Warped (6 page)

CHAPTER TWELVE

JUNE 18
TH
2014

Walking down the stairs, I place my bag on the table and head towards Damon's office. He’s working from home today and I have arranged to have lunch with Tom so I’m not a distraction for him. And so I can make him jealous. It seems that Damon is easily distracted when I’m near. Truthfully, he has the same effect on me. I lose all train of thought whenever he’s close.

That’s a problem. It shouldn’t be like this.

Last night was a good night. The things he said to Leona made me relax a little, and gave me more doubts. Am I doing the right thing? Do I have all my facts straight? Damon doesn’t seem to be playing a game. What if I still have everything wrong? I need to get my head sorted and really think clearly about my options.

Walking up to his office, I find the door open and peek my head inside. Damon is on the phone and it sounds like business, so I turn to leave but he calls my name, beckoning me to him.

Crossing the threshold, I take him in and he does the same to me. He’s wearing workout shorts and nothing else. His hair is damp and his body is glistening with sweat. The plains of his muscles flex as he shifts position. My eyes dart to his to find a smug smirk gracing his gorgeous face.

I wish he wasn’t so fucking good looking.

“I don’t have time for this... get it done before I have to come over there and sort it myself...” I tune out his conversation and take in all that is Damon Hunt. His strong jaw moves as he speaks, his plump lips stretching and forming words, keeping me mesmerised.

His facial hair needs a trim, needs shaping back to the perfect stubble that I know feels amazing rubbing against my skin.  His olive complexion showcases the depths of his brown eyes, the eyes that so often hold me captive in their stare. The small teardrop scar just below and to the side of his right eye calls for me to kiss and lick it.

I take a step towards Damon to do just that, then remember I was only popping in to tell him I’m on my way out. I need to keep my head on straight if I’m going to meet Tom on time.

I move to his desk and perch on the edge, swinging my legs as I wait for him to finish his call. He stands in front of me and my hand instantly reaches for his waist. A small smile creeps across his face as he slowly runs his hands up my thighs, taking my skirt with them. My body instantly trembles, and my core heats, as I rest my forehead against his hard chest.

What the fuck is wrong with me? I shouldn’t want him like this. He doesn’t deserve anything but pain and suffering.

“See to it that it gets done... keep me updated of the outcome... yes,” Damon’s deep voice vibrates through his body as his hands continue to climb. “I want you to personally sort this James. I’m holding you responsible.”

This man makes me want him with just one touch, one word, but I can’t let him distract me. I can’t let him have that power. I drop my hand back into my lap and take a deep breath. I move my hand to halt his in the trek to the apex of my thighs, needing to stop this before it gets started.

He can’t have control.

Damon shifts, bringing his other hand up to gather my hair in a fist. He gently tugs, pulling my head back so he can look at me. I avert my gaze, not wanting to see his smouldering, melted chocolate brown eyes. My self control isn’t that good. I’ll end up being late meeting Tom and I can’t let that happen.

“Make it happen, fast.”

Damon ends the call abruptly, not even saying goodbye, and moves his hand to my chin, lifting it so I’m looking into his eyes.

“Good morning beauty.” His tone softens as he speaks quietly to me. He moves his mouth down closer to my face and runs little kisses across my jaw, changing the pressure of each stroke of his lips against my skin. I close my eyes and hold my breath as his mouth sweeps across my cheek before settling firmly on my mouth.

Grabbing my hips, Damon pulls me forward, bringing me flush against his hardening length. My knickers dampen and my nipples pebble as I feel every hard inch of his body pressed against mine. He nips and licks at my mouth, asking for permission to enter. I grant his wish by parting my lips on a moan. He thrusts his tongue into the warm recess of my mouth, tangling his tongue with mine. The kiss starts to turn too heated so I pull my mouth away, taking a moment to steady my breathing.

Damon does this to me. He makes me forget everything, turning my body into his own personal toy when he touches me. I look into the rich brown chocolate of his eyes, and see concern. He knows I never pull away from a kiss. He knows I
can’t
pull away from his luscious lips when they’re pressed against mine.

Time to drop my bomb.

“I’m sorry. I’m meeting Tom. I can’t stay long,” I tell him. At the mention of Tom's name Damon visibly stiffens. His back goes rigid and his hand clenches at my side, just as I expected.

