Virtue & Vanity (19 page)

Her presumption that I might have been injured wasn’t far-fetched at all, but of course I couldn’t have told her that. I had to transform into an A-star actress and pull out the act of my life.

“No, nothing like that happened. I’m fine.” I tried to sound calm and surprised at the same time. “Sorry to keep you waiting,” I said and walked away from her.

“But you don’t look fine,” I heard her mumble perplexed and she remained standing next to the door observing my every move as I walked back into the dining room.

The choking pressure returned to my chest the moment I went back into that crowded room. Sebastian had finally decided to join his parent’s celebration and he seemed to be engaged in a serious conversation with a few other businessmen who were standing around him. He glanced at me with a strange look on his face and he observed as I walked back to my place in the corner. His eyes lingered on me, but I wouldn’t return his gaze. I despised him at that moment. I hated everything he had done and would do to me. His posture radiated power and fierce coldness, letting me know he didn’t care if I hated him or not. At last, he took his eyes off of me and focused on his wealthy entourage.

I was lost in gloomy thoughts when somebody approached me from behind and squeezed my shoulders.

“Relax beautiful, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Helen told me when she noticed I was startled by her action.

“Helen.” I let out a gasp of relief. “I thought you wouldn’t come. I was worried about you,” I told her when she sat next to me.

“I’m so sorry, Isabelle. I know I promised I would be here. I hope my family didn’t give you a lot of trouble.” Her face turned serious as she apologized.

“Don’t worry about it. What happened?” I asked without realizing it might have been inappropriate of me to interfere in something that probably wasn’t my concern.

She hesitated for a moment, looking at me warily like she didn’t know if she could trust me, but then she looked up at me with confidence glaring from her eyes.

“It’s complicated.” She sighed. “To make the long story short, Dianne and I... Well we don’t get along, like at all. And today she did something awful and I’ve had enough. I thought I wouldn’t attend the dinner because of her but Sebastian convinced me to come because of you.” She smiled and then frowned when she looked at my face. “Is everything okay?” She caught me off guard.

My eyes flew to Sebastian who looked our way every now and then. I swallowed my sadness and faced Helen again.

“Please, don’t ask.” I gave her a pleading look.

She stared at me knowingly, and gave me a hug that was filled with heartbreaking compassion. I appreciated her for giving me space and not pushing me to tell her why I was sad. Her support made me stronger and I was grateful she’d decided to come after all. But still, the fact that Sebastian had been the one who asked her to join me left me confused. Why would he go to the lengths of convincing Helen to keep me company? It didn’t make any sense, especially after everything that had happened.

“Mind if I join you ladies?” Dianne’s pretentious voice interrupted us.

Helen looked away from her and rolled her eyes, giving away how annoyed she was. Dianne was already tipsy, but that didn’t stop her from drinking the wine from the glass she held in her shaky hand. She stood next to us, hovering above me like a hawk waiting for his prey to surrender. Sebastian was still glancing at us and when he noticed Dianne had joined us, he seemed upset.

“The dinner was lovely. Still, it could have been even lovelier if certain people hadn’t decided to show up. But what can you do?!” She gawked at Helen and giggled wickedly.

“I think you had too much to drink and it’s messing with your head, Dianne,” Helen seethed.

“Oh honey, don’t you worry about my state of mind. Even drunk, I am still beyond you and this sham of a girl who suddenly seems to think she’s a lady. You’ll never be more than white trash to us darling, no matter how hard you try.” She looked at me with contempt in her eyes.

“You’ve completely lost your mind. Leave her out of this, Dianne,” Helen said in a threatening voice.

If I had dared to react on Dianne’s provocation, I knew it would have resulted in a scene. I also knew that was exactly what she wanted so I decided to be the smarter person and let her continue with her ranting until she felt satisfied. Unfortunately, I wasn’t prepared for what would happen next. Dianne wouldn’t stop looking at me and it made me more nervous with each passing second. She narrowed her eyes and twisted her lips in a diabolical smile. Then, she came one step closer and her gaze trailed down my body.

“Hmm.” She inhaled deeply. “That’s a nice dress indeed.”

She smiled and then spilled the entire glass of wine on my dress, pretending it was an accident. I stood up, completely soaked in wine and shocked by what she had done. The moment I got up from the chair, Sebastian looked at me and started walking towards our table. He was absolutely furious, I just didn’t know with whom. Helen took a napkin and started rubbing it over my dress, trying to fix the damage Dianne had caused. Dianne acted like she was surprised by what had happened. She kept gasping and saying she’d tripped over my chair.

“How dare you? What the hell is wrong with you?” Helen attacked her furiously.

“I’ll take care of this, Helen.” Sebastian approached us and I knew that voice. 
There would be hell to pay.

