What a Boy Needs (23 page)

Her hand tugs at my hair and she makes this tiny little noise in her throat I don
'
t hear
,
but feel. Feel her lying next to me
,
kissing me as we lay on our sides in the bed.

I kiss her deeper
,
letting my tongue get intimate with every part of her mouth. And she does the same
,
tasting me and then letting me taste her.

All I can think is
,
this is kissing.
This.
Which is stupid because
,
like I said
,
I
'
ve kissed girls
,
lots of girls
,
but none of them came close to what this feels like.

Instinct takes over and I roll us
,
Priscilla on her back and I
'
m on top of her. She flinches a little when I settle in and I
'
m sure it
'
s because she realizes what I have going on under the belt.

I pull back
,
even though it
'
s the last thing I want
,
but then she whispers
,
"
No
,"
and leans up to find my lips again.

This time
,
it
'
s me who wants to burrow myself inside her. I kiss her lips
,
behind her ears
,
her throat. I lick her skin and touch her hair and she
'
s doing it all to me too.

My hand ghosts between us and touches the softness of her stomach. I explore and feel all those dips and valleys and curves that are Priscilla. And then when I know I
'
m going to explode if I don
'
t stop
,
I leave an inch between our lips when I say
,
"
I
'
m sorry. I shouldn
'
t have—
"

"
I
'
m not
,"
she cuts me off.

"
Okay
,
I
'
m really not
,
either.
"
And I
'
m not and we both laugh and this time when I roll
,
I pull her so she
'
s half laying on me. One leg is flung over me and one arm is over my chest. She
'
s in the crook of my arm and I touch her hair
,
thinking how much I like it straight
,
but realizing I like it just as much when it
'
s curly.

After who knows how long passes
,
she says
,
"
I just want them to love me for me
...
I just want to be good enough.
"

"
You are good enough
,
Priscilla. If they can
'
t see that
,
it
'
s their fault
.”
But
what I really want to tell her is that I
'
d love her for her. Hell
,
maybe I already do. I can
'
t though. I can
'
t give them another reason to treat her like she doesn
'
t measure up. Not when I
know
I don
'
t.

I think she starts to cry again
,
so I just hold her tight. Tight enough so she knows I
'
ll always
be
there. Hoping she can feel how much I care by the way my arms wrap around her. I think about the paper
...
the address and I think maybe
,
just maybe
,
I can tell her about that
,
too.

***

We sleep all night with the light on. I thought about getting up to turn it off
,
but I didn
'
t want to leave her and it didn
'
t seem to bother her so I stayed. She fell asleep before me and it took me forever to do the same
,
but finally I did.

Much too soon
,
I hear a bang on the door and know
it
'
s
Sebastian and Aspen to wake us up. I pull my phone out of my pocket and try to text him one handed to chill the hell out and that we
'
re awake
,
but Priscilla starts to stir and I know there
'
s no need.

"
Shut up
,
Bastian!
"
she yells before easing away from me.

Thanks
,
man.

Her hair is all messy and she stretches
,
her shirt pulling up a little bit and I worry about showing her just how much I like the view
,
so I sit up.

"
Hey
,"
I say
,
which is completely stupid.

"
Hey.
"

"
How are you feeling?
"
I raise my hand to touch her hair
,
but stop myself. It
'
s all kinds of dumb and I need to remember that.

"
Better. I don
'
t know why I freaked out last night. You
'
d think I
'
d be used to it by now.
"

"
You shouldn
'
t have to get used to it
.
"

I stand up
,
feeling like a loser and not sure what to do or what to say. Like always
,
Priscilla saves me
,
standing and putting her arms around me. I pull her into a hug
,
like we did with the towel in Utah
,
my
chin
resting on top of her head.

"
Thank you
...
for last night and all.
"

"
Any time
,
Priscilla.
You know that.
"

She looks up at me funny.
"
I like it when you call me Priscilla.
"

I like it
,
too.
Sometimes I wish I could say the things I think in my head. Or that she could read my mind because it would make things so much easier.
"
Okay.
"
I pull away from her.
"
We should probably get ready before Sebastian has an aneurism.
"

"
Only if you do me a favor.
"

"
Absolutely.
"

She hugs me again
,
her cheek resting on my chest.
"
We only have a few more days
,
yeah? I know that. Just don
'
t think too much
,
okay? Let
'
s just
...
be.
Whatever
happens
,
happens
,
ya know? I
'
m a big girl.
"

I feel like such a pussy that she ever has to say something like that to me. What is wrong with me? She
'
s right though. I
'
m not going to freak out. I
'
m not going to think about anything. The switch is still off
,
so for now I
'
m fine. Bending forward
,
I let my lips cover hers. Our tongues tangle for a minute before I make myself pull away.
"
Come on
,
Priscilla. Let
'
s get ready.
"

***

"
I
'
m totally going to moon him.
"
Sebastian turns in his seat.

I groan at the same time as Aspen says
,
"
Bastian! Don
'
t.
"

"
Yeah
,
Sebastian.
Don
'
t
,
unless you want me to go blind and wreck your car.
"

Priscilla laughs from the passenger seat. We
'
ve been having contest on who can get truckers to honk or people in other cars to laugh. Yeah
,
it makes us sound like we
'
re five
,
but who cares? It
'
s fun and it
'
s a long
,
boring drive through the rest of Nebraska and Iowa.

"
I
'
m winning here and you guys don
'
t think I
'
m not going to bring out the big guns to seal the deal?
"
Sebastian
says
,
still moving in the backseat.

"
True. I
'
m sure your ass looks funny as hell
,"
Pris adds.
"
I
'
m sure it would make me laugh my butt off.
"

"
Hell yeah.
That
'
s my girl
,"
I say and then I realize what just came out of my mouth. I totally just called her my girl in front of everyone. Yeah
,
we made out last night. Kissed a little this morning
,
but we
'
ve been normal ever since. All I need is for Sebastian to get some stupid idea in his head and start blabbing his mouth like he does.

The whole car is quiet for a few seconds. I use driving as an excuse not to look in the back
at
Bastian and Aspen
,
but I can
'
t stop my eyes from darting over
to
Priscilla. She shrugs like it
'
s nothing and gives me a small smile before she
says
,
"
Didn
'
t we make a
no
nudity rule at the beginning of this? If not
,
we should have. I don
'
t want to see Sebastian
'
s white butt.
"

"
Hey! I have a nice ass! Don
'
t I
,
baby?
"
Sebastian whines. Aspen rolls her eyes.

"
Dude
,
you
'
re the only guy I know who would say that.
"

"
That
'
s because I don
'
t care what people think.
"

"
Word.
"
I say because he doesn
'
t
,
and I don
'
t either. Do I? I
'
m not sure. I never thought I was the type to give a shit
,
but
I
'
m doubting
that right now. I don
'
t know what it is about him saying that right now that struck me
,
but it did.

I totally care what people think. That pisses me off.

"
Why do you look all tense over there?
"
Priscilla pats my leg.