I press my hands flat against his bare muscular chest, push him back a step, and stand so I’m more at his level. I need to get him to understand, need to get him under control. I lift my hand to his face and caress his cheek. Looking deep into his eyes I plead with him to understand what I’m about to tell him, needing him to see how much I mean the words I say. I can’t let Tom be a problem for my end game. Damon needs to accept him for this to work.

“Damon, you have nothing to worry about when it comes to Tom.  Tom and I are just friends, you know that.”

“Ella, I don’t trust him–” I cut him off before he has a chance to continue.

“Damon you don’t know him. He’s the only friend I have left. Hell, he’s the only family I have left, since losing Pops and my sister...” My eyes fill up as sadness takes over.  He pulls me in close and soothingly rubs my back.

“Shhhh beauty, it’s okay. We don’t need to talk about it. It’s okay.”

I nod my head into the muscles of his chest, taking a moment to gather my emotions.  I almost spoke about Lydia, which was reckless. I have decisions to make before my secrets come out. I have to wait before I talk to him about that but eventually I will need him to know the truth. I'll need to tell him who I am, why I’m here. Whether that will be at the end of my game when I’ve broken him or if I ask him for forgiveness and to give us a chance remains to be seen.

Damon continues to rub my back. It’s soothing and I feel calm again, so I lift my head to meet his eyes.

“Please give him a chance Damon. I know you will like him and he only wants the best for me.”

“I don’t like it Ella. How would you feel if I went and had lunch with an ex?”

Heat rises in my cheeks. That is not the same thing at all, and doesn’t he see that he already does that now every time he sees Leona?

“Damon, it’s not the same. Tom is just my friend, nothing more. What about that bitch Leona?” Anger starts to infect my good mood. Damon rolls his eyes, but wherever Damon goes she is running along like a lost puppy. He has to know she thinks she has some sort of claim on him.

“Leona and I are just friends Ella. We happen to hang out in the same places. It’s nothing more.” That’s just laughable.

I raise my eyebrows and stifle a laugh. Damon doesn’t miss it though.

“She is, Ella. She is just my friend and she has been through stuff. I don’t turn my back on someone when they need help,” he says seriously.

“If she is such a friend then why is she so rude to me? She made it clear that I was in her territory, and then she turns up at the restaurant,” I huff. I can feel anger building inside me again. Why I let that bitch get under my skin I don’t know, but she does. When we are in a room together it’s like she is taunting me, like she knows something I don't and is laughing behind my back.

Damon shrugs his shoulders. “I don’t know, maybe you misheard her? I don’t know why she turned up at Maze. Did you tell Spence where we were going?” he asks.

“I didn’t mishear her Damon, she was rude, and I will always be a problem for her but I don’t want to fight about it.”

Damon sighs in defeat and moves to wrap his arms around me.

“Okay, how about we do something tonight? We can go to The Hunter and you can bring Tom. If it will make you happy, beauty I will give him a chance.”

Smiling up at Damon I feel like I have won a small victory at his willingness to try for me. Things would be so much easier if they would just get along. Tom is the only person who knows the real me. I can be myself with him, there’s no pretending. I need him in my life and Damon needs to get used to that
if
we are going to stay together.

“Thank you for giving him a chance. I know when you do you're going to get along.”

“I will give him a chance Ella, for you, but don’t expect us to be best buds, okay?”

I nod my head, “I have to go. I will text you if Tom can make tonight. Shall I meet you there? Say seven?”

“Yes. I have to go into the office. Spence wants to discuss more about the hotel venture. He loved your ideas by the way. I think you’re on to something.  Would you consider making it a permanent position? We could use someone with your ideas and fresh look at everything.”

His comment takes me back. What the fuck? As his words sink in I can’t help beaming at the praise. It feels wonderful hearing him talk about my work so positively.

“Why Damon Hunt, are you offering me a job?” I smile at him playfully, as he pulls me closer to him.

“I must admit Ella, the thought of you working in the same office as me makes my cock  hard.” He grasps my arse, squeezes my cheeks and thrusts his hips, pressing me against his already hard cock. He leans in close. “I wouldn’t be able to help myself, and I’d bend you over my office desk, and fuck you from behind.”

