Unmatchable (28 page)

CHAPTER NINETEEN

EMBER

Colton probably thought I was joking when I said I might pleasure myself to his dick pic. Might turned into reality. I laid there at night, missing him, wanting to feel him beside me, inside of me. Sex has become a constant in our relationship, and the more we have it, the more I want it. The absence of it tonight just feels strange. There's pent up sexual tension that needs to be released, and masturbating seems to be the only way to make it happen. It's funny how comfortable I've become with my body since meeting him.

Just a few weeks ago, I never would have considered sending a topless picture to anyone. I trust Colton, though—know that he would never betray that trust.

The days while he's away on his business trip pass with a loneliness the likes of which I've never felt before. Now that we're settled into our relationship, it's hard for me to imagine how I ever lived without him. When the workday is over, and he's not around, I just feel bored. Like something is missing from my life. Something is missing from my life. Him.

Two nights before Colton is supposed to return, there's a knock on my apartment door. When I look out the peephole and see Alex, I sigh, wondering what he wants. While I feel bad that my seeing Nelson ended on such a bitter note, I've made peace with it. Maybe I didn't say all that I wanted to say, but I did say all I needed to say. That is behind me now, and I refuse to let my feelings about the past muddy up my life any further.

“
What's up?” I ask casually as I open the door.

“
Can I talk to you for a minute?” He glances inside, probably looking for Colton.

“
He's not here if that's what you're wondering.”

“
I'm glad.”

“
I'm not. I'm lonely as fuck.”

“
Then that must mean you can use some company.” He smiles.

I think about firing back that I don't want his company, but that would just be rude. Besides, he's done nothing to me. If anything, he's been every bit as supportive and wonderful as he's always been. He definitely does not deserve me being a bitch to him.

“
Come on in.” I walk back over to the sofa, not even bothering to ask him if he wants something to drink. If he came here to hang out, I'm not interested. I just want him to say his peace and leave.

“
Where is...your boyfriend anyway?”

“
Colton. His name is Colton.”

“
Colton,” he repeats the name slowly, his expression suddenly wary as if he's just now realizing that I'm not exactly thrilled to see him.

“
He's on a business trip.”

“
Well, that's good, I think.” He lowers himself onto the sofa beside me.

“
I'm looking forward to him returning. What are you here for, Alex?” I turn off the television and look at him, trying to make him get to the point of his visit.

“
What's up with all of the hostility? I'm not your enemy, Ember.” He furrows his brow.

I deflate, raking my fingers through my hair. “I'm sorry. Seeing you just kind of stresses me out.”

“
It shouldn't. We're friends.”

“
I can't help that it does. I know that you've been trying to pretend that everything is how it used to be, but it's not. You're not sticking around. I'm moving on with my life. I don't see the point in doing this anymore.” I gesture as if swatting a fly.

“
Doing what, being friends?” he huffs. “I thought that you would still want to be my friend.”

“
Being your friend is complicated,” I groan.

“
I don't understand why you think that, but that's not why I'm here.” He shakes his head and the muscles in his jaw tense.

“
Then please, enlighten me.”

“
You made Nelson cry the other day.”

My mouth falls agape at the ridiculousness of that statement, and a pompous laugh comes out. “Why should I give two shits about that?”

“
He was really trying, Ember, and you just shut him down. He was happy to see you. The fact that you didn't even give him a chance to tell you that he loves you really hurt him.”

My temper flares in an instant. “Oh, poor pitiful Nelson. Spare me. If he ever loved me, he wouldn't have sold me off to his friends.”

“
The drugs were controlling him back then. Addiction is a horrible thing.”

“
Bullshit,” I practically spit at him. “There were a million other things he could have done to get drugs besides selling me off. He didn't need to sink that low. It was proof that he thought of me as nothing but an object. I have no love for someone like that and no remorse for the things I said to him. I hate him with every fiber of my being. I wouldn't piss on him to put him out if he were on fire. I don't give a shit if he did find God. He's still going to burn in hell for what he did.” When I'm done speaking, I'm nearly breathless from all of the energy I exerted.

