What to Expect the Toddler Years (10 page)

Be sure you don’t see red. When you remove the shoes your toddler has tried on, slip off her socks and check for the kind of red marks that indicate that pressure has been placed on the foot. These marks indicate a poor fit.

Don’t buy ahead. Considering the rate at which toddlers outgrow shoes, there’s always the temptation to buy shoes “with room to grow.” Resist. Extra-large shoes can lead to irritation and blisters, cause unnecessary tumbles, and interfere with walking.

Even shoes that fit perfectly can rub and irritate when the wrong kind of socks are worn with them. According to experts, Orlon, which wicks moisture away from the foot, is the material of choice for socks. Stretch socks are most likely to give a good fit—and for a longer time. Socks should fit smoothly without constricting the foot. Socks that are too large will bunch up or wrinkle and may cause irritation and blisters. Those that are too small can cramp the foot and hinder growth. When socks start leaving marks on the feet, it’s time to move up to the next sock size.

“How often do I need to replace my son’s shoes?”

On average, toddlers need a new pair of shoes every three or four months. But normal growth spurts and plateaus could cause one pair to be outgrown in two months and the next in five or six.

Since there’s no way to predict the rate at which your toddler’s feet will grow, you’ll have to rely on monthly (or even more frequent) checks of his shoes at home. Use the fitting methods described on page 7, and consider a new pair when there is less than half a thumb’s space at the toes. For confirmation, stop by your child’s shoe store. A reputable salesperson will be able to tell you whether it’s time to spring for another pair.

And, as much as you may be tempted by the potential savings, don’t pass down outgrown shoes from one child to the next. Even if the shoes do not seem badly worn, they have molded to the shape of the first wearer’s feet and are not likely to be suitable for the next child. The one exception: party or dress shoes that have been worn, and will be worn, for just a few hours a week.

“Now that my daughter has started walking, I’ve noticed that her toes turn inward. Is this something that needs attention?”

At this stage of the walking game, probably not. Toeing-in (or pigeon-toes) early in the second year is usually related to internal tibial torsion, a turning in of the tibia (or shin bone), which generally straightens out on its own.

You should consult your toddler’s pediatrician, however, if her toeing-in doesn’t take a turn for the better during the next six months, if the problem seems to be interfering with her walking or running, if her toes don’t point straight ahead when she’s at rest, or if her feet exhibit a half-moon curve when observed from the bottom.

In a small percentage (8% to 9%) of children, toeing-in continues into
adulthood. As long as the condition does-n’t interfere with movement and the feet aren’t rigid or painful, it rarely poses a problem.

Toeing-in is not uncommon early in the second year
.

Children who at this age toe-out rather than in often become pigeon-toed temporarily at about age three or four. That’s not a problem either.

“Our toddler can’t pass by anything without touching it. When we’re in the house, that means nothing is safe; when we’re outside, that means
he
isn’t safe. It’s driving us crazy.”

A toddler’s constant, sometimes maddening, manipulation of his environment isn’t the result of maliciousness, it’s the result of curiosity. It’s not the devil in him that makes him do it, but the Christopher Columbus and the Isaac Newton. Part explorer, part scientist, he views the world around him as both his oyster and his laboratory. But instead of receiving a grant to help further his discoveries, he receives dozens of daily reprimands intended to discourage them. “Don’t touch!” is probably the single most commonly uttered parental phrase in homes with toddlers. Yet a toddler isn’t even remotely capable, especially not early in the second year, of suppressing the impulses that drive him to touch—or poke or grab or squeeze or run his hands along something.

You can’t—and you shouldn’t try to—keep your toddler’s hands off everything in his environment. To understand the world, toddlers need to lay their hands on it. Of course, some things just aren’t meant for a toddler’s touch, either because they’re dangerous or breakable, or both. So it’s necessary to steer a middle course, encouraging safe and discouraging unsafe exploration.

Limit the risk.
Try to make your home as childproof as you can (see page 622). If you don’t want to pack away all your valued possessions until your toddler comes of a more responsible age, start training him now in the fine art of touching “fine art” without breaking it (see page 237). When you can, use foresight to head off disaster. If your toddler loves to see what happens when he turns over a cup of milk or juice, keep liquids out of reach and hand him the cup only when he asks for it or when you think he’s ready for another sip. Take it back as soon as his thirst is satisfied.