People around us began paying attention to the scene and I saw Sebastian had that look on his face like he wanted to scream, but he leaned towards Dianne and whispered to her. Since I was standing right next to them, I managed to hear everything he said.

“Are you that stupid to think that getting drunk and creating scenes will help you deal with your marriage problems and that pathetic excuse you have for a husband?” His voice was cruel and venomous and I almost felt sorry for Dianne.

For the first time, I witnessed her being speechless and she didn’t have any mean comment she could pull out of her sleeve to get back at Sebastian. She just winced at his words and I realized the vicious woman who’d spilled an entire glass of wine on me in front of a room full of people was not only mean-spirited, but also deeply unhappy.

“Now, you will apologize to 
my wife
 and the rest of the guests. Then you’ll excuse yourself and go to sleep. You’ve done enough damage for one night!” Sebastian moved away after having said that, waiting for her reaction.

Dianne looked around the room and nervously shook one of her legs. Apologizing to someone was obviously beneath her. But Sebastian wouldn’t let her get away with it. He nudged her shoulder, encouraging her to get on with it. While she stalled with her apology, I scanned the room and all of the people who were staring at us. I noticed that Dianne’s husband, Caleb, wasn’t there. I had forgotten all about him because we’d never exchanged a single word, but now when I heard Sebastian talking about their marriage problems, I curiously searched for his face, but he wasn’t present. I felt a bit bad for Dianne, because it shed a whole new light to her behavior, but I still didn’t think she had the right to do what she had done. I was completely humiliated, because my face was a mess from crying in the lavatory and I now reeked of wine like I was the biggest drunk in the world. What a glorious way to end the evening.

“Everybody,” Dianne finally decided to speak, “I’m sorry for this little accident which probably interrupted you. Isabelle...” She bit her tongue before turning towards me with a serpent-like smile glued to her face, “I do apologize for ruining your dress. It wasn’t 
intentional
.” Her smile widened because both of us, as well as the entire room, knew she did it on purpose.

Sebastian’s eyes held my own with intensity. I knew what was expected of me so I nodded to show I accepted Dianne’s apology.

“Mother, Father,” a cynical smile appeared on her lips and she raised her empty glass like she wanted to make a toast, “congratulations on your thirtieth wedding anniversary. I hope you remain happy and grow old together. Now, if you’ll excuse me.” She stumbled out of the room and slammed the door behind her.

The guests remained quiet for a moment and then the inaudible flusters got louder, eventually echoing through the room again. Catherine excused herself as well and hurried towards the door. It was apparent she was going after Dianne.

“I can’t believe her,” Helen said to Sebastian after everyone had stopped looking at us.

Sebastian didn’t reply. He sighed and shook his head. His fury seemed directed towards Helen as well. Then he took hold of my hand, entwining our fingers and squeezing it at the first contact, as if he savored the moment. A gasp escaped my throat and the grip of his touch gradually subsided as he started leading me towards the door.

“We’re leaving,” he said to Helen while we were already walking.

She didn’t have any time to protest and I managed to wave at her shortly before we left. Sebastian seemed to be so eager to leave his parents’ home that I barely managed to keep up with him.

Chapter Twenty-Two

When we got to the car, Sebastian suddenly stopped and turned towards me. The tension radiating off of him scared me because I remembered the warning he gave me before we attended the party. With every fiber of my being, I feared that he would hold me accountable for the incident with Dianne, even though we both knew it wasn’t my fault.
As he stepped towards me, I took a step back and he closed his eyes, taking in a deep breath before looking at me again. Surprisingly, although it was obvious that he wanted to come closer, he kept his distance.

“Are you okay?” he asked in a soft voice, looking at me like he truly cared.

His ability to convince me of the honesty of his intentions verged on ridiculous. If I hadn’t had that conversation with Theodore earlier, I probably would have believed him. Despite the fact that I was anything but okay, I nodded my head and then quickly looked away from him, afraid that he would see the truth that reflected in my eyes. After contemplating my answer for several moments, to my relief, he chose to let it go. He released a nervous sigh, then opened the door of the car and told me to get in. His gaze lingered on me as I was getting inside and I could perfectly understand the message that was sent out when he closed the door, but still kept his eyes on mine. 
I know you’re not okay.

Although Sebastian kept his emotional distance when he entered the car and started driving, I couldn’t achieve peace of mind. Theodore’s words still haunted me and I felt like the whole family, including my mother, waited for me to fulfill ‘my duty’, so everybody could get on with their lives. After everything this awful dinner and the event that lead up to it, I was simply defeated. Looking out the window, I cried silent tears and hoped he wouldn’t catch a glimpse of it. But I had no such luck. He noticed and it seemed to make him even more upset.

“If you are okay, then why are you crying?”

I didn’t dare answer his question because I knew I was so close to breaking point and he was still filled with rage. I didn’t want to agitate him further. It turned out my silence irked him all the same and I felt defenseless. It seemed I just couldn’t win with him.