Alex closes his eyes and inhales deeply. “You don't understand what it's like to be addicted, Ember. You don't know what it does to a person.”

“
I lived with addicts for most of my life, Alex. I do understand. My mother had nothing, and though she was a despicable person, she never would have done the things that Nelson did to get his fix.”

“
Do you really want to live the rest of your life with hate in your heart?” Alex's gaze pierces straight into my soul.

“
Do you know what he told me when I was over there? That he was trying to make amends. How do you make amends when the only thing you've done is better your own life?”

“
Did you even give him time to explain? You don't know everything that Nelson has done.” He gestures erratically. The fact that he's getting so worked up makes me cower back a little. I've never seen him this pissed off before. “One of the first things Nelson did after he got clean was go to public schools and talk about the dangers of drug use. He even did an undercover sting operation with the local police department. He's been working hard not only to clean up his own act but also to make sure that others don't fall prey to drug abuse.

“
Sure, he can't take back what he did. No one can erase their past. But he's trying to make sure that others don't repeat his mistakes. That they don't have to live with the regrets that he harbors on a daily basis.

“
I understand that you were the greatest victim in all of this, but he was a victim too. He'll never be able to fully atone for what he did to you. But he's trying. He wants to make things better. He really does. And while I understand that you don't owe him that, it would be really big of you to help him.”

Big of me to help him.

I inhale a deep breath and blow it out slowly, feeling some of my anger go with it. There's no doubt that I'll harbor resentment towards Nelson for the rest of my life, but that doesn't change the fact that he's my brother. I think of my own path to healing, how long it has taken.

I scrub my hand across my face, frustrated with the whole situation. “I don't want to talk about this anymore.”

“
You should talk to him again. And listen this time. Don't just talk.”

I hold my hand up to make Alex shut up. “Thank you for coming to me with this information. I'll take everything that you've said into consideration.”

“
That's all that I'm asking.”

I expect him to leave, but instead, he sinks back against the sofa, getting comfortable. I turn to him, giving a look that clearly says he has outstayed his welcome.

“
How long have you been with this Colton guy?”

“
Does it matter?”

“
Don't shut me out, Ember. Don't do it again.” The pain in his voice is heartwrenching and immediately fills me with guilt.

I deflate, surrendering to his company. “A few weeks. A month. I don't know. I haven't been keeping track.”

He laughs. “How can you not be keeping track? I thought that kind of stuff was important to you. You used to be big on dates. Even remembered the day we first met. What did you used to call it?”

“
Our frienadversary.” I sulk at the memory.

“
You remembered the dates that you met all of your friends, how long you were friends with them, even the dates when those relationships ended.”

“
I never had friends besides you.” I roll my eyes.

“
That's not true. You had other friends. There was that Jaime girl.”

Another painful memory. Jaime had come into my life like a whirlwind. We hit it off instantly and became close friends.

“
Yeah. I stopped talking to her because she was a bad influence. She reminded me too much of my mother and brother. Wanted to rebel all the time and drag me into her bullshit. I didn't want to be a part of that.”

“
You still remember, though.” He gives me a sideways glance. “I would figure that a relationship would be even more important.”

“
Like I said, I've been trying to change a lot of things about myself since I moved here.”

That's not exactly true. I've just been burned too much, seen too many people come in and out of my life, to care about such trivial things anymore. Back when Colton and I first met, I thought he would just be a passing fancy. Remembering the date we met didn't seem significant at the time. My fear of commitment kept me from caring about it.

“
It sounds like you've been trying to turn into a completely different person.” Alex frowns.

“
Maybe I have. I definitely like the person I am now better than who I was back then.”

“
You're still the same person, though. A part of you will always be the person you were back then.”