My pulse quickens and my heart begins to race as I picture this in my head. It sends an instant jolt of lust between my legs and I can’t help but moan.

“Damon... You have to stop doing this to me. I can’t control myself when I’m with you.  I feel like a horny teenager. It’s never enough, even when you’re inside me. I feel like I need more. I’m hungry for you even when I’m having you.”

Damon reaches for my jeans but I have to stop him. I look at the clock on the wall and realise if I don’t leave now I’m going to be late. Pushing Damon away gently, I move out of his reach.

“Damon I have to go. Tonight though, when we get back, let’s continue this.”

The smile on his face is beautiful, and that coupled with the smouldering look in his eyes, makes my heart skips a beat.

I all but sprint from the room, grabbing my bag and keys on my way as I run out the door and into my car, turning on the air conditioning  to cool myself down. That man makes me lose control, makes me need things I’m not sure I can have. I need to have a day of thinking of my end game, of making decisions.

Of finally making a decision.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Tom is waiting for me when I arrive at the cafe in Soho for lunch. Standing, he places a kiss on my cheek before helping me into my chair. I smile at him and realise my words to Damon have never been more true. Tom really is like family.

He’s been around for as long as I can remember, always here when I need him. With no questions asked, he always made sure I was taken care of when I was so depressed and lost that I couldn’t even take care of myself. Tom is the brother I’ve never had, never knew I wanted. His eyes sparkle as he smiles back at me.

“You look well, Els. Happy, even.” The genuine look on his face makes my throat close. I am happy. Sometimes. Well sort of. I’m still not sure what to do regarding Damon. Can I trust Damon to be who I believe him to be and not who I
believed
him to be? I can’t answer that honestly because I’m not sure of the truth yet.

I can’t explain any of this to him though. Tom would not be happy if he found out I’m playing the game again, but I’m not prepared to lose him. He can’t know what’s happened.

“I’m getting there Tom. We still have a few issues but I’m hoping we can get past them.” One way or another, anyway.

“About bloody time,” he says. I laugh at his words. “So Damon is treating you well?”

“Yes, he’s trying,” I answer quickly, not wanting to go into details.

I know I can trust Tom but learning to open up, after all those years of keeping my emotions on lockdown, is still hard. Tom doesn’t look convinced by my reply but he lets it go. Thank fuck.

“Oh, that reminds me. Are you free tonight? No hot date planned?” I smirk when one of his brows raise.

“Yes, I’m free. What do you have in mind?” he asks suspiciously. I roll my eyes at him.

“Not like that, Tom. I’ve told you I won’t do that again and I won’t,” I tell him. I am being truthful, I will never use Tom again. I’m not saying I won’t play games again, just that I won’t use him. He sighs.

“I know Els, sorry. Okay, so tonight?”

“Damon wants to get to know you so we’re going to go to The Hunter tonight so you can both get to know each other.” Tom doesn’t speak. He just sits there staring deeply at me. Silent moments between Tom and I have never been awkward before, but now I can’t help but squirm under his intense gaze. “Please, Tom. It would mean a lot to me if you two get to know each other.” He releases a gust of air as he considers my request.

“Damon agreed to this?”

“Yes. It was his idea.”

“Fine. You want me to come by his place?”

I’m about to answer when my phone alerts me to a message. Lifting it up, I see it’s from Damon.

Damon: I'm at The Ice Lounge with Spence. Wanna come see?

The Ice Lounge is Hunters Enterprise’s new nightclub. I haven’t seen it yet, only the plans, and I’ve been waiting to get a look at the final result.

“No, you can just meet me there. Damon just texted to see if I want to meet him at his new club.” Tom smirks.

“Doesn’t he trust us?” I ignore his comment and reply to Damon.

Yes. I will be there in a few hours, after I finishing lunch with Tom. Tonight’s a yes!

Placing my phone in my bag I focus my attention back on Tom, and realise he’s still expecting an answer.

“Tom,” I warn, then sigh. “He trusts me but not you. I’ve told him he has nothing to worry about, and that you don’t feel for me like that. I guess he’s decided getting to know you would be his best option.”

Tom lets out a bellowing laugh but it soon quiets when he notices I’m confused by his reaction. His jaw clenches and he looks like he wants to say something but he keeps it to himself.