“Do you really think that ignoring me is a way to go, Isabelle?” He raised his voice.

I still didn’t say anything. Instead, I looked out the window and let the tears fall without making a sound. He cursed under his breath and punched the wheel in anger. It was a light punch, but loud enough to get my attention. Finally, I acknowledged his unnerving presence by looking into those glowing eyes and I felt guilty because, once again, I was giving him the privilege of seeing my tears. Without hiding his annoyance, he rolled his eyes and shook his head at me. 

“Will you stop crying? I’ll buy you a new fucking dress,” he said in frustration, convinced that I was shedding tears over the ruined piece of expensive fabric I was wearing. It was unfortunate it got damaged, but the dress was the last thing on my mind at that moment.

“I don’t want a new dress,” I said in a resigned voice.

He braked heavily, pulled over to the curb and abruptly undid his seatbelt. I was surprised by his action, to say the least, so I turned my head and simply looked at the road in front of me, all the while trying to bring my tears to a halt and pretend he wasn’t staring at me like he was about to explode.

“What do you want then?” His voice was calm, but I could tell he was restraining himself from losing his temper.

The anger, fear and sadness I’d kept locked inside me for the past few months boiled over and I had to speak up, even if it meant he would kill me.

“I want hope. I want my life back!” I turned to face him and his ice cold, infuriated eyes scared me for a moment, but I couldn’t bottle up my emotions anymore. “Please, let me go. Give me a divorce.” I tried to appear calm, but inside me there was a storm building its way out.

He looked away like he couldn’t believe what I had asked him. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel before returning his gaze to me. There was something in his eyes, I couldn’t determine what, but something had changed.

“I cannot let you go, Isabelle. I’m truly sorry about your situation, but I cannot help you.” He shrugged, sealing my fate.

I raised my voice in an attempt to reason with him. “I will never fit in your world. You saw what happened tonight. You 
have
 to let me go.”

“You don’t have to fit in.” He smirked in disbelief. “And if you want a divorce, you know what you have to do first.” He glared at my teary eyes for a while like he was speechless and then he continued to explain the reason behind his ruthlessness. “Those are the terms that bind us. I wish you hadn’t been treated badly tonight, but there was nothing I could do about it,” he spoke in that soft voice again and I just wanted to scream and run away from him.

“Of course there was nothing you could, do because you chose to spend the entire evening with your lover and leave me in your family’s clutches!” The words spilled out without thinking and terror gripped me when I noticed I’d succeeded in provoking him again.

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. But hypothetically, let’s say that she is my lover. Would my infidelity really bother you that much, when by the looks of it, you would rather die than let me touch you?” He looked disturbed, but the tone of his voice hadn’t changed—it was still light and composed.

I froze, crossed my arms and pressed them firmly against my chest. My head fell down while I focused on my breathing. The terror he had instilled in me would never subside. He was right. I would rather die than have sex with him again. He touched my shoulder and I let out a shaky breath, his presence causing an unpleasant shiver to rush me. Slowly, but without hesitation, he turned my face towards him. His mouth partially opened and he gazed at me at a loss for words, consumed by some kind of inner torture.

“I shouldn’t have said that. You have every right to be afraid.” It sounded like he was reprimanding himself. I closed my eyes and swallowed the growing lump of sadness, wanting to keep my pain to myself, but still two tears escaped my eyes and slid down my cheeks.

“Please, don’t cry.” The pleading softness of his voice traveled to me, and though I didn’t want to take comfort from his words, somehow they still held power over me, keeping my unshed tears at bay. “Whatever was supposed to happen between Cora and me is long gone. She is not my lover. I haven’t been unfaithful, Isabelle.” He arched his eyebrows to accentuate his last statement.

Convincing me of the truth of his words held great importance to him. As if we were in a real marriage. As if the fact that he hadn’t slept with Cora would fix anything.

“What makes you think that I 
believe
 you? Or even 
care
?” I asked bitterly.

At first, I didn’t get any answer from him, and all we did was let our thoughts sink into the darkness that was at times interrupted by the lights of the passing cars.

“I know you don’t believe me and... I don’t expect you to 
care
,” he said in defeat and put his seat-belt back on.

***

After his admission, we didn’t speak and the ride home went by in complete silence. The tension between us rose and I sensed there were so many things we wanted to scream at each other, but instead we kept it inside and didn’t say anything. When he disappeared into the walk-in closet, I went to the bathroom and took off my ruined dress. My skin felt itchy from the dampness of the wine and I smelled like I’d taken a bath in a wine barrel. After a quick shower, I returned to the bedroom where Sebastian already lay in the bed. It was dark and he was asleep. Carefully, I walked over to the bed and lay down. I was exhausted and before I got a chance to reflect on anything that had happened, my eyes closed under the pressure of fatigue. The nightmare I had that night was by far the worst one yet.