Away from home, avoid elegant surroundings filled with expensive breakables. If Grandma’s house falls into this category, she may want to consider putting her best possessions out of reach when her grandchild comes to visit. In stores and supermarkets, buckle your young explorer into a shopping cart or his stroller, and provide him with some interesting tactile objects to keep his hands occupied. If he won’t stay put, enlist his help as your assistant, harnessing his potentially destructive energies productively. Point out the cereal that
you want, and have him remove it from the shelf and hand it to you. As you choose the oranges or apples, ask him to drop each into the bag. When he’s old enough to recognize the brands of staples (milk, juice, bread) you favor (which will be sooner than you think), challenge him to find what you need on the shelf and point to it. Then have him drop it into the shopping cart.

Make limits clear and consistent.
Though you don’t want to stifle the exploratory urge, you do have to let your toddler know, even at this early age, that some things are off-limits. Every time he reaches for the DVR or the stove or the china closet or any other no-no item, stop him and redirect him immediately. And remember, you may have to repeat the same redirections dozens of times before they sink in.

Increase the opportunities.
The more opportunities you provide your toddler to explore his world safely, the less temptation there will be for him to do so in a way that will get him into trouble. See page 456 for tips on safe ways to satisfy your toddler’s appetite for touch and exploration.

Provide supervision and training.
He wants to squeeze the toothpaste tube? Teach him how to squeeze it neatly, then appoint him the official toothpaste-squeezer for the family. (But make sure you’re there to oversee this operation or your bathroom will be decorated regularly with swirls of toothpaste.) He wants to try out your computer? Sit him on your lap for fifteen minutes (with your work safely stored) and let him tap the keys. He wants to turn the TV on? Show him how and let him do it, but only when you, or another adult, are close at hand. You can also teach your toddler to help you put away the groceries (except for breakables, such as bottles or jars), empty flatware from the dishwasher (after you’ve safely removed the knives, forks, and other sharp utensils), hand you clothes from the dryer, turn off the lights when leaving a room, and a multitude of other simple daily tasks that will seem exciting to your little scientist.

Supply substitutes.
When he goes for the freshly folded stack of clothes on the bed, move them out of reach. But give him a couple of towels or T-shirts to drape about him, drag behind him, or play peekaboo with. You might even show him how to fold the towels, then let him practice folding and unfolding to his heart’s content. When he wants to program the DVR, give him a toy that has buttons to push and dials to turn. Or let him play with a remote that has no batteries. Does your toddler love to experiment with fluids? Give him plenty of opportunity by supplying a variety of plastic containers to fill and empty during bath time.

Play down infractions.
While it’s important to stop unwanted behavior immediately, it’s also important not to make a big issue of it. Toddlers tend to repeat actions that get a major reaction, whether the reaction is positive or negative. When feasible, use low-key distraction techniques, such as humor, rather than scolding.

“Our son bangs on everything in sight—the kitchen table, the living room curio cabinet, the TV—I’m afraid he’ll damage something or hurt himself.”

Many a young toddler seems to be preparing for a career as a rock and roll drummer. And this penchant for banging the day away is as normal as it
is common. These pint-size percussionists not only relish the rhythmic sounds they produce, but also delight in the reactions (negative though they may be) their performances elicit from their audience. (Banging is, after all, pretty hard to ignore, particularly in the middle of a phone conversation, a Thanksgiving dinner, or a stressful day.) The young drummer derives pleasure, too, from another potential consequence of his music-making: mess-making. As he bangs, it amuses him to see peas and carrots sailing off his plate, knickknacks dancing in the curio cabinet, magazines flying off the coffee table.

Though you don’t want to completely quash your toddler’s musical endeavors, there is a limit to how much banging a home and its inhabitants can take. So set some limits:

Stop dangerous drumming promptly. Banging on the television set, a glass-topped table, a dinner plate, or a window can lead to serious injury, damage, or both: Bring this action to a halt without delay. Stop the music, too, before the vibration from your toddler’s banging on the table upsets a cup of hot coffee or topples a vase of flowers. “No banging on the . . .” is a good start, but chances are actions will speak louder than words. Hence, you will also need to separate your junior musician from his “instrument of the moment” and quickly provide a substitute instrument or other distraction. Don’t succumb to the temptation to shout over the banging; keep your voice soft yet firm and deliberate. Unpleasant behaviors like banging tend to be intensified rather than squelched by parental anger. There’s also a chance (albeit a small one) that if he can’t hear you over the sound of his one-man band, he’ll be intrigued enough by the movement of your lips to stop and listen.