After that we eat and chat like we do when we’re together, as if that strange reaction of Tom’s was nothing. I know it was
something
, but I’ll drop it for now. I need tonight to go off without a hitch.

Things with Tom are easy. They always have been. We enjoy each other’s company for a few hours before going our separate ways.

As I’m walking back to my car I spot a face I never thought I’d see again. Simon, practise ex number one. My eyes widen and my heartbeat increases. Shit, how can I be foolish enough to think I wouldn’t bump into one of them again?

He looks a mess. Not like he was when I made him my first game. There was a reason why I chose the men I wanted to play, and Simon was the first who needed to pay. He used Lydia when she was in a bad place. I didn’t take things as far with Simon as I did some of them, but far enough that I knew he’d hurt.

Speed walking to my car, I hoped to avoid his gaze. I’m not so lucky. I guess that’s karma for you.

“Ella?” his weak voice reaches me. I don’t respond, I just pick up my speed. “Ella.” He calls louder. I can hear his feet pounding against the concrete pavement behind me and my heart thumps along with his pace.

I start to panic a little. I never prepared myself for something like this happening. I just had my end game in sight all the time. My step falters because I know he’s going to reach me before I can get to the safety of my car.

“Ella, wait. Please. I just… I just want to talk.” I frown before turning to face him. He still sounds broken and hurt. I thought that knowledge would make me feel good but for some reason I feel badly.

“Simon?” I question, pretending to be unsure if it’s him. He catches up to me and smiles. He’s aged since I last saw him. He’s lost weight, and he looks physically ill. He gives me a weak smile but his eyes are filled with longing.

“Ella,” he breathes as he steps closer to me. I tense, not knowing what to do. He inhales me, taking in my scent. I step away and look around. I’m alone. The parking lot seems deserted. Fuck.

“Simon, I need to go. I have somewhere to be,” I say, hoping for a quick getaway.

“I love you. I can’t stop loving you. Whatever I did wrong to make you leave I can make right, Ella. I promise I can. Just give me a chance,” he pleads.

“Simon, I,” I don’t even know what to say to him. “It wasn’t you, it was me. I was in a bad place. It wouldn’t work.” How fucking cliché does that sound? Jesus Christ.

“It would. I can be everything you need. I can, I promise.” He sounds desperate.

“I can’t, Simon. I’m sorry. I need to go. It was good seeing you.” I skirt around him, trying to leave. His hand clamps around my arm, squeezing slightly. I wince as his grip tightens and I try to release myself from his hold. He barks out a laugh at me.

“You fucking ruined me, Ella. I haven’t been able to move on from you. I can’t get over you. The least you could do is let me fuck you.” He pulls me closer to him and pure fear filters into my blood stream.

I never saw this side of Simon. His breath smells like alcohol and makes me want to puke. I need to get away.

I do the only think I can think of and bring my knee to his groin with as much force as I can. I hear the wind get knocked out of his lungs and he bends to grasp his nuts, wailing out in pain. I turn and run to my car. I don’t wait around. I pull out of the parking lot like the hounds of hell are on my tail, and speed away. I need to get to Damon.

****

I’ve been walking around The Ice Lounge for the last fifteen minutes whilst Damon and Spence are in their office making final arrangements for the launch party coming up in the next few weeks. I can’t focus on their words because I have too much going on in my head as I keep thinking about what happened earlier with Simon.

I never meant to feel this bad for what I’ve done to those men. They all deserved to be taken down, but seeing Simon has shaken me to the core.

I’m angry at myself for what I’ve done. I’m even more enraged for feeling bad, and I’m angry at Damon. I know it’s not his fault but deep inside my head, where I still believe I’ve got it wrong, that Damon isn’t a monster, I battle with myself.

If I got it wrong then this is all for nothing and the last three years would have been for nothing.

I’ve seen who Damon really is now, haven’t I? He is a monster. He just knows how to play a better game but I’ve learnt from my mistakes.

Seeing Simon has me second guessing everything. I can’t let that happen.

I shake my head and continue on with my tour. The Ice Lounge is stunning. Crystal chandeliers droop from the ceiling, one above every booth. The bar appears to be a big block of ice, but is actually frosted glass. Everything seems to be ice but isn’t. The lighting reflects and shines as it hits spots just right, causing an enchanting look.