Hearing him say that makes me cringe. I don't want an ounce of that girl left in me.

“
And what about you? Are you still the person you were back then?”

“
For the most part.” He smiles softly. “My feelings for you are still the same.”

The tension in the room doubles in the span of that one sentence. I'm reminded of how our last conversation left off. He was confessing his feelings to me when Colton showed up. At the time, I wasn't sure if I was grateful or unhappy that I didn't get to hear everything. Now, it just seems inappropriate. I know where my loyalties lie.

“
You're just passing through, Alex.”

“
Passing through or not, that doesn't change the way I feel—the way that I've always felt.”

“
That ship has sailed.”

“
Has it?” He stares at me with an intensity that makes me shiver down to my core.

My body feels hot knowing that he's looking at me with desire. There's a weakness in me that wonders about the possibilities of us being together. It would be so easy for me to fall into his arms right now. Everything I thought I ever wanted is only a few inches away silently beckoning to me. Years worth of fantasies could become a reality if I just say the right words.

My mind plays a montage of memories. Happy memories of Alex and I together. Memories of us eating at Taco Bell and watching movies in his room and playing board games and going hiking. I remember when I started sexually maturing—watching him in a new way. Wondering what it would be like to kiss him. And even after my sexual abuse—wondering what it would be like to make love to him, for him to hold me in his arms at night and kiss all of my pain away.

He would have done it. Knowing he would have done it makes me feel like an idiot now for not speaking up sooner. Things could have been so different.

And then I think of Colton, the perverted man who brought me out of my shell and healed so many of my wounds without even trying. The man who is patient with me—who is willing to stay by my side even when I'm an irrational bitch. The man who isn't linked to my past in any way—who has shown me that my future can be brighter than the sun if I just lay my trust in his capable hands.

My heart is pounding in my chest as I compare the two men. Inside, I'm trembling slightly from the decision I have to make. I'm not sure why, because I already made my choice a while ago.

“
It has,” I keep my voice steady and stern, looking over at Alex to show him that I mean what I'm saying—that I'm not second guessing it. “I'm with Colton now. I love Colton, and I have no intentions of leaving him for someone else.”

CHAPTER TWENTY

COLTON

The last day of my business trip could definitely be going better. The restaurant in the hotel sent up someone else's breakfast when I ordered room service. I was already running late for the conference, so I didn't have time to swap it out. It was raining like crazy, and I accidentally stepped in a puddle, drenching my shoes and pant legs. Half of the presenters didn't even bother showing up. Worst of all, Ember wasn't returning my texts which only amplified the anxiety I was already feeling from everything else going wrong.

At first, I thought that maybe she just didn't get my good morning text message. But when she didn't respond to the one I sent her at lunch either, I knew something was up.

Knowing her past and that her brother is still in Houston, it's hard not to jump to conclusions. A million different things could have gone wrong, and I feel powerless to do anything about it.

I keep my phone on me, checking it every few minutes. At 10 PM, I text her asking if she's okay, knowing that she'll be going to bed soon. Surely, she'll check her phone before she goes to bed. If she's not upset, she'll respond.

She doesn't respond.

After exhaustion finally makes me turn in for the night, I lie in bed staring up at the ceiling thinking about Ember. Sleep doesn't come easy. It's not Ember that I dream of, though. It's Nina. I relive the hurt of my loss over and over again. The baby is there, and then it's gone. Nina is there, and then she's gone. My demons claw at me, threatening to destroy me. I'm never more grateful than when my alarm wakes me up in the morning.

I grab my phone from the bedside table and swipe to silence the alarm. Ember's name flashes across the screen as a text notification. It passes so quickly that I barely have time to register that she finally responded.

Ember: Sorry, I didn't text you last night. Some stuff happened and I needed time to process it. I hope you have a safe flight home today. I miss you and can't wait to see you again. You have truly become my rock in all of this, and I don't know what I would do without you.

