side as he takes our our clasped hands up between us. I want to look up at him but I am afraid of what I will see. However, I think about all those chances I have been given and didn't take. This could be a second chance for me and I need to take it.

I straighten my spine and look up at him from under my lashes. He is wearing a blank kind of expectant expression.

Then he states more firmly, "Answer my question."

What? What question? I am still having a hard time breathing this close to him. I shouldn't be required to think and speak, too. He is getting impatient with me as he almost looks through my eyes, pleading for me to say something.

I am saved by the doorbell. Tralen casts his eyes down, and I sigh inwardly in relief.

Cody came down the hall with his phone to his ear and then moved around us. He traipsed through the living room to answer the door. Emily and Mace were here. I was sure that Mace wanted to see Loosey. It had been a week. She came over and asked me every morning if I had seen Loosey or Tralen. It is what would start my first crying episode before I got coffee each morning this week.

Cody is grinning and licking the lip ring slowly, like he's inviting Emily to find all of his other possibly private piercings. She is looking back at him like she might be up for the hunt. Tyler would kill me if I was responsible for getting her involved with a rock star that is most likely morally challenged by all the years of having women flock to his anatomy like bees to honey.

His moral compass had to be severely skewed by the magnetic pull of their "free samples" they offered him all the time, everywhere he went. Whatever. They are consenting adults. Emily should be capable of protecting her own V-card. She's a grown woman and I have my own issues to focus on right now.

Mace sees me and runs toward me. I outstretch my arms and I bend to pick her up. I give her a big squeeze so her chest is pressed to mine and I feel her heart beat with mine, then I lean back to search her black pools for some peace of mind. I needed her strength right now.

"Hi Aunt Hadley, we are on our way to a birthday party sleepover at Heidi's. She is turning six, too. Did you remember my birthday party is this Saturday? Will you be at my party?"

I smile at her with a kiss on her cheek responding with "Of course, pretty girl, I wouldn't miss it" and put her down on her feet.

Cody pipes up, "Your birthday is the same day as Tralen's, then?!? I got him a puppy; what do you want for your birthday?"

She replies excitedly, without any hesitation, "That'll work for me, too!"

Emily and I exchange looks and snicker as I roll my eyes. Stupid question, but how was Cody to know?

Mace continues looking at Tralen with the sweetest charcoal eyes. "Uncle Tralen, it is your birthday too, so you should come over for my party and bring Loosey… and Cody!"

I see his heart break with that smile on her face, and those black eyes work their magic. I knew he wasn't going to be able to say "No." Who could? I had been here before. When she pulls out the eyelash batting, you're a goner. That one almost works on Tyler, too, and he knows her game. She inherited them from her mother. Dez could always make you change your whole perception with her charms.