I walk to the VIP area which has cream marble flooring with thin veins of gold running through it. The furniture is done in cream and gold, making everything look regal.

I continue on through the staff only door and make my way to Damon and Spencer in the office.

  They are in deep discussion about opening night. I lost interest in the conversation when I arrived and decided to walk around and explore alone.  Images of Simon plague my mind, making me want to regroup. I don't want to be here. I feel like I'm an outsider looking in. I’m a fraud. I have no right to be here.

If I hadn’t let feelings get involved this wouldn’t even be an issue, but I do have feelings for Damon, and as much as I keep pushing them back I can no longer deny it. I’ve let myself trust him. I'm so fucking stupid. Didn’t Lydia's diary teach me anything?

I can't trust men like Damon Fucking Hunt.

Can I?

I walk in the open office door and over to plonk down on the sofa next to Damon. He pauses to give me a brief kiss on the temple, making me want to scream, before fixing his attention back on Spencer. He touches me with such affection. It’s easy to believe he wants me, but can I be sure it’s real? No I can’t.

My head is in shambles and being here is making me feel worse.

Damon softly rubs my thigh with his palm, squeezing every so often. I begin squirming at his touch and flames of heat begin warming me up inside. How can his touch still affect me?

I can feel fury building inside of me as Damon's hand rests on my leg near my apex. I look down at it, wanting his touch away from me, wanting to be anywhere but here right now. I can't think when he’s touching me, and my stupid pregnancy hormones make me swoon at the slightest touch. My leg already feels in flames.

I move my hand to his, intending to subtly push it away, but he grips it, interlocking our fingers so that I can't pull it away. Damon turns his head to look at me, but I can't face him so I turn my head away. I feel ashamed at what I have done to Simon, at how my actions destroyed him. I'm now doing the same to Damon and his family. Spencer is still talking but stops when he realises he no longer has Damon's attention. His gaze follows Damon's and now they are both looking at me. I can't take anymore so I stand up, pulling myself free from Damon‘s grasp.

“I need to go to the ladies,” I announce. Grabbing my bag, I walk into the adjoining bathroom. The normal toilets are not quite finished, but the ones in here are done. Instead of going to the toilet though I head to the sink, running the cold tap. I wet a paper towel and hold it to my face, cooling down my heated skin. I get another paper towel and start washing away all the makeup that I applied this morning.

My face is now completely bare – young, fresh. Staring at my reflection I struggle to see who I really am. My normally bright green eyes stare back at me, looking dull. My skin looks pale, my hair dry and limp.

I am a fraction of the woman I was when I met Damon. He is slowly killing me just like he killed my sister. Or am I doing this to myself? I look as bad as Simon, so am I as broken as he?

That thought hits me like a freight train. My legs feel heavy so I sink to the floor. I feel battered and I don’t know if I can play this game anymore. I don’t know if I can survive continuing the game, but I have to for my baby.  My hand runs across my stomach as I think about my little jellybean, growing stronger every day. It's my last chance at happiness.

If I could only figure out how I feel it would make this so much easier. Every time I feel like I make a decision, my world comes crashing down around me. I was ready to give this life a chance, one where I could be happy, one that could have even been filled with love. I don't know how to trust Damon now, and I sure as fuck can't trust my own judgement at the minute.

I need to collect myself.

Standing straight, I pick up my bag, rummaging through for my foundation. I attempt to apply my makeup again, but I just can't do it. I just want to be the real me. I throw the stuff back in my bag. I have to get out of here. I can't stay here when I feel like this.

I feel so vulnerable, open, wounded. I’m messed up. I want to get him, to rip him apart the way he has me. I want his life to mean nothing. I want him to be irrelevant, but he’s not. I want his kiss, his touch, his baby.

I want our life.

I want his love.

I want it to be real.

For months I have been fighting this battle. I thought I was winning, but the baby has changed things. The kiss with Leona changed things again and now Simon has changed things even more. I have no idea what to do.

What to believe.

I have to get out of here. I need to go home and to try and make sense of everything that’s happening in my life. Maybe I can pack a few things without Damon realising and go back to my house for a few days.