While I am not typically a wishy-washy man, I can feel the unpleasant sensation that comes when my eyes want to well up with tears. They don't well up, but the text message definitely touched a deeply emotional place within me. More than anything, I'm relieved and thankful that Ember is not trying to push me away again. She just needed a little bit of space. I can give her that. I just wish she would have told me before she took it upon herself to be distant.

Baby steps
,
I remind myself. Ember is going to cope with things the way that she needs to cope with them. Maybe someday she'll be able to let me in instead of feeling the need to shut me out. For now, this is probably the best I can hope for.

The fact that she called me her rock does give me more confidence in our relationship. That is what I want to be for her. Someone solid who she can cling to when times are tough. She's still not really clinging, though. More like just barely holding on enough not to get swept away.

***

I don't even have my driver take me home when I arrive back in Houston. Instead, I go straight to Ember's apartment, wanting nothing more than to hold her in my arms. The lack of contact between us had me rattled. I need to know for certain that we're still alright, and the only way that's going to happen is if I see her.

Thankfully, as soon as she opens the door to me, her beautiful lips broaden into a smile. She looks absolutely stunning in a baggy t-shirt and a pair of pink shorts tied with a drawstring, her hair pulled back into a messy ponytail. I grab her by the waist and bury my face against her neck to inhale her flowery scent. She giggles, sending a shot of warmth straight to my heart.

“
It looks like someone missed me an awful lot,” she muses playfully.

“
You have no idea. I think I had withdrawals.” I loosen my grip on her enough to give her a kiss. “What has my beautiful girl been up to?”

Her happy expression falters, and I can see the stress taking over. “Things I wish I didn't have to face.”

“
Tell me all about it.” I place my hand on the small of her back to guide her into the living room. As soon as we get there, I pull her onto my lap. If she thinks she's going to get distance from me after us not seeing each other for a week, she's got another thing coming.

She doesn't resist, draping her arms around my neck. She stares down at the carpet, and I can almost see the memories of the past week replaying inside of her head.

“
Alex showed up again.”

Just the mention of the guy's name makes me tense. It's not the fact that he's from her past. Even though she said she chose me, he still feels like a romantic rival. The idea of the two of them being alone together doesn't sit well with me.

“
What did he want?” I can't keep the disdain from my voice.

She furrows her brow, though there's no anger in her expression. “He came to tell me that I made Nelson cry. He was upset that I didn't give him more of a chance.”

“
That bastard deserves to cry after what he put you through.” A muscle in my jaw twitches.

“
I thought so too. But Alex told me things I didn't know. That Nelson has really been trying to make a difference in other people's lives. Alex said that as soon as Nelson got clean, he started going to talk at local schools about the dangers of drug addiction.”

I relax slightly, trying not to be so bitter towards a guy I don't even really know. “Well, that's good for him, I guess.”

“
It is.” She nods. “It also makes me feel like shit for not letting him speak.”

“
You shouldn't feel like shit. You don't owe that guy anything.”

“
I know, but still...”

“
Are you going to see him again?”

“
I don't know. I don't know if it's a good idea or not.” She rests her head against my shoulder.

I kiss her forehead and rub her back gently. “Well, whatever you decide to do, know that I'll support you in any way that I can. If you need me to go with you, I will. If you just want me to be here to listen to you after you see him again, I can do that too. And if you don't want to see him and just want me to keep you distracted, I've got a few ideas.”

I give her a gentle squeeze and let my wolfish grin shine through.

“
Is that so?” She pulls away from me to look at my face.

“
That's so.” I wiggle my eyebrows, making her laugh.

Her gaze falls to the space between us, and she wraps her fingers around my tie. “I bet you did a lot of whacking off while you were away.”

“
Such a filthy mouth you have.” I narrow my eyes at her. “I'd love to feel it on my dick.”

“
Of course, you would, pervert.” She slaps at my chest.

“
And what about you? Your pussy must feel pretty neglected.”

She rolls her eyes at me. “You have to be the crudest man I've ever met.”

“
And you love it.” I pull her tighter against me.

“
Lord knows why. I always thought I wanted a romantic guy to sweep me off of my feet. Instead, I got you.” It sounds like an insult, but she's smiling all the while.

“
Sometimes what we want isn't what we need,” I purr against her neck.

“
That must mean you don't need sex then,” she whispers seductively in my ear, making my cock twitch. It's been hard ever since she opened the door and I saw her standing there looking disheveled. The urge to make even more of a mess of her has my dick at full attention.

“
Sometimes what we want is also what we need.”

“
That sounds so convenient for you.” She tosses her head back and laughs.

I take advantage of the situation, nibbling up the length of her throat.

“
And what about you? Do you miss my dick? Or did that little Alex twat take care of you?” There's only the slightest hint of jealousy in my tone.

Ember puts her hands on my shoulders and pushes away from me, catching my gaze. The smile she was wearing only moments ago is completely gone. “Colton, that's not fair.”

“
Show me you want me more.” I challenge her.

“
I don't want him at all.”

“
Good. Then maybe instead I should show you what you would be missing if you did decide to switch sides.” I stand, picking her up with me.

The tension between us melts away as I carry her to the bedroom. Not that there was much tension to begin with. I mainly just said that to get a reaction from her, and her reaction pleased me. Now, she's going to get rewarded.

I toss her onto the bed on her back, causing her to squeal. Then I hook my hands around her shorts and underwear, roughly pulling them down and off. She barely has time to stabilize herself before I crawl between her legs and spread her thighs to bury my face between them. The scent of her desire rises to meet me, swelling my dick like a powerful pheromone.

The sweetest whimper falls from her lips as I circle her clit with my tongue and suck it up into my mouth. For the next several minutes, she's all moans and squirming and praising God for my amazing cunnilingus skills. Sometimes, I think that seeing her in the thralls of pleasure might be enough to do me in. She looks so hot when she writhes on the bed beneath me.

I savor the taste of her. The scent of her. Knowing that I'm giving her boundless pleasure. I want to make her feel good every day for the rest of her life. If she'll just let me in, I'm determined to satisfy every need she ever has, on both a physical and emotional level.

Once she has come all over my face, I grab her by the legs and tug her down to me. She works feverishly to pull my dick out of my pants while I take my tie and shirt off. When I press my glans to her opening, she practically bucks her hips up to meet me. I wrap an arm beneath her, drawing her to me as I slide inside, going deep in one rough thrust. I curse as her body fits me like a glove, the heat within her making me worry that I'm going to finish before we're even started.

“
Holy shit, Colton,” she hisses.

I lean over, putting one hand above each shoulder to brace myself and start pistoning into her. Ember wraps her arms around my back and digs her nails into the flesh there, lightly scoring it. I move with all of the lust I've built up inside from missing her this past week.

It feels like I'm laying claim to her body and her heart. The way she looks when I'm inside of her speaks volumes about what's between us. There's more than lust in her eyes. There's love and trust. Two of the greatest gifts in the world. I want to stay like this with her forever—know that she's completely mine.

I ravage her until my body grows tired. Then I roll us so that she's on top of me. The way that she takes control tells me that she missed this too. She grinds down on me, one hand over her head holding up her hair in a bunch. Her eyes are closed, her head tilted to the side, her bottom lip caught between her teeth. I pant as the visual stimulation pushes me to the edge. She's the picture of perfection riding me with such confidence.

“
Fuck, Ember, you're going to make me...” I don't even get to finish the sentence before it happens.

I nut so hard that it steals my breath, and the second that I do, she comes crashing down as well. It's such a beautiful moment to share, our bodies perfectly aligned. As I look up at her, a terrifying thought goes through my mind.

This is the woman I want to marry someday.