A voice was pleading with me to wake up. I finally did and realized I was lying in a hospital bed with doctors surrounding me. I was weak and exhausted and I had no idea what was happening. One of the doctors handed me a bundle of blankets and I was surprised to see a little baby in it.

“Whose baby is this?”

The doctors looked at each other incredulously, and finally one of them stepped forward to clarify the situation.

“Mrs. Everett, this is your son. You’re probably still tired from the delivery, so it’s understandable that you feel a bit lost.” 

Son? Confused, I glanced down at the face of the child I held in my arms, and a warm feeling enveloped my heart. Minutes passed when I heard Sebastian’s voice, demanding to see his son and chills ran up my spine. I started crying when I saw him standing above me, trying to take the baby that rested on my chest. I fought as the doctors around me tried to restrain me, but since I was one person against many, Sebastian had no difficulty taking the baby away from me. I begged him, pleaded him, not to do it. But he got what he wanted and marched towards the door and disappeared. I wanted to run after him, but they were holding me back. All I could do was scream from the top of my lungs and cry because the unimaginable had happened. Eventually, everything started fading away and I was dizzy, but my cries for help didn’t subside, even though I wasn’t in that hospital anymore. I was somewhere else, floating on thin air with somebody who tried to hold me and offer me comfort. 

“Isabelle...” I heard the familiar voice calling me.

I woke up in Sebastian’s arms, covered in sweat and screaming like I was still trapped in my dream. I noticed he was startled as well, but I didn’t wait for him to react. Instinctively, I got the strength to free myself from his grip and ran across the room to the door and into the hallway. Adrenaline carried my body through the house faster than ever. I managed to descend the stairs and run outside, but I was still no match for Sebastian who was calling my name and running after me. Before I managed to take a few steps on the driveway, his hand landed on my shoulder and stopped me from running. When I tried to get loose, I ended up kneeling on the cold ground, tearing up my knees on the sharp gravel. He knelt down beside me and wrapped his arms around me. Then he told me to calm down, but I wasn’t about to give in.

“Let go of me!” I screamed at him, trying to get away from his grip, but it was impossible. “No. I don’t want to be here. Let me go!” I finally stopped fighting him when I realized it only encouraged him to hold me tighter.

I closed my eyes and kept begging him to let me go. He pressed my head against his chest and started his usual procedure when I would have a terrible nightmare. He stroked my hair, caressed my face and spoke softly to me. That managed to affect me every single time because, apart from the moments when he would comfort me at night, he was nothing but cold and cruel towards me. I looked at him in despair because I couldn’t handle his kindness.

“Shh, it will pass. Everything will be okay.” His voice was so convincing, so soothing—
so deceiving
.

“Please, I just want to g-go,” I said weakly, exposing the sadness in my eyes.

Not a single word crossed his lips. He gently ran his palm along my face and looked at me with emptiness glaring from his deep emerald stare. No matter how hard I tried, I knew I would never understand the motives that drove him to act a particular way. He was fighting something inside him, I could tell, but he was a man with a will made of steel and there was no way to evoke the real compassion within him.

“I cannot give you what you want, Isabelle. You should stop asking.” His voice was relentless.

“No.” I refused to accept this damned fate. “There has to be a way. Please,” I begged him.

“There is only one way,” he muttered as he lifted me up in his arms.

My heart sunk as I was still taken aback by the terrible dream I’d had. I closed my eyes, surrendering my weak body to his strong arms and let him carry me back. When he lowered me on the bed, I started waking up from the fatigue that took hold of me. I gradually opened my eyes and realized that he had brought me to the patio and not the bedroom like I had expected. In slow motion, my gaze wandered around the dark room, taking in the features of the space that surrounded me. Frantically, I searched for Sebastian, but he wasn’t there. I was alone. Fighting the urge to run away again, I lay motionlessly in the dark until I heard the approaching steps and a bright light filled the room. Sebastian walked in, wearing only his pajama bottoms and I was doing my best not to stare at his exposed, bronze chest. 
Why did the devil have to be so beautiful?
 As he got closer, I realized that he had a cup of steaming, hot tea in his hands. Before I got the chance to process the sight in front of me, he was already standing above me, his shadow hovering over my body. I looked away towards the window and let my thoughts sink into the black night. The sound of the cup touching the glass table got my attention and when my eyes settled on his captivating face, I remembered that night when I found him there with Cora. As if sensing my discomfort, he knelt down to my level and observed me vigilantly. After staring at me for a while, he handed me the cup of tea and sighed when he noticed I gaped at him warily.

“It’s just chamomile tea. I’m not trying to drug you, I want you to relax,” he said in a quiet voice. His gaze was persistent until I gave in and took a few small sips of the tea, but it didn’t help because there wasn’t any magic potion that could get me to calm down